Saturday, September 09, 2006

I'm sorry God.

Rejected. Forsaken.

Many times that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel so alone with my beliefs. Sometimes it's lonely living with a husband who believes when he dies the lights go out and that's it. I long for him to understand where I'm coming from.

At times it feels like we are from different planets. Our goals, direction in life and values are so very different.

Yesterday we had a conversation regarding faith and he said he thinks I'm crazy. It's hard to believe the person I love so dearly doesn't understand and thinks I'm wacko.

It HURTS. It makes me feel SO alone. So rejected. All that I value and hold dear in my heart is mocked and laughed at. Scorned. Rejected. The whole world is flowing one way and here I am, going against that flow.

I know in my heart not to take it personal. It's actually not ME being rejected but God. It's God that's being rejected. God's values being mocked and laughed at.

It made me realize that if I feel rejected, abandoned, scorned and FORESAKEN. What must God feel?????

How does God feel that all He ever wanted for us was LOVE and blessing and Goodness. Yet since the beginning man has rejected God. God is so misunderstand in the world.

My heartfelt prayer; I'm sorry God. I'm sorry God that you have been rejected and forsaken. I'm sorry I once rejected you. I'm sorry for the pain and grief I must have made you feel. These emotions I'm feeling aren't new or original, you feel them too so I know I am not truly alone. You are with me and nothing will separate me from you again. I promise God to obey you and to follow you.


Kristy Dykes said...

What a beautiful, beautiful post,Jennifer! My heart was deeply touched. You have a great gift of writing, and I'm so thrilled you've given it to God. I can't wait to see what God does with it! I'm so thrilled you turn to God in your disappointments and dejections. He's your Rock, and He will see you through.
Love, Mom

Anonymous said...

Jennifer, like you said, it is not you that your husband is rejecting, but it is Jesus. Keep doing what you are doing...loving him, praying for him and living the Godly example. God is working in ways you can't see...yet. I am praying for your husband's salvation. God bless you. Keep writing, it encourages me and gives me a hunger and thirst for Jesus. Love, Sheila in Tampa

Anonymous said...


Your words are so touching. I admire your willingness to be open and honest with with heart to God. The Lord will hear the cry of the broken and contrite.

Memorize Romans 15:13. Quote it. Live it. It will be life and strength for you.

God has His hand on you and He will prevail.

Love, Dad