I'm so glad I sat down to write that last post, even though it was painful for me. Something wonderful came out of it.
As I was writing that last part about not being ashamed of Him anymore, the power of the Holy Spirit fell on me and I realized that even to this day there are still times I've been ashamed of Him.
With my husband being a nonbeliever it's been tough for me to decide what I share with him. It hasn't been easy; I've been under a lot of persecution from him that at times has been unbearable. Your home is supposed to be the place you're most comfortable, able to be your true self. Yet I am walking on egg shells, I'm trying to keep a balance and it's torturing me.
Well the power of the spirit fell on me last night and all the sudden I started sharing things with my husband. I know it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me because I didn't have to think what I was going to say, or think of answers to his questions, I just spoke. What came out of my mouth amazed me and thrilled me! I was speaking truths to my husband and he heard it! He really listened, I'm not saying he believes now. I just know that the truth penetrated his heart a little and I saw something in his eyes.
Imagine facing up to your worst fear. Imagine going up to the one person in your life that you are so afraid to share the love story of Christ with. What do you think would happen if you just walked right up to them and said, "You know what? I am not ashamed of Jesus Christ. And you know what else? I'm not ashamed of the wonderful fact that Jesus Christ gives me perfect peace, love, joy and contentment." And then imagine saying, "and you know what else? I don't care if that makes me simple minded, unworldly, I don't care what you want to call me, I'm telling you I find my true purpose in Christ and I'm not ashamed of that, and no one can take that away from me!!!!!"
Well that is what I did last night, I faced up to my worst fear. I looked the very devil in the eye last night and I said "BOO!!!"
Something wonderful has happened to me!!!!! Guess what I learned!! Satan isn't so scary anymore when you've got God on your side!! And the truth and God's love is so wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Satan isn't going to separate me from God's perfect love. I'm not going to let anything get in my way! I'm pushing everything aside and I'm forging ahead. I don't care what it cost me, I don't care what I lose. I only know I want to feel God's love and I'm willing to follow Christ where ever that takes me!!!!!
I'm willing to lose everything I know; my marriage and my home because this love and joy I feel from the Lord is so wonderful I will not separate from it. I knew this love before and I traded it for earthly pleasures and I will not allow that to happen again!!!!!
The words of James ring in my ears!!
James 1:1-18 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.