Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Healing Room

Yesterday I went with my mother to a place called The Healing Room. It's a unique place where one can go and receive ministry regarding healing. They pray with you and have a room of worship.

I was very intrigued by the name and I was surprised by what I experienced. We went to a house that had several rooms set up for prayer. One room had dark wine colored drapes over the windows and a large cross in the corner with a wine colored cloth draped across. Soft worship music played in the background and a picture of a radiant Jesus welcoming a bride into the wedding feast hung on the wall. Small rocking chairs that sat directly on the floor (no legs) created a relaxing atmosphere. A candle burned under another picture of Jesus. Right away I could feel a sense of awe mixed with peace and a sweetness in the place.

In another room we watched a 20 minute dvd on healing, won't go into details there but once again I was surprised by what I heard. Then, four prayer warriors led my mother and father off to another room for a time of prayer and ministry.

The rest of us there went into the worship room with the cross. First off, I picked one of those rocking chairs, hey might as well be comfy when you pray, right? I must not have sat right because the thing was kind of C shaped and I fell back and almost landed with my feet over my head. Good thing I had pants on! Thankfully everyone seemed deep in prayer.

Right away I tried praying but couldn't! Isn't that odd? I thought, now here I am in a special prayer room and all I feel is silence in my soul! I tried over and over, praying different ways, praying different things. But all I was getting was silence. So then I decided, well if I'm not storming the gates of heaven like I thought I would be, I might as well just sit back in this rocking chair and relax, maybe take a nap! JK! So I stretched back, kicked my legs out in front of me and relaxed my whole body and just got real comfy! As I sat there listening to everyone pray around me, something started happening. It was like my soul became a sponge. I didn't have to pray or say or do anything. I opened my palms face up and it was as if those prayers became my own. A peace that I can't describe came all over me. Time stopped. Anxiety stopped. My thoughts stopped and my soul saw a slice of heaven and I saw God. I saw the God of I AM! He just was. Everyone was worshipping Him and I felt the presence of Jesus. I involuntarily smiled, I couldn't help it! He was so sweet. My heart started racing, the thought crossing my mind that if I were older I'd probably have a heart attack because my physical body couldn't handle His glory. Soon it felt like my heart would beat out of my chest and then I starting getting afraid. As quick as my heart started beating like crazy, it stopped and I felt it's familiar comforting rhythm. I felt myself slipping back into this old world and I remember saying to God, "Oh God, I'm young, my heart is young, I can handle some more!" "Give me more!"

It was quite an amazing experience and I learned some very healing things myself! I'll have to share them in another post for another day.

I guess what surprised me most was learning that God just is! All He has for me is already there. All He has done for me has already been done. I just have to receive it! Yesterday was about learning how to receive.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The name Jesus

Even the name Jesus brings such peace. Sometimes when I don't know what or how to pray I just pray His name. There is something about saying His name that causes a change in me and yesterday I saw the same thing at work with my children.

We were driving in the car and Lorenzo, my 2 year, was screaming. He's been having a hard time adjusting to all that's going on. He's also going through the terrible two's. He's been having screaming fits where nothing helps, and I've tried it all so it seems. It suddenly came to me to just pray for him. So I told Claudia my 3 year old, "Claudia, let's pray for Lorenzo."

So I prayed "Dear Jesus, help Lorenzo!" As soon as I said the name Jesus he instantly calmed down. I continued to pray asking Jesus to help Him. To my surprise Claudia started praying too! And not just coping what I was saying, she had her own unique prayer. Her prayer was "Jesus touch Lorenzo's heart." And "God help Lorenzo with your son."

Instantly I felt the peace of Jesus and I KNOW those children did too. There really is "just something about the name of Jesus." Hey isn't that an old song?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

God and GBM

GBM stands for Glioblastoma Mulitiforme. Grade four brain cancer. Terminal. No cure and no way out. Has anyone survived? When asked the doctor replied, "What do you mean by survival?" One doctor looked in my eyes and said "When GBM is small, contained and completely removed the patient could live many more years.

My mother's GBM is large, not contained and spread throughout. When my Dad and I sat the doctors office and heard once again how brutal GBM is, we caught each other eyes and unspoken the look was "Oh God!"

The more I've thought about GBM and studied it, the more it has seemed that in the natural GBM is bigger than God. If it were any other cancer, any other type I could see...but GBM?

I've struggled in my heart about what God is up too, what His will is in all this but I've decided I'm not going to worry about that anymore. He can have His plan, His will and I'm going to have His HOPE.

The fact is God IS bigger than GBM!!! And GBM IS UNDER SUBMISSION TO OUR GOD!!! That tumor has to submit to God! I call it out by name and with the healing power of the name of Jesus command it to submit and in the same breath I cry out to my merciful God for a miracle. Kristy Dykes still has work for the kingdom and a life of purpose left and I ask for mercy and more time God!

With that I'm not going to worry anymore about the question "Can He, Will He?" I'm going forward with eternal hope. I'm convinced without hope there isn't life. I heard Him speak that into my heart, without hope there isn't life.

Monday, December 10, 2007


What a yucky title but it's what God has put into my heart today so I'll share about vomit! lol

Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

So, I stumbled across this little gem the other day and gasp surely this proverb couldn't have anything to do with me! lol I'd like to think I'm no fool so could quickly pass over this tiny passage. But surprise! Vomit can have something to do with even the squeaky clean. It's when you turn your life over to God that it becomes surprising, the places in our hearts He wants to enter. I'll be honest, there are some places I don't want to be bothered with.

On the other hand I've been praying for God to give me wisdom. It's what my soul craves. I want more from God. I'm expecting more. I want more love. I want more peace. I want to feel Him in the sweetness of peaceful sleep. I want to wake with the sweet fragrance of Him. I want Him to embrace me. I want to experience Him with every single sense that I have. It's a cry from my very soul. The reason I crave this is because I know He is calling me forth. It's what He created me for.

But what to do with some of the wisdom that, I'll be brave and be honest here, I don't think is very wise? In fact some of it seems a little silly to me. Sometimes He'll give me a nugget and I'll think, "really God? That doesn't seem very important or significant." He'll nudge me in that God-like way of His and I'll know I'm not supposed to do something or I'm supposed to do something that I don't want to do. Sometimes I want to hide and say "not right now God, I really don't want your wisdom on this issue. I've got this covered, I'll call you when I need something big, OK God?"

I love how I can be honest with God, so I asked Him what He thought and here's what He told me. As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

I've prayed for wisdom and He IS giving it to me in a personal, unique, one of a kind way. His word says all we have to do is ask for it and it will gladly be given. Here's what I'm learning about God's wisdom, it doesn't make a lot of sense sometimes when you compare it to worldly wisdom. If I take God's wisdom and compare it to the world and then decide it's not for me than I am like a dog lapping up it's vomit.

My heartfelt prayer; Dear God what a wonderful God you are!! You continue to amaze me with even topics on vomit! God, I've always known I have a STRONG stubborn streak in me. How many times have I prayed you would take that part out of me! I thank you for using Proverbs 26:11 to teach me why you made that stubborn streak in me. God, I don't want you to take that part of me away, thank you for not answering that prayer, instead I thank you for your creation. God, I'm giving you my stubborn streak knowing you will take it and use it to help me become all that you have desired and planned for me to be! It's with your help, us working together that I will obey you. Because I love you, I WANT to obey you!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Today I got to put some Christmas decorations up around the house for my mother. She sat in a chair in the garage as I climbed up into the attic and pulled down Christmas boxes. Those who know my mother well wouldn't be surprised by this but she actually wanted to climb up the attic to sort through the boxes! That sent me into a panic, I mean my goodness the woman just had brain surgery! Does anything slow her down? Thankfully my dad arrived just in time to help pull out ALL the boxes. Dad pulled out all the stuff including outside lights and mom and I both said "oh, we don't need that. If we could just get a tree up inside." But much to my delight my dad said he's putting stuff outside too. As my mother often says to me, I told them both "that just tickles me!" Something about seeing my dad climb up that attic and pull Christmas boxes down with such love and taking the time to put out lights really touched me and meant a lot.

We are going to have Christmas!

That might seem so simple but having that hope fills my eyes with tears and gives me something to look forward too. I love Christmas because I love Jesus and I love thinking of my savior as a sweet babe. He's already so pure and sweet but something about remembering His birth delights me.

This year we're going to have an angel tree with white lights. The white lights are to celebrate the glory of the Lord and the angels are to remind us that God has sent His guarden angels to watch over and protect us.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I've been wanting to blog so bad since my last post but I've been in Tampa staying with my sister while my mom recovered from surgery and no Internet access. Now I'm back in Jacksonville and with my mother during the day, so hopefully I can write more. I'll be staying in Florida until January. My husband came for Thanksgiving for a week and left. He'll be back at Christmas. I want to be with my mother every second I can and I'd like to share how God is taking care of me.

From the very beginning upon hearing this terrible news the Lord has promised me He will be with me and help me. He hasn't left my side and has been my confidant and best friend the whole way. I've cried on His shoulder while He warmly embraces me, I've cried out to Him for advice when there was no one else around to ask. He hasn't disappointed me in the least. When this all began I told Him kind of like this "Ok, God now this is a big blow, mind blowing actually. I'm not quite sure what all you're up too, but you have promised in your Word that you won't give me more than I can handle. So, I've got some BIG expectations of You! If I have to face losing my mother who is also my best friend then I KNOW beyond a doubt you are about to step up in a big, amazing and wonderful way." I'm counting and waiting on Him and it's not going to be any other way. I kinda told Him "God, let's see what you've got!" You know, I actually felt Him kind of chuckle at that! By the way, I find God has a sense of humor!

So let me tell you what He's done so far. First of all He made a way for me to stay in Florida an extended time. My husband has been so wonderful, loving and supportive. He understands that I need to be with my mother during this and supports me being here. Another thing the Lord lined up, after the surgery I left with the kids to Tampa so my mother could get quiet rest. It's amazing how loud 2 and 3 year olds can be! lol anyway... The Lord lined up a house for me to stay at 10 minutes way from my parents. A dear couple in my parent's church Ann and Bill arranged it all. When Ann took me inside the house to show me around, I lost my breath and my eyes filled with tears at the wonder of my God. You wouldn't believe how perfect this place is for me and my two little children. It was as if this house had been made for us! With children's videos to books and toys. In the cabinets were some of my kids favorite foods that Ann said we could use! God said right down into my heart in that house "Now didn't I say I'd take care of you!" The next big thing the Lord did, He provided TOP of the line childcare for my children so I can help take care of my mom during the day. My dad's best friend Don is the headmaster at Providence and arranged for my children to be in the preschool program. This school is AMAZING! Again I'd blown away by my God. My God knows me intimately, He knows how I feel about my children and He provided THE BEST so I feel totally confident in leaving them. As if that isn't enough Lorenzo my two year old has been having a hard time adjusting to everything going on so I took him to a walk-in clinic and discovered he has an ear infection. So today a wonderful friend in my parent's church who runs a home daycare is taking care of Lorenzo for me so again I can be here with my mother! Annette and her husband Gary have the biggest hearts and know just how to care for him giving that extra special touch!

Well isn't my God good??? I'm sorry if this got so long I just couldn't help but shout out how wonderful my Lord is!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

It's time

Wednesday night as I was reading my Bible I found my mom listed in there. No, her name Kristy Dykes wasn't written but if you read Proverbs 31 Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character you will find her.

Last week I felt the Lord whisper into my heart the words Rise Up. It's time to Rise Up. So Wednesday night I looked up the words Rise Up in the Bible and here is what I found.

Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her

As my sister and I sat in the ICU waiting room Thursday afternoon we started to cry out "what are we going to do?" In my spirit cried the words rise up. So I shared with her what we're going to do as her children.

It's time to rise up and be everything our mother has taught us to be. All the training, all the diligent guiding she's given since the time we were born until becoming young ladies. It's time to rise up and become what she knew all along was inside us. So much wisdom she has given us, little nuggets here and there. I'm going to make my mother proud. This isn't going to destroy me, it's going to make me stronger. My mother is going to come alive in me, her words, her training... I'm going to strive all my life with the sweet help of Jesus to Rise Up.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

My mom's brain tumor

We found out yesterday that my mom's brain tumor is called a glioblastoma multiforme grade four. All you have to do is google that word and you will know how bad it is. They have given her 6 to 9 months here on this earth.

It's hard to believe that unless a supernatural miracle happens my mother will no longer be on this earth. I don't like the word die, do you know why? Because my mother is not going to die. Sure her body will give out but SHE, her spirit, the thing that makes her who she is will not cease. She's going to transition. So I perfer the word transition. In 6 to 9 months my mother is going to transition from this earth to heaven.

My mother has described a cloud of peace that is around her and I'm going to try and describe it in a little more detail. All around my mother is a sweetness. It fills her hospital ICU room. You can see it touching her, you can see it in her face. There is no fear in that room or anywhere near her. Something draws me to that room and comforts me. My spirit senses it and rejoices in it's sweetness. I can feel Jesus in that room, He is so close to her whispering in her ear. People come in and out to visit but He never leaves her side. He is waiting for her patiently with a sweet knowing smile on His face. He isn't going to leave her, from this point out He's waiting by her side. When I sit in that room by my mother and close my eyes that peace settles all around me and I never want to leave. All my life I've had an image of what death and news of this nature would feel like and this is NOTHING like what I thought. It's too much to describe in just a few sentences but there is no fear. It is sweet and fills me with awe. This passage in 1 Corinthians 15: 54-55 has come alive for me and I understand it in the deepest parts of my soul: So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

We have the victory!! This tumor doesn't, death doesn't. Satan can throw the worst at us and still we will rise up in victory!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

When you hear the worst

Yesterday I heard the worst news of my life. My mother has a brain tumor and it's cancer...

I didn't believe her when she called and told me. I remember yelling at her saying it wasn't true...

I don't know why this is happening but I do know He has been beside me comforting and giving an unusual peace.

It must sound very odd to say you have peace when the worst thing that can happen is happening. But this is what I know, He's got my mother in the palm of His hand and there is no other place I'd rather have her be. I know He's going to be there with her every step of the way. He's promised this and God doesn't go back on promises.

My heartfelt prayer: Dear God I'm not sure what you are up too yet but know this, our family loves you and we dedicate our lives to you. Our lives are not our own but yours dear Lord. And so we look up to you and we worship you because you are good and holy and just. Nothing can ever separate us from your love and to your love we cling. We stand with our arms open expecting, waiting and receiving your love and peace. I thank you with all my heart for giving me my mother. I thank you for her creation, she is yours and she's beautiful...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It's not OKAY GOD

I haven't been able to post in awhile, I guess I needed to get my thoughts together first. I had a stand still for a few weeks with God. Of course it was self imposed, thankfully God lovingly stood by me. Patiently waiting...isn't He a good God?

My son Lorenzo had a febrile seizure last month. It was completely unexpected. My husband was out of town and I went to bed early and woke at 10:30pm when he cried out. I went to check on him and he was in the middle of a full blown seizure. I didn't realize in that moment it was a seizure, I thought he'd had a stroke. It looked horrific with foam coming out of his mouth and his little body contorted and his eyes rolled back in his head. I kind of lost my mind for a moment and went to a place I wouldn't wish on anyone. I thought for sure he was either dead or going to be brain dead. Neighbors called 911 and I realized he was burning up from fever and it was a seizure, I got him into a cold tub and he stopped jerking although he stayed in a contorted state with eyes rolled back for more than 30 minutes. The police rushed us to the ER and I learned there he would be completely fine and have no lasting effects whatsoever from the seizure. I stood in the ER barefoot, in pajama's and sobbed with relief into my sister-in-law's arms. It was a horrific and life changing night for me for sure. It felt like I went to hell and back, there was one point I clearly remember (although really the whole night is etched forever in my mind) as I stood over my sweet baby Lorenzo and watched him seizing in the tub I screamed out to Jesus and was met with...silence. There was absolutely no sense of God's presence at all, and I realized if Lorenzo died or had lasting damage from the seizure that it wouldn't be okay. I would not be able to say "it is well with my soul."

And so this started my stand still with God. Not for a moment did I question the reality of God, even though I didn't sense Him in my need. It was realizing that I'm not in control and if something happens to my precious babies it is NOT going to be alright with me. I didn't feel like talking to God about it, because really how can you tell God "you know what God, it's not okay that you are in charge and in control and if you mess with me I'm not going to be happy about it." But after I sulked for a few weeks I finally decided to tell Him what I thought. Of course He wasn't surprised! ha ha!

But you know what I got the surprise! Instead of Him telling me to come back when I was ready to hand over the reins and get over my haughtness; He wrapped His arms around me and comforted me! You know what He said? He whispered into my heart how He once LOST a son and witnessed His son's horrific death and He knew exactly how I felt. He understood how it wasn't okay. My emotion wasn't new, it didn't shock Him! He just loved on me, and with that I was able to let the pain of the memory start to fade.

I don't know why that night happened. I don't know how parents handle the death of a child. I learned that night that I wouldn't be able to handle it and thankfully I didn't have to go through that. But I do know this, we have an amazing God that is always there, just waiting to lavish love on us and longing to help us. The question is, will we let Him?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Look what God has done!

I can't wipe the smile off my face! You aren't going to believe what God has been up too!

Some of you may know that my husband and I ride and compete mountain biking. I'm retired from competing since having kids but hubby has continued on and rides almost everyday.

Well yesterday he had a competition and a good friend he often rides with picked him up and they went together. The kids and I went to church as usual and later yesterday afternoon after hubby had gotten back from the race he just happened to mentioned that... are you ready for this?!!

That his good friend found the Lord! Yes, those were the exact words of my husband and I almost fell over right there in absolute shock! My husband went on to explain in great detail how on the ride to the race and back his friend told him that he found the Lord and was attending church! My husband told me that he said to his friend that he doesn't believe in all that and his friend replied back... "well you should!" Hubby then went on to say that he told his friend about how I found the Lord and am attending church etc. and how my parents are ministers. Aparently they had an indepth discusion on the Lord.

If I ever needed more proof that God is real and in control then this would be it folks! Do you think it is coindidence that EXACT prayers my family and I are praying are EXACTLY being answered? We have prayed that God would line up Christians around my husband to witness to him. And not only that but that these people would be new Christians who came to Christ later in life. I asked my husband "do you think it's chance that your wife and now your good friend and bike buddy are Christians??!!"

God couldn't have picked a better person to be witnessing to my husband. I'm telling you God is a genius! This friend couldn't be more worldly (note "normal") more fun loving and full of life. No sob story that my hubby can't relate too!

How funny that yesterdays sermon was titled What To Do When Waiting On God. It was all about having patience and how God is in control and working things out according to His will in His timing!

James 5:7-8 Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return. Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Ever struggle with GUILT?

Any other Christian out there struggle with this issue? In my Christian walk it seems I've made the mistake of allowing guilt to get in the way from time to time. Never even realizing that the guilt itself was a problem. I'm now realizing guilt should have no part of us once we become born again and saved.

GUILT GUILT GUILT. Ever have the feeling you've displeased God somehow and suddenly find yourself out of His grace and feel the need to run to the alter begging forgiveness? Well guess what? GUILT won't get you closer to God! Sure it may have us weeping and crying our eyes out on Sunday, but I think it's a trap from satan. Guilt seperates us from God. It cuts us off. It chokes us. As soon as we confess our guilt we feel all better, but for how long? Until we mess up again! Then it starts all over.

God isn't standing up in heaven with a pencil and erasier and everytime we slip up he says "time to erase that name again."

What does the Word say about it? Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

Ever struggle with sin? Guess what, God isn't surprised! We are humans, it's what we do! Instead of letting guilt seperate you from God, how about taking your sin to God. Think He's too holy to hear it? Feel ashamed? Those are lies from satan. I challenge you to take your sin (it doesn't matter how big or small) to God and see what He says about it! You might be shocked what He says! I'm not talking about confessing your sin after the fact, I mean take it to Him directly! Don't think you have to fix it yourself or get over the issue or even stop your sin until you can come to Him. I mean take it to Him directly! You know what you might find? He might just wrap you in His arms and say "I don't even care about that right now. I'm just so happy you finally brought it to me!" And even more shocking, He might just take care of it for you!

My heartfelt prayer: Dear God what an amazing and loving God you are! I adore you! I sigh your name in love. I will follow you forever just to get tastes of you. Please Lord I ask you to teach me! Show me more! I want you more! I want to taste you, I want to hear you, I want to see you. I get a tiny taste and I find I can't get enough. I pant after you. I'm in love with you and it's amazing!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Did you know God sings?

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

I stubbled over this sweet little passage the other day and thought "what a revelation into God's heart!"

I read it like this: The Lord my God is with me When I'm alone, scared, or worried. He is a strong and powerful God that magnificently saves! And get this! He likes me! He laughs over me. ME! Imagine that! He wraps His love around my heart so tight until I can only be still in awe. And then He sings about me, and the heavens respond to this singing!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

When God speaks

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Anybody ever feel that way? I'll be honest and say sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, to keep going with my marriage. At times I feel like so much is stacked against me that I really don't know...

Often times I feel that way when I look around at others and notice the helpful father doting on his children, eager to help and please his wife. Then I look at my situation and feel such loss. My heart screams that it isn't fair, it isn't right. Why can't my relationship be like that? Why can't I have that...

Last night after returning home from a birthday party where once again I felt majorly let down by my husband, I let God have it, have the problem that is. A situation happened at the party where my 3 year old daughter went missing. I turned my head for a second and she was gone, just vanished. Everyone frantically searched for her, it turned out in the second I turned my head my husband walked by on an errand and took my daughter with him, not letting me know. It was a bad situation and upsetting to a lot of people. I was scared, panicked, embarrassed, hurt, angry. My husband apoligized but with other things that happened (that I don't want to share) it just didn't feel like enough.

Later that night while lying in bed I cried my heart out to God, how unfair my situation seems. I mean doesn't He know how unfair it is! Why do others have better, why do I have to continue to suffer with this person! I told God I was tired, I wanted to give up, I'd had it! After I poured out my heart I then asked Him what He had to say about it! I was very interested in His thoughts regarding the subject. I felt Him speak to my spirit and simply say "just love him." Meaning my husband. Just love my husband. Now I know that God can handle anything I throw at Him, so I responded back "is that all you've got this time God? Just love him? That's it?" With me God speaks simply and once again all I got was to "just love him."

That was NOT the answer I wanted! But I told God that if He would give me this love in my heart for this man, I would obey Him and continue on.

And then today in Sunday service at the very end of a wonderful message the pastor said this: If there is someone out there wanting to give up on their marriage, the message is this: Don't give up for in Galatians 6:9 the Lord says this: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

And Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Tears poured down my face as I knew this message was for me!

Friday, May 18, 2007

On the most wanted list

Could it be that Paul's testimony will one day become my husbands?

In 1 Timothy 1:12-16 Paul writes: I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 13Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
15Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

Oh what sweet promise in this passage! Paul who was a blasphemer and a violent man was shown abundant grace and mercy and for what? What reason I ask? It was for the Kingdom! I've often exclaimed to my mother "Do you realize what a victory for the Kingdom it will be when my husband finally hears Him calling?" Oh man! I get chills just thinking about it. What a testimony that will be!

My heartfelt prayer: Oh wonderful and merciful God, the God of "I AM" How genius you are! I do not believe for a second I was paired with my husband by chance meeting! I know it was your premissive will that allowed this marriage to be. What the deceiver took for bad you will claim in victory! What the deceiver took to destory You build up! You are amazing. You are beautiful! God-do you know how beautiful and lovely I find you! I believe in You! I believe in Your unique design and I promise with your help to hold fast and stick with You! I trust you, I have confidence in You. I pray for Your abundant grace and mercy to be with ME! For Your Kingdom! I dream with You on the forceful advancement of the Kingdom! I long for You to have Your Kingdom here on earth, imagine how beautiful it will be!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Jesus says: Don't give up!

Luke 18: 1-8 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'
"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "
And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

Again the Holy Spirit is crying out with an urgency for intercession for my husband. Yesterday he lead me to this scripture and I'm amazed to read the words of Jesus telling me personally to not give up and to keep praying for my husband.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


If only my husband knew how special he is to the living God. How much he is desired and wanted by Him.

I'm amazed at the presistance of the Holy Spirit for my husband's soul. He just won't give up even when I feel like giving up. The Holy Spirit just won't let go.

The Spirit has clearly being speaking to me and breathing one word into my heart: INTERCEDE. A fresh desire has been born in my heart and what an amazing feeling when my spirit and the Holy Spirit become one as we join together in crying out to the Father.

It makes me wonder just what the Father has in store for my husband! Clearly he is wanted!

Romans 8:26-27 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

who am I?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.

In my life I've struggled off and on with depression. As a Christian my depression sometimes comes from struggling to understand and accept who I am.

Tonight I was lying in bed thinking who I am. As usual I started thinking about all the things I don't like about myself. I was thinking on 1 Corinthians 13 and reading off to myself the list of things that love is: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... on it goes.

I've often struggled that these things don't seem to be in my nature, this doesn't seem to be who I am by creation. I can try to be these things. I can meditate on them and redirect my thoughts and actions. I can pray and plead to become these things but deep down my first reponse/thought/action is always the opposite of 1 Corinthians 13.

Bottom line, I don't like this about myself. In the past I've let self-pity and self-loathing cut me off from God. Tonight I just cried and prayed. Tonight I asked why. I don't think I've ever asked Him why before. Some might say you shouldn't ask why to God, but I feel that He is my father and I have a running conversation with Him. I can talk to Him about anything.

So I just cried my self-pity tears and told Him "Now God, YOU made me. Now why did you make me like this?" "Why is it such a struggle for me?" "Why is IT so hard?" "If there is so much value on love, why am I the opposite of it?"

And I love how God speaks to me. First it's like a whisper, it's soft and gentle. But what stands out the most is the peace I feel when He speaks to me. It's a perfect peace. That's the only way I can think to explain it. My whole soul stands still and breathes Him in. There's something addictive about His perfect peace.

Like a caress on my heart He spoke and said "I made you perfect. I made you exactly how I wanted you to be. You are not a mistake, I don't make mistakes. I made you so that you will need Me, so that you will constantly need to rely on Me. That is who I want you to be."

Isn't that amazing? This is something I'm going to need to think about! So first of all, He knows my very nature and He thinks it's perfect because He made me like this and it's exactly how He wants me to be! But here's the best part, it's for a reason! He made me so that I will SEE and FEEL how VERY much I need Him. This is a circle! There is nothing wrong with me! He made me! Ha!

He doesn't want me perfect! lol! That's not what He valvues in me! He delights when I NEED Him. When I ask for His help, when I rely on Him. He doesn't think this is weakness! It's beginning to dawn on me, that I can be a Christian all my life and I'm still going to be who He created, I'm still going to be me. The point isn't to change that, it's beginning to dawn on me that the whole point is to NEED Him.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

whose battle is this?

This past Sunday was my 3 year old daughter's first time in Sunday school class. She's always been in the nursery and recently turned 3 so I decided to try her out and see how she would do.

She did wonderful and learned so much in only one hour! I was very impressed.

Also this Sunday I was asked to teach that same preschool class one Sunday a month, I excitedly agreed. I'm so excited to get involved and have a ministry (besides Tuesday's Bible study.) I feel the Lord calling me to this.

However FEAR soon seeped into my soul and guess what FEAR does? It binds you up and cripples you. It overwhelms you and makes it so you stand still and hardly breath, it holds you captive.

FEAR said to me "what will your husband think? What will he do? What will he say when he finds out that xxxx(my daughter) is attending not nursery anymore but Sunday school, where they actually talk about God?" FEAR said to me "oh you are in for it." Like a snake, fear wrapped around my heart and squeezed hard.

The next day I mentioned to my SIL about xxx(my daughter) attending the preschool class at church and right away she said things like, "well I don't envy you. You certain have a battle before you. Your husband will freak out when he finds out. You have a huge battle before you." Again FEAR jumped out and gripped my heart with it's cold hand.

That night I was thinking about what my SIL said, about the battle before me. And all the sudden the Holy Spirit came to me and said "NOW WAIT A MINUTE!" This is NOT your battle this is the Lords! So I grabbed a hold of that and started praying.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit that speaks TRUTH into our minds and hearts. Through prayer and reading of the Word this is what He revealed to me: This is a BATTLE all right! But it's not Jennifer's battle! It is the Lords, He claims it and He's ready to fight! It's not my battle but I do have a job in it, it's my job in this battle to pray. And not just to pray but to pray with POWER through the Holy Spirit and in the powerful name of Jesus and to pray in TRUTH because the truth is on my side! And to pray with FAITH.

And so pray I did last night. My husband was out of town and so I got down in the Word. And I prayed in the Spirit. I bound up every stronghold against my husband by the name of Jesus. I put my hands on his pillow and prayed that when he put his head there later that night that by the power of Jesus, strongholds from Satan would be broken and the truth would set him free.

I know that Satan has used fear on me for awhile but the time has come where I have to choose between comfort and the truth, in my heart I know there is no other way but the truth.

2 Timothy 1:7 says For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

And so with God fighting this battle I'm ready! I'm not afraid and fear has been cast aside. There is nothing to be afraid of, there is only ONE way this battle will end! And that is with God prevailing! I'm getting ready for my part (which is prayer) by reading the Word. Because how can you pray in TRUTH without the Word saturating your mind and soul? I'm using the Word to pray. Since the Word is alive then what better way to pray than by it's power?

Anybody out there want to use this prayer to fight a battle? I'm using 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 and this is how my prayer looks like: By the authority given to me by Jesus I pray this in His name: Satan I come against you in the name of Jesus 3For though I live in the world, I do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons I fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds against my husband. 5I demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and I take captive every thought of my husband's to make it obedient to Christ.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

God is SO good!!!!

It seems fitting to direct this post to Him. Dear God, You are an amazing and wonderful God. I can hardly get past the wonder that You created Me so that I can know You and experience You! You are funny, You are loving and ever so kind! You are gentle and patient and laugh like a little child yet are so wise and all knowing. The depth of your personality makes me pant after You for more! I want more of You! How thrilling I can come directly to You and sit at Your feet in worship. I love you with all my heart, You are my Father. You fill me up with bubbles of love. You are perfect and as always You are genius! I love laughing with you. I love You! I love how Holy and perfect You are! To worship You is be with You! It's what You demand! Worship is what You want. How exciting is my relationship with You. You pour out Your love and in return I worship and adore You!

In my dark and difficult moments I cry out to Him and beg for His hand and His help. In my joyful moments I laugh with Him and sing to Him. He knows how wonderful He is, but He loves for me to tell Him!

Right now is a joyful moment in my life. We closed on our apartment and are settling into our rental apartment. We are very happy in our new place. Today I got teary-eyed thinking on this past year and how far He has brought me. Because for SURE the hand of the Lord has been on my life. I don't believe for a second all these blessings are coincidence!

In one year I've gone from the brink of divorce and abandonment to my marriage being restored and healed and my little family kept intact. We've gone from near bankruptcy to my husband getting a new job, selling our condo at top dollar and moving to a much bigger place. And that's just the big stuff. I've done lots of laughing with God this past year! You know what I've discovered? Blessings always come with laughter. I'm amazed to learn, He LOVES to bless His children! It brings Him pleasure! And do you know why? Because He is a GOOD God!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

So close!

Well it looks like we are going to close tomorrow! We've reached an agreement with the buyer and if all goes as planned we will close tomorrow and after that sign our new lease and start moving in the afternoon and have the movers come on Thursday for the big stuff.

I feel at peace with our agreement and a relief that we aren't signing the lease until after we close.

Now let me tell you about our new place! I think God has really blessed us and we will be very happy there, this place has EVERY single thing I wanted! Isn't God good?

It's a 3 bedroom 2 bath almost 1,700 sq ft. All the bedrooms are on one side of the apartment divided by a door and the family/dinning/kitchen/balcony are on the other side. The kitchen is huge, even has an island, and the view is stunning. It's a sub penthouse so it's high up, the 22nd floor. We have views facing San Juan and the ocean. There are more closets than I can fill up!!! It has a pool, playground and gym. We have private storage and two parkings. God even got the small details down, it has carpet in the bedrooms which I really wanted. The master room and bath are big and has a walk in closet! Oh oh I forgot, it has 4 air condition units!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more sweating all day in misery!

I've learned a lot of lessons during this time! One main one being what my dad commented on in my last post I'll copy and paste it here:

It has been said that we are no more like God than when we forgive others for what they have done wrong to us.

Your kindness and prayers to this lady has yet worked God's goodness in your life.

God takes all things and works them for our good. You have become more like Jesus through this experience, and that is good.

Love is more important than faith--See I Corinthians 13.

Love, Dad

1 Corinthians 13 1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Countdown to God's Goodness

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Things have been SO stressful these last few days. Our closing has been pushed back by at least a couple of days and things at this point could still fall through. Some unexpected issues came up in the inspection of the condo and we are trying to work through the issues with our buyer.

It's been really tough on me with two small children, packing and dealing with inspectors etc. At one point I was very upset with the buyer. She knows we have small kids and we're trying to get out in 11 days at her request and she wasn't responding to some calls which put delays on us signing a lease etc. Today was the day before the movers come and I still didn't know if we were going to close or not. We found a perfect place and have someone waiting on us to sign a lease and the buyer was/in dragging her feet. STRESS. I was really getting upset and felt like blessing the buyer out.

And then the Holy Spirit spoke and started changing my heart, I started feeling compassion for the woman. Even though I feel she isn't doing us right I started feeling compassionate for her. From what I understand she has some personal/emotional problems and so I started to pray for her. That God would touch her in that very moment and calm her heart. I prayed that God would bless her and protect her and be there for her.

Instantly a peace came over me and a calm took over my heart.

About 15 minutes later I FINALLY received word from our realitor that she got in touch with the buyer and she thinks we can work out the closing and reach an agreement.

And so with that I pray to my Father; Dear Lord I've been so busy praying for myself this whole time that I've lost sight of those around me. I've been so focused on receiving my blessing that perhaps my heart has been in the wrong place. And so I turn it all over to you. You know just what I need and even though times look dark, I refuse to lose my faith in you. You are my delight and I will not let that go! You are what excites me and You are what I want, I give the rest to you. My dear Lord I pray for this woman who needs your help, I pray you bless her ten times what you will bless me. Dear Lord I pray for the best for this lady. I pray Lord you will step in and change my heart where it needs to be changed, I know only YOU can do that! And so here Lord is my heart, I offer it to you and my longing is that you change my desires to Yours so that I can pray Your will. I thank You for Your wonderful mercy and grace. You are amazingly sweet!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Update to Day 7

I forgot to mention in my post below that I received a call from a lady in my Bible study group.

I didn't go on Tuesday but called the other co-leader to let her know what was going on and she requested prayer on my half.

That afternoon I received a call from one of the ladies asking how I was etc. And she offered to come help me pack and even help move!

I thought that was the nicest thing and it touched my heart dearly.

Just the woman offering to help was a witness and blessing. I mentioned to my husband how a friend from church upon hearing our delema called and offered her help. I pointed out to him, that several times he's asked why I feel the need to attend church etc. and I told him "you see, a friend from church who I haven't even know that long was offering to help us! That's how church people are!" He was very impressed and seemed touched.

Praise God for another witness to my husband!

Documenting God's Goodness Countdown Day 7

Yesterday was STRESSFUL.

We spent a good part of the day in the car driving around from place to place looking at apartments. There really seems to be nothing available that fits our needs.

Either it's the perfect size and great location BUT only 1 parking OR horrible location but 2 parkings.

I really don't know what we will do.

There are several nice remodeled 2 bedrooms but we started this whole process to get 3 bedrooms.

Should I settle for less since it's temporary and then in a year buy what we want OR what.....? Be homeless?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Documenting God's Goodness Countdown Day 9

And Jebez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain." So God granted him what he requested.

Life is busy! Packing with two young kids underfoot is well.......impossible!

During the day I'm busy with the kids and making calls and checking online for new listings. We still have no place to go and the tower of boxes is getting higher and higher along my walls!

At night is when the real fun begins! I put the kids down around 8pm and start packing. I first tried to pack during the day but soon find myself about to pull my hair out. Once again I cried out to the Lord asking "what have I done??? how am I going to get all this packed??? how is this supposed to work???" Well who knew the Holy Spirit would take a hand in packing! This whole process I feel the spirit with me so strongly, guiding me and give me wisdom. Very quickly I felt Him prod me in the direction I should go. Pack at night, and so I am. Amazingly He gives me strength and I've been praising Him as I pack!

As for where we are going, right now we are looking for a place to rent with the idea we'll take our time to buy. But there's not many options out there. We looked at a place yesterday and have an appointment tonight to look at something else.

There are moments of shear panick and fear but this where I'm praying that the hand of the Lord be with me. No matter what happens, no matter where we end up all I ask is that His hand is with me! Even if things go bad, that doesn't mean He's not in charge. It just means He's got something for me to learn!

And I'm ready for what He's got!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Documenting God's Goodness Countdown Day 10

I am so excited about how GOOD my God is, I want to shout it from the rooftops.

I've decided to create a countdown on here to document what my God is capable of!

Here's a little background info. We live in a 2 bedroom condo and several months ago were talking about if we should sell and look for a 3 bedroom place OR remodel our place and turn it into a 3 bedroom. It would make the living space very small. But we need a 3rd bedroom for our 2nd child.

I really didn't know which direction to go in and one day I was getting the children on the elevator and I was praying asking God to show me what to do, that I needed a clear answer on this issue. As soon as I prayed for answer the elevator stopped and a neighbor got in. I've seen this neighbor before but we've never talked beyond a polite hello. This woman turned to me and said: "How do you live here? How do you fit into these tiny condo's with your family?" I replied "Well it's hard, we don't fit well at all." She agreed and finished with "Every young couple that starts a family here quickly moves out. No one stays here once they start having children. This building just wasn't made for families."

The elevator stopped again and as quickly as she got in she was gone!

As soon as I got in my car I called my mother in shock and told her the whole story. In my heart I believed this was my answer from God. And as I talked it over with my mother she too agreed.

So we decided to sell.

A friend put our place on the market about a month ago and right away I felt the Lord speak to me and say that we were going to have a buyer come and pay our asking price, it wasn't going to take long and it was just going to fall into our lap. I further felt Him speak into my heart that He was going to bless my family beyond what I would think of.

We had a few people come and look and I pretty much kept what the Lord spoke into my heart to myself.

Then on Valentine's Day a woman came and looked and was very iinterested but her offer was 40 thousand below our asking price. We declined and counter offered with our asking price. Our realitor thought we were making a mistake that nobody pays the asking price AND we then found out that the condo above us just sold for 20 thousand below our asking price.

Still we held firm. Again the Lord spoke in my heart that we were going to get our asking price.

Three days later we get the call. She wants the condo and will come up to our asking price and wants to pay cash pending an appraisal. We agree to the appraisal.

THEN later that night we get another call from our realitor that the buyer wants to forget about the appraisal, she wants the place and she wants to make the contract the next day!

Now this was all very exciting but really scary at the same time because we have no place to go and the buyer wants to close on Feb. 28th.

We have talked about renting for about a year and then buying but it would be VERY tight time wise. Where will we go so quickly?

Fear gripped my heart and the what if's started overwhelming me. But the storm in my heart turned into a calm. I felt the Lord speak into my heart once again that He was going to bless me beyond what I would dream, was I willing to trust Him?

Amazing thing I heard the Lord laughing! He was laughing into my heart and the theme was I AM A GOOD GOD!

He was saying to me "I am a good God and I WILL bless you because I am good!"

So trusting in Him we signed the contract Saturday Feb. 17th and we close on Feb. 28th!!!!

Now here is where the count down begins!

My God is good (I already know this even if he doesn't prove it!) but He's the one who has something up His sleve and I'm trusting Him so let's see what He's going to do.

I'm going to post everyday that I can and update what is going on! The countdown is on!

Interesting little thing happen last night.

As I was packing I came across an amazing little book titled: The Prayer of Jebez

Now the Holy Spirit put this little book in my path and this is what He's calling me to pray:

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain." So God granted him what he requested.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sharing my testimony

Last Tuesday I got a chance to share my testimony at our Bible study.

I was very nervous because, share my testimony I have to tell a lot of personal stuff.

I guess I don't have to share EVERYTHING, but I feel compelled to share a lot of it and don't think it would as powerful without all the detail.

I cried throughout some of it. Especially when I share the part how as a child I was so in love with my savior and I gave that up. It breaks my heart to admit that out loud.

Anyway, a lot of the ladies said they were really touched. So PTL!

I just started reading the Purpose Driven Life. I started it several years ago but never finished it.

I'm quite touched and amazed by it. It makes a lot of sense to me now and confirms a lot of things the Holy Spirit has revealed to me throughout this past year.

It never ceases to amaze me when the Holy Spirit drops something in my heart and then I read the same thing in a book or in the Word. It's such a confirmation that the Holy Spirit is REAL! And powerful! It's awesome to think I have a personal companion that guides me.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

discouraged and down

Today was my Tuesday morning ladies Bible study. I almost didn't go today because I felt so discouraged and I felt like complete failure.

I've been going through a tough time with my toddler. She's been pitching royal fits and pushing my buttons like crazy. She wakes in the night pitching fits and well it just feels like it will never end. I feel like I never get a break, not even in the night to rest. I'm exhausted and discouraged.

Making matters worse, I've been having a hard time controlling MY emotions. I'm supposed to be the adult here and yet I lose my temper and yell and react not so good.

And so after another night of being up and feeling like I want to pull my hair out from frustration, well I just didn't feel like going to Bible study to talk about God's love.

We are doing a study by Cynthia Heald called Becoming A Woman Who Loves.

I'm thinking to myself "how can I have anything to say about love, when I can't even love my own daughter propperly, when I lose my temper and yell?" I'm not even showing my own daughter the love of Christ.

I just felt completely defeated. BUT I went anyway. I figured well at least it will give me an hour break from the kids and some down time to regroup my thoughts and emotions.

Thank God I went because this is what he showed me:

The springs of love are in God, not in us. It is absurd to look for the love of God in our hearts naturally; it is only there when it has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. --Oswald Chambers

After reading this quote in the study, three women (not knowing what I've been struggling with lately) all shared different experiences of when they were raising their kids and difficult times and how they got through. After that we read verse after verse on God's love....

And so the Holy Spirit spoke into my heart and said "Jennifer, use LOVE and COMPASSION with Claudia, this is what she needs. This is what she is crying out for!" It is absured to think God's love will naturally be in your heart when dealing with tough times, it is only when you rely on the Holy Spirit to "shed abroad" that God's love will shine through!!!

I realized that I was looking within to find the love I needed to deal with my difficult todder. I thought since she was MY daughter that this love should be there naturally, even in difficult moments. I had it all wrong! This love, God's love is NOT there naturally! EVER! It requires a continual reliance on the Holy Spirit!

I left that meeting a changed person. I went from defeated and discouraged to empowered!

What exactly does this look like in action?? Well it means when something goes wrong in my life, in that moment of dire need, I call out to the Holy Spirit for His power and for His help. And my cry reads something like this:

Oh God! You know that it is not in my heart naturally to love as you love so here I am! I stand in silence before you! I die to my flesh that wants to lash out and I cry out "infuse me with your POWER!" Your love is changing and it is sweet. Shed it abroad in my heart!!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Are we called to SUFFER?

Does suffering scare you? Read this!

1 Peter 2:19-25
For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
"He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth."When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

How do you read that passage?

This is what I think: When I am suffering for good, it means God TRUSTS me to accomplish His will. It means He wants something done and He trusts that I will obey Him and hold up under that suffering.

Suffering is not in vain! There is a purpose and reason! This is a higher calling! When I read this passage and let it seep into my soul, it changes the way I look at life. It changes my desires, my wants. There is actual joy that can be felt during suffering. Instead of saying "why me? poor me!" I raise my hands to Him and say THANK YOU God that you are a good God! I say to Him "YES Lord I will arise to your call." I say "Yes Lord I will answer that call!!"

Let me tell you suffering for Him tastes good. There is an aroma that starts within that floods your soul and seeps into you. It pours out of you and rises all the way up into heaven. It delights God and when He gets wind of that aroma He pours out His love, His peace, His joy and His help. It becomes a love dance between you and God!

Let me encourage you whatever your problem is: Don't give up! God is trusting you! He is waiting on you! What are you going to do? Rise up! Rise up with me and answer His call! He won't disappoint you!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

God doesn't NEED you!

Yup that's right God doesn't need you.

He WANTS you. He longs for you. He desires you. It's a game of love and He's saying "wanna play?"

C.S. Lewis says it best:
God, who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that He may love and perfect them... If I may dare the biological image, God is a "host" who deliberately creates His own parasites; causes us to be that we may exploit and "take advantage of" Him. Herein is love. This is the diagram of Love Himself, the inventor of all loves.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Ever feel unworthy? Read this!

I am so excited to share this as I think it's one of the best things I've ever read. I hope it can help someone as much as it has helped me.

I emailed my wonderful uncle Terry (Rev. Terry Roberts) as he has a special relationship with the Lord and this was my question or questions to him:

"I have a few questions for you if you don't mind. I was wondering, do you think that there are some people who have a very sensitive spirit, maybe more so than others that can sense the Holy Spirit more? I hope that even makes sense. I guess I should explain. I often struggle with deep feelings of being unworthy. I sense how Holy the Lord is and I feel how wide the gap is between me and God. It is this reason that I stick very close to Jesus and call out to Him often. Yet I often feel frustrated because I feel the stink of the world on me and I think this keeps me from experiencing a deeper relationship with the Father. I keep having to come back to Jesus for the same issues in my life and I long for the day when I won't have things that keep me from the Father and I can experience His love more fully. I guess I've gotten a good taste of His love and I'm very eager and hungry to keep tasting it."

This was my uncle Terry's reply:
"The feelings of unworthiness may be due to your sensitivity to the supreme holiness of the Lord, which many people are not sensitive to. In fact, most are rather casual about God’s holiness, so naturally, don’t feel the sense of their own unholiness. So it is a good thing, in that sense, that you sometimes feel unworthy.

However, it is also good to be aware that we have an enemy who likes to beat up on sensitive people. Knowing how much you love Jesus and want to please Him, the Accuser will sometimes bombard your mind with thoughts of condemnation. This is not good, and should be resisted. (Read Romans 8:1, Revelation 12:7-11, James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:7-9.)

How to know the difference? The positive feelings of unworthiness flood us with a deep sense of awe for God and gratitude to Him for saving us just as we are. They call forth adoration and praise to Him who loved us and gave Himself for us. Read Revelation chapter 5, where John has a vision of Heaven, and is asked, “Who is worthy…?” He sees no one who is worthy, except the Lamb – and then all creation join in worshiping the Lamb because He is worthy. That’s the way God wants us to feel about our unworthiness and His worthiness.

The negative feelings of unworthiness – what we sometimes call “condemnation” – make us want to avoid coming into the Lord’s presence, because we feel like scum under His feet and doubt whether He will even hear us. We feel hopeless. The Lord doesn’t want us to give into such feelings. Don’t believe such feelings. They are lying “spirits” sent to torment God’s precious children. Arm yourself with the Word of God – the helmet of salvation and the shield of faith… Quote what God says about you in Ephesians chapter 1 and Romans chapter 8.

Of course, we are all unworthy in ourselves, but Colossians 1:12 says He has “qualified you” (or made you worthy) to participate in His glorious inheritance. (Read Colossians 1:9-23; 2:1-23). Chapter 2 verse 10 says we are “complete” in Christ (NIV says “you have been given fullness in Christ”) which means everything we need to satisfy the Father, we have in Christ. Also, 1 Corinthians 1:30-31 says, “It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God — that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." So, Jesus is our holiness and our righteousness. We have none apart from Him.

We do pick up the dirt of this world, and we need a washing from time to time. The Word washes us (see Ephesians 5:25,26) Every day you open the Bible and meditate in it, it washes your spirit. When you come to Him in prayer, just ask Him to cleanse you with His Blood and renew you in His Spirit. He will. (In John 13:1-10, Jesus shows His love to his disciples by washing the dirt off their feet. Read about the conversation between Jesus and Peter and meditate on it.)

Jennifer, here:

Isn't that awesome what my uncle wrote? I don't know about you but I'm very eager to grab my Bible and do some reading! This is exciting stuff!!!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Slow to speak

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

I love this verse and desire to learn to live it out. One thing I love about this verse, it reveals God's heart, what He desires.

I notice that when I'm quick to get angry and quick to lash out, I feel a urging from the Holy Spirit. It's like he checks me. It's my decision if I'm going to obey or allow my flesh to rule me.

My desire for this new year is learn to be slow!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Life is full

Happy New Year!

Life is crazy for me. I'm sure it is for a lot of people. It seems I'm constantly on the go with the kids. We just got back from a 4 week trip to Florida visiting family for the holidays.

I spent several weeks with my parents and sister and her two boys in Jacksonville. It was good to be home with my parents. I especially enjoyed attending their church for a special Christmas Eve candle light service. I sat on the back row since we had four kids and it was awesome seeing all the candles being held up. It was really amazing thinking how those lights represent the life and love of Christ within us. Christ really is the light in a dark world and that light is within us!

Today I was talking to my Dad on the phone and he said: "You know Jennifer, our relationship with the Lord is like a marathon, not a race."

Begining a new year full of oportunities, this has new meaning for me. It's something we should all know, but life gets BUSY and before I know it I'm wondering why I'm not hearing from the Lord. I'm wondering why he feels so distant from my heart.

This new year I'm looking forward to diving back into the Word to look for some answers to questions that have been on my heart.

It's exciting to me to know that as I thrist and hunger after Him, He WILL answer those questions!! For He says: I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.