Yesterday was a very busy day for me. I had a parenting class and playgroup at my church in the morning. The afternoon I went with my SIL to a friend's house for a play date. My friend lives in a beautiful golf community on the beach that has lots to do. Many playgrounds and a water park right across from her house. We had a wonderful day splashing and playing in the water.
In all that activity I didn't get to read the Word. I came home exhausted and fell asleep on the couch after the kids went to bed. With a two year old and a four month old under my care I know this might happen again (not getting to read the Word.)
He is teaching me so many things and I wish I had hours to spend in study; the Word is so interesting and amazing to me now.
One thing I've noticed that I find very interesting is, when I don't read His Word or I get too busy and don't stay in a constant state of prayer I start feeling "dead" like a rot is coming on. I think this will only make sense to a person filled with the Holy Spirit.
I'll try to explain better. Before the Holy Spirit fell on me I could go days and even months without reading the Word. I didn't know exactly what to read and when I did I'd get so distracted. It was more like a chore; brush teeth-check, shower-check, get dressed-check, read the Bible-check. Just something on the list to do.
Now that the Holy Spirit is in me, I MUST read His Word and stay in constant prayer. I have too or I'll die. I feel a rot come on and it's literally like I can feel myself start to die. This is my spiritual self I'm talking about.
You see, it's like two worlds are going on at once, there is this physical world going on. We must eat food to keep our bodies alive, but there is this whole other world going on at the same time too! So there are two worlds at once!!! And to keep my spirit alive I must feed it with the Word of God, that's why his Word is alive. It feeds me! Also staying in constant prayer makes my spirit feel alive. Anytime I get away from those two things, I can feel my spiritual self start to rot and die.
WE NEED HIM TO KEEP US ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!
Now this may be all old news to some, but to me it's the most exciting and amazing thing I've ever experienced!!! I can FEEL these two worlds going on at once. And several times when I've been drunk in the spirit I've seen the "other" world with my spiritual eyes. One example of this I can give is once I was praying in the spirit and I could see my Uncle Terry's (Rev. Terry Roberts) soul all the way from (location edited for privacy.)
Now how is this possible you may ask? It's hard to explain but I can only say that when I was drunk in the spirit and praying and He was revealing things to me about certain people, I saw a light so bright shining out of my Uncle Terry that I could see it all the way from (location edited for privacy.) It was like a HUGE lighthouse that penetrated a vast darkness and I saw this light coming from my Uncle even though he lives very far from me. I saw God shining through him and with my spiritual eyes that the Holy Spirit gave me, distance didn't matter!!!!!!! The Holy Spirit pulled off a scale that was on my eyes and showed me this "other" world!!!
He is so wonderful. He's all I need. He's all I want. I can't stand that spiritual rot that I feel come on me when I'm not with Him. I am nothing without Him. Anything good that comes out of me is Him. I am empty, just a shell and I want Him to fill me up!!!!!
Life with Him is so exciting!!!! I know that so many in my family have known this all their lives. But for me who am just learning about all these things, I can't talk of anything else.
A good way to explain this excitement in Him is like this; I feel like I'm staring in a movie like the Matrix or something. He gives me missions each day and it's my job to find His mission (or "will") and with His power complete it. The way I find the mission of the day is by seeking Him and praying in the spirit. He speaks to me and when I hear His voice there is no doubt, there is no mistaking Him and I must obey Him and do His mission or "will." He asks of me nothing that I can't do, because with Him all of it is possible!! I just have to believe in Him and He gets it done! He is using me and it feels so wonderful to be used by Christ! He is so WONDERFUL. It frustrates me often that there aren't words in any language that are good enough to describe Him. Often times when I'm praising Him my words in my earthly language seem silly so I just praise Him in my heavenly language!!! He is so wonderful I just want to sit at His feet and if I could just touch his toe that would be good enough for me for eternity!
This blog was created to journal my unique relationship with Christ. In March of 2006, I experienced a spiritual renewal that forever changed my life. I have a very real and personal relationship with Him.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Please read: This dream must be for someone
I don't know who this message is for and I don't think I'll ever know, but God knows and that is what matters.
I had a very strange dream last night that I feel I should blog about. The dream was very long but the part I feel I should share is this:
In my dream I was in heaven surrounded by many saints (Christians) and we were all worshipping the Lord. Everyone was so joyous and it was so wonderful. Words can't describe it well enough. However my spirit felt heaviness, sadness and I looked on as others became so glorious in Christ. I didn't know what was keeping me back. Suddenly God pulled me aside and held me to Him and we sat together and He asked me what was wrong, what was missing. Before I could answer he brought a child to me, it was an infant 10 months old. When I saw this child I cried out, I knew it was an aborted child and the pain of it was so great, it broke my spirit. As I sobbed and cried he gathered me in His arms and He comforted me. He showed me it was all right!! The child is all right! He has this infant and it's ok! The child started crawling and I was so joyous I got down on my hands and knees and crawled with him! I played with him and God was with us and he was laughing.
God wants someone to know that He forgives you and its ok! This child is ok and he's beautiful and he's in the Lords presence!!
I am crying as I type this because I feel His love SO strongly for whoever this is meant for, He loves you so much and wants you to be whole in HIM!
I had a very strange dream last night that I feel I should blog about. The dream was very long but the part I feel I should share is this:
In my dream I was in heaven surrounded by many saints (Christians) and we were all worshipping the Lord. Everyone was so joyous and it was so wonderful. Words can't describe it well enough. However my spirit felt heaviness, sadness and I looked on as others became so glorious in Christ. I didn't know what was keeping me back. Suddenly God pulled me aside and held me to Him and we sat together and He asked me what was wrong, what was missing. Before I could answer he brought a child to me, it was an infant 10 months old. When I saw this child I cried out, I knew it was an aborted child and the pain of it was so great, it broke my spirit. As I sobbed and cried he gathered me in His arms and He comforted me. He showed me it was all right!! The child is all right! He has this infant and it's ok! The child started crawling and I was so joyous I got down on my hands and knees and crawled with him! I played with him and God was with us and he was laughing.
God wants someone to know that He forgives you and its ok! This child is ok and he's beautiful and he's in the Lords presence!!
I am crying as I type this because I feel His love SO strongly for whoever this is meant for, He loves you so much and wants you to be whole in HIM!
Monday, March 27, 2006
God is cleaning my house: Update on my husband
The Holy Spirit is in my condo and He's cleaning my house and He's started with me!
The most wonderful thing is happening! It's like my husband and I are falling in love all over again! Every since the Holy Spirit fell on me it's like I'm seeing things through new and different eyes and when I look at my husband through Christ's eyes something happens! I start loving him with God's love and I can't see his faults anymore! It's like being on a honeymoon again!
When I keep my focus on Christ a sweetness comes into my home and my husband responds to this! We are falling all over each other trying to help each other out! Folks, miracles are happening here!!!! Christ's love is so powerful!!!!!!! Even an athiest responds to Christ's love! Isn't that powerful, Isn't HE powerful!!
I asked my husband the other day what he thinks would bring him true joy, I was very curious what he thinks would make him have joy and peace. He replied he thought if he had financial security that would allow him freedom then he would happy. I asked him "so lets say you had financial security that brought you freedom but you got sick, then all the money in the bank wouldn't be able to give you joy, right?" I asked him then "what if there was something that could give you joy, TRUE joy even when nothing is going your way. Joy when you're sick, joy when you're poor. JOY!" He response was "that isn't possible." My respose back "with CHRIST it is!!!"
I feel very strongly what the Holy Spirit is calling me to do in regards to my husband. He is calling me to love my husband with Christ's love and to allow HIM to shine through me. Philippians 2:12-16 NIV reads Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life- in order that Imay boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.
The most wonderful thing is happening! It's like my husband and I are falling in love all over again! Every since the Holy Spirit fell on me it's like I'm seeing things through new and different eyes and when I look at my husband through Christ's eyes something happens! I start loving him with God's love and I can't see his faults anymore! It's like being on a honeymoon again!
When I keep my focus on Christ a sweetness comes into my home and my husband responds to this! We are falling all over each other trying to help each other out! Folks, miracles are happening here!!!! Christ's love is so powerful!!!!!!! Even an athiest responds to Christ's love! Isn't that powerful, Isn't HE powerful!!
I asked my husband the other day what he thinks would bring him true joy, I was very curious what he thinks would make him have joy and peace. He replied he thought if he had financial security that would allow him freedom then he would happy. I asked him "so lets say you had financial security that brought you freedom but you got sick, then all the money in the bank wouldn't be able to give you joy, right?" I asked him then "what if there was something that could give you joy, TRUE joy even when nothing is going your way. Joy when you're sick, joy when you're poor. JOY!" He response was "that isn't possible." My respose back "with CHRIST it is!!!"
I feel very strongly what the Holy Spirit is calling me to do in regards to my husband. He is calling me to love my husband with Christ's love and to allow HIM to shine through me. Philippians 2:12-16 NIV reads Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life- in order that Imay boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.
Two new things to report for Him!!!!!
I learned yesterday if I'll just listen to Him and have faith in Him I'll save myself a lot of time and trouble.
I haven't been to church on Sunday in about a month. Each week something happens. Either I've had a stomach virus and couldn't leave the house or one of the kids has been too sick for the church nursery or I haven't had a car.
Yesterday I didn't have a car. I first thought I'd just take a taxi to church, problem solved. But then I'll admit I got lazy and thought I'd check out a church that is right beside my condo. So much easier to just walk with the babies next door than to take a taxi etc. So I got us ready, put the baby in the sling and my toddler on her leash and off we went.
I knew walking up to that church that it wasn't right. The name and denomination of that church is Unity. I know nothing about this denomination but I can tell you it wasn't for me or for a true believer in Christ. My spirit knew this but stubborn me had to see for myself so I dragged all 3 of us in and went to the church library to see what this Unity church believed in. Well wouldn't you know that everything was in Spanish so I couldn't find out for my stubborn self!
I stood there in the parking lot thinking about what I should do. The Holy Spirit was CLEARLY telling me to leave, yet I wanted desperately to attend church. This church was very nice, the people very inviting and warm. So tempting to stay. Amazing, the deceiver at work even in a church!!! THANK THE LORD FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!! I knew nothing about this church yet the Holy Spirit was speaking and leading me and he was saying RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
I found a place to sit and called my mom on the cell phone to report the situation I found myself in. When she heard the name Unity she too told me NOT TO STAY!!! THANK THE LORD FOR MY GODLY MOTHER!! What an encourager she is!!! She immediately suggested I catch a cab to my regular church and so what if I only get there the last 10 minutes!
Well that's just what I did, I had to walk with both babies back to my condo to get my wallet, and back down to catch the cab and off we went! I got there for the last 30 minutes and wouldn't you know as I sat there listening to the word He spoke to me and showed me how he wants me to share the Good News with my husbands family!
This leads to the second thing I wanted to report. I shared the Good News with my mother-in-law! After church she came over to visit the babies and the Holy Spirit fell on me and a joy that I couldn't contain overcame me and I shared with her what happened to me! She was very excited and said she believed what happened to me to be true! She listened to everything I had to say and was amazed! A seed has been planted! THANK YOU LORD!!!!
So I learned a lesson yesterday, if I'll just turn to Him and listen Him and obey Him, life will be a lot easier!!!
My heartfelf prayer; Thank you Lord for your Holy Spirit! Thank you Lord for speaking to me and guiding me in this dark and lonely world. You said in your Word: I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil one. John17:15
(King JamesVersion)
Thank you Lord that yesterday you kept me from the evil one. Now I pray Lord that you help me to constantly keep my focus on you. If I will only listen to You, You will be my guide in this dark world.
I haven't been to church on Sunday in about a month. Each week something happens. Either I've had a stomach virus and couldn't leave the house or one of the kids has been too sick for the church nursery or I haven't had a car.
Yesterday I didn't have a car. I first thought I'd just take a taxi to church, problem solved. But then I'll admit I got lazy and thought I'd check out a church that is right beside my condo. So much easier to just walk with the babies next door than to take a taxi etc. So I got us ready, put the baby in the sling and my toddler on her leash and off we went.
I knew walking up to that church that it wasn't right. The name and denomination of that church is Unity. I know nothing about this denomination but I can tell you it wasn't for me or for a true believer in Christ. My spirit knew this but stubborn me had to see for myself so I dragged all 3 of us in and went to the church library to see what this Unity church believed in. Well wouldn't you know that everything was in Spanish so I couldn't find out for my stubborn self!
I stood there in the parking lot thinking about what I should do. The Holy Spirit was CLEARLY telling me to leave, yet I wanted desperately to attend church. This church was very nice, the people very inviting and warm. So tempting to stay. Amazing, the deceiver at work even in a church!!! THANK THE LORD FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!! I knew nothing about this church yet the Holy Spirit was speaking and leading me and he was saying RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
I found a place to sit and called my mom on the cell phone to report the situation I found myself in. When she heard the name Unity she too told me NOT TO STAY!!! THANK THE LORD FOR MY GODLY MOTHER!! What an encourager she is!!! She immediately suggested I catch a cab to my regular church and so what if I only get there the last 10 minutes!
Well that's just what I did, I had to walk with both babies back to my condo to get my wallet, and back down to catch the cab and off we went! I got there for the last 30 minutes and wouldn't you know as I sat there listening to the word He spoke to me and showed me how he wants me to share the Good News with my husbands family!
This leads to the second thing I wanted to report. I shared the Good News with my mother-in-law! After church she came over to visit the babies and the Holy Spirit fell on me and a joy that I couldn't contain overcame me and I shared with her what happened to me! She was very excited and said she believed what happened to me to be true! She listened to everything I had to say and was amazed! A seed has been planted! THANK YOU LORD!!!!
So I learned a lesson yesterday, if I'll just turn to Him and listen Him and obey Him, life will be a lot easier!!!
My heartfelf prayer; Thank you Lord for your Holy Spirit! Thank you Lord for speaking to me and guiding me in this dark and lonely world. You said in your Word: I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil one. John17:15
(King JamesVersion)
Thank you Lord that yesterday you kept me from the evil one. Now I pray Lord that you help me to constantly keep my focus on you. If I will only listen to You, You will be my guide in this dark world.
Isn't He sweet?
Isn't He sweet? Isn't He wonderful? There aren't enough words to describe how AWESOME He is! Is this why we speak in this other language? There are times I'm worshipping Him and I just stumble all over myself in my language, and then when my heavenly language comes I just flow and worship Him and it's so SWEET. Have you felt this sweetness????? I want to stay at His feet forever. It's all I need.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Is the Word all we need?
When the Holy Spirit first fell on me I was at home taking care of my two children. My infant was in his fisherprice swing and 2 yo was napping.
When she woke I carried her on my hip and walked my house in circles praying in another language. Both kids were sick and needed a lot of attention and all I wanted to do was fall down on my face and worship Him. I wanted to soak up the Word and read it all! I couldn't read fast enough, still can't. Many times I'll be feeding Lorenzo and have the bible propped up beside me, there's just not the time to sit for hours and study like I'd like.
I've always remembered the stories of my Grandma Grace who would prop the bible up and read as she ironed. Before I always found that curious, what was so interesting in the Word that you can't put it down to iron!
Now I know! The Word is alive. When I read I feel this, He speaks to me. I feel Him in me and around me. It's like reading about the most exciting adventure! But better because the adventure continues within me!
All my life I've read the Word, off and on. Most times I couldn't understand it. Didn't know where to start. I'd read and my mind would drift off and I'd have to read the same verus again and again. Distracted. I was so distracted.
I've been thinking about this word a lot lately. Distraction. Since the Holy Spirit fell on me, I've felt a strong pull to the Word of God. I feel the Spirit leading me back to the Word. It's like a gentle whisper in my ear saying the Word is the only book I need. Everything else is a distraction. If I'll just have faith in Him he'll open my eyes and teach me through His word.
I have the book The Purpose Driven Life and I'm curious to read it now that my eyes are opened but something keeps pulling me back to the Word. I don't want to sound arrogant but really, why do I need a book called The Purpose Driven Life?
I already know my purpose!!!! I don't need a book to tell me that!!! It's so simple, I don't have to waste any time on that! We have one purpose, or really two. To worship Him and to love our neighbor as our ourself!!!
I don't think TPDL is evil, I just think it's way too complicated. To me it's more simple, and I wonder if TPDL is just another distraction that actually keeps us from the real truth.
For now I'm going to read the Word and immerse myself in it's truths. I don't think I can go wrong with that and I'm trusting Him that He will teach me, guide me and keep me humble.
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord help me. I beg you to never let me forget what my purpose is! When the scales fell off my eyes I so clearly knew what my purpose was. You revealed it so clearly and freshly to me. You showed me that it's so simple. It's all about You, worshipping You. Going back to You over and over. Oh Lord don't let the deceiver, deceive and confuse me ever again. We get distracted so easily and so quickly Lord! Our minds say to us that it can't be so simple and we try and complicate it. But You have showed me the truth! Thank you Lord!!!!!! Now help me Lord, keep me humble and may it always be all about You and nothing else!
When she woke I carried her on my hip and walked my house in circles praying in another language. Both kids were sick and needed a lot of attention and all I wanted to do was fall down on my face and worship Him. I wanted to soak up the Word and read it all! I couldn't read fast enough, still can't. Many times I'll be feeding Lorenzo and have the bible propped up beside me, there's just not the time to sit for hours and study like I'd like.
I've always remembered the stories of my Grandma Grace who would prop the bible up and read as she ironed. Before I always found that curious, what was so interesting in the Word that you can't put it down to iron!
Now I know! The Word is alive. When I read I feel this, He speaks to me. I feel Him in me and around me. It's like reading about the most exciting adventure! But better because the adventure continues within me!
All my life I've read the Word, off and on. Most times I couldn't understand it. Didn't know where to start. I'd read and my mind would drift off and I'd have to read the same verus again and again. Distracted. I was so distracted.
I've been thinking about this word a lot lately. Distraction. Since the Holy Spirit fell on me, I've felt a strong pull to the Word of God. I feel the Spirit leading me back to the Word. It's like a gentle whisper in my ear saying the Word is the only book I need. Everything else is a distraction. If I'll just have faith in Him he'll open my eyes and teach me through His word.
I have the book The Purpose Driven Life and I'm curious to read it now that my eyes are opened but something keeps pulling me back to the Word. I don't want to sound arrogant but really, why do I need a book called The Purpose Driven Life?
I already know my purpose!!!! I don't need a book to tell me that!!! It's so simple, I don't have to waste any time on that! We have one purpose, or really two. To worship Him and to love our neighbor as our ourself!!!
I don't think TPDL is evil, I just think it's way too complicated. To me it's more simple, and I wonder if TPDL is just another distraction that actually keeps us from the real truth.
For now I'm going to read the Word and immerse myself in it's truths. I don't think I can go wrong with that and I'm trusting Him that He will teach me, guide me and keep me humble.
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord help me. I beg you to never let me forget what my purpose is! When the scales fell off my eyes I so clearly knew what my purpose was. You revealed it so clearly and freshly to me. You showed me that it's so simple. It's all about You, worshipping You. Going back to You over and over. Oh Lord don't let the deceiver, deceive and confuse me ever again. We get distracted so easily and so quickly Lord! Our minds say to us that it can't be so simple and we try and complicate it. But You have showed me the truth! Thank you Lord!!!!!! Now help me Lord, keep me humble and may it always be all about You and nothing else!
Friday, March 24, 2006
Put the cookie down in the name of Jesus!
I guess everyone has issues in life. Things we struggle with.
For some it might be drinking, drugs, pornography, greed or homosexuality. Those are just a few that come to mind.
What about FOOD? Is this talked about in the church? It might be that I've been out of church too long and missed it, but I've never heard this issue talked about (that I remember)in the 18 years that I attended.
Food has always been an issue for me. The spirit is revealing to me how I've let food become my god.
I've heard my mother talk many times about a God created vacuum that we all have. Some try to fill it with a new car, fancy jewelery, sex, drinking, whatever we can find.
There are many ways I've let food become my god. It seems all my life I've been on some diet and no matter how much I lose it's never enough. I've done extreme dieting and exercise to acheive a sense of control, a high from seeing the scale get less each day.
I want to thank God for healing me from that issue!!! Now that I know the truth, I know I can never find joy and happiness in how much I weigh or what I look like! God has made me absolutely perfect all for Him! As a woman living in today's society and having let myself be deceived by the deceiver, I can't tell you how FREEING that is to FINALLY love myself and find myself perfect. When I look at myself through His eyes and His love, I see there's nothing I need to change. He loves me exactly as I am, because He made me so I can worship Him!! I am free in Christ!!!
This concept of freedom in Christ really gets me thinking. So if I'm free in Christ and I'm made perfect in Him then bring on the cookies!!!!!!
NOT SO FAST!!! I feel the spirit wanting me to really understand freedom in Christ.
You my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love. Galatians 5:12
What does this verse mean to me??? It speaks to me, the word is alive and I feel the spirit guiding me, gently teaching me.
How many times have I turned to food to find comfort? How many times have I turned to food when I'm lonely? How many times have I turned to food because I'm sad or bored or even happy?????? Too many times to count. Food has become a god to me. HE wants me to turn to Him when I need comfort. Him when I'm lonely, sad, bored and yes even happy!
It's SO easy just to sweep this command to obedience He is asking of me aside. "Oh it's just food, don't be silly!" Or "I'm not obese, I don't have a problem." or even say to myself "well, we can't drink, we can't do this or that, so we might as well eat." I can't tell you how many times in dealing with my toddler I get stressed and I use eating to calm me. Or in the evenings when I'm bored and eating mindlessly in front of tv instead of worshipping Him or reading His word or paying attention to my husband.
The question is will I obey HIM? Will I give food to Christ? Will I find my true joy in Him? Will I let Him be my comforter. Self control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Will I allow Him to find me and give me this???
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I hunger for you, I want you! I chose you! Help me Lord, help me to turn to YOU always to find what I need in You! You are truely all I need! Help me to never forget that.
For some it might be drinking, drugs, pornography, greed or homosexuality. Those are just a few that come to mind.
What about FOOD? Is this talked about in the church? It might be that I've been out of church too long and missed it, but I've never heard this issue talked about (that I remember)in the 18 years that I attended.
Food has always been an issue for me. The spirit is revealing to me how I've let food become my god.
I've heard my mother talk many times about a God created vacuum that we all have. Some try to fill it with a new car, fancy jewelery, sex, drinking, whatever we can find.
There are many ways I've let food become my god. It seems all my life I've been on some diet and no matter how much I lose it's never enough. I've done extreme dieting and exercise to acheive a sense of control, a high from seeing the scale get less each day.
I want to thank God for healing me from that issue!!! Now that I know the truth, I know I can never find joy and happiness in how much I weigh or what I look like! God has made me absolutely perfect all for Him! As a woman living in today's society and having let myself be deceived by the deceiver, I can't tell you how FREEING that is to FINALLY love myself and find myself perfect. When I look at myself through His eyes and His love, I see there's nothing I need to change. He loves me exactly as I am, because He made me so I can worship Him!! I am free in Christ!!!
This concept of freedom in Christ really gets me thinking. So if I'm free in Christ and I'm made perfect in Him then bring on the cookies!!!!!!
NOT SO FAST!!! I feel the spirit wanting me to really understand freedom in Christ.
You my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love. Galatians 5:12
What does this verse mean to me??? It speaks to me, the word is alive and I feel the spirit guiding me, gently teaching me.
How many times have I turned to food to find comfort? How many times have I turned to food when I'm lonely? How many times have I turned to food because I'm sad or bored or even happy?????? Too many times to count. Food has become a god to me. HE wants me to turn to Him when I need comfort. Him when I'm lonely, sad, bored and yes even happy!
It's SO easy just to sweep this command to obedience He is asking of me aside. "Oh it's just food, don't be silly!" Or "I'm not obese, I don't have a problem." or even say to myself "well, we can't drink, we can't do this or that, so we might as well eat." I can't tell you how many times in dealing with my toddler I get stressed and I use eating to calm me. Or in the evenings when I'm bored and eating mindlessly in front of tv instead of worshipping Him or reading His word or paying attention to my husband.
The question is will I obey HIM? Will I give food to Christ? Will I find my true joy in Him? Will I let Him be my comforter. Self control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Will I allow Him to find me and give me this???
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I hunger for you, I want you! I chose you! Help me Lord, help me to turn to YOU always to find what I need in You! You are truely all I need! Help me to never forget that.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Am I truly living free in Christ?
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1 NIV
The joy of the Lord that I have experienced has been so wonderful that I am very quick to try and find ways to keep it. It has only been a little over a week that I have learned the truth and yet already my flesh is trying to find things to "do" in hopes of keeping God's favor and blessing.
Must I get stuck on this lesson forever??? There is so much more God wants to show me and yet I keep coming back to this issue.
There is NOTHING FOR ME TO DO!!!! In Galatians 4:8-9 it reads: Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God-or rather are known by God-how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?
Again THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME TO DO TO EARN ETERNAL LIFE!!!! Galatians 3:1-5 NIV reads: You foolish Galatians! Who has bewiched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law or by believing what you heard? Are you foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? have you suffered so much for nothing? Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?
I AM nothing without Him and NOTHING I do can save me. Only Him and His blood save and give me eternal life. When I focus on Him and keep my eyes on Him then His power will be released and He will give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It's not about "doing" those things to earn salvation or favor, it's about worshipping Him, believing in Him and keeping my focus on Him and THEN He will give me these things because Galatians 5:22 NIV reads: But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us.
When I give Him control He GIVES me these things!!!!
My heartfelt prayer, Oh Lord thank you for your word. Help me Lord, teach me Lord. Guide me Lord. Thank you for your blood. I can't produce that fruit myself, if I try to produce it myself I will fail. When I become irritated help me to remember that it's about turning to You, giving myself to You, worshipping You. It's not about focusing on being good or patient, it's about worshipping You. Turning my focus away from myself and my irritation and allowing myself to be found by you. THEN you will give me love, joy, peace, patience kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Only because you died for me can I have these things. Keep me humble Lord, humble me Lord and never stop teaching me.
I am FREE in Christ, my mission on earth is not to become perfect!!! I am not to strive to be perfect!!!!! This is freedom in Christ!! My mission on earth is worship Him, focus on Him and when I do this God's love will pour out of me and I'm free to Love my neighbor as I love myself! Galatians 5:13-14 NIV reads: You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
The joy of the Lord that I have experienced has been so wonderful that I am very quick to try and find ways to keep it. It has only been a little over a week that I have learned the truth and yet already my flesh is trying to find things to "do" in hopes of keeping God's favor and blessing.
Must I get stuck on this lesson forever??? There is so much more God wants to show me and yet I keep coming back to this issue.
There is NOTHING FOR ME TO DO!!!! In Galatians 4:8-9 it reads: Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God-or rather are known by God-how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?
Again THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME TO DO TO EARN ETERNAL LIFE!!!! Galatians 3:1-5 NIV reads: You foolish Galatians! Who has bewiched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law or by believing what you heard? Are you foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? have you suffered so much for nothing? Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?
I AM nothing without Him and NOTHING I do can save me. Only Him and His blood save and give me eternal life. When I focus on Him and keep my eyes on Him then His power will be released and He will give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It's not about "doing" those things to earn salvation or favor, it's about worshipping Him, believing in Him and keeping my focus on Him and THEN He will give me these things because Galatians 5:22 NIV reads: But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us.
When I give Him control He GIVES me these things!!!!
My heartfelt prayer, Oh Lord thank you for your word. Help me Lord, teach me Lord. Guide me Lord. Thank you for your blood. I can't produce that fruit myself, if I try to produce it myself I will fail. When I become irritated help me to remember that it's about turning to You, giving myself to You, worshipping You. It's not about focusing on being good or patient, it's about worshipping You. Turning my focus away from myself and my irritation and allowing myself to be found by you. THEN you will give me love, joy, peace, patience kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Only because you died for me can I have these things. Keep me humble Lord, humble me Lord and never stop teaching me.
I am FREE in Christ, my mission on earth is not to become perfect!!! I am not to strive to be perfect!!!!! This is freedom in Christ!! My mission on earth is worship Him, focus on Him and when I do this God's love will pour out of me and I'm free to Love my neighbor as I love myself! Galatians 5:13-14 NIV reads: You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Words of wisdom from my Granddaddy
Keep your head and heart in the clouds but keep your feet firmly established on the ground. Jesus in His prayer for His disciples before His leaving them prayed, I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil one. John17:15
(King JamesVersion)
My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for your word and truth. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such godly Grandparents that can help guide and teach me. You have given me such a blessing and I thank you for my family. Lord you have called me here on this earth and I am put here to do your will. Help me Lord. I can't live without you. Keep me humble Lord and teach me. I am ready to listen to you and to follow you. I am ready to die to myself and my flesh and I can only do this with You, because of You. Through you. You died on the cross and shed your blood for me, because I am weak and because I will fail again and again. I am saved because of You and only because of You. It's all about You Lord and I worship you!
(King JamesVersion)
My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for your word and truth. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such godly Grandparents that can help guide and teach me. You have given me such a blessing and I thank you for my family. Lord you have called me here on this earth and I am put here to do your will. Help me Lord. I can't live without you. Keep me humble Lord and teach me. I am ready to listen to you and to follow you. I am ready to die to myself and my flesh and I can only do this with You, because of You. Through you. You died on the cross and shed your blood for me, because I am weak and because I will fail again and again. I am saved because of You and only because of You. It's all about You Lord and I worship you!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I can worship in my sleep!!
I discovered an amazing thing last night. I can worship Him in my sleep. While my body is resting, my soul is worshipping Him!!!! Several times I've noticed that when I wake up in the middle of the night I find myself speaking in tongues. There is a sweetness and I feel Him!! He is with me even when I sleep! I can sense Him very strongly and the peace is AWESOME! The only way I can describe this experience is to say it's like my body is laying there resting and asleep but my soul is somewhere else praising and worshipping Him. It feels like I'm not totally asleep yet when I'm in this state my body gets more rest than if I'm in deep sleep.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
The word is ALIVE!!!!!!
I wrote the following below while being drunk in the Holy Spirit!!
Did you know that the word of God is ALIVE???!!!!
The word is ALIVE!!! I am living the word! I am living IN the word. The word speaks to me, it talks to me, it was written FOR ME!!! It's REAL and it's ALIVE!!
I want to absorb it. I want to soak in it. I want to know it. I want to commit it to my mind. I want to know more.
Everything else is a copy, an imitation of Him. The deceiver is jealous and uses this world and the things in this world to deceive us and distract us from Him. The deceiver is jealous that it's all about God.
God abhors sin and the copying of his gifts because they are not about Him. He is a jealous God and everything is about Him, it's all about Him. Don't lose sight of Him. Don't let the deceiver fool you, there is no true joy in his fake imitations.
You will know the truth when you see it, there are no grey areas. There is no doubt. What isn't about Him, isn't from Him.
It's so simple. There's nothing to do. It's been done for you. It's all about Him. Find your joy in Him.
Did you know that the word of God is ALIVE???!!!!
The word is ALIVE!!! I am living the word! I am living IN the word. The word speaks to me, it talks to me, it was written FOR ME!!! It's REAL and it's ALIVE!!
I want to absorb it. I want to soak in it. I want to know it. I want to commit it to my mind. I want to know more.
Everything else is a copy, an imitation of Him. The deceiver is jealous and uses this world and the things in this world to deceive us and distract us from Him. The deceiver is jealous that it's all about God.
God abhors sin and the copying of his gifts because they are not about Him. He is a jealous God and everything is about Him, it's all about Him. Don't lose sight of Him. Don't let the deceiver fool you, there is no true joy in his fake imitations.
You will know the truth when you see it, there are no grey areas. There is no doubt. What isn't about Him, isn't from Him.
It's so simple. There's nothing to do. It's been done for you. It's all about Him. Find your joy in Him.
Did you know that God is in everything??!!
I wrote the following below while being drunk in the Holy Spirit!!! When I focus on Him and lose myself and my desires to Him I can SEE Him! He is everything that is beautiful and pure!!
Every laugh, everything pure is from Him, is Him. Every joy comes from Him, every gift, every blessing is His to help us keep our focus on Him and to show Himself to us. When we laugh we laugh with Him. When we cry, we cry with Him. He is in us, He is with us always. He never leaves. We just have to find Him and focus on Him. It's not of this world, it can't be explained in words. It's all about Him, it's about going back to Him. It's about losing yourself in Him and finding yourself in Him. Finding your true purpose and meaning in Him. It's so simple, you don't have to define it or explain it. He is real. God is real and He's with us always, we just have to find Him and focus on Him. It's about having the mind and faith of a child.
Every laugh, everything pure is from Him, is Him. Every joy comes from Him, every gift, every blessing is His to help us keep our focus on Him and to show Himself to us. When we laugh we laugh with Him. When we cry, we cry with Him. He is in us, He is with us always. He never leaves. We just have to find Him and focus on Him. It's not of this world, it can't be explained in words. It's all about Him, it's about going back to Him. It's about losing yourself in Him and finding yourself in Him. Finding your true purpose and meaning in Him. It's so simple, you don't have to define it or explain it. He is real. God is real and He's with us always, we just have to find Him and focus on Him. It's about having the mind and faith of a child.
Did you know that God is real???!!!
It all started a year ago in March 2005. I was at a party with my husband and mother-in-law and a good family friend sat at our table. This friend had recently been born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.
She was alive and on fire for God and turned to my husband and said “God wants you!!!” She was very bold in her statements and I felt God reaching down and speaking through her. What she said touched me to my core.
She shared that after becoming born again her husband forbid her to go to church, he was jewish. She told me she would lie in bed at night and lay hands on him and pray in the spirit and plead the blood over him. He miraculously came to Christ one day in a busy mall; he fell right there on his knees and worshiped the Lord.
This woman spoke the truth and God put her at that party, at our table to speak to me. It was like God reached down and grabbed me by the heart and said “I want you!!” The seed was planted in my heart. After that I started hungering after Him.
I found out about a church that had services in English and started attending on Sundays. This caused a huge conflict with my husband because he is athiest.
A lot happened that is too long to share but it basically came down to choosing between my husband or God. It was the hardest, scariest decision I’ve ever made. But I choose God and I got up on Sundays and took my 2 year old daughter and newborn son and we went.
As I drove each Sunday morning I would give the problem back to God, I didn’t know how he was going to work it out or what would happen with my marriage, it was a scary time but I would just pray “I choose you, I choose you” as I drove.
The church I found is interdenominational, called the Union Church. Check out their website at www.unionchurchofsanjuan.org Although it's not pentecostal I can feel the Holy Spirit gently in the services. He is there!!
Then my mother ordered me a series of books by Ted Dekker. As I was finishing the 2nd book I was sitting on my couch thinking about what I read. It dawned on me suddenly that I needed to give everything about me to Christ. Every desire, every wish, every thought, every emotion. To give up everything in order to receive true fulfillment and eternal life.
I became filled with deep despair because as much as I wanted to give up the deepest desires of my heart, I wasn’t able to do it. I am too full of sin and I will fail again and again.
At that moment something hit me like a bolt of lighting!!! I realized I didn’t have to do anything!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it for me!!!! He did it ALL for me on the cross!!!!!! It’s not about me being good or doing this or that!!!! I can never be good enough, or perfect enough!!! Only his blood can wash me clean!!!! There is nothing for me to do!!! It’s so simple!!! It’s all about Him!!!! Everything is about Him!!!
All the sudden I opened my mouth and I started speaking in a language I didn’t know. I felt actual scales fall off my eyes and I saw two whole worlds and I realized God was real!!!
As this was happening to me my 2 year old was napping, my infant was in his swing and my husband on the computer. It was so powerful, I ran to my husband crying and I told him “God is REAL!!!” He’s real!!!!” I told him “I was just sitting on the couch and something has happened to me! I know beyond any doubt that God is real!” My husband practically ran out the door on a sudden errand, he laughed it off saying I had lost my mind. As he left I told him “you’ve been married to me for 8 years, you KNOW I’m not crazy! God is real!”
While he was gone I literally walked my house in circles praying in tongues while God revealed things to me in waves.
Here is what I wrote down frantically as it was happening to me: Everything in this world is a distraction away from God. The only thing that matters is so simple, it’s one word, CHRIST. It’s all about Him, it always has been all about Him. The world and things in this world are just to take your eyes off Him and confuse you. It’s about a constant focus on Him, about being in constant worship. Everything else holds no importance. Nothing matters but Him, it’s so simple. To worship Him is to be with Him. There is no other joy, He is the joy. His joy is real, I can taste it, I can swim in it, I can breathe him. He’s everywhere, He’s everywhere I look. I don’t have to turn my head to find Him, to see Him. He’s in the rocks, He’s in the trees. He is beauty, He is love. He is pure. To worship Him is to slip from this world and find Him. Everything else is a distraction; it’s about going back to Him, worshiping again. It’s living in two worlds at once; it’s balancing them but never loosing focus of Him. Until one day we are with Him and there will be no distractions, just Him. It’s all I need; it’s what I was made for. I know what I’m made for, it’s for Him, it’s all about Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is only the start of what he is revealing to me, as I open my self to Him and focus on Him He shows me things that give me DEEP joy. I have been filling up pages, writing as fast as I can what he’s been showing me until I realized I don’t have to write it all down, that I COULDN’T write it all down, it’s too much!! And then that’s when I realized that the word of God is ALIVE. Do you know that it is ALIVE????!!!!! Everything I need to know is right in His word, and all the sudden He is speaking to me in His word, I’m jumping from place to place every thing I read has deep meaning!!!It’s ALIVE!!!!!!
It’s as if I’ve just been born and I’m experiencing everything for the first time. I was blind but now I SEE!!!!! I SEE now!!!! I can’t get enough of Him!!! In a second He changed EVERYTHING about me. There isn’t an area in my life that has been changed and touched.
My journey with Him has just begun. I've created this blog so I can always remember this journey with Him!
Anyone who reads, feel free to comment. I love to read any words of wisdom or encourgement!
She was alive and on fire for God and turned to my husband and said “God wants you!!!” She was very bold in her statements and I felt God reaching down and speaking through her. What she said touched me to my core.
She shared that after becoming born again her husband forbid her to go to church, he was jewish. She told me she would lie in bed at night and lay hands on him and pray in the spirit and plead the blood over him. He miraculously came to Christ one day in a busy mall; he fell right there on his knees and worshiped the Lord.
This woman spoke the truth and God put her at that party, at our table to speak to me. It was like God reached down and grabbed me by the heart and said “I want you!!” The seed was planted in my heart. After that I started hungering after Him.
I found out about a church that had services in English and started attending on Sundays. This caused a huge conflict with my husband because he is athiest.
A lot happened that is too long to share but it basically came down to choosing between my husband or God. It was the hardest, scariest decision I’ve ever made. But I choose God and I got up on Sundays and took my 2 year old daughter and newborn son and we went.
As I drove each Sunday morning I would give the problem back to God, I didn’t know how he was going to work it out or what would happen with my marriage, it was a scary time but I would just pray “I choose you, I choose you” as I drove.
The church I found is interdenominational, called the Union Church. Check out their website at www.unionchurchofsanjuan.org Although it's not pentecostal I can feel the Holy Spirit gently in the services. He is there!!
Then my mother ordered me a series of books by Ted Dekker. As I was finishing the 2nd book I was sitting on my couch thinking about what I read. It dawned on me suddenly that I needed to give everything about me to Christ. Every desire, every wish, every thought, every emotion. To give up everything in order to receive true fulfillment and eternal life.
I became filled with deep despair because as much as I wanted to give up the deepest desires of my heart, I wasn’t able to do it. I am too full of sin and I will fail again and again.
At that moment something hit me like a bolt of lighting!!! I realized I didn’t have to do anything!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it for me!!!! He did it ALL for me on the cross!!!!!! It’s not about me being good or doing this or that!!!! I can never be good enough, or perfect enough!!! Only his blood can wash me clean!!!! There is nothing for me to do!!! It’s so simple!!! It’s all about Him!!!! Everything is about Him!!!
All the sudden I opened my mouth and I started speaking in a language I didn’t know. I felt actual scales fall off my eyes and I saw two whole worlds and I realized God was real!!!
As this was happening to me my 2 year old was napping, my infant was in his swing and my husband on the computer. It was so powerful, I ran to my husband crying and I told him “God is REAL!!!” He’s real!!!!” I told him “I was just sitting on the couch and something has happened to me! I know beyond any doubt that God is real!” My husband practically ran out the door on a sudden errand, he laughed it off saying I had lost my mind. As he left I told him “you’ve been married to me for 8 years, you KNOW I’m not crazy! God is real!”
While he was gone I literally walked my house in circles praying in tongues while God revealed things to me in waves.
Here is what I wrote down frantically as it was happening to me: Everything in this world is a distraction away from God. The only thing that matters is so simple, it’s one word, CHRIST. It’s all about Him, it always has been all about Him. The world and things in this world are just to take your eyes off Him and confuse you. It’s about a constant focus on Him, about being in constant worship. Everything else holds no importance. Nothing matters but Him, it’s so simple. To worship Him is to be with Him. There is no other joy, He is the joy. His joy is real, I can taste it, I can swim in it, I can breathe him. He’s everywhere, He’s everywhere I look. I don’t have to turn my head to find Him, to see Him. He’s in the rocks, He’s in the trees. He is beauty, He is love. He is pure. To worship Him is to slip from this world and find Him. Everything else is a distraction; it’s about going back to Him, worshiping again. It’s living in two worlds at once; it’s balancing them but never loosing focus of Him. Until one day we are with Him and there will be no distractions, just Him. It’s all I need; it’s what I was made for. I know what I’m made for, it’s for Him, it’s all about Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is only the start of what he is revealing to me, as I open my self to Him and focus on Him He shows me things that give me DEEP joy. I have been filling up pages, writing as fast as I can what he’s been showing me until I realized I don’t have to write it all down, that I COULDN’T write it all down, it’s too much!! And then that’s when I realized that the word of God is ALIVE. Do you know that it is ALIVE????!!!!! Everything I need to know is right in His word, and all the sudden He is speaking to me in His word, I’m jumping from place to place every thing I read has deep meaning!!!It’s ALIVE!!!!!!
It’s as if I’ve just been born and I’m experiencing everything for the first time. I was blind but now I SEE!!!!! I SEE now!!!! I can’t get enough of Him!!! In a second He changed EVERYTHING about me. There isn’t an area in my life that has been changed and touched.
My journey with Him has just begun. I've created this blog so I can always remember this journey with Him!
Anyone who reads, feel free to comment. I love to read any words of wisdom or encourgement!
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