Tonight I'm going to stand up in front of my Dad's church and speak. He's asked me to share my testimony and whatever's on my heart.
This is a very scary thing for me to do. I'm not a public speaker. I'm scared to death to speak in front of people and add to the fact that the Holy Spirit is leading to me speak on a topic I don't want to share!
I'm going to speak on the secret hidden place in my heart. There's a place in my heart that is hidden. No one knows about. It's all mine. On the outside I can seem good but there's a secret place in me where I can hide stuff. That stuff is sin and I'm talking about secret sin that can be hidden and not easily exposed. It's sin that can be nursed and petted. It's sin we think we can hide from God because it's in that secret place that we don't want Him to touch. Or we think He doesn't know about it, or He doesn't want it. It's ours, it's private. It may be big or it might even be small. It might be so small we think it's dumb and so we just keep it for ourselves and bring it out to pet and comfort us when we're too lazy or weak to turn to God.
It's whatever comes between you and God. I'm talking about the thing that keeps you from God. Keeps you from getting the good stuff. Keeps you from getting God's full blessing.
You know what?? He WANTS that secret part of you. He must have that secret thing. If you want the good stuff you've got to be willing to trade even your secret, hidden sin that you nurse. You know, that thing that makes you most comfortable, the thing that gives you a sense of control. The thing you keep for yourself in case this thing with God doesn't work out. You may not like your sin, you may even hate it. But it's familar, it's comfortable, it's intimate with you. You know it.
That's why it's so hard to give it up. Sometimes it's all we know and instead of giving it up to God and go into unfamiliar ground, we want to keep something familiar with us. Something to fall back on.
Are you willing to give it up???
Tonight I'm going to share what that secret place for me was and how I gave it up. I plan to blog about that later, for now I'm busy getting ready to speak. I'm excited to share about the hope and joy I now have in the Lord, but I'm not looking forward to exposing my hidden place. Sin is awful once it's exposed to the light.
I'm humbling myself, I'm opening myself up and all I ask is that the Lord break me so that He can use me. Use me Jesus, that's my prayer for tonight.