Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'm not going to say goodbye

God is so awesome, so good to me!

I just spend a wonderful week with my mother. The kids and I got to spend quality time with her. I know this time was a gift from God. He's so good to us!

My mom seemed almost her old self. She played with the kids, bathed them, fed them, read to them, painted with them, sang to them.

My dad took the kids to zoo one day so I could have some alone time with my mom. We sat around her kitchen table and talked and talked... things a mother and daughter who are best friends can talk about. I'll never forget her advice and words of wisdom. I wrote down some of what she said and I know I'll pull strength from her words. She quoted scripture, we prayed together, we praised God together.

To be honest I was a little nervous about this trip. Afraid how I would react to her. Would I cry at odd times? Could I hold myself together? Would it be painful seeing her, all the while knowing this could be the last time we... eat at Red Lobster together, go to Starbucks, attend church and worship side by side.

Would this be the last time I saw her smile, read to the kids and best of all give me advice? When I was a teen her constant advice annoyed me, but she never gave up. She tucked little gems into my heart that I now use as a mother, wife, friend, and Christian.

Sometime during the trip I felt the Lord speak to me. He whispered into my heart, "this isn't goodbye." I understand now what He meant when He spoke to me in November and I felt Him say "it's going to be ok." I didn't know then what that meant, how can my mom dying be ok?

The Lord has impressed upon my heart to keep my eyes, heart and desires on heaven. This is how I am going to get through this.

I'm not going to say goodbye to my mother, ever. For whatever reason she's being called home early, leaving us behind. Now is my time to respond to the call God had put inside my heart and continue to become the woman of faith He made me to be.

It's going to be ok because death is not the end. It's a temporary seperation. As long as I keep my eyes on heaven, the pain and fear fade away and joy creeps in! Then I think of my sweet Savior. I picture His face and call out His name and I feel such love and peace. It's hard to describe.

I'm not going to run from my pain. I'm not going to hide from it and I'm not going to be afraid. I'm facing it side by side with Jesus and with Him it's not hard!


Anonymous said...

Jennifer, I am looking back four years, to the day I had to let go of my mom. You are absolutely right--hang onto Jesus, and set your sights on Heaven, where your real treasure lies. I used to think, How will I be able to endure losing my beloved mother? Fact is, when God calls our loved ones home, we MUST endure. As believers, we have the Comforter...Helper...Guide...Teacher...and so much more.

You will not be alone when the time comes.
You will shift gears, grab onto God's Word and hang on until the day you see your dear mom in Eternity. For the believer, eternity has already begun, so I like to think I'm just a few steps behind in that journey to Heaven. A sweet reunion awaits us.

You are in my prayers and I want you to know that the Lord is more than enough. He will see you through, and you will always, always feel connected to your mom. Death does not sever our precious relationships; it separates us a few blinks and then the joy will be indescribable.

With love - a sister in Christ

B. J. Brooks said...

Jennifer I pray daily for your family through tears as I read your mom or dad's latest blog. I know God has it all under control.

Today in my Warm Thoughts Calendar Charles R. Swindoll said:

God may be invisible, but He's in touch. You may not be able to see Him, but He is in control. That includes what you've just lost. That includes what you've just gained. That includes all of life -- past, present future.

As I read those words I thought about your Mom and your post. Yes God talks to us and we don't always get the meaning but as time passes it becomes so clear.

Keep praising God and Thanking him for what you have had and what is yet to come. I've come through many a bad mood or tense moment with praise and worship.

Keep sharing your feelings, just like your Mom your words help other.

Many Blessings
B.J. Brooks

Granddaddy Dykes said...

Hi Jennifer,

What a truly inspiring post. It indeed blessed me. God is with you every step of the way. What a joy to see how steadfast you are in your faith and trust.

I'm very proud of you and love you dearly.


Stephanie said...

That was a beautiful post about your mom, but I bet it doesn't even come close to truly depicting the close relationship that you have. Words just aren't enough to describe that kind of love.

You will treasure that time with her no matter what the outcome is. I am still praying for her earthly healing and for you as well.

I am just a click away!
Stephanie Adams

Blissful said...

Thank you for a wonderful post, full of faith and love to last through all eternity.

Lauralee Bliss
(know yur mom through Barbour Publishing and Heartsong)