Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Holy Spirit whispers

In the very early morning hours as I was in bed slowly waking up the Holy Spirit whispered the 23rd Psalm to me. That was the sweetest way to wake up I could ever think of. AWESOME!

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Unusual dream

Last night after I felt God speak into my heart and tell me "I am here. I will not leave" you'd think I'd have slept peacefully but not so.

I had a very unusual dream I believe is from the Lord.

In this dream I was in my condo and everything was very dark and black and I was under a spiritual attack. But instead of being invisible I could see the spiritual world and I could see this attack happening to me. Over and over an evil spirit came up to me and tried to overtake me. A fog and blackness would surround me and I couldn't think straight, I could see. I didn't know where I was going. I couldn't understand how or why this was happening to me. I kept thinking to myself "but I'm a Christian, how can this evil spirit be trying to overtake me?" Yet over and over the spirit came and this fog of blackness would surround me. It would confuse me.

I tried so hard to fight this spirit off but it seemed he was winning and it terrified me. All the sudden I knew what to do, I started praying and surrounding myself with my family. It dawned on me I needed them very much to fight this evil thing off. Suddenly I saw my Uncle Rick and Aunt Tricia (pastors at Leesburg First Assembly of God) and they were lit by a very white light. They were praying and then I saw the rest of my family and the more they prayed and surrounded me the more I could see the way out. With their prayers I was able to fight off this evil spirit! It was amazing.

Now I take this dream to mean I'm under a spiritual attack (I've felt it for weeks) and I know I've got lots of family praying for me. The Lord has been dealing with me about prayer and how I need to be in prayer more. I've felt Him show me if I want to win this spiritual battle I've got to pray.

This dream just confirms that. Isn't God awesome?

Just in time

This past week I've been feeling so discouraged and so distant from God.

I've felt so ALONE. There are times when I feel like my husband and I are night and day and how on earth is this going to work? Suddenly so much has changed. Our values and goals in life are very different now. His values are still based on the world. My values and goals are TOTALLY oppossite of that. I don't see things the same way. What once used to be SO important is meaningless now.

At times all this makes me feel very alone, so last night as I was turning the lights off for bed I felt unsure about my faith and heard the question "what am I doing?" bouncing around in my mind. I just felt LONELY.

Well as I was standing at the sink brushing my teeth all the sudden God spoke to me and said "I am here. I will not leave." Instantly a peace came over me and at once I felt Him and His amazing love.

Isn't God wonderful? Right when I needed Him, when I needed to feel Him, to experience Him, He showed up!

I got in bed and just laid there with a smile on my face knowing that I am NOT alone.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The book The Unusual Suspect

My wonderful mother ordered me the book The Unusual Suspect by Stephen Baldwin and it just arrived today. I can't put it down it's so good.

Thankfully my 10 month old naps long and my 2 year loves The Little Mermaid so I've gotten through a good portion of the book.

For those who don't know Stephen Baldwin is a Hollywood actor who has become born again and wrote a book with a subtitle My Calling To The New Hardcore Movement of Faith.

So far the thing that's stood out the most to me in this book is the story of Stephen's wife. She got saved first and when he saw the change in her he got interested. He said she prayed for one solid hour every morning face down on the floor beside the bed and then read her Bible for 30-45 minutes in bed and then got up for the day. She did this again at night.

He said he had to step over her every morning when he got out of bed. After 10 months of her doing this he realized she must be experiencing something and he was missing out. The story continues but wow:

This women spent two hours a day face down on the floor in prayer.

........I think I need to start doing some more praying.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What ELSE does light do?

My mom commented on my last post and said:

I just love that scripture: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119:105.

It's one of the first (of hundreds) I learned as a child. Course we used the King James Version then. "Thy Word is a lamp..."

It's such a great visual. When our little grandsons visit, they love to go in our large, walk-in closet with flashlights. The little one, Nicholas, doesn't want the door closed. He's afraid, and wants more light than just the flashlights. It's amazing how comforting a light is in the darkness. And it guides us. They like to roll under Milton's long row of shirts and get to the back wall of the closet. Occasionally, they'll find a hanger on the floor and bring it out.

Hmmm. What are some other things a light in darkness does?

I'm getting great visual pictures right now!

In fact, they're so good, I need to turn off my computer and go have my devotions and Bible reading!

:)
Love, Mom

I'll tell you what else light does: Light DISPELS darkness. Think about that one for a moment! Let that roll around your brain and see what that one will do for you!

I read on someone's blog, sorry I can't remember who, but this person heard Ted Dekker speak and someone asked him if he was ever afraid. And he said "no." Then he was asked "well why not?" His response "Light dispels darkness."

When I read that it changed the way I think about things.

Think about LIGHT and DARKNESS. Darkness can NEVER overcome light. Light pierces and pushes away and DISPELS darkness.

A lot of things I've feared all my life suddenly vanished when I realized I carry this light from Christ inside of me and where ever I go this light dispels darkness.

Monday, October 02, 2006

light for my path

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

If the Word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path in this DARK world, then how without the Word will I be able to see and know which way to go?

Without the Word I'm walking blind and aimless not knowing where I'm going or where I'm headed. Scary thought huh?

Now, how can the Word be a lamp and a light unless I know it, read it and hide it in my heart?

Without the Word I notice I start dying spiritually. I like to describe it as a slow rot that comes on and man do I start to stink fast! I can even smell it myself and I hate that feeling, it disgusts me.

Yet you know what? To my curiosity I've noticed how quickly I can get used to that nasty and painful rot. That's an even scarier thought.

So you might ask, what then is the cure for this rot? Thankfully the cure is so simple!! All I have to do is dive back into the Word.

The Word is like a soothing balm to my soul. I feel myself coming alive again. A peace and a warmth wash over me and I start jumping from place to place in the Word delighting over what I find. It's awesome!

The psalmist wrote it best when he said: How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to mouth!

So you might ask why then do I let this rot even creep up??? And here I pause and tell myself I can't be the only Christian who does this.

Anyway, why does this rot come on? Because life gets busy. Because babies get sick and need lots of care. Because houses need cleaning. Because dinner needs to be cooked. Because mommy is exhausted at the end of the day and dead tired in the mornings.

My heartfelt prayer; Lord you see into my heart, even the deepest parts and so you know-I LOVE YOU. You are my strength, my joy and my delight. You are awesome, you are genius, you are amazing. Here I am Lord once again. I'm a tired mommy but I'm yours to use as you can. I open myself to you, it's all I can do!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Sisters in Christ

I mentioned in my last post how I'm leading the Tuesday morning Bible study at my church. Thank God for that group of women, how special it is to come together, all of us so different yet united by Christ.

We are all from different upbringings. One wise older lady is Catholic. One beautiful young woman is from a Pentecostal holiness upbringing. And still others are from different denominations etc. Yet as I sit around the table with these women I FEEL the Holy Spirit present, we are all connected by our strong love for Christ and the desire to follow our Savior. It doesn't matter what church someone has attended or hasn't attended.

We are all different ages, some young mothers. Others, elderly women. And I love this. I love the wisdom and confidence I see in an elderly person's eyes. What a special treasure an older person can be to a church body or group.

My grandmother Grace was one of those special treasures. Wow was she special. I feel her loss all over again now that I'm on this wonderful journey with Him. I long to talk with her about Jesus. She had an amazing relationship with Him and one of the first things I want to do when I get to heaven is find her and say: "Grandma isn't He amazing????!!! Isn't He grand!!!!" I long to look into her eyes and see them shine with the light from Him. Wow she was special. My only consolation is that my dear Mother is just like her!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Resisting the light

Tomorrow it's my turn to lead the Tuesday morning Bible study I attend. I'm taking turns leading with another lady and we pass the leader book back and forth.

In my book is a wonderful side note by William A. Barry. He wrote "Conversion is a lifelong process of letting God remove the scales from our eyes so that we can more and more embrace the reality of God's overwhelming love for us. In this lifelong process of withdrawal and returns we need one another to help us overcome our resistance to the light."

I'm very interested in this last part "overcome our resistance to the light."

I've often wondered if I'm the only one who feels that? It feels glorious to step into the light, to bathe in it. To worship with the Father.

How strange I find that although I love the light and it is so wonderful, I find it such a struggle to step into it at times. It is deep inside of me to resist it, at least at first.

It can't be I'm the only one that feels that! In a way I'm glad of this struggle, because it reminds me how it's by God's GRACE through Jesus that I'm saved.

The struggle pushes me into the arms of my Savior It reminds me how much I need my Savior, Jesus. How He's right there beside me, always helping me and bridging the gap between me and God. And that's a pretty big gap I've noticed btw!

I don't know if others feel this way, but I know for me I can't let myself get too far away from Jesus. It seems like a little secret I've discovered and it works so I'm not going to let it go. As long as I stick with Jesus I'm doing good.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sin and Seperation

What exactly is sin?

To ME sin is anything that separates me from God. Anything that makes me want to hide from God.

Do you know that feeling I'm talking about? When you've done something or haven't done something and you want to hide?

Sometimes the way I hide is by getting busy. Because really you CAN'T hide from God. He knows your heart inside and out! He knows you better than you know yourself!

Before you know it you have a whole wall of sin built up between you and God and you find yourself in darkness and that's a scary place. How do you find your way out again? How do you break that wall down??

Do you break the wall down by doing righteous things?

By being good? When am I going to learn I can never be "good" enough?

Why do I get so rapped up in guilt?

1 Corinthians 1:30 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

It is only through JESUS that I can be righteous in God's eyes! I wish I could tattoo IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM HIM HIM HIM on my heart.

But I guess that's what the Holy Spirit is-He's a tattoo of sorts on my heart that keeps bringing me back and reminding me of JESUS.

Friday, September 22, 2006

God cares about the small details

Matthew 6:31-34 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I've asked the question "How much does God care about me?" And I've learned first hand the answer. He promises in His Word that he knows exactly what I need and He will give it to me. I don't have to worry about it.

So I've trusted Him. I've had to say several times, ok God I don't know what's going on. I don't know how we're going to make it, but I trust you so I'm not going to worry about it.

Financially things have been tough for a long time. It's been a big strain on my marriage. It's been weighing heavily on my husband. I'm a stay at home mother so we are all counting on him to provide.

We aren't the only ones going through tough times. The whole island where we live has gone through bad finanical times. The government went bankrupt. Schools and government offices closed due to lack of funds. It's been scary for many.

But through it all God has been with me!!! No matter how scary it has gotten, He has been there for me! Whispering His wonderful promises! He knows what I need! How awesome!

Now I want to thank Him because once again He has provided and guess what??? My husband got a new job!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looing better than they have in a long time.

My heartfelt prayer; Dear God thank you for my husband's new job. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for being with me during the hard times and teaching me. I pray I NEVER forget the lessons you taught me during that time. You are an awesome and a great God! I pray you never stop molding me until I take my last breath. I pray you are never finished with me, I want more! I want to know and to learn more about you! I'm following you Lord! I choose you above it all!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Stephen Baldwin born again!!

I've been praying that someone would come into my husband's life who was perhaps a former atheist or if not an atheist then someone who led a very worldly lifestyle and became born again.

Well guess how that prayer was answered?! Last night actor Stephen Baldwin was being interviewed on Showbiz Tonight and guess what?!! He's a born again Christian!

He was telling his story of how he came to Christ. My husband was sitting there taking it all in and I was sitting there blown away.

Talk about someone who led a worldly lifestyle, in case you don't know of the guy he was a former Hollywood "bad" boy and made trips to the Playboy mansion. He starred in the movie The Usual Suspects. One of my husband's favorite movies.

This guy’s story is amazing. Check out his site at www.stephenbaldwin.com He has a book out called The Unusual Suspect. The first chapter is on his website and it's great! It starts out with a trip into the playboy mansion with Robert Downey Jr.

This is the stuff my husband needs to read! Not that he's a "playboy" but this guy Stephen Baldwin had it ALL! He had a great life out in the world and to the world standards he had it all, yet he came to Christ! My husband doesn't see the need for God in his life, so I'm hoping he'll read this book and relate!

Thank God for people like Stephen Baldwin who are bold and willing to share their story! I pray God uses him in a mighty way for His glory!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Sept. 10th came and went

Sunday Sept. 10th was the start of a new series at my church. Some may know that I was in prayer and fasting that a miracle would happen and my husband (an atheist) would come with me and hear the first sermon in the series titled "Why consider Christianity" I thought this series would be PERFECT for him.

But he didn't come. And guess what? That's OK! God is still in charge and I'm waiting on Him. This is not about Jennifer and MY timing but God's. His timing is perfect and I will not lose faith.

I want my husband's salvation now now now! And this is what the Word says about the time of salvation 2 Corinthians 6:1-2
1As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. 2For he says,
"In the time of my favor I heard you,
and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.


The Word says NOW IS THE DAY OF SALVATION!! I want my husband saved today! Each day that goes by and he remains in the dark is time wasted. Time is slipping through our fingers like sand, there is so much to do for the kingdom and so little time. I see such potential in my husband. I see him as he was created to be!

But I know I can't push him or force him into the light, to accept the truth. I've got to keep on doing what Christ has commanded me to do, and that is to love his socks off! Ok so maybe Christ didn't say that! lol but you know what I mean!

I want to say thank you for all those who have been praying. Don't think that because he didn't come to church with me or because he hasn't been saved YET that your prayers are in vain. Your prayers are what's keeping me afloat. God IS answering prayer. He IS helping me. The story is not finished yet, by far!!!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I'm sorry God.

Rejected. Forsaken.

Many times that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel so alone with my beliefs. Sometimes it's lonely living with a husband who believes when he dies the lights go out and that's it. I long for him to understand where I'm coming from.

At times it feels like we are from different planets. Our goals, direction in life and values are so very different.

Yesterday we had a conversation regarding faith and he said he thinks I'm crazy. It's hard to believe the person I love so dearly doesn't understand and thinks I'm wacko.

It HURTS. It makes me feel SO alone. So rejected. All that I value and hold dear in my heart is mocked and laughed at. Scorned. Rejected. The whole world is flowing one way and here I am, going against that flow.

I know in my heart not to take it personal. It's actually not ME being rejected but God. It's God that's being rejected. God's values being mocked and laughed at.

It made me realize that if I feel rejected, abandoned, scorned and FORESAKEN. What must God feel?????

How does God feel that all He ever wanted for us was LOVE and blessing and Goodness. Yet since the beginning man has rejected God. God is so misunderstand in the world.

My heartfelt prayer; I'm sorry God. I'm sorry God that you have been rejected and forsaken. I'm sorry I once rejected you. I'm sorry for the pain and grief I must have made you feel. These emotions I'm feeling aren't new or original, you feel them too so I know I am not truly alone. You are with me and nothing will separate me from you again. I promise God to obey you and to follow you.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

HOW does He speak to me??

Many times it's through His word. Today in my morning devotions I stumbled on this:

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.


Not only is He a powerful and majestic God, but He's also a God that cares about little me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart.

Isaiah 40:29-31He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.


This week I've been so tired, so worn out by toddler and infant care and I'm relying on Him to give me strength (see my last post.) This morning I was directed right to this scripture, is that by mistake? Not to me! My hope, my ONLY hope is in the Lord so I know He WILL renew my strength. He's already helping me!

Psalms 37:3-7Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.


5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.


Am I delighting myself in the Lord? This is the question of my heart this week. Am I looking toward the Lord or toward whatever it is I don't have? He's promising me if I will delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Just what DOES the Holy Spirit do?

I'm constantly amazed at the Holy Spirit and what He does for me. He's like a best friend but way better.

It's thrilling to me how the Holy Spirit guides me in my daily life. He has been my comforter in times when I'm alone and my corrector when I'm being stubborn or lazy.

Daily life is HARD. I'm sure it is for everyone, as the mother of two small children I know it gets hard and tiring for me. There are times when I'm so tired I get, gasp dare I say...cranky. And times when I've cleaned up what seems like millions of messes from my adventuresome toddler that, gasp dare I say...I run out of patience.

So how does Christ's love translate in the daily tasks of life? This is were I'm learning how awesome the Holy Spirit is. He's the one who's beside me while I scrub up messes off the floor. Who's gently encouraging me to be slow, soft and gentle to my little one when I feel like losing my temper. He's the one who whispers the Word to me, gently encouraging me to open my Bible when I'm too tired or lazy to make the effort.

He's the one who points out that I need an attitude adjustment when I become overwhelmed by the small details in daily life. Because daily life sometimes can be hard, that's not going to change so what am I going to do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do with the help of the Holy Spirit. I'm going to live one day at time with the thought upon waking, "what can I do today to show the love of Christ?" Who can I be kind too today? Who needs a smile? Who needs an encouraging word/hug/call/look? Is it my children? Is it my husband?

I'm a missionary in my own home!!! There should never be "time off" from missionary work. When daily life gets hard and I don't feel like being at my best, I'm going to call out to my Father and ask Him for the help He's promised me! Because I can't do it alone, because I'm human and I get tired. He's got to help me show the love of Christ because I can't do it on my own.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

people are HURTING

The new pastor at my church has started a new thing. On Sundays they pass out little blue cards and you can put a prayer request and turn them in.

Those little blue cards have touched me so much this week and I'll tell you why.

Tuesday I lead a women's Bible study at church and the pastor came in with this past Sunday's blue cards. He asked if each lady wanted to take a card and at the end of our meeting when we have a group prayer, to include the request on the blue card. We readily agreed but little did I know how those card would touch me.

My blue card read: Roland requests prayer for his mother who will begin radiation therapy for 34 days. At the bottom of the card he wrote "I declare God cures her." When it came my turn to pray I felt a burning passion for this unknown Roland, he boldly put on his card that he DECLARES God cure her. Well, the scripture says if two shall agree together it shall be done. So I bound myself in spirit to Roland I agreed with him. The TWO of us are declaring that his mother be cured.

At the end of our meeting we turned the blue cards back into the pastor and I went on my way.

BUT I can't get those blue cards out of my heart. As each lady read out the request it later struck me how much people are HURTING. The world is full of hurting, broken people who are in desperate need of help and healing.

Those blue cards took me away from myself, hearing each lady call out problems and pain gave me a tiny glimpse of what our heavenly Father must feel as he looks down at us and sees our pain and hears our heart's cries. It shook me how much He loves us, how much He wants to comfort us, to help us, to guide us.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord show me what I can do to help a dying and broken world. How can I show your love to those in need? Send people my way that I can help, so I can shine YOUR light onto their dark world. AND thank you Lord for my health, thank you for my children, thank you for my home and nice place to sleep. Thank you for my food. You are a good God! There's so much to thank you for, THANK YOU for creating me! How wonderful it is to get a chance to serve you and know you. You are awesome!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The yearning and longing in my heart

Isaiah 26:8-10 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

My soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you.
When your judgments come upon the earth,
the people of the world learn righteousness.


Though grace is shown to the wicked,
they do not learn righteousness;
even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil
and regard not the majesty of the LORD.


I find it amazing how the Word is alive, isn't God genius? How can it be that a Isaiah wrote oh back in 700 B.C. exactly what's in my heart? In my soul?

Just the other day I was trying to put words to the longings of my heart and explain to my father (earthly) how I feel. There is an excitement and a yearning for my King to return and reveal himself. I was telling my father the other day, "I can't wait until the seams of this earth are ripped away and the reality of His glory fully revealed for all to see."

I was at a party the other night with my husband and the emptiness of the world stood out painfully to me. I kept thinking, what if He returned right now and the shallowness of this event were revealed and His glory would ring out! Now that would be excitement!!!

My soul longs and yearns for Him. I want to be united and kept with Him. I long for the day there are no distractions and it's truly ALL ABOUT HIM. I want His glory to shine out over the earth and I long to bow low before Him.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Awards night in heaven!

Tonight is the Emmy's. I can only imagine all the excitement and preparation that goes into tonight’s award ceremony. It got me to thinking about the awards I'm working toward in heaven.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget about the bigger picture. Life gets busy kwim??

But there will come a time when my life on this earth is over and I stand before my maker. Wow what a thought.........

When I stand before my maker and we know each other intimately, when He looks deep into my eyes down into my soul and finds my heart.

What is He going to find there???

The dust of my body will fade and blow away and the things of this earth won't matter. It's my heart........

I want Him to find me beautiful. I want Him to delight in me. I want a heart just like His!!! Imagine having that......how beautiful, how perfect!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I give myself to you. I melt in Your hands. Mold me; make me into what you desire. Here I am, here is my will. I give it up to you. Take me and use me. I need you more than I need air to breathe. Nothing will separate me from your love, bind me to you. Hold me close. WOW!!! You are awesome! So perfect, so holy! You are genius!

Ephesians 3:17-19 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

He's called me!! I've heard Him!!

Last night while in bed trying to get some sleep I heard the clear voice of the Lord and He's put something burning in my heart!!! I had to get up and start working on it in the middle of the night!!

For many years I've felt the desire to write. My mother, Kristy Dykes is an award winning author and has nine Christian fiction titles. She has encouraged me for years to start writing but while that sounded nice I've never come up with a story that I wanted to write about.

Lately I've really been feeling something burning inside of me, a strong desire and last night the Lord gave me my story to write!!!! I believe this story has been brewing in my heart all my life, it feels as if I've been waiting for this very moment in time to write it!

For years I've been scared to write, it seems so overwhelming. Where to begin and really who cares what I have to say?? But last night a clarity and confidence came to me and settled over me like a sweet peace.

I know what I want to write. I have the story and I can see the audience I want to read my story. I can feel their heart. I can sense their longing, they are waiting for this story and I feel such an urgency to get it out. I know this because really this story is everyone's story!!!

I know I have SO much to learn about writing, but I have my story and I'm going to start with that!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord THANK YOU for calling me! My desire is to be used for you. I want to be laid open and bare for all to see. I want to be a living sacrifice for you. All I ask Lord is that you use me. I'm willing to follow you, I'm not afraid. Here I am, I give you what little I have. It's not much but I offer myself up to you. Thank you for creating me so I can know you!! You thrill me!! You excited me!!! You fulfill me!! You sustain me!!! You are all I need, all I want!!

Monday, August 21, 2006

I'm counting on God to get my husband in the door!

Now that the Lord has answered my specific prayer of softening my husband's heart I've had to come up with a new prayer. I've been pondering over what I want next from the Lord, what my next prayer will focus on and I've got it!!

Yesterday the new pastor told us he's going to be leading a 13 week series and putting the whole church through confirmation classes (think new christian class.) Each Sunday will be a new topic explaining the Christian beliefs. The series will start September 10th and the first topic will be "Why bother with Christianity? Is Christianity worth the bother?" Other topics will be "Who is Jesus, and why did he have to die?"

After each service they will have a discussion group that is OPEN. Meaning anyone can come and share what they think or believe and ask questions. They will have about 8 leaders who are trained to answer questions. He said someone can even come to the discussion and say, "I don't believe in God" and the leaders will state why they believe and the proof etc. they have.

The pastor made a big point on saying that we all must choose Christianity on our own. We can't be told what or how to think. It must be our choice, our own decision.

I got so excited!!!! This is JUST what my husband needs!!! He keeps saying the "church" is telling me what to think and brain washing me etc. How perfect this new session sounds! The timing couldn't be better!!

My new specific prayer will be that somehow, and I don't know how he's going to do it BUT I'm believing He's powerful enough, that the Lord will get my husband in the door of the church on September 10th to hear this new series.

I believe He can do it!!!!!

I've done my part, I told my husband ALL about the new series and challenged him to come and hear what they have to say. The next part I need to do is pray. I will be fasting and crying out for help from my savior. I need Him to work on my husband's heart.

Now it's up to God! I believe with all my heart God wants my husband bad! I feel a fire burning in my soul and it's ready to burst out. I want my husband saved and I want us to start our service to the King! I don't know exactly what He has in store for me, but it feels big! I feel like I'm being prepared for something and I can't wait for the moment when I can push forward and live in service to my savior!

I feel held back right now, the Holy Spirit is telling me to hold on. To wait, to have patience but man I'm READY to serve! I've been called, I hear it ringing in my heart and I want to respond in a big way. I'm ready to surge forward, no looking back!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, I want to serve you!!!! With all my heart, all my being. I don't want to look back or look at the things of this world. I want to work for YOU!!! Oh Lord put me to work!!! Abba Father, get my husband in that door on September 10th. Help me Father, give me wisdom on what to say and do. Hold me quiet when I need to be still, give me courage when I need to stand up and speak. Thank you!!!