Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Exposing that hidden secret place

Tonight I'm going to stand up in front of my Dad's church and speak. He's asked me to share my testimony and whatever's on my heart.

This is a very scary thing for me to do. I'm not a public speaker. I'm scared to death to speak in front of people and add to the fact that the Holy Spirit is leading to me speak on a topic I don't want to share!

I'm going to speak on the secret hidden place in my heart. There's a place in my heart that is hidden. No one knows about. It's all mine. On the outside I can seem good but there's a secret place in me where I can hide stuff. That stuff is sin and I'm talking about secret sin that can be hidden and not easily exposed. It's sin that can be nursed and petted. It's sin we think we can hide from God because it's in that secret place that we don't want Him to touch. Or we think He doesn't know about it, or He doesn't want it. It's ours, it's private. It may be big or it might even be small. It might be so small we think it's dumb and so we just keep it for ourselves and bring it out to pet and comfort us when we're too lazy or weak to turn to God.

It's whatever comes between you and God. I'm talking about the thing that keeps you from God. Keeps you from getting the good stuff. Keeps you from getting God's full blessing.

You know what?? He WANTS that secret part of you. He must have that secret thing. If you want the good stuff you've got to be willing to trade even your secret, hidden sin that you nurse. You know, that thing that makes you most comfortable, the thing that gives you a sense of control. The thing you keep for yourself in case this thing with God doesn't work out. You may not like your sin, you may even hate it. But it's familar, it's comfortable, it's intimate with you. You know it.

That's why it's so hard to give it up. Sometimes it's all we know and instead of giving it up to God and go into unfamiliar ground, we want to keep something familiar with us. Something to fall back on.

Are you willing to give it up???

Tonight I'm going to share what that secret place for me was and how I gave it up. I plan to blog about that later, for now I'm busy getting ready to speak. I'm excited to share about the hope and joy I now have in the Lord, but I'm not looking forward to exposing my hidden place. Sin is awful once it's exposed to the light.

I'm humbling myself, I'm opening myself up and all I ask is that the Lord break me so that He can use me. Use me Jesus, that's my prayer for tonight.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Are you getting the good stuff?

I'm tapping into some good stuff!!! God has some wonderful blessings He is just waiting to shower out on us. He's standing right in front of us and He's saying "Here it is!! I've got the good stuff!! Do you want it? Are you ready?? It's right here!! Come and get it!! Come and taste!! Come and drink of living waters!!! Come and get blessed!!"

God isn't hiding. He isn't withholding His blessings. He is so eager to pour out the good stuff!! And let me tell you, He's got the really good stuff!

If you're not getting the goodness of God, if it's not dripping down on your head straight from heaven, you better find out why you're missing out. God hasn't called us out of the world, God hasn't told us to separate ourselves from the things of this world so that we can miss out. Oh man it's just the opposite. He's called us. He's spoken to us. He wants us to nail our self daily to the cross because he wants us to willingly give ourselves up to Him. He wants to make a trade with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He wants to take our filth, our failings, our mistakes, our shortcomings and He wants to trade it for the good stuff!!

Give up yourself, die to yourself and let Him make that trade. Give up the world and the things of this world so you can get the good stuff!!!! Give Him your depression and let Him trade it for some joy!!!!! Give Him your anger, your hate, your self-pity and let Him trade it for some love!!!!!!!!!!

The blessings are there!! Just reach out and grab it!!! He wants you to have it!!! It's for you!! It's so easy! Are you ready? How bad do you want God's blessings??!!! Please don't let the deceiver trick you out of the best, out of God's blessings. Get what you were made for!! Reach out and take what you were created for!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh God you are awesome!! Your blessings blow me away!!! You are so good, you are so faithful. I'm high on your love, your love is intoxicating. It's touching me, it's pour down on me. You love is filling me up. You are the source of all that is good and right. I want the best, I want only the best! I want what I was made for!!! What a blessing it is to follow you! I'm not missing out, it's the opposite. I'm finally getting the good stuff! Wow oh wow!! Thank you God. Thank you for your mercy!!!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

I've found the way!!!

Wow God is so good, He's so awesome, so amazing. I'm tapping into His love and there is nothing better than His perfect love. I'm convinced His love is the cure for all our problems, it's healing! When you experience His perfect love and when that love drips down on you and you allow it to touch every part of your spirit something awesome happens!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm learning some amazing things that are blowing my mind away. One thing I've noticed is when I have the most amazing spiritual experiences it's when I'm focusing on Jesus. I'm getting to know my savior and it goes like this: Jesus is my sweet, sweet savior. His name is so sweet so wonderful, at times I only need to say and hear His name. His name comes out of my mouth and it's sweet, I can taste it. I roll that name around on my tongue and savor it. And then when it comes out of mouth and touches my ears, it's warm. The sound of His name is like no other. The sound thrills me, it excites me and I'll say His name over and over. It rings in my ears and it touches my soul and the joy oh the joy of hearing His name!! And then I want Him. I want Jesus. He's all I need. He's all I want. I want to follow Him, I want to know Him. I want to love Him.

And guess what???? This is awesome: Jesus leads me to my father!! Did you know that? When I follow Jesus, He takes me straight to my father! And then it goes like this: God is my father and He loves me!!! God is love, He is liquid love. He is genius, He is all knowing. His love is perfect. His love pours down on me and enters me, it cleans me. It heals me. This love is all I need. It's all I want. I was created for this love, for this moment. I was created to be loved by Him. HE LOVES ME!!! He loves me!!!! WOW!!!!! I find my purpose in Him and I love Him!! I was created, I was made, I was formed for this very moment, for this very purpose: To love Him and to worship Him!!! That's it! That's what it's all about!!

And it's so easy. I'm telling you it's so easy! To get to the father, to feel this love, to experience this wonderful and amazing love I just have to follow Jesus. It's all about Jesus. He will lead us to the father and this love. I'm getting drunk on this love. I've tasted and experienced pure love. I've felt God's love and this is what I want. I want this love. I was made for this love.

I'm going in circles, I've found the secret. I've found the way! I've found the key! It's Jesus, it's all about Jesus!!! Focus on Jesus, taste Jesus. Experience Jesus!!! Wanna get filled with the Holy Ghost?? Wanna get some power??? Then experience Jesus. It's not about the Holy Ghost, it's not about praying to the Holy Ghost. I don't worship the Holy Ghost, it's Jesus!!!!! Wow!!

And guess what?? Then it goes like this: The Holy Ghost comes and He teaches me. He guides me. He shows me things. I laugh with the Holy Ghost. He tells me things. Secrets. Secrets to happiness. Secrets to joy. He points me the way. He drags me to the word. He draws me to the truth. It's thrilling, it's wonderful. These secrets are so wonderful, they delight me so much I can only laugh!!

I'm telling you I'm going in circles! It's so wonderful! I've found the way and I'm going to hang onto this. I'm not going to let it slip away! I'm following Jesus. He's all I need!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

That's some powerful stuff!!!!

Wow. Wow oh wow!!! That's some powerful stuff!!! I'm taping into God's love and all I can say is wow!!!! I'm convinced that God's love is the cure and the answer for all our pain, all our problems!!! His love is awesome!! It's never ending!!! It's thrilling!! It's exciting!!! IT'S WONDERFUL!!!

Want to tap into some powerful stuff?? Want some revival to sweep your soul?? Wanna get caught up in some joy that will bend your mind??? Wanna get high on God???

I'll tell you the secret, I've found the secret to tapping into God's goodness!! Wanna know??? It's Jesus!!!! He is the way!!! He is the way to the father!!!!

Wow!!! Wanna experience some supernatural power? Wanna get filled with the Holy Ghost? I'll tell you the key, I'll point you to the way!!!! It's Jesus!!!!

Don't seek the experience, seek the savior!!! That's it!! That's the secret!! It's all about Him! JESUS!!!

It's all about going back to Jesus and focusing on Him!! Jesus is my sweet, sweet savior. His name is so wonderful, so sweet that I sometimes get stuck on His name and it's all I need to hear. It's all I need to say. Jesus!! One word, Jesus!!!!

Tap into God's love, get a taste of that love and I'm telling you there's no going back. There's nothing better than the perfect love of God the father. His love is like a drug, it's thrilling. It's what I was created for. It's healing, His love is warm and it fills me up and makes me full!! Once you get full on God's love you don't want anything else!!!!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

On vacation

I'm on vacation right now visiting my parents in Florida. I'll be with them for about a month so I won't be blogging as much as usual.

I'm having the most wonderful time with my parents, this is the first time I've been with them since being born again and wow what fun we are having!! I've spent hours talking to my Dad about the Lord, this is my father's favorite subject and it thrills me to talk with him and share about the Lord. How blessed I am to have a father who is a pastor and I can ask him hundreds of questions about the Lord and learn from his experiences!!

My mother has the most tender heart and spirit and is very in tune with the Holy Spirit, it's so wonderful to talk about what I'm experiencing with her. She's been sharing the stories of my grandparents and how they came to Lord and their struggles and triumps with the Lord.

This is a very special time in my life right now, the Lord is restoring my soul and giving me rest. I feel so alive, so peaceful so LOVED!!!! I'm enjoying going to church with my parents, I'll blog about that later. It's so wonderful to worship the Lord with fellow believers and worship my savor with my mother and father by my side.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord thank you for the wonderful blessings in my life. I'm overwhelmed by all you have given me!!!! Thank you for this time with my parents, a time of rest and worship. Open my heart Lord so I can soak up all you want to teach and show me. Thank you Lord for you mercy and your love!!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I stared Satan down and said "BOO!!"

I'm so glad I sat down to write that last post, even though it was painful for me. Something wonderful came out of it.

As I was writing that last part about not being ashamed of Him anymore, the power of the Holy Spirit fell on me and I realized that even to this day there are still times I've been ashamed of Him.

With my husband being a nonbeliever it's been tough for me to decide what I share with him. It hasn't been easy; I've been under a lot of persecution from him that at times has been unbearable. Your home is supposed to be the place you're most comfortable, able to be your true self. Yet I am walking on egg shells, I'm trying to keep a balance and it's torturing me.

Well the power of the spirit fell on me last night and all the sudden I started sharing things with my husband. I know it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me because I didn't have to think what I was going to say, or think of answers to his questions, I just spoke. What came out of my mouth amazed me and thrilled me! I was speaking truths to my husband and he heard it! He really listened, I'm not saying he believes now. I just know that the truth penetrated his heart a little and I saw something in his eyes.

Imagine facing up to your worst fear. Imagine going up to the one person in your life that you are so afraid to share the love story of Christ with. What do you think would happen if you just walked right up to them and said, "You know what? I am not ashamed of Jesus Christ. And you know what else? I'm not ashamed of the wonderful fact that Jesus Christ gives me perfect peace, love, joy and contentment." And then imagine saying, "and you know what else? I don't care if that makes me simple minded, unworldly, I don't care what you want to call me, I'm telling you I find my true purpose in Christ and I'm not ashamed of that, and no one can take that away from me!!!!!"

Well that is what I did last night, I faced up to my worst fear. I looked the very devil in the eye last night and I said "BOO!!!"

Something wonderful has happened to me!!!!! Guess what I learned!! Satan isn't so scary anymore when you've got God on your side!! And the truth and God's love is so wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Satan isn't going to separate me from God's perfect love. I'm not going to let anything get in my way! I'm pushing everything aside and I'm forging ahead. I don't care what it cost me, I don't care what I lose. I only know I want to feel God's love and I'm willing to follow Christ where ever that takes me!!!!!

I'm willing to lose everything I know; my marriage and my home because this love and joy I feel from the Lord is so wonderful I will not separate from it. I knew this love before and I traded it for earthly pleasures and I will not allow that to happen again!!!!!

The words of James ring in my ears!!
James 1:1-18 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

So how did I get so far from the truth?

This is not a topic I like to talk about because it’s painful to me and it’s my past and it’s behind me. I’m looking ahead to the bright future I see in front of me, the Lord had mercy on me has welcomed me back into His arms like the prodigal son. But for some reason the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me this topic so I’ll share what I can. It’s really a warning to me and for those who read this and relate.

Some who read this may know I’m a PK (preacher’s kid) and was raised all my life in church. I knew the truth and the word was taught to me and hidden in my heart since I was a small child. I once loved the Lord fiercely with all my heart. I was the child who loved Jesus so much I begged my mother one year to make me a birthday cake in the shape of Jesus. I was the kid who loved to witness and would lead my classmates in the sinner’s prayer. I was the girl who carried her Bible to school everyday in Jr. High and would proudly put it on my desk in class. I was the teenager who went every summer to church camp and got gloriously filled with the Holy Spirit and had wonderful spiritual experiences. My father held me up to the Lord when I was a baby and dedicated me to God, my name was called out for Him. I was to be set aside for the Lord.

How did I get so far from that? How could have tasted His goodness and then chosen another path? How sad is it that I wasted all of my late teens and most of twenties. I told you I don’t like thinking of this, but I’ll press on.

I know how it happened. It didn’t happen overnight, the deceiver is too clever for that. It happened slowly and gradually. So slowly I didn’t notice at first, or I could pretend I didn’t notice. I allowed the distractions of this stinking world to drag me away. I allowed myself to be dragged away and enticed by the things of this world. This is what happened to me; James 1:14-16 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.

As a teenager in high school I was so concerned about my status and my image. I was so worried about what other people thought of me. I didn’t want to be different. I didn’t want to be made fun of. I wanted to be popular and I wanted to have what I thought was fun. I worked so hard to fit in and you want to know what’s so sad? I gave up my first love, true love so I could be popular. I turned away from the true love I knew in Christ and traded it for a cheap thrill. And you want to know what’s so ironic? Once I graduated and moved away, to this day I’ve never seen a single soul from my high school days. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone.

I was so embarrassed by Christ. There I said it, with tears in my eyes I write it, I was embarrassed by Christ. My beautiful and sweet savior. My true love. I was ashamed of Him. I didn’t want anyone to know. WHY????????????? WHY???????? WHY did I do that??? For what??? What did I gain??? Nothing! I gained nothing, I can only tell you about all that I lost. I lost my purity, I lost my respect. The list is too long and painful to recount.

Well you know what I’m not ashamed of Him anymore. I’m not ashamed to say I find perfect contentment in His love. His love is what I was made for.

Others may think it's silly or simple minded but I've had a taste of the world and guess what? Short term pleasure and cheap thrills are just that.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I keep coming back to His love

I've decided I'm going to just make myself comfy and sit at the foot of the cross. Is that ok? To make that my dwelling place? I've decided that I just need a bath every morning in God's grace and Christ's blood.

I'm amazed at how much I need Christ every second of my day. Living in this world makes me so weary, there are so many distractions away from Christ. I find it a struggle sometimes to juggle the two worlds at once and I'm seeing how easy it is to quickly lose sight of His face for the distractions.

Why is it so hard to just remain in Christ, to be held gently by Him? In John 15:1 Jesus says "I am the true vine....., remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

I want God to set my soul on fire, I pray for a Holy fire to be lit in me and I want the Lord to burn out everything that is useless to the kingdom. I want Him to empty me out, I want to step out into the light and I want Him to expose the deepest parts of my heart. I don't want to hide in the dark anymore, I'm done with the night!!!!! I want His holy hand to reach into my heart and sort me, I want Him to expose the junk and clutter. I want to be emptied out so completely that I'm bare. And then when I'm completely stripped I want Him to fill me!!!!!!!!!! I want to be overflowing with His love. Is there anything greater than His love?

Can I just stay stuck on His love? Can I forget about everything else and just remember that one thing? It's all about Him and we are living a love story!! I am God's beloved!!! Romans 1:7

Have you found the love story in Christ? Are you living Christ's love story???? Our mission on this earth is to share this grand love story.

I am convinced I need to come back to this thrilling revelation every day. There is no need to complicate it! His love is like a warm wave, it floods me over and over. It pulses warmly and touches every corner of my soul.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, help me to never forget your love. All I need to do is sit at the foot of the cross and let you wash me! Your love is so overwhelming! I was made for this love! Oh God thank you for your mercy, thank you for creating me so I can worship you! I find perfect contentment in you!!!!! Thank you Lord for reminding me of your love, now give me a chance to go and shine brightly for you!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The Holy Spirit is teaching me truths!!

I am in awe of the Lord and His word, I'm constantly amazed that the word is alive! I find it thrilling and exciting how the Holy Spirit will guide me, gently leading me to truths in my prayer life. And then later when I'm read the word, I will find that same truth written! You see the word is alive!! This is how I test the spirit to make sure it's the Holy Spirit leading me, when he reveals a truth to me in prayer I then come across it in the word. Then it's confirmed that it was the Holy Spirit!

I noticed I could do this since I first picked up my Bible after March 15th. When I first became filled with the Holy Spirit I spent days walking around my house in circles writing what was being revealed to me and I was shocked when I picked up the Bible and saw what I was writing was in the word!

I later read how John (in 1 John) says to test the spirits to see if they are from God.

I also notice how the Holy Spirit has put in me a ferocious appetite for the word. I can't get enough, I feast and feast on the word and this only makes me want more!! I feel so alive when I'm reading the word; I now see why I shouldn't separate myself for very long from it. And then I notice how it's not enough to just read it, I must act on what I read!!!

James 1:22-24 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

There are so many truths hidden in the word I find it mind boggling! I'm so hungry for the word I'm reading as fast as I can, and yet passages just blow me away and I keep going back and reading again and again and holding the words in my heart and delighting!! Yet I want to press on to learn more, yet there is so much!! I can spend a lifetime learning all the little hidden truths in the word! Isn't that an exciting thought!! I want to consume the word, ingest it, I really can't get enough!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I can't get enough of you! I'm so hungry for you and your word! Help me Lord, help me to find the time to study your word and draw close to you! Start a fire in my soul and burn out everything that is useless to you and your glory! Use me Lord for your glory, for your kingdom! Give me tasks Lord, I don't care how hidden they are or how far from earthly glory and recognition they are, I only ask to work for the advancement of your kingdom! Thank you Lord!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

What I think about gossip

Yesterday in bible study we were studing about Paul's thorn in 2 Corinthians and my eyes strayed a little to the right of the page and down at the bottom of my study bible these two words jumped out at me; SLANDER, GOSSIP. This is what the study section of my bible reads: The Bible condemns sins of speech that harm other people as grave offenses against the Christian law of love. Any kind of disparaging speech that defames the character of another person must be resisted. The discussion or exposing of another's misdeeds should be done only with a sincere motive to help that person or to protect others and God's kingdom.

I don't think I've ever had a problem with slander, but what about gossip? I didn't think I even had a problem with that, I don't have anyone to share gossip with. But hey, what about just listening or reading gossip?? I'll admit I'm addicted to celebrity gossip. I check each day to see what the latest celebrity news is. Really what is the harm in that? I'm not sharing it or hurting anyone.

Well I'm starting to see what the opposite of gossip is and suddenly gossip is looking very shallow and self-serving. And pretty much just a big waste of time.

The words Christian law of love really rings in my ears. We are commanded to love one another, how are we to love one another?? I think with care and concern, empathy and encouragement, joy and celebration.

Gossip is the opposite of all those things, it serves the gossiper! It's self-serving!!!! Think about it, doesn't a juicy piece of gossip feel good to that old sinful nature? And why?? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves, glad we don't have that problem. It makes us feel better about our own sin. Or it's just a secret little pleasure that we keep to ourselves.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh God I pray you forgive me. I didn't think a little gossip was harmful, but now you have shown me the truth! It wastes my time. My time here on this earth is so very short and I want to fill every second of my day pleasing you! I even want to worship you in my sleep like I have before! I want to love others, to truly love others. I want to feel their burden, I want to feel their pain, their suffering so when I fall on my face before you in prayer I can allow the Holy Spirit to speak and intercede on their behalf. Oh Lord I touch my mouth right now and I ask that you clean it, make my mouth pure and holy. I ask that you seal my mouth from all gossip so that only prayer and praise come out!!!!! I claim it, I believe it and I praise you for it!!! All for you glory!!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Stepping into the light

John 3:19-21 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.

I am fascinated by human nature and by the new knowledge that we are all created for God. He put it in our nature to seek Him out. Every single person whether they know it or not is in search of true love and since God is true love then every single person is in search of God, whether they know it or not.

There is a deep black scary void inside of each person that can only be filled with God's perfect love. He put that void in humans so we will seek and search for Him. And when we find Him, He completes us, we find our true purpose and meaning in Him. The ecstasy of that discovery is mind numbing, there are times God's love washes over me and I'm blown away. His love is warm, it's sweet, it's pulses through me and I KNOW what I'm made for!!

Having said that I am fascinated by this part in the scripture. The truth in this word. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

Last night this scripture became very clear to me as my husband and I were watching a program on the Learning Channel about a morbidly obese man who died of complications due to his obesity. It became clear to me that every single person in the world is trying to fill that deep black scary void they feel. Most try and fill it with sin, what changes is the method of sin. Some try to fill it with food which is what the man on the show we were watching did. Or they try money, or fame, or power. Some try and fill it with sex, multiple marriages or partners. Some try drugs. There are too many to name. But I'm convinced every single person chooses something. Most don't even know this is what they are trying to do, fill a God given void with everything but true love: God.

This is why the world hates the light, they are afraid to give up what they know. If they step into the light, the light will expose their evil. Their sin, their wrong thinking and evil ways and they don't want to know the truth. They don't want to give up their filth. Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats his folly.

But oh to step into the light! How wonderful it is!!!! But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. Oh how good the light feels!!!! Christ takes our filth our sin and He cleans us!! He washes us so clean, so pure! And it feels so wonderful!!!!!!!

I felt so sad for the man on that show, I wanted to reach through the screen and tell him how beautiful he was, that he would never find his purpose in food. No matter how much he ate he would never fill that void. But this man passed away, I hope before he died that he found his true purpose. There are so many people suffering, it breaks my heart. I want to shake people, I want to scream and tell them the truth!! So many people dying and going to hell. There is so little time, I feel like I'm racing against a clock.