Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Sisters in Christ

I mentioned in my last post how I'm leading the Tuesday morning Bible study at my church. Thank God for that group of women, how special it is to come together, all of us so different yet united by Christ.

We are all from different upbringings. One wise older lady is Catholic. One beautiful young woman is from a Pentecostal holiness upbringing. And still others are from different denominations etc. Yet as I sit around the table with these women I FEEL the Holy Spirit present, we are all connected by our strong love for Christ and the desire to follow our Savior. It doesn't matter what church someone has attended or hasn't attended.

We are all different ages, some young mothers. Others, elderly women. And I love this. I love the wisdom and confidence I see in an elderly person's eyes. What a special treasure an older person can be to a church body or group.

My grandmother Grace was one of those special treasures. Wow was she special. I feel her loss all over again now that I'm on this wonderful journey with Him. I long to talk with her about Jesus. She had an amazing relationship with Him and one of the first things I want to do when I get to heaven is find her and say: "Grandma isn't He amazing????!!! Isn't He grand!!!!" I long to look into her eyes and see them shine with the light from Him. Wow she was special. My only consolation is that my dear Mother is just like her!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Resisting the light

Tomorrow it's my turn to lead the Tuesday morning Bible study I attend. I'm taking turns leading with another lady and we pass the leader book back and forth.

In my book is a wonderful side note by William A. Barry. He wrote "Conversion is a lifelong process of letting God remove the scales from our eyes so that we can more and more embrace the reality of God's overwhelming love for us. In this lifelong process of withdrawal and returns we need one another to help us overcome our resistance to the light."

I'm very interested in this last part "overcome our resistance to the light."

I've often wondered if I'm the only one who feels that? It feels glorious to step into the light, to bathe in it. To worship with the Father.

How strange I find that although I love the light and it is so wonderful, I find it such a struggle to step into it at times. It is deep inside of me to resist it, at least at first.

It can't be I'm the only one that feels that! In a way I'm glad of this struggle, because it reminds me how it's by God's GRACE through Jesus that I'm saved.

The struggle pushes me into the arms of my Savior It reminds me how much I need my Savior, Jesus. How He's right there beside me, always helping me and bridging the gap between me and God. And that's a pretty big gap I've noticed btw!

I don't know if others feel this way, but I know for me I can't let myself get too far away from Jesus. It seems like a little secret I've discovered and it works so I'm not going to let it go. As long as I stick with Jesus I'm doing good.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sin and Seperation

What exactly is sin?

To ME sin is anything that separates me from God. Anything that makes me want to hide from God.

Do you know that feeling I'm talking about? When you've done something or haven't done something and you want to hide?

Sometimes the way I hide is by getting busy. Because really you CAN'T hide from God. He knows your heart inside and out! He knows you better than you know yourself!

Before you know it you have a whole wall of sin built up between you and God and you find yourself in darkness and that's a scary place. How do you find your way out again? How do you break that wall down??

Do you break the wall down by doing righteous things?

By being good? When am I going to learn I can never be "good" enough?

Why do I get so rapped up in guilt?

1 Corinthians 1:30 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

It is only through JESUS that I can be righteous in God's eyes! I wish I could tattoo IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM HIM HIM HIM on my heart.

But I guess that's what the Holy Spirit is-He's a tattoo of sorts on my heart that keeps bringing me back and reminding me of JESUS.

Friday, September 22, 2006

God cares about the small details

Matthew 6:31-34 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I've asked the question "How much does God care about me?" And I've learned first hand the answer. He promises in His Word that he knows exactly what I need and He will give it to me. I don't have to worry about it.

So I've trusted Him. I've had to say several times, ok God I don't know what's going on. I don't know how we're going to make it, but I trust you so I'm not going to worry about it.

Financially things have been tough for a long time. It's been a big strain on my marriage. It's been weighing heavily on my husband. I'm a stay at home mother so we are all counting on him to provide.

We aren't the only ones going through tough times. The whole island where we live has gone through bad finanical times. The government went bankrupt. Schools and government offices closed due to lack of funds. It's been scary for many.

But through it all God has been with me!!! No matter how scary it has gotten, He has been there for me! Whispering His wonderful promises! He knows what I need! How awesome!

Now I want to thank Him because once again He has provided and guess what??? My husband got a new job!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looing better than they have in a long time.

My heartfelt prayer; Dear God thank you for my husband's new job. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for being with me during the hard times and teaching me. I pray I NEVER forget the lessons you taught me during that time. You are an awesome and a great God! I pray you never stop molding me until I take my last breath. I pray you are never finished with me, I want more! I want to know and to learn more about you! I'm following you Lord! I choose you above it all!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Stephen Baldwin born again!!

I've been praying that someone would come into my husband's life who was perhaps a former atheist or if not an atheist then someone who led a very worldly lifestyle and became born again.

Well guess how that prayer was answered?! Last night actor Stephen Baldwin was being interviewed on Showbiz Tonight and guess what?!! He's a born again Christian!

He was telling his story of how he came to Christ. My husband was sitting there taking it all in and I was sitting there blown away.

Talk about someone who led a worldly lifestyle, in case you don't know of the guy he was a former Hollywood "bad" boy and made trips to the Playboy mansion. He starred in the movie The Usual Suspects. One of my husband's favorite movies.

This guy’s story is amazing. Check out his site at He has a book out called The Unusual Suspect. The first chapter is on his website and it's great! It starts out with a trip into the playboy mansion with Robert Downey Jr.

This is the stuff my husband needs to read! Not that he's a "playboy" but this guy Stephen Baldwin had it ALL! He had a great life out in the world and to the world standards he had it all, yet he came to Christ! My husband doesn't see the need for God in his life, so I'm hoping he'll read this book and relate!

Thank God for people like Stephen Baldwin who are bold and willing to share their story! I pray God uses him in a mighty way for His glory!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Sept. 10th came and went

Sunday Sept. 10th was the start of a new series at my church. Some may know that I was in prayer and fasting that a miracle would happen and my husband (an atheist) would come with me and hear the first sermon in the series titled "Why consider Christianity" I thought this series would be PERFECT for him.

But he didn't come. And guess what? That's OK! God is still in charge and I'm waiting on Him. This is not about Jennifer and MY timing but God's. His timing is perfect and I will not lose faith.

I want my husband's salvation now now now! And this is what the Word says about the time of salvation 2 Corinthians 6:1-2
1As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. 2For he says,
"In the time of my favor I heard you,
and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.

The Word says NOW IS THE DAY OF SALVATION!! I want my husband saved today! Each day that goes by and he remains in the dark is time wasted. Time is slipping through our fingers like sand, there is so much to do for the kingdom and so little time. I see such potential in my husband. I see him as he was created to be!

But I know I can't push him or force him into the light, to accept the truth. I've got to keep on doing what Christ has commanded me to do, and that is to love his socks off! Ok so maybe Christ didn't say that! lol but you know what I mean!

I want to say thank you for all those who have been praying. Don't think that because he didn't come to church with me or because he hasn't been saved YET that your prayers are in vain. Your prayers are what's keeping me afloat. God IS answering prayer. He IS helping me. The story is not finished yet, by far!!!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I'm sorry God.

Rejected. Forsaken.

Many times that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel so alone with my beliefs. Sometimes it's lonely living with a husband who believes when he dies the lights go out and that's it. I long for him to understand where I'm coming from.

At times it feels like we are from different planets. Our goals, direction in life and values are so very different.

Yesterday we had a conversation regarding faith and he said he thinks I'm crazy. It's hard to believe the person I love so dearly doesn't understand and thinks I'm wacko.

It HURTS. It makes me feel SO alone. So rejected. All that I value and hold dear in my heart is mocked and laughed at. Scorned. Rejected. The whole world is flowing one way and here I am, going against that flow.

I know in my heart not to take it personal. It's actually not ME being rejected but God. It's God that's being rejected. God's values being mocked and laughed at.

It made me realize that if I feel rejected, abandoned, scorned and FORESAKEN. What must God feel?????

How does God feel that all He ever wanted for us was LOVE and blessing and Goodness. Yet since the beginning man has rejected God. God is so misunderstand in the world.

My heartfelt prayer; I'm sorry God. I'm sorry God that you have been rejected and forsaken. I'm sorry I once rejected you. I'm sorry for the pain and grief I must have made you feel. These emotions I'm feeling aren't new or original, you feel them too so I know I am not truly alone. You are with me and nothing will separate me from you again. I promise God to obey you and to follow you.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

HOW does He speak to me??

Many times it's through His word. Today in my morning devotions I stumbled on this:

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

Not only is He a powerful and majestic God, but He's also a God that cares about little me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart.

Isaiah 40:29-31He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

This week I've been so tired, so worn out by toddler and infant care and I'm relying on Him to give me strength (see my last post.) This morning I was directed right to this scripture, is that by mistake? Not to me! My hope, my ONLY hope is in the Lord so I know He WILL renew my strength. He's already helping me!

Psalms 37:3-7Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Am I delighting myself in the Lord? This is the question of my heart this week. Am I looking toward the Lord or toward whatever it is I don't have? He's promising me if I will delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Just what DOES the Holy Spirit do?

I'm constantly amazed at the Holy Spirit and what He does for me. He's like a best friend but way better.

It's thrilling to me how the Holy Spirit guides me in my daily life. He has been my comforter in times when I'm alone and my corrector when I'm being stubborn or lazy.

Daily life is HARD. I'm sure it is for everyone, as the mother of two small children I know it gets hard and tiring for me. There are times when I'm so tired I get, gasp dare I say...cranky. And times when I've cleaned up what seems like millions of messes from my adventuresome toddler that, gasp dare I say...I run out of patience.

So how does Christ's love translate in the daily tasks of life? This is were I'm learning how awesome the Holy Spirit is. He's the one who's beside me while I scrub up messes off the floor. Who's gently encouraging me to be slow, soft and gentle to my little one when I feel like losing my temper. He's the one who whispers the Word to me, gently encouraging me to open my Bible when I'm too tired or lazy to make the effort.

He's the one who points out that I need an attitude adjustment when I become overwhelmed by the small details in daily life. Because daily life sometimes can be hard, that's not going to change so what am I going to do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do with the help of the Holy Spirit. I'm going to live one day at time with the thought upon waking, "what can I do today to show the love of Christ?" Who can I be kind too today? Who needs a smile? Who needs an encouraging word/hug/call/look? Is it my children? Is it my husband?

I'm a missionary in my own home!!! There should never be "time off" from missionary work. When daily life gets hard and I don't feel like being at my best, I'm going to call out to my Father and ask Him for the help He's promised me! Because I can't do it alone, because I'm human and I get tired. He's got to help me show the love of Christ because I can't do it on my own.