This is not a topic I like to talk about because it’s painful to me and it’s my past and it’s behind me. I’m looking ahead to the bright future I see in front of me, the Lord had mercy on me has welcomed me back into His arms like the prodigal son. But for some reason the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me this topic so I’ll share what I can. It’s really a warning to me and for those who read this and relate.
Some who read this may know I’m a PK (preacher’s kid) and was raised all my life in church. I knew the truth and the word was taught to me and hidden in my heart since I was a small child. I once loved the Lord fiercely with all my heart. I was the child who loved Jesus so much I begged my mother one year to make me a birthday cake in the shape of Jesus. I was the kid who loved to witness and would lead my classmates in the sinner’s prayer. I was the girl who carried her Bible to school everyday in Jr. High and would proudly put it on my desk in class. I was the teenager who went every summer to church camp and got gloriously filled with the Holy Spirit and had wonderful spiritual experiences. My father held me up to the Lord when I was a baby and dedicated me to God, my name was called out for Him. I was to be set aside for the Lord.
How did I get so far from that? How could have tasted His goodness and then chosen another path? How sad is it that I wasted all of my late teens and most of twenties. I told you I don’t like thinking of this, but I’ll press on.
I know how it happened. It didn’t happen overnight, the deceiver is too clever for that. It happened slowly and gradually. So slowly I didn’t notice at first, or I could pretend I didn’t notice. I allowed the distractions of this stinking world to drag me away. I allowed myself to be dragged away and enticed by the things of this world. This is what happened to me; James 1:14-16 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.
As a teenager in high school I was so concerned about my status and my image. I was so worried about what other people thought of me. I didn’t want to be different. I didn’t want to be made fun of. I wanted to be popular and I wanted to have what I thought was fun. I worked so hard to fit in and you want to know what’s so sad? I gave up my first love, true love so I could be popular. I turned away from the true love I knew in Christ and traded it for a cheap thrill. And you want to know what’s so ironic? Once I graduated and moved away, to this day I’ve never seen a single soul from my high school days. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone.
I was so embarrassed by Christ. There I said it, with tears in my eyes I write it, I was embarrassed by Christ. My beautiful and sweet savior. My true love. I was ashamed of Him. I didn’t want anyone to know. WHY????????????? WHY???????? WHY did I do that??? For what??? What did I gain??? Nothing! I gained nothing, I can only tell you about all that I lost. I lost my purity, I lost my respect. The list is too long and painful to recount.
Well you know what I’m not ashamed of Him anymore. I’m not ashamed to say I find perfect contentment in His love. His love is what I was made for.
Others may think it's silly or simple minded but I've had a taste of the world and guess what? Short term pleasure and cheap thrills are just that.