I am nothing without Him

Yesterday was a very busy day for me. I had a parenting class and playgroup at my church in the morning. The afternoon I went with my SIL to a friend's house for a play date. My friend lives in a beautiful golf community on the beach that has lots to do. Many playgrounds and a water park right across from her house. We had a wonderful day splashing and playing in the water.

In all that activity I didn't get to read the Word. I came home exhausted and fell asleep on the couch after the kids went to bed. With a two year old and a four month old under my care I know this might happen again (not getting to read the Word.)

He is teaching me so many things and I wish I had hours to spend in study; the Word is so interesting and amazing to me now.

One thing I've noticed that I find very interesting is, when I don't read His Word or I get too busy and don't stay in a constant state of prayer I start feeling "dead" like a rot is coming on. I think this will only make sense to a person filled with the Holy Spirit.

I'll try to explain better. Before the Holy Spirit fell on me I could go days and even months without reading the Word. I didn't know exactly what to read and when I did I'd get so distracted. It was more like a chore; brush teeth-check, shower-check, get dressed-check, read the Bible-check. Just something on the list to do.

Now that the Holy Spirit is in me, I MUST read His Word and stay in constant prayer. I have too or I'll die. I feel a rot come on and it's literally like I can feel myself start to die. This is my spiritual self I'm talking about.

You see, it's like two worlds are going on at once, there is this physical world going on. We must eat food to keep our bodies alive, but there is this whole other world going on at the same time too! So there are two worlds at once!!! And to keep my spirit alive I must feed it with the Word of God, that's why his Word is alive. It feeds me! Also staying in constant prayer makes my spirit feel alive. Anytime I get away from those two things, I can feel my spiritual self start to rot and die.

WE NEED HIM TO KEEP US ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!

Now this may be all old news to some, but to me it's the most exciting and amazing thing I've ever experienced!!! I can FEEL these two worlds going on at once. And several times when I've been drunk in the spirit I've seen the "other" world with my spiritual eyes. One example of this I can give is once I was praying in the spirit and I could see my Uncle Terry's (Rev. Terry Roberts) soul all the way from (location edited for privacy.)

Now how is this possible you may ask? It's hard to explain but I can only say that when I was drunk in the spirit and praying and He was revealing things to me about certain people, I saw a light so bright shining out of my Uncle Terry that I could see it all the way from (location edited for privacy.) It was like a HUGE lighthouse that penetrated a vast darkness and I saw this light coming from my Uncle even though he lives very far from me. I saw God shining through him and with my spiritual eyes that the Holy Spirit gave me, distance didn't matter!!!!!!! The Holy Spirit pulled off a scale that was on my eyes and showed me this "other" world!!!

He is so wonderful. He's all I need. He's all I want. I can't stand that spiritual rot that I feel come on me when I'm not with Him. I am nothing without Him. Anything good that comes out of me is Him. I am empty, just a shell and I want Him to fill me up!!!!!

Life with Him is so exciting!!!! I know that so many in my family have known this all their lives. But for me who am just learning about all these things, I can't talk of anything else.

A good way to explain this excitement in Him is like this; I feel like I'm staring in a movie like the Matrix or something. He gives me missions each day and it's my job to find His mission (or "will") and with His power complete it. The way I find the mission of the day is by seeking Him and praying in the spirit. He speaks to me and when I hear His voice there is no doubt, there is no mistaking Him and I must obey Him and do His mission or "will." He asks of me nothing that I can't do, because with Him all of it is possible!! I just have to believe in Him and He gets it done! He is using me and it feels so wonderful to be used by Christ! He is so WONDERFUL. It frustrates me often that there aren't words in any language that are good enough to describe Him. Often times when I'm praising Him my words in my earthly language seem silly so I just praise Him in my heavenly language!!! He is so wonderful I just want to sit at His feet and if I could just touch his toe that would be good enough for me for eternity!