Friday, March 28, 2008

April showers bring May flowers?

Psalms 84:6 NLT When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

When I opened my email today I received this verse in a daily devotional.

What hope I find when I turn to the Word!

This verse to me says: "Jennifer, when I lead you through tough times I will be with you. Helping you through even when you can't see your way. All the weeping and pain, I will turn into pools of blessings!"

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'm not going to say goodbye

God is so awesome, so good to me!

I just spend a wonderful week with my mother. The kids and I got to spend quality time with her. I know this time was a gift from God. He's so good to us!

My mom seemed almost her old self. She played with the kids, bathed them, fed them, read to them, painted with them, sang to them.

My dad took the kids to zoo one day so I could have some alone time with my mom. We sat around her kitchen table and talked and talked... things a mother and daughter who are best friends can talk about. I'll never forget her advice and words of wisdom. I wrote down some of what she said and I know I'll pull strength from her words. She quoted scripture, we prayed together, we praised God together.

To be honest I was a little nervous about this trip. Afraid how I would react to her. Would I cry at odd times? Could I hold myself together? Would it be painful seeing her, all the while knowing this could be the last time we... eat at Red Lobster together, go to Starbucks, attend church and worship side by side.

Would this be the last time I saw her smile, read to the kids and best of all give me advice? When I was a teen her constant advice annoyed me, but she never gave up. She tucked little gems into my heart that I now use as a mother, wife, friend, and Christian.

Sometime during the trip I felt the Lord speak to me. He whispered into my heart, "this isn't goodbye." I understand now what He meant when He spoke to me in November and I felt Him say "it's going to be ok." I didn't know then what that meant, how can my mom dying be ok?

The Lord has impressed upon my heart to keep my eyes, heart and desires on heaven. This is how I am going to get through this.

I'm not going to say goodbye to my mother, ever. For whatever reason she's being called home early, leaving us behind. Now is my time to respond to the call God had put inside my heart and continue to become the woman of faith He made me to be.

It's going to be ok because death is not the end. It's a temporary seperation. As long as I keep my eyes on heaven, the pain and fear fade away and joy creeps in! Then I think of my sweet Savior. I picture His face and call out His name and I feel such love and peace. It's hard to describe.

I'm not going to run from my pain. I'm not going to hide from it and I'm not going to be afraid. I'm facing it side by side with Jesus and with Him it's not hard!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Fight for your Faith

I'm in a fight for my Faith.

I wonder how many people feel this way?

So far in my walk with Christ, I haven't felt like I'm coasting through.

I'm at a point where I could go either way. Ever feel like that?

I'll be honest and say sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Following Christ.

Don't get me wrong, walking with Christ is amazing and at times thrilling. But sometimes this old world pulls me down and I feel beat up.

Sometimes I don't feel like "rejoicing in my suffering" as Paul calls us to do. Sometimes I feel like numbing my suffering.

Sometimes it all seems like too much, the pain...

And then...

What I think is the most important verse in the Bible is whispered into my heart: 1 Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails

I've been pondering over this verse for days and I realize what draws me to God is His love. It's that simple, nothing more and nothing less. I'm convinced if it were anything else I would surely have fallen to the wayside by now. He's got me hooked with His love.

What keeps me hanging on is His love. Then you know what I found?

Romans 8:38-39 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Circumstance can't separate me from His love. Pain can't separate me, depression can't, fear can't, this world can't.

And so I fight for my faith with Christ as my intercessor. I cry out to Jesus and pour out my problems. I'm fighting because I'm not going to let my own neglect to remain Christ be the thing that separates me from God's love.

Where are you today? I call you to FIGHT for what is yours! Don't let the thief who comes only to steal, kill and destroy take from you what is YOURS!

My heartfelt prayer; Dear Jesus, It really is all about you! I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm sad, I'm hurting... I don't want my mom to die. I want her to live. Dear Jesus, I'm hurting... I'm drowning and you need to throw me a life line! I trust you and I put it all back into your hands. Be with me today and everyday. I invite you into my day, may I feel your sweetness as we walk side by side.