Sunday, May 20, 2007

When God speaks

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Anybody ever feel that way? I'll be honest and say sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, to keep going with my marriage. At times I feel like so much is stacked against me that I really don't know...

Often times I feel that way when I look around at others and notice the helpful father doting on his children, eager to help and please his wife. Then I look at my situation and feel such loss. My heart screams that it isn't fair, it isn't right. Why can't my relationship be like that? Why can't I have that...

Last night after returning home from a birthday party where once again I felt majorly let down by my husband, I let God have it, have the problem that is. A situation happened at the party where my 3 year old daughter went missing. I turned my head for a second and she was gone, just vanished. Everyone frantically searched for her, it turned out in the second I turned my head my husband walked by on an errand and took my daughter with him, not letting me know. It was a bad situation and upsetting to a lot of people. I was scared, panicked, embarrassed, hurt, angry. My husband apoligized but with other things that happened (that I don't want to share) it just didn't feel like enough.

Later that night while lying in bed I cried my heart out to God, how unfair my situation seems. I mean doesn't He know how unfair it is! Why do others have better, why do I have to continue to suffer with this person! I told God I was tired, I wanted to give up, I'd had it! After I poured out my heart I then asked Him what He had to say about it! I was very interested in His thoughts regarding the subject. I felt Him speak to my spirit and simply say "just love him." Meaning my husband. Just love my husband. Now I know that God can handle anything I throw at Him, so I responded back "is that all you've got this time God? Just love him? That's it?" With me God speaks simply and once again all I got was to "just love him."

That was NOT the answer I wanted! But I told God that if He would give me this love in my heart for this man, I would obey Him and continue on.

And then today in Sunday service at the very end of a wonderful message the pastor said this: If there is someone out there wanting to give up on their marriage, the message is this: Don't give up for in Galatians 6:9 the Lord says this: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

And Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Tears poured down my face as I knew this message was for me!


samuel said...

great. I totally forgot to update you on my parents.(sorry =/) My mom decided to wait sometime until me and my sister are out of the house. So yah, glad that's over. Thank you for praying...

Alexzillasmama said...

Hi Jennifer,
I just lurked on over from MZ after I saw your blog link. Wow! It must be tough to be married to an atheist. My dad was an agnostic/atheist(depended on situation)so I know how coming to know Jesus has been really rocky with fits and starts. I will keep you in my prayers.