Wednesday, November 29, 2006

How to get around Christ in Christmas

The tune from Queen "Under Pressure" came to mind when I realized readers are waiting for this next post! lol!!! Thanks mom for explaining why I've not been posting as much lately. With two little who seem to be constantly sick, it's been tough to get online long enough to type anything worth reading. lol

I'd like to say that I'm only speaking from my opinion here and realize that everyone and every family is different. My dh is atheist and I'm a born again Christan in love with Christ so my experience comes from that background.

So, just how does an atheist celebrate Christmas? It's far easier than you think. In fact I don't think the world has even been paying attention to what Christmas really is. It just seems to me that Christmas is all about giving gifts and the spirit of giving with Santa being the delivery guy.

In my little home it seems like we've been living with some blinders on. We put up a tree all decked out with Santa and decorate the house with shiny balls and sparkly lights. We bake cookies and drink hot coco. We rent holiday movies to give us warm fuzzy holiday feelings. And then there's the spirit of giving. You know what? I just think that the spirit of giving is false and it's a lie. I feel like it's been pushed on us as a society and the pressure is becoming incredible. Kids are demanding more and more and the true joy has been lost. I truly believe there is no real joy in shiny new things. I say that not because I'm weird but because I've actually seen it played out with my own children. You know what I've noticed? The more they get the LESS happy they are! It's true!

So the way you get around Christ in Christmas is by filling it up with a bunch of holiday celebrations and getting so caught up and so busy that you actually forget what Christmas REALLY is. It's the joy that our sweet Savior was born!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Celebrating Christmas with an atheist

I can tell this Christmas is going to be VERY special for me this year. I'm so excited to celebrate the birth of my risen Savior! How sweet and wonderful He is. I get teary eyed just thinking of Him as a sweet innocent little babe.

I can now understand why they came to adore Him as a babe. Just think of it, a babe is so innocent, so trusting and so vulnerable. How awesome to think of that babe as our Savior. Oh it's so sweet I could cry.

I can't wait for Christmas so I can sing to Him and tell Him how much I love Him. How special He is to me. How much I adore and treasure Him. He is the lover of my soul, my joy and my delight! I want to honor Him.

Now switch your mind to celebrating Christmas with an atheist. How flat is that? How empty, how meaningless. How sad.

I wish with all my heart my husband could understand the true joy in Christmas. I used to think that Christmas was about family and in many ways it still is. I'll be visiting with my family for Christmas and I'm so looking forward to that. BUT Christmas is different this year. It's more than just family, way more!!! There is a joy in my heart that wants to sing out!!!!!!

Christmas has such meaning!!! The Savior is born!!! He is our hope, our joy, our peace!!! He is our way!

There aren't enough words to describe it, it's so awesome!!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, how wonderful you are!!! Happy Birthday!! Thank you for You!!! I give thanks for your birth! You are awesome, you are amazing and thrilling! I don't need a man in a red suit, I just need you! How empty is Christmas without you! I only want to think of you and worship and adore You. You my Lord are all I need and You are enough for me! I love you!!

My next post will be titled "Exactly how does an atheist celebrate Christmas?" I'll be sharing how my husband gets around the Christ in Christmas.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Some verses I needed to hear

1 Corinthians 6:11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

2 Thessalonians 2:13 But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:1-2 Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ,
To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood:
Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

John 17:16-19 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. 19For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Romans 8:1-3 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A lesson on grace and mercy

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

I wonder when you ask the Lord for something, like say patience, does it suddenly just zap into your heart and instantly you are a patient person?

Well for me it hasn't been that way. For me when I ask for something it seems the Lord teaches me things through a lesson. I don't just easily and instantly receive something like that. It takes a little pain for me to grow and change.

So this past Thursday I was thinking on grace and mercy.

Merriam Webster Online defines grace as: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency

and mercy as: compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power; also : lenient or compassionate treatment

So this past Thursday we were flying with my brother and sister in law and all four of our kids to Miami. My husband and I arrived at the airport on time and found our brother in law was running late. Not unusual at all so we decide to go ahead and check in. We make the line, show our ID's and hear the man at the counter say, "Are you flying today? You aren't in the system." The words I dreaded to hear. I knew when traveling with them that I would need a lot of patience since they are always running late but I didn't expect rushing to the airport to find out we don't have tickets. Ugh.......

It seems that brother in law made a mistake and purchased the tickets for Friday NOT Thursday so I watched the kids while the adults tried to change all the tickets and find an available flight out that night.

So there I am with four screaming kids in the airport and a decision to make. Do I get angry at brother in law? I mean, how could someone make a mistake like that? I think back to the entire stressful day of rushing and packing and getting to the airport with two little ones and now I'm told there are no tickets????? I felt like I could scream!

All the sudden the words grace and mercy came to me. I'm standing in line with four kids, stressed to my breaking point and two little words change everything. Grace and mercy.

How much grace and mercy do I want and need in my life? How much grace and mercy do I need from my Lord? How much grace and mercy does He lovingly and freely give me?

I knew then what I had to do. I needed to show some grace and mercy. So instead of getting SO upset I let it go.

And you know what? Grace and mercy feels SO much better than anger and impatience.

In the end we got on a flight and made it to Miami and I thank the Lord for reminding me of those two LITTLE words that have such BIG meaning.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I get it!!

Or at least I think I do.

I've been out of town the past weekend. We flew to Miami with my husband's brother and wife and their two kids. It was a short trip but a lot of fun.

We flew into Miami at night and I had a window seat. There to my left was a huge crescent moon, I felt like I could reach out and touch it.

Something about this moon touched me and I began to worship the Lord thanking Him for such beauty. What an awesome God He is!

And then I saw it. The Miami coastline. It was AMAZING. Just beautiful. SO many lights. Thousands and thousands of little dots for miles.

And then I thought of all the souls down there. And then I understood. Imagine this: imagine all of those souls turning away from their self and turning toward God and with one voice worshiping Him. Adoring Him.


It's what He wants!

As I looked down I wondered how many souls were worshiping Him at that moment, and I joined my voice with theirs. What an awesome God He is. Really there are no words to describe Him.

I'll never forget that moment, flying over so many people and looking down and feeling like I was getting a view that God gets. I can't wait for the harvest. For the time when the weeds are swept up and burned and all that's left behind is the wheat. And every soul on earth is made pure and righteous through Christ and we all worship Him the way we were made to!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

So do they think I'm crazy?

Last week I joined a fitness club to get in shape and I've enjoyed every minute of it. They have great childcare so my children have a wonderful time playing with other kids and I get to work out and focus on me. Working out is great for stress and very important. I've always worked out, I was a swimmer in high school and before having kids I competed in mountain biking. But with two little ones there has been much time for me.

Thankfully the Lord has blessed me and made a way for me to join this club and get the exercise I need. Last night I took a boot class camp and I giggled the whole time as I tried to figure out how to coordinate my body to the music. It was so much fun!

Another great thing about this club is they have a cafe so after I work out I can grab a bite and eat in peace while my two little ones are right down the hall.

I discovered a wonderful little thing about my ipod. I've had that thing for a couple of years and never use it much. So when I started to work out I pulled it out and I quickly discovered I can download radio broadcasts from Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer. I also bought an audio book from Beth Moore called A Heart Like His and I can listen to all that while I'm sweating at the gym! Yea! My faith can grow right along with my muscles!!! ha!

I also discovered something called God's ipod and I download worship music. So during my down time at the cafe I listen to worship music and pray.

I wonder if they think I'm crazy.

There I am.

The new girl.

The one in the corner.

And I'm praying!

It only takes a second and I go from sitting in a cafe to worshiping at my Fathers throne!

I wonder if they would mind if I turn the unused racket ball court into a prayer room? I can envision myself walking around that court speaking in my heavenly language!

Today I'm taking a kick boxing class and after that I'm off to the cafe and this time with my HUGE HEAVY Bible for some good reading!

Ha! They are really going to think I'm crazy.

If only I could tell them .....'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'Matthew 4:4

If only they knew that spiritually they are starved to death without Him.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

What is sweeter than honey?

Tuesday mornings I share leadership with two other woman at my church for a Woman's Bible study class. Today wasn't my turn to lead and the lady leading put the usual study lesson aside and decided to have us just read our favorite passages from the Word.

We each took turns reading out our favorite passages and what they mean to us. I felt the Holy Spirit enter that room and I felt His power falling down! It was awesome! I got a warm tingle all over me and a joy came over me that was thrilling.

There is nothing more exciting to me that to get together with other believers and read the Word. His Word is so sweet to me, sweeter than honey. His Word is so thrilling to me, I could soak it up for hours.

After we finished reading we had our usual prayer time and this was my prayer: Oh God, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I can't thank you enough for creating me. For making me so that on this Tuesday I can sit with this group of woman and DELIGHT in reading Your Word. You are awesome. You are amazing! I love you!!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Who is Jesus?

I'm getting to know Jesus and He's thrilling! The whole plan of God is just genius. I haven't found religion or a set of rules, I'm experiencing a personal relationship. God through His son Jesus has invited me to experience Him. And its mind blowing!

I found this versus in Matthew last night that perfectly describes my Savior. These are His words:

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

My Savior is gentle and sweet. He begs me to give Him my problems. He wants to take all my burdens and pain for Himself and in exchange He gives me rest. He slows down my beating heart. He takes my anxiety and gives me peace. He knows just what I need and He wants me. He wants me as I am. I don't have to clean up before I can meet with Him. He loves me flaws and all. The more flawed I am, the more gentle and loving He becomes. He is a healer and He loves to heal!

Oh He is awesome!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Holy Spirit whispers

In the very early morning hours as I was in bed slowly waking up the Holy Spirit whispered the 23rd Psalm to me. That was the sweetest way to wake up I could ever think of. AWESOME!

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Unusual dream

Last night after I felt God speak into my heart and tell me "I am here. I will not leave" you'd think I'd have slept peacefully but not so.

I had a very unusual dream I believe is from the Lord.

In this dream I was in my condo and everything was very dark and black and I was under a spiritual attack. But instead of being invisible I could see the spiritual world and I could see this attack happening to me. Over and over an evil spirit came up to me and tried to overtake me. A fog and blackness would surround me and I couldn't think straight, I could see. I didn't know where I was going. I couldn't understand how or why this was happening to me. I kept thinking to myself "but I'm a Christian, how can this evil spirit be trying to overtake me?" Yet over and over the spirit came and this fog of blackness would surround me. It would confuse me.

I tried so hard to fight this spirit off but it seemed he was winning and it terrified me. All the sudden I knew what to do, I started praying and surrounding myself with my family. It dawned on me I needed them very much to fight this evil thing off. Suddenly I saw my Uncle Rick and Aunt Tricia (pastors at Leesburg First Assembly of God) and they were lit by a very white light. They were praying and then I saw the rest of my family and the more they prayed and surrounded me the more I could see the way out. With their prayers I was able to fight off this evil spirit! It was amazing.

Now I take this dream to mean I'm under a spiritual attack (I've felt it for weeks) and I know I've got lots of family praying for me. The Lord has been dealing with me about prayer and how I need to be in prayer more. I've felt Him show me if I want to win this spiritual battle I've got to pray.

This dream just confirms that. Isn't God awesome?

Just in time

This past week I've been feeling so discouraged and so distant from God.

I've felt so ALONE. There are times when I feel like my husband and I are night and day and how on earth is this going to work? Suddenly so much has changed. Our values and goals in life are very different now. His values are still based on the world. My values and goals are TOTALLY oppossite of that. I don't see things the same way. What once used to be SO important is meaningless now.

At times all this makes me feel very alone, so last night as I was turning the lights off for bed I felt unsure about my faith and heard the question "what am I doing?" bouncing around in my mind. I just felt LONELY.

Well as I was standing at the sink brushing my teeth all the sudden God spoke to me and said "I am here. I will not leave." Instantly a peace came over me and at once I felt Him and His amazing love.

Isn't God wonderful? Right when I needed Him, when I needed to feel Him, to experience Him, He showed up!

I got in bed and just laid there with a smile on my face knowing that I am NOT alone.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The book The Unusual Suspect

My wonderful mother ordered me the book The Unusual Suspect by Stephen Baldwin and it just arrived today. I can't put it down it's so good.

Thankfully my 10 month old naps long and my 2 year loves The Little Mermaid so I've gotten through a good portion of the book.

For those who don't know Stephen Baldwin is a Hollywood actor who has become born again and wrote a book with a subtitle My Calling To The New Hardcore Movement of Faith.

So far the thing that's stood out the most to me in this book is the story of Stephen's wife. She got saved first and when he saw the change in her he got interested. He said she prayed for one solid hour every morning face down on the floor beside the bed and then read her Bible for 30-45 minutes in bed and then got up for the day. She did this again at night.

He said he had to step over her every morning when he got out of bed. After 10 months of her doing this he realized she must be experiencing something and he was missing out. The story continues but wow:

This women spent two hours a day face down on the floor in prayer.

........I think I need to start doing some more praying.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What ELSE does light do?

My mom commented on my last post and said:

I just love that scripture: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119:105.

It's one of the first (of hundreds) I learned as a child. Course we used the King James Version then. "Thy Word is a lamp..."

It's such a great visual. When our little grandsons visit, they love to go in our large, walk-in closet with flashlights. The little one, Nicholas, doesn't want the door closed. He's afraid, and wants more light than just the flashlights. It's amazing how comforting a light is in the darkness. And it guides us. They like to roll under Milton's long row of shirts and get to the back wall of the closet. Occasionally, they'll find a hanger on the floor and bring it out.

Hmmm. What are some other things a light in darkness does?

I'm getting great visual pictures right now!

In fact, they're so good, I need to turn off my computer and go have my devotions and Bible reading!

Love, Mom

I'll tell you what else light does: Light DISPELS darkness. Think about that one for a moment! Let that roll around your brain and see what that one will do for you!

I read on someone's blog, sorry I can't remember who, but this person heard Ted Dekker speak and someone asked him if he was ever afraid. And he said "no." Then he was asked "well why not?" His response "Light dispels darkness."

When I read that it changed the way I think about things.

Think about LIGHT and DARKNESS. Darkness can NEVER overcome light. Light pierces and pushes away and DISPELS darkness.

A lot of things I've feared all my life suddenly vanished when I realized I carry this light from Christ inside of me and where ever I go this light dispels darkness.

Monday, October 02, 2006

light for my path

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

If the Word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path in this DARK world, then how without the Word will I be able to see and know which way to go?

Without the Word I'm walking blind and aimless not knowing where I'm going or where I'm headed. Scary thought huh?

Now, how can the Word be a lamp and a light unless I know it, read it and hide it in my heart?

Without the Word I notice I start dying spiritually. I like to describe it as a slow rot that comes on and man do I start to stink fast! I can even smell it myself and I hate that feeling, it disgusts me.

Yet you know what? To my curiosity I've noticed how quickly I can get used to that nasty and painful rot. That's an even scarier thought.

So you might ask, what then is the cure for this rot? Thankfully the cure is so simple!! All I have to do is dive back into the Word.

The Word is like a soothing balm to my soul. I feel myself coming alive again. A peace and a warmth wash over me and I start jumping from place to place in the Word delighting over what I find. It's awesome!

The psalmist wrote it best when he said: How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to mouth!

So you might ask why then do I let this rot even creep up??? And here I pause and tell myself I can't be the only Christian who does this.

Anyway, why does this rot come on? Because life gets busy. Because babies get sick and need lots of care. Because houses need cleaning. Because dinner needs to be cooked. Because mommy is exhausted at the end of the day and dead tired in the mornings.

My heartfelt prayer; Lord you see into my heart, even the deepest parts and so you know-I LOVE YOU. You are my strength, my joy and my delight. You are awesome, you are genius, you are amazing. Here I am Lord once again. I'm a tired mommy but I'm yours to use as you can. I open myself to you, it's all I can do!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Sisters in Christ

I mentioned in my last post how I'm leading the Tuesday morning Bible study at my church. Thank God for that group of women, how special it is to come together, all of us so different yet united by Christ.

We are all from different upbringings. One wise older lady is Catholic. One beautiful young woman is from a Pentecostal holiness upbringing. And still others are from different denominations etc. Yet as I sit around the table with these women I FEEL the Holy Spirit present, we are all connected by our strong love for Christ and the desire to follow our Savior. It doesn't matter what church someone has attended or hasn't attended.

We are all different ages, some young mothers. Others, elderly women. And I love this. I love the wisdom and confidence I see in an elderly person's eyes. What a special treasure an older person can be to a church body or group.

My grandmother Grace was one of those special treasures. Wow was she special. I feel her loss all over again now that I'm on this wonderful journey with Him. I long to talk with her about Jesus. She had an amazing relationship with Him and one of the first things I want to do when I get to heaven is find her and say: "Grandma isn't He amazing????!!! Isn't He grand!!!!" I long to look into her eyes and see them shine with the light from Him. Wow she was special. My only consolation is that my dear Mother is just like her!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Resisting the light

Tomorrow it's my turn to lead the Tuesday morning Bible study I attend. I'm taking turns leading with another lady and we pass the leader book back and forth.

In my book is a wonderful side note by William A. Barry. He wrote "Conversion is a lifelong process of letting God remove the scales from our eyes so that we can more and more embrace the reality of God's overwhelming love for us. In this lifelong process of withdrawal and returns we need one another to help us overcome our resistance to the light."

I'm very interested in this last part "overcome our resistance to the light."

I've often wondered if I'm the only one who feels that? It feels glorious to step into the light, to bathe in it. To worship with the Father.

How strange I find that although I love the light and it is so wonderful, I find it such a struggle to step into it at times. It is deep inside of me to resist it, at least at first.

It can't be I'm the only one that feels that! In a way I'm glad of this struggle, because it reminds me how it's by God's GRACE through Jesus that I'm saved.

The struggle pushes me into the arms of my Savior It reminds me how much I need my Savior, Jesus. How He's right there beside me, always helping me and bridging the gap between me and God. And that's a pretty big gap I've noticed btw!

I don't know if others feel this way, but I know for me I can't let myself get too far away from Jesus. It seems like a little secret I've discovered and it works so I'm not going to let it go. As long as I stick with Jesus I'm doing good.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sin and Seperation

What exactly is sin?

To ME sin is anything that separates me from God. Anything that makes me want to hide from God.

Do you know that feeling I'm talking about? When you've done something or haven't done something and you want to hide?

Sometimes the way I hide is by getting busy. Because really you CAN'T hide from God. He knows your heart inside and out! He knows you better than you know yourself!

Before you know it you have a whole wall of sin built up between you and God and you find yourself in darkness and that's a scary place. How do you find your way out again? How do you break that wall down??

Do you break the wall down by doing righteous things?

By being good? When am I going to learn I can never be "good" enough?

Why do I get so rapped up in guilt?

1 Corinthians 1:30 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

It is only through JESUS that I can be righteous in God's eyes! I wish I could tattoo IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM HIM HIM HIM on my heart.

But I guess that's what the Holy Spirit is-He's a tattoo of sorts on my heart that keeps bringing me back and reminding me of JESUS.

Friday, September 22, 2006

God cares about the small details

Matthew 6:31-34 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I've asked the question "How much does God care about me?" And I've learned first hand the answer. He promises in His Word that he knows exactly what I need and He will give it to me. I don't have to worry about it.

So I've trusted Him. I've had to say several times, ok God I don't know what's going on. I don't know how we're going to make it, but I trust you so I'm not going to worry about it.

Financially things have been tough for a long time. It's been a big strain on my marriage. It's been weighing heavily on my husband. I'm a stay at home mother so we are all counting on him to provide.

We aren't the only ones going through tough times. The whole island where we live has gone through bad finanical times. The government went bankrupt. Schools and government offices closed due to lack of funds. It's been scary for many.

But through it all God has been with me!!! No matter how scary it has gotten, He has been there for me! Whispering His wonderful promises! He knows what I need! How awesome!

Now I want to thank Him because once again He has provided and guess what??? My husband got a new job!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looing better than they have in a long time.

My heartfelt prayer; Dear God thank you for my husband's new job. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for being with me during the hard times and teaching me. I pray I NEVER forget the lessons you taught me during that time. You are an awesome and a great God! I pray you never stop molding me until I take my last breath. I pray you are never finished with me, I want more! I want to know and to learn more about you! I'm following you Lord! I choose you above it all!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Stephen Baldwin born again!!

I've been praying that someone would come into my husband's life who was perhaps a former atheist or if not an atheist then someone who led a very worldly lifestyle and became born again.

Well guess how that prayer was answered?! Last night actor Stephen Baldwin was being interviewed on Showbiz Tonight and guess what?!! He's a born again Christian!

He was telling his story of how he came to Christ. My husband was sitting there taking it all in and I was sitting there blown away.

Talk about someone who led a worldly lifestyle, in case you don't know of the guy he was a former Hollywood "bad" boy and made trips to the Playboy mansion. He starred in the movie The Usual Suspects. One of my husband's favorite movies.

This guy’s story is amazing. Check out his site at He has a book out called The Unusual Suspect. The first chapter is on his website and it's great! It starts out with a trip into the playboy mansion with Robert Downey Jr.

This is the stuff my husband needs to read! Not that he's a "playboy" but this guy Stephen Baldwin had it ALL! He had a great life out in the world and to the world standards he had it all, yet he came to Christ! My husband doesn't see the need for God in his life, so I'm hoping he'll read this book and relate!

Thank God for people like Stephen Baldwin who are bold and willing to share their story! I pray God uses him in a mighty way for His glory!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Sept. 10th came and went

Sunday Sept. 10th was the start of a new series at my church. Some may know that I was in prayer and fasting that a miracle would happen and my husband (an atheist) would come with me and hear the first sermon in the series titled "Why consider Christianity" I thought this series would be PERFECT for him.

But he didn't come. And guess what? That's OK! God is still in charge and I'm waiting on Him. This is not about Jennifer and MY timing but God's. His timing is perfect and I will not lose faith.

I want my husband's salvation now now now! And this is what the Word says about the time of salvation 2 Corinthians 6:1-2
1As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. 2For he says,
"In the time of my favor I heard you,
and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.

The Word says NOW IS THE DAY OF SALVATION!! I want my husband saved today! Each day that goes by and he remains in the dark is time wasted. Time is slipping through our fingers like sand, there is so much to do for the kingdom and so little time. I see such potential in my husband. I see him as he was created to be!

But I know I can't push him or force him into the light, to accept the truth. I've got to keep on doing what Christ has commanded me to do, and that is to love his socks off! Ok so maybe Christ didn't say that! lol but you know what I mean!

I want to say thank you for all those who have been praying. Don't think that because he didn't come to church with me or because he hasn't been saved YET that your prayers are in vain. Your prayers are what's keeping me afloat. God IS answering prayer. He IS helping me. The story is not finished yet, by far!!!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I'm sorry God.

Rejected. Forsaken.

Many times that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel so alone with my beliefs. Sometimes it's lonely living with a husband who believes when he dies the lights go out and that's it. I long for him to understand where I'm coming from.

At times it feels like we are from different planets. Our goals, direction in life and values are so very different.

Yesterday we had a conversation regarding faith and he said he thinks I'm crazy. It's hard to believe the person I love so dearly doesn't understand and thinks I'm wacko.

It HURTS. It makes me feel SO alone. So rejected. All that I value and hold dear in my heart is mocked and laughed at. Scorned. Rejected. The whole world is flowing one way and here I am, going against that flow.

I know in my heart not to take it personal. It's actually not ME being rejected but God. It's God that's being rejected. God's values being mocked and laughed at.

It made me realize that if I feel rejected, abandoned, scorned and FORESAKEN. What must God feel?????

How does God feel that all He ever wanted for us was LOVE and blessing and Goodness. Yet since the beginning man has rejected God. God is so misunderstand in the world.

My heartfelt prayer; I'm sorry God. I'm sorry God that you have been rejected and forsaken. I'm sorry I once rejected you. I'm sorry for the pain and grief I must have made you feel. These emotions I'm feeling aren't new or original, you feel them too so I know I am not truly alone. You are with me and nothing will separate me from you again. I promise God to obey you and to follow you.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

HOW does He speak to me??

Many times it's through His word. Today in my morning devotions I stumbled on this:

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

Not only is He a powerful and majestic God, but He's also a God that cares about little me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart.

Isaiah 40:29-31He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

This week I've been so tired, so worn out by toddler and infant care and I'm relying on Him to give me strength (see my last post.) This morning I was directed right to this scripture, is that by mistake? Not to me! My hope, my ONLY hope is in the Lord so I know He WILL renew my strength. He's already helping me!

Psalms 37:3-7Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Am I delighting myself in the Lord? This is the question of my heart this week. Am I looking toward the Lord or toward whatever it is I don't have? He's promising me if I will delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Just what DOES the Holy Spirit do?

I'm constantly amazed at the Holy Spirit and what He does for me. He's like a best friend but way better.

It's thrilling to me how the Holy Spirit guides me in my daily life. He has been my comforter in times when I'm alone and my corrector when I'm being stubborn or lazy.

Daily life is HARD. I'm sure it is for everyone, as the mother of two small children I know it gets hard and tiring for me. There are times when I'm so tired I get, gasp dare I say...cranky. And times when I've cleaned up what seems like millions of messes from my adventuresome toddler that, gasp dare I say...I run out of patience.

So how does Christ's love translate in the daily tasks of life? This is were I'm learning how awesome the Holy Spirit is. He's the one who's beside me while I scrub up messes off the floor. Who's gently encouraging me to be slow, soft and gentle to my little one when I feel like losing my temper. He's the one who whispers the Word to me, gently encouraging me to open my Bible when I'm too tired or lazy to make the effort.

He's the one who points out that I need an attitude adjustment when I become overwhelmed by the small details in daily life. Because daily life sometimes can be hard, that's not going to change so what am I going to do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do with the help of the Holy Spirit. I'm going to live one day at time with the thought upon waking, "what can I do today to show the love of Christ?" Who can I be kind too today? Who needs a smile? Who needs an encouraging word/hug/call/look? Is it my children? Is it my husband?

I'm a missionary in my own home!!! There should never be "time off" from missionary work. When daily life gets hard and I don't feel like being at my best, I'm going to call out to my Father and ask Him for the help He's promised me! Because I can't do it alone, because I'm human and I get tired. He's got to help me show the love of Christ because I can't do it on my own.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

people are HURTING

The new pastor at my church has started a new thing. On Sundays they pass out little blue cards and you can put a prayer request and turn them in.

Those little blue cards have touched me so much this week and I'll tell you why.

Tuesday I lead a women's Bible study at church and the pastor came in with this past Sunday's blue cards. He asked if each lady wanted to take a card and at the end of our meeting when we have a group prayer, to include the request on the blue card. We readily agreed but little did I know how those card would touch me.

My blue card read: Roland requests prayer for his mother who will begin radiation therapy for 34 days. At the bottom of the card he wrote "I declare God cures her." When it came my turn to pray I felt a burning passion for this unknown Roland, he boldly put on his card that he DECLARES God cure her. Well, the scripture says if two shall agree together it shall be done. So I bound myself in spirit to Roland I agreed with him. The TWO of us are declaring that his mother be cured.

At the end of our meeting we turned the blue cards back into the pastor and I went on my way.

BUT I can't get those blue cards out of my heart. As each lady read out the request it later struck me how much people are HURTING. The world is full of hurting, broken people who are in desperate need of help and healing.

Those blue cards took me away from myself, hearing each lady call out problems and pain gave me a tiny glimpse of what our heavenly Father must feel as he looks down at us and sees our pain and hears our heart's cries. It shook me how much He loves us, how much He wants to comfort us, to help us, to guide us.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord show me what I can do to help a dying and broken world. How can I show your love to those in need? Send people my way that I can help, so I can shine YOUR light onto their dark world. AND thank you Lord for my health, thank you for my children, thank you for my home and nice place to sleep. Thank you for my food. You are a good God! There's so much to thank you for, THANK YOU for creating me! How wonderful it is to get a chance to serve you and know you. You are awesome!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The yearning and longing in my heart

Isaiah 26:8-10 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

My soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you.
When your judgments come upon the earth,
the people of the world learn righteousness.

Though grace is shown to the wicked,
they do not learn righteousness;
even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil
and regard not the majesty of the LORD.

I find it amazing how the Word is alive, isn't God genius? How can it be that a Isaiah wrote oh back in 700 B.C. exactly what's in my heart? In my soul?

Just the other day I was trying to put words to the longings of my heart and explain to my father (earthly) how I feel. There is an excitement and a yearning for my King to return and reveal himself. I was telling my father the other day, "I can't wait until the seams of this earth are ripped away and the reality of His glory fully revealed for all to see."

I was at a party the other night with my husband and the emptiness of the world stood out painfully to me. I kept thinking, what if He returned right now and the shallowness of this event were revealed and His glory would ring out! Now that would be excitement!!!

My soul longs and yearns for Him. I want to be united and kept with Him. I long for the day there are no distractions and it's truly ALL ABOUT HIM. I want His glory to shine out over the earth and I long to bow low before Him.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Awards night in heaven!

Tonight is the Emmy's. I can only imagine all the excitement and preparation that goes into tonight’s award ceremony. It got me to thinking about the awards I'm working toward in heaven.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget about the bigger picture. Life gets busy kwim??

But there will come a time when my life on this earth is over and I stand before my maker. Wow what a thought.........

When I stand before my maker and we know each other intimately, when He looks deep into my eyes down into my soul and finds my heart.

What is He going to find there???

The dust of my body will fade and blow away and the things of this earth won't matter. It's my heart........

I want Him to find me beautiful. I want Him to delight in me. I want a heart just like His!!! Imagine having beautiful, how perfect!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I give myself to you. I melt in Your hands. Mold me; make me into what you desire. Here I am, here is my will. I give it up to you. Take me and use me. I need you more than I need air to breathe. Nothing will separate me from your love, bind me to you. Hold me close. WOW!!! You are awesome! So perfect, so holy! You are genius!

Ephesians 3:17-19 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

He's called me!! I've heard Him!!

Last night while in bed trying to get some sleep I heard the clear voice of the Lord and He's put something burning in my heart!!! I had to get up and start working on it in the middle of the night!!

For many years I've felt the desire to write. My mother, Kristy Dykes is an award winning author and has nine Christian fiction titles. She has encouraged me for years to start writing but while that sounded nice I've never come up with a story that I wanted to write about.

Lately I've really been feeling something burning inside of me, a strong desire and last night the Lord gave me my story to write!!!! I believe this story has been brewing in my heart all my life, it feels as if I've been waiting for this very moment in time to write it!

For years I've been scared to write, it seems so overwhelming. Where to begin and really who cares what I have to say?? But last night a clarity and confidence came to me and settled over me like a sweet peace.

I know what I want to write. I have the story and I can see the audience I want to read my story. I can feel their heart. I can sense their longing, they are waiting for this story and I feel such an urgency to get it out. I know this because really this story is everyone's story!!!

I know I have SO much to learn about writing, but I have my story and I'm going to start with that!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord THANK YOU for calling me! My desire is to be used for you. I want to be laid open and bare for all to see. I want to be a living sacrifice for you. All I ask Lord is that you use me. I'm willing to follow you, I'm not afraid. Here I am, I give you what little I have. It's not much but I offer myself up to you. Thank you for creating me so I can know you!! You thrill me!! You excited me!!! You fulfill me!! You sustain me!!! You are all I need, all I want!!

Monday, August 21, 2006

I'm counting on God to get my husband in the door!

Now that the Lord has answered my specific prayer of softening my husband's heart I've had to come up with a new prayer. I've been pondering over what I want next from the Lord, what my next prayer will focus on and I've got it!!

Yesterday the new pastor told us he's going to be leading a 13 week series and putting the whole church through confirmation classes (think new christian class.) Each Sunday will be a new topic explaining the Christian beliefs. The series will start September 10th and the first topic will be "Why bother with Christianity? Is Christianity worth the bother?" Other topics will be "Who is Jesus, and why did he have to die?"

After each service they will have a discussion group that is OPEN. Meaning anyone can come and share what they think or believe and ask questions. They will have about 8 leaders who are trained to answer questions. He said someone can even come to the discussion and say, "I don't believe in God" and the leaders will state why they believe and the proof etc. they have.

The pastor made a big point on saying that we all must choose Christianity on our own. We can't be told what or how to think. It must be our choice, our own decision.

I got so excited!!!! This is JUST what my husband needs!!! He keeps saying the "church" is telling me what to think and brain washing me etc. How perfect this new session sounds! The timing couldn't be better!!

My new specific prayer will be that somehow, and I don't know how he's going to do it BUT I'm believing He's powerful enough, that the Lord will get my husband in the door of the church on September 10th to hear this new series.

I believe He can do it!!!!!

I've done my part, I told my husband ALL about the new series and challenged him to come and hear what they have to say. The next part I need to do is pray. I will be fasting and crying out for help from my savior. I need Him to work on my husband's heart.

Now it's up to God! I believe with all my heart God wants my husband bad! I feel a fire burning in my soul and it's ready to burst out. I want my husband saved and I want us to start our service to the King! I don't know exactly what He has in store for me, but it feels big! I feel like I'm being prepared for something and I can't wait for the moment when I can push forward and live in service to my savior!

I feel held back right now, the Holy Spirit is telling me to hold on. To wait, to have patience but man I'm READY to serve! I've been called, I hear it ringing in my heart and I want to respond in a big way. I'm ready to surge forward, no looking back!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, I want to serve you!!!! With all my heart, all my being. I don't want to look back or look at the things of this world. I want to work for YOU!!! Oh Lord put me to work!!! Abba Father, get my husband in that door on September 10th. Help me Father, give me wisdom on what to say and do. Hold me quiet when I need to be still, give me courage when I need to stand up and speak. Thank you!!!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

It's all coming together!!!!!

First I would like to report I'm seeing this verus being worked out in my very own life:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Let me tell you how this verus is coming alive for me!! It's so exciting!!!

Last night my husband and I were watching on the History channel a show about hidden codes in the Bible. It was a very interesting show that had many good points. It opened the door for me to speak on spiritual matters and it got the conversation flowing.

This is a miracle itself because the hate in my husband's heart was so strong that before he couldn't even bare to mention the word Bible more less watch an hour long program on it!

After the show was over he asked me again to tell him what happened to me back in March. I shared my heart with him, I opened myself up and just let it pour out.

He told me that I wanted to have a supernatural experience and that's why that happened.

After awhile we got quiet and he started watching another show, I went into the kitchen to do some dishes. I didn't know what to say further. I felt like jumping up and down in front of him and shouting, "how blind can you be man!!! He's right in front of you!!!" But of course I didn't do that!!!

Instead as I washed the pots and pans from dinner I started praying in the Spirit. I didn't even know what to pray for, that's what's so great about praying in the Spirit. The Spirit intercedes for you!

All the sudden I felt words coming up and about to burst out, I ran back to my husband and I didn't have to think what to say! It just poured out.

I reminded him of a time back in April during Easter week when I attended a special Good Friday service. I reminded him how he said if I went that night to the service that I could never come back, the marriage would be over and he would divorce me.

I shared with him how scary that was for me, how painful. How frighten I was. Everything in me wanted to say forget the service and stay home just so we wouldn't have the conflict. But as scared as I was, I COULD NOT stay home. Because what I believe is REAL!

I asked him why would I put myself through that unless I believed with all my heart?

We looked into each other's eyes and I tenderly told him how he's my best friend. The person I care about most and that's why I'm sharing all this with him. Because it's real and amazing and God's love is SOOOO GOOD!!!

I told him how nothing can seperate me from this love, it's so good I'm willing to suffer and face hard times because it's real and I believe and it's good!

I gave him further examples and I could tell it really touched him, made him think differently.

When I think back to that Good Friday night, I remember how lonely and afraid I felt, in fact you can read that post here

Just copy and paste that. It's titled so alone.

To now see how this story is all starting to come together just blows me away!

God IS real! He's exciting. He's wonderful. His mercy is amazing!!


Ok I just went back myself and read what I posted under so alone and I'm even more amazed!!! Isn't it astounding how God is now using that night??? I'm so glad I listened to Him and followed His leading that night! It was one of the worst nights in my life, I felt so terrified. I really didn't know if the marriage would continue. And now the miracle is happening!!! Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"Five New Commandments"

On Sunday the title of the pastor's sermon was "Five New Commandments"

I'm so excited because after church my husband and I went to lunch and on the way I shared with him the five points I learned in Sunday's sermon! I carry a little pocket Bible and I pulled it out and read the scripture references the pastor gave!!!!


He casually listened and another seed is planted!!!!

I'm so excited I could shout!!! Wow! My God is a good God! He's listening to my prayers and He's answering them!!!!

The five new commandments are:
1) Lighten Up Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2) Don't Worry Matthew 6:28-34 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3) Forgive Everybody Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

4) Don't Judge Other People Matthew 7:1-4 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

5) Walk like sons and daughters of the King Galatians 4:4-7 But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, 5to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. 6Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba,[a] Father." 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

The Lord gave me the chance to share all this with my husband!!!! Isn't He a good God?????

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Abba Father you are AWESOME!! You are amazing!!! I love you until my heart feels like it will burst! My prayer to you, my Abba Father, has been not that you make my life easier or better but that you have mercy on my family and my husband. I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you are answering my heartfelt cry and prayer!!!!!! You are a good God!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! You have blessed me and I pray you delight in me as I give myself to you as a living sacrifice!!!!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Amazing conversation PART 2

The next day I brought up the subject again and said, “I thought about what you said about me not being open to different ways of thinking and………and there’s a difference between being open to learning and discussing other religions and beliefs and……being open to changing your beliefs.” No I am not opening to changingmy beliefs. I’ve thought long and hard about what I believe and I’ve reached conclusions. But I am open to learning about other religions and why different people believe what they do.

I told him “you are the one who is intolerant.” He replied “who me?” I answered “wasn’t it not too long ago that you told me you didn’t want me reading my Bible or having anything to do with religion?” “If there’s no power in the Bible and its all worthless then where’s the harm?” He replied that he now doesn’t have a problem with me studying and reading the Bible, he’s ok with whatever I want to do!

At one point he stopped the conversation and said he knew what my situation was. He said he came to the conclusion that what happened to me on March 15th was a combination of hallucination and suggestion. He had this whole elaborate idea that attending church had opened me up and they put suggestions in my head that made me hallucinate what I experienced.

He said it was similar to being hypnotized and that by talking to my parents (who are believers and pastors) on the phone something similar to hypnotism had happened to me.

I asked him then, if he really thought that when I talked to my parents about religion or attended church that they were secretly sending out messages and hypnotizing me???? It’s absolutely ridiculous! I told him “so if that’s true, then I must be hypnotizing you! When we talk about religion or God do you feel me putting YOU under a spell?” He then said that no he didn’t think that was happening.

After further thought and discussion he came up with this powerful statement that almost knocked me off my seat! He said, “Some people are open to suggestion. I am not. I could never be hypnotized or have suggestion put in my head. So what happened to you was the willingness to be suggested.”

Did you hear that??? The willingness to be suggested!! He just described the action of faith!

I shouted out to him “you got it! That’s it!!” I told him “when I had that supernatural experience it was when I was sitting on my couch all alone and thinking about my life and what I believe. It was when I gave up MY will and realized it’s not all about ME. When I broke and my pride fell down is when God revealed Himself to me in a powerful and might way!” I told him “when you will give up your pride, and realize it’s not all about you and open yourself up to Him, that’s when he’s going reveal Himself to you!!!”

Later I asked him “so….. what would the test be? If I stopped attending church and I still experienced God then how would you explain it?” “Then what would your answer be?” He said and I quote “then I guess it would be a supernatural revelation from God!” Wow!!!!!!

Of course I’m not going to stop attending church to prove to my husband God exists but I will tell you what the true test will be. It will be time. When he sees me living out my faith and sticking to my beliefs, regardless of what comes my way in life, when he witness the amazing peace of Christ that passes all understanding, it will make him ask, how and why?

Once again, God is genius!!!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Amazing conversation (part 1)

Last night I had the most amazing conversation with my husband. We were watching the show 30 days on FX Network. The show takes a person and puts them in an opposite situation for 30 days and documents it. Last night the show was about an atheist who lived with a born again Christian family for 30 days.

It opened the door for my husband (for those who don’t know, he’s atheist) and I to talk about our beliefs. He listened to everything I had say and I got to share some wonderful thoughts.

This is a direct answer to prayer! For those who don’t know, my husband several months ago told me if I attended church or read my Bible he would divorce me. I cried out to God for his mercy on my husband and on my marriage. I prayed God would soften my husband’s heart. Well for him to go from forbidding me to read the Bible to now being open to speaking about my beliefs is a miracle! If that’s not a softening of his heart then I don’t know what would be! We are actually enjoying having conversations on religion and with no arguing!

Last night I left him with the question “If there is no God then who or what decides what’s right and wrong?” He stated he felt it was society who determined this and I pointed out several reasons I believe it can’t be society.

Sometime during the conversation he made the statement “you’re not open to thinking different ways.”

I thought on this all night and morning, how could this guy say that????? For 10 years I’ve been out of church. I’ve gone through times where I didn’t believe there was a God. To times where I thought if there was a God somewhere, then he certainly didn’t have anything to do with this world or me. Basically for 10 years I’ve put God on hold to find out things for myself. I didn’t want God telling me what to do or what to think. I wanted God out of my head and heart, I got PRIDEFUL. Arrogant.

I got so far away from God that I forgot my past experiences with Him. So far away that it seemed like a fairy tale, a distant memory of my childhood. Like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

It was the only the power of God (and the power prayer, my parents were praying) that I heard Him calling out to me in the mist of my darkness. God revealed Himself to me in a powerful way, so powerful I couldn’t deny that He was real. He was right in front of me! He was breathing on me! He was pouring out amazing LOVE!!! I got a taste of that, and man there’s no going back for me!

READ part 2 for my response to my husband regarding his comment: “you’re not open to thinking different ways.”

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

What else pleases the Lord?

Isaiah 1:17-18 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Wow! To hear the word of the Lord and to learn what concerns Him, what pleasure this brings me! I’m on a quest to find passages like the one above, I want to know what concerns the Lord. I want to know what he wants me to do.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord how awesome and powerful you are, I stand in awe of you. Thank you Lord for creating me, for making me and for loving me. Thank you for your word so I can know you and hear from you. Oh Lord make your desires, my desires! This is my prayer today. Oh Lord I open my heart to you, I give it to you and ask Lord that you fill it with your desires and wants. Strip me away oh Lord, I want to be emptied of self and filled up with the things of you. Oh Lord guide me as I study your word, I’m searching to know your heart, to know what pleases you. Reveal yourself to me, don’t hold anything back. I ask all this in Jesus name.

Thank you Father for surely You are my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid, you my Lord are my strength and my song, you have become my salvation!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Did you know that God is real???!!!

This was my very first post and for some reason I feel compelled to repost it. Here it goes:

It all started a year ago in March 2005. I was at a party with my husband and mother-in-law and a good family friend sat at our table. This friend had recently been born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.

She was alive and on fire for God and turned to my husband and said “God wants you!!!” She was very bold in her statements and I felt God reaching down and speaking through her. What she said touched me to my core.

She shared that after becoming born again her husband forbid her to go to church, he was jewish. She told me she would lie in bed at night and lay hands on him and pray in the spirit and plead the blood over him. He miraculously came to Christ one day in a busy mall; he fell right there on his knees and worshiped the Lord.

This woman spoke the truth and God put her at that party, at our table to speak to me. It was like God reached down and grabbed me by the heart and said “I want you!!” The seed was planted in my heart. After that I started hungering after Him.

I found out about a church that had services in English and started attending on Sundays. This caused a huge conflict with my husband because he is athiest.

A lot happened that is too long to share but it basically came down to choosing between my husband or God. It was the hardest, scariest decision I’ve ever made. But I choose God and I got up on Sundays and took my 2 year old daughter and newborn son and we went.

As I drove each Sunday morning I would give the problem back to God, I didn’t know how he was going to work it out or what would happen with my marriage, it was a scary time but I would just pray “I choose you, I choose you” as I drove.

The church I found is interdenominational, called the Union Church. Check out their website at Although it's not pentecostal I can feel the Holy Spirit gently in the services. He is there!!

Then my mother ordered me a series of books by Ted Dekker. As I was finishing the 2nd book I was sitting on my couch thinking about what I read. It dawned on me suddenly that I needed to give everything about me to Christ. Every desire, every wish, every thought, every emotion. To give up everything in order to receive true fulfillment and eternal life.

I became filled with deep despair because as much as I wanted to give up the deepest desires of my heart, I wasn’t able to do it. I am too full of sin and I will fail again and again.

At that moment something hit me like a bolt of lighting!!! I realized I didn’t have to do anything!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it for me!!!! He did it ALL for me on the cross!!!!!! It’s not about me being good or doing this or that!!!! I can never be good enough, or perfect enough!!! Only his blood can wash me clean!!!! There is nothing for me to do!!! It’s so simple!!! It’s all about Him!!!! Everything is about Him!!!

All the sudden I opened my mouth and I started speaking in a language I didn’t know. I felt actual scales fall off my eyes and I saw two whole worlds and I realized God was real!!!

As this was happening to me my 2 year old was napping, my infant was in his swing and my husband on the computer. It was so powerful, I ran to my husband crying and I told him “God is REAL!!!” He’s real!!!!” I told him “I was just sitting on the couch and something has happened to me! I know beyond any doubt that God is real!” My husband practically ran out the door on a sudden errand, he laughed it off saying I had lost my mind. As he left I told him “you’ve been married to me for 8 years, you KNOW I’m not crazy! God is real!”

While he was gone I literally walked my house in circles praying in tongues while God revealed things to me in waves.

Here is what I wrote down frantically as it was happening to me: Everything in this world is a distraction away from God. The only thing that matters is so simple, it’s one word, CHRIST. It’s all about Him, it always has been all about Him. The world and things in this world are just to take your eyes off Him and confuse you. It’s about a constant focus on Him, about being in constant worship. Everything else holds no importance. Nothing matters but Him, it’s so simple. To worship Him is to be with Him. There is no other joy, He is the joy. His joy is real, I can taste it, I can swim in it, I can breathe him. He’s everywhere, He’s everywhere I look. I don’t have to turn my head to find Him, to see Him. He’s in the rocks, He’s in the trees. He is beauty, He is love. He is pure. To worship Him is to slip from this world and find Him. Everything else is a distraction; it’s about going back to Him, worshiping again. It’s living in two worlds at once; it’s balancing them but never loosing focus of Him. Until one day we are with Him and there will be no distractions, just Him. It’s all I need; it’s what I was made for. I know what I’m made for, it’s for Him, it’s all about Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is only the start of what he is revealing to me, as I open my self to Him and focus on Him He shows me things that give me DEEP joy. I have been filling up pages, writing as fast as I can what he’s been showing me until I realized I don’t have to write it all down, that I COULDN’T write it all down, it’s too much!! And then that’s when I realized that the word of God is ALIVE. Do you know that it is ALIVE????!!!!! Everything I need to know is right in His word, and all the sudden He is speaking to me in His word, I’m jumping from place to place every thing I read has deep meaning!!!It’s ALIVE!!!!!!

It’s as if I’ve just been born and I’m experiencing everything for the first time. I was blind but now I SEE!!!!! I SEE now!!!! I can’t get enough of Him!!! In a second He changed EVERYTHING about me. There isn’t an area in my life that has been changed and touched.

My journey with Him has just begun. I've created this blog so I can always remember this journey with Him!

Friday, August 04, 2006

God is a little scary without.......

His son Jesus.

So I've moved on to reading the OT (Old Testament.) Since March I've been reading the New Testament and I've been so fascinated that I've just enjoyed being stuck there.

Now I'm curious to know more about this ancient Father of mine and I'm being drawn to the OT. I've started with 1 Samuel. Don't know why I choose that book, it just seemed a good place to start. The versus that sticks out most to me from that book is: 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

What an amazing scripture, how revealing about our Lord!

Now the more I read the OT the more I realize how if I ever thought I couldn't live without the amazing love of my heavenly Father, how much MORE I need the saving power of His son!

It becomes glaringly clear that without His son, Jesus, my sweet and gentle savior that I would never be able to go to my heavenly Father.

Jesus forever binds me to my heavenly Father. No matter what I do my savior is always there for me, to reconcile me, to draw me in.

The whole trinity is GENIUS! You see the Holy Spirit directs me to the savior, Jesus. He whispers in my ear how sweet and wonderful the savior is. And Jesus....., I could get lost forever on just His name. WOW! He's so in love with me that he gave the ultimate gift. He gave me His life! And it's through Him that I reach my Father, and then the Father pours out this love that is AMAZING!

This love is the real deal! It's the real ecstasy! I'm convinced this love is the cure for every broken and lonely heart, the excitement for the bored, and the strength for the weary. Whatever you need, He's got it!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Oh, what a beautiful scripture!!!

2 Corinthians 2:14-16 14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. 15For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?

Oh wow! How beautiful is that! To think we are the sweet and wonderful aroma of Christ! How pleasing, how wonderful that must be to the Father!

I read that and I want to praise Him, I want to put all aside and fall down on my face and worship Him. I want the sweet aroma of Christ to envelope me, to seep into me. I want to please the Father. I want to praise Him with my heart made so pure and clean with the aroma of Christ flowing through me.

As I read this scripture the words flow into my heart like a gushing river, it revives me. It enlivens me. It excites me. It thrills me.

What could be more thrilling than to think of the sweet aroma of Christ surging through me and up to the Father. Oh how much He loves us and delights in us!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you God for creating me. Thank you for making me so I can know you and experience how WONDERFUL your love feels. To experience you, to experience your love is so fulfilling! You are awesome! You're everything I need and want.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

What about a little fantasy??

Does God know your fantasies?

Last night my husband and I were watching on MSNBC the show Headliners and Legends. They were highlighting serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and showed clips of an interview with him. They were interviewing his family and told the story of his life, starting even with his mother's pregnancy. At one point Jeffrey Dahmer was talking about his life before he killed his first victim. He said something very interesting that really got me to thinking. He said that before he took his first victim, he would fantasize about his acts. I won't go into details, but he lived out his crimes in his mind over and over again. Very specific fantasies, he lived in a sick and twisted fantasy world. Until one day he crossed over from fantasy to real life and carried out his crimes exactly how he imagined it in his mind over and over. Then he said once he crossed that line from fantasy to real life, he couldn't control his fantasies anymore and started living them out in real life again and again.

Now obviously this is an extreme case, but it got me to thinking what the Word says about fantasy and this is what I found.

Matthew 5:27-29 27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

There is a powerful connection between what's in our heart and who we are; who we will become and which path we will take in our life.

There was a time in my life when I felt very angry that God wanted ALL of my heart, even the hidden places. "Can't I have even a little privacy God?" "What's wrong with a little fantasy???" "It's not as if it hurts anybody."

Of course I'm not even talking about murderous fantasy, but what about simple stuff like reading a book or watching a movie and lusting after a character? Or even looking at a friend's spouse and seeing all these great qualities and wondering what it would be like if I were married to that person. I'm not even talking about sexual lust here, but thoughts like "wouldn't life be so easy if only........"

These thoughts are dangerous, they are poision. It causes something in the heart and in the mind to change. It starts pushing you in a direction that at first you might not even want to take.

This life here on earth is about a fight, we are fighting our flesh. Our flesh desires and wants what is evil, the things of this world. Naturally our flesh calls us, it desires to be stroked to be petted. James 1:15 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Now knowing this what do we do in this fight?? How can we possibly win?

That's what is SOOOOOOOOOOOO amazing about the Word!!! He tells us what to do!!!!

Philippians 4:7-9 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Leading Tuesday Bible Study

Today was the second Tuesday in a row I've lead the women's Bible Study group at my church. I'm helping to lead it with two other women. We are studying the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It's been very interesting, most of the women in this Bible study are very shy and quiet.

I'm not sure what they think of me when I go "off" on a part of the scripture, sometimes I hear the word read and the joy of the Lord comes all over me and I can't hold back my feelings. I start speaking and a tingle comes over me, I lose track of where I am and I go to another place.

The group has asked me to lead and close on all the prayers, they say I pray beautifully. Well, I don't know about that. I feel like I'm talking to my Father so I just open up and pour it out.

On another thought; last night I was praying and I felt I had a real breakthough. I have to admit that sometimes when I pray for my husband, I secretly wonder if he'll ever come to the Lord. I have a lot of doubts. I don't like that I doubt, but sometimes the work that needs done on his heart seems too great.

On Sunday the pastor said "Ask for anything from the Lord, but what do you really want?" The sermon was based on II Chronicles 1:7-13 7 That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you." 8 Solomon answered God, "You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me king in his place. 9 Now, LORD God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. 10 Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" 11 God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, 12 therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have."

So this got me to thinking what I want to ask God for. What do I really want? As I was praying last night, I began to speak to my Father and since God is my Father I realized that if I asked for something with a pure heart that of course my Father wouldn't deny me!!! So with a sincere and pure heart I told my Father, that all I ask from Him is that he have mercy on my home and husband that He reveal Himself in a powerful and mighty way to my husband. No matter what else comes up in my life, if this is the one thing He gives me, it would be all I ask for. I don't ask for health, I don't ask for happiness. If all my life is hardship and pain that will be ok. I just ask He have mercy on my husband.

I know my Father heard me!!!! HE HEARD ME!! I don't doubt that, now I am waiting on Him! I know He will answer my prayer, I trust in Him and I will trust in His timing!!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

So I saw a dead BODY.....

It was the other day at the beach. My sister was in town and we took the kids to the beach, as we drove up and parked we saw lots of police cars and people standing around. We were in a part of town where no one speaks English so I didn't even bother asking what was going on.

We parked and got out and made our way to the shore and there right before our eyes was a dead MAN. It was such a shock to see a dead person right there in the sand.

I don't know the full story but apparently this man drown and scuba divers pulled him in. Now in Puerto Rico things are done differently, instead of bagging him up and taking him off in an ambulance or putting a sheet over him they just left him there. Police tape marked off the area and police were guarding him but I guess they were waiting for the officials. Why they can't cover DEAD people up like in the States I just don't understand. But anyway that's how they do it here.

Usually a sight like this wouldn't disturb me, but now I see things totally different. I couldn't get the image of this man out of my head. I wanted to weep and grieve for him. It shocked me to think of the significance of what I saw. This man, DEAD on the beach either just met his Maker a second he was gone from this world. Water entered his lungs, he sunk to the ocean floor and in a second he was gone. GONE.

My heart grieved because more likely than not he didn't go to his MAKER. I know it's just ONE man, someone I didn't even know but it broke my heart to think that he might have passed without knowing his creators love. To think he might be separated FOREVER from the amazing love of God.

It stirred in my heart urgency. Those of us who know the TRUTH need to hurry. There are so many who need to know the truth, so many who need to be reached. I hope I never lose the urgency of sharing the Good News, time is so short!

Monday, July 10, 2006


This is what God spoke to me last night as I was in bed and praying. I was praying away and just a going at what my problem was, I'd had a horrible evening with the kids and lost my temper.

My two year old wouldn't go to sleep and woke up my 7 month old. They share a room and it's difficult because somebody is always waking somebody else up. The 2 yo goes to bed late, she just won't turn off at times and wakes early so by bedtime I'm exhausted. I worry if I don't get them down quickly I won't have time to straighten the house or spend private time with my husband.

Anyway, so there I was praying away and clearly and suddenly the Lord spoke to me and said "Trust in me." So simple, so basic. I realized, you know that's really all there is to it. Will you trust in Him?

When am I going to learn to just trust in Him? Give it up to Him? Remain in Him? Let Him hold me. Let Him guide me.

Sometimes I get so caught up that I forget the simpleness of His love, of His ways.

Oh to trust in Him. There is such peace. He's in control of EVERY part of my life, it's time to be still, to be calm and rest in Him.

Another praise report!

This is an email I sent to my parents and my mom asked me share this on my blog so here it goes,

I can't believe the changes going on in my home! Last night Javier took us all to the mall with promises of buying Claudia a special princess balloon. He took us all to a candy shop and let Claudia pick out a huge balloon and special candy. Then we walked around and the balloon came undone from the top (the lady didn't tie the balloon tight enough.) Anyway you should have seen Claudia's face to see her balloon float to the ceiling at the mall. Can you believe Javier went into a store nearby and got a special long range hanger and got her balloon from the ceiling??? Then he tied it back on and we walked over to Macaroni Grill for dinner. We had the best time. He is being so loving and sweet to all of us, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud!

This story may seem so simple but this is what I've dreamed of, what I've wanted so much from him. I've never wanted expensive things, just simple things that show love and to see him being so sweet to our children and so loving to me is making my heart melt away!!!

Also during dinner at one point I made a comment "I wonder what my Grandpa is doing right now?" He commented back "oh, he's watching the Price is Right." I paused and then said "Javier!! My Grandpa died remember?" and he oh so casually responded "I know, I meant in heaven, he's watching Price is right." I nearly fell over! He said this with no sarcasm at all!!

These stories are small but they are miracles! For him to say that without venom is a miracle! God is changing his heart and God is using me! I'm showing him God's love. You see, God made me, a woman to being loving. It's what I was created to do, it's inside of me. I need to be shown love, I crave it. And God made Javier to need respect, that's how he sees love. When I show Javier respect, deep and true respect he responds by being loving! Wow! I guess women fear showing respect because they are afraid the husband will run all over them, they'll lose the ground they have. But it's just the opposite, the more respect you give, even when it's not deserved, the more love he'll show! Anyway just wanted to share that with you. To let you know your prayers are being answered!

I also have to comment that I can't believe how genius God's way is! It sounds kind of silly to say how genius He is, because of course He's genius. He made us, so of course He knows what we need. But I find it so amazing that God's plan leads to such blessings, such joy, such peace! If only everyone understood that!

Friday, July 07, 2006

Feeling so behind

Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions and no matter which way I go I can never do enough.

My 2 year has been sick for 12 days with a stomach bug, now I've got it and well if it's not one thing it's another!

But hey that's life!!!

With two little ones under my care life is BUSY!!! I wish I had more time to work on this blog, so many times I write blogs in my head but just can't find the time to get on here and post it.

From early in the morning until late at night somebody or something needs tending to.

I think I'm going to start posting TWO DAYS A WEEK. If I can do more I will but for now TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS will have new posts. This will be my goal.

In August my 2 year old starts back to preschool and I'll have more time then to post. Right now when I'm online she's wondering the house usually getting into trouble! Think of drawing on the walls and multi toilet flushes with lots of paper!

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for these little children you've given me. You have blessed me so richly with two beautiful and healthy babies. I enjoy them so much, they bring me such joy and laughter. Dear Lord, sometimes I feel so pulled in different directions, so many times I want to read your word yet somebody needs feeding or cleaning. I want you to be first in my life yet right now you've given me a responsibility that takes lots of time and patience. Help me Lord to remain faithful to what is important in this life. Give me strength Lord to do all you've called me to do. Thank you, in Jesus name amen!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Dinner with my husband!

The most exciting thing has happened!!

I got a chance to share some truths with my husband and his family! For my husband's birthday, my brother and sister-in-law took us two couples out to dinner at The Palm restaurant. We had a babysitter for the kids and we had the best time being together and chatting.

That afternoon I really prayed in the spirit for my husband. Praying in the spirit is really awesome because when you pray this way, you pray the will of God. See, sometimes we don't know exactly what to pray for so when we pray in the spirit, the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf!

Well I was really burdened for my husband that afternoon and just gave it over to God and prayed up a storm. I was actually on my bike riding in Old San Juan and listening to my ipod when I felt compelled to turn the thing off and pray. So there I was riding along and praying out in the spirit! I'm sure that got some stares!! But I didn't notice, I was too busy praying!

Well that night an amazing chance came up to share some of my beliefs and I just opened up my heart and boldly told the truth. We had a great discussion, they asked several questions. A seed has been planted and I praise God for giving me the opening to bring up the topic.

One thing I shared was how happy I am now, how I've never been so in love with life. I've never felt more at peace, felt more joy than I have now. And you know what my husband replied to that???? He said "if that makes you happy and gives you peace, then that's good for you and I think that's great."

I almost fell over!!! He said this smiling!!!!!!!!! He's gone from wanting to divorce me because I read my Bible to thinking it's great!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!

Now I see why the scripture says a wife can win her husband over by her actions. As he sees how joyful and happy I am, he begins to wonder. He is responding to my actions, he is responding to love he feels pouring out of me! This is Christ's love, Christ's peace and joy!!!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Love and Respect

I'm reading this marriage book called Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Wow! I am blown away by the truths I'm reading!

My Aunt Janet, a pastor’s wife at Suncoast A/G in St. Pete gave it to me. It's a Focus on the Family book and it's about the love a woman most desires and the respect a man desperately needs.

This has to be one of the best books I've ever read. I'm reading it and going, "wow! that's why my husband does what he does!" and "oh, NOW I get why he said/did that!"

It's helping to open my eyes to my husband’s heart and suddenly I'm liking what I see! The Holy Spirit has been revealing these truths to me and really I've always deeply respected my husband and that's why we've gotten along so well in our marriage.

But I'll be honest, somewhere along the way I've forgotten some of the respect I used to have for my husband. Maybe being busy with two small children and the stress of living in a foreign country has something to do with it.

Regardless, God commands a wife to unconditionally RESPECT her husband. Not unconditionally LOVE her husband!! There is a big difference!! I said UNCONDITIONALLY RESPECT her husband wither he deserves it or not!

When I try respecting my husband, wither he deserves it or not, something amazing starts happening! He softens, he responds and he starts acting in the loving, caring way I most desire!

Want to know more??? Read Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. You won't be disappointed. It is Bible based, simple to follow and you'll immediately see results!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I had to blog about this

It's just too good not to mention it. Although I'm going to disguise it a little because the Holy Spirit clearly told me this revelation was meant just for me!

The Holy Spirit has given me powerful weapons in this spiritual battle I'm fighting in the struggle for my husband’s soul. God is on my side and I'm learning how awesome, how powerful, how wonderful He is!

Not long after I recommitted my life to Christ and got filled with the Holy Spirit something else wonderful happened to me. I'm not going to say exactly what it was, like I said the Holy Spirit told me it was meant just for me. But I will say that the Holy Spirit came to me and spoke so clearly it was almost audible. He told me a secret, a key to something that only a divine force could know. It's something I could not have known or made up myself.

This secret has been so powerful it has made a huge difference in my marriage. It's rocked my world.

Something else quite amazing. While I was in Jacksonville visiting my parents, one Sunday morning after church, a member of their church came up to me and gave me a word from the Lord. This man was very bold and wasn't afraid to speak what was in his heart. He said several things, he told me a very specific fear my husband has regarding my recent and new commitment to the Lord. I won't say what that fear is but I was blown away when this man knew what it was!

The Holy Spirit, when he spoke to me revealed what this fear of my husband's was and has given me a powerful blessing to help fight this fear!

When I pray and worship I can get lost in profound joy just from thinking about how the Holy Spirit came and spoke to me and gave me something just to bless me and help me!

God is awesome, He's wonderful! He wants to bless us, to help us. He's waiting to just pour it out like water pouring out of a waterfall. And let me tell you, standing under that waterfall and receiving blessings is AWESOME!

His way is perfect! His burden is so light! To follow Him is such a joy!!

God is at work!

For the past few months my prayer for my husband has been for God to soften his heart. Even if it's slow and the process seems to take long, that has been my prayer. A softening.

God is answering my prayer, I can see the Lord at work on his heart!

A perfect example; my mother bought my two year old a video from the Christian book store called Hermie the common caterpillar. It's a simple story based on Bible truth and the caterpillar talks to God.

I wondered how my husband would respond when he saw that video. In the past he's thrown away Christian CDs my mom bought for the children. So I've hidden some of their stuff.

Well this video I decided I was going to give to God and let Him do the work. I've played the video several times and waited for him to notice. Every time I put it in I'd start praying, praying in the Spirit. Praying for that softening.

Well it has happened, already there is a change, a softening. It may seem small to some but to me it's major. One night he sat down with my two year and watched the movie with her while she sat in his lap, he commented to me "this is religious." I replied back "oh really? My mom bought her that." He sat there calmly, making no comments and hasn't thrown the video away!

That is a direct answer to prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhh my God is good!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Faith and Fear

Today the Sermon at church was titled "What are you afraid of?" The scripture was from Mark 4:35-41 The story of the disciples who got in the boat with Jesus and a bad storm came up. They were afraid and Jesus was asleep on a cushion. They went and woke him up and Jesus asked "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

The pastor said that the opposite of faith is disbelief but in this story the opposite of faith was fear.

God spoke directly to me this morning and He asked me "Why are you so afraid?"

I sat there with tears rolling down my face.

You see every Sunday is misery for me. I wake up never knowing how my husband will respond to me attending church. I never know if this will be the Sunday he'll want to divorce. I walk on eggshells and the worst fear grips my heart.

Fear so strong I don't feel like moving. Fear so strong it makes me feel alone. I fight it all the way to church and can't relax. I actually dread Sundays.

Right now in my life it feels like Jesus is alseep in the boat on a cushion. I'm the disciples in the story saying "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

Jesus, don't you care if my husband treats me badly for going to church? Jesus don't you care if he leaves me over this church issue?

I've decided I'm getting in the boat with Jesus, I'm going to follow Him out into deep waters. If I'm willing to follow Him, then I'v got to have faith in Him. I've got to trust Him. Leave this issue in His hands. I'm doing my part, now I've got to let go and let Him do His.

Instead of being afraid, I'm going to pray. Instead feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to praise and worship Him!

The deceiver is doing a number on me with this fear, it keeps me from doing many things. I will not let the deceiver win, I will not give in to this fear. Instead when I feel afraid I'm going to seek the Holy Spirit. He will be my comforter, my guide.

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Father for your word. Thank you for speaking directly to me today. Thank you for being with me, guiding me, giving me strength and courage. Your name, Jesus is so sweet. I long to hear your name praised in heaven. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize, I will not seek rewards on this earth. I love you Jesus!!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

La noche de San Juan cont'd......

I found out something interesting last night, the celebration of The Night of San Juan is actually in honor of John the Baptist! The running into the water and jumping in backwards is a recreation of baptism.

I never knew that and I don't think everyone does. It's mainly just a big party and the original reason seems to be lost but for me it was a celebration for my Creator!

I ran into the water with hundreds of people and watched as everyone threw themselves backwards over and over. It was awesome seeing so many people by the moonlight laughing and jumping in the water "baptizing" themselves, even if they didn't know the full meaning. I wanted to stand at the shore and shout the Good News! If only I could shout it out and people would hear, really hear.

Puerto Ricans are very passionate people, I love that about them. They have such big hearts and they have celebration in their souls. If only they would turn that celebration away from drinking and parting and turn it to their Savior, to their Creator!! Think of the joy that would bring the Lord! That's what we were created for! To worship Him and bring Him pleasure!

As I dunked myself repeatedly I came up praying in tongues and looking up to the sky in awe of my creator. I couldn't help but look around and allow my thoughts to wonder to another time and another place.

I can't wait until that moment when I'm in heaven surrounded by saints worshipping the Savior and Creator with abandon.

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you God for creating me!! To worship you is to feel you, to be with you, to be in your presence. You're all I need, you're all I want! I want to feel you, to experience you, to need you, to know you. I want to taste you, I want to hear you, I want you! I can't wait for the moment when the seams of this world are ripped away and you are revealed in all your glory! Thank you for creating me so I can serve and worship you. I can hardly get past that Lord, just the joy of being created so I can know and worship you. To be loved by you God is enough for me. I need nothing else!