Yesterday the Lord showed me something that has rocked my world and shaken me down to my core. He healed me in a way that only He could do, something so deep and so private that it could ONLY have been Him. He revealed Himself to me, He spoke to me and when I obeyed and followed Him, He blessed me in a way that I never thought He could or would. I am still in deep shock, shock at the miracle and shocked at the depth of His love for me. He touched me to show me His love.
Do you believe in the supernatural? Do you believe in supernatural power? Do you believe He will give us supernatural power? What is this power, what kind of power? I believe with pure faith His power is limitless! I'm talking moving mountains kind of power.
In Acts 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Do you believe we are in a spiritual battle? YES WE ARE!! Ephesians 6:11-13 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
I don't believe God would put us in the middle of a spiritual battle without any weapons! I believe He will give us mighty power when we ask, when we believe and when we claim it!
God isn't about going to church on Sunday, sitting in the pew and saying a few amens and see ya next Sunday (which has been me most of my life.) WE ARE IN A SPIRITUAL BATTLE! It's time to wake up world and nonbelievers, clue in and fight the good fight!
There is a whole lot going on behind the scenes and I'm amazed at the power the deceiver has! He has blinded the world to the truth! They can't see true love! I can't believe I was so blind to not see it before when I was told many times, it seems so clear now.
If the deceiver has so much power then how much more we have with Him in us! 1 John 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
I'm ready to wake up and tap into that power He promises! I'm ready to fight the good fight!! Are you with me???!!!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Earthly vs. Heavenly Treasures
My computer has been down over the last couple of days.
John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
What will your room or “mansion” look like?
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Sunday we went to a friend’s brand new multi-million dollar home. It’s still under some construction and they aren’t living in it yet, but they got their fresh water pool working and invited us to come over and swim.
Their house is just gorgeous, three stories and backs right up to the beautiful Caribbean ocean. Plenty of space, something that is rare here unless you’ve got tons of money. As I walked from room to room admiring and ohhing and ahhing, I tried to imagine what it would be like to live in a house like that and have the lifestyle they do. They have several other homes and condos and own a multi-million dollar boat and have their own helicopter. It’s a lifestyle I can’t even imagine really.
I walked out to what they call the sky lounge, an area on the roof top they’re turning into a bar and grill area. It has a breathtaking view of the ocean, I stood there tasting the sea salt on my lips and the wind whipping and pulling at my hair. As I looked out over the ocean mixed emotions came to me and I’ll admit maybe even a tiny bit of jealousy. Hey I’m only human! Lol!
But later when I got home I got to thinking how all these things are just earthy possessions that will rust and fade away, and eventually amount to nothing!! Isn’t that an amazing thought, all that hard work, a whole life’s work of sweat, blood and tears will mount up to nothing! It’s fading, passing pleasure.
I suddenly started realizing that I don’t want to be drooling or desiring after those things!!! Then I got to thinking about the room or “mansion” I will have up there! You know, I don’t want to just slip into heaven at the last minute. I want to work, to groan, to strain in this life so that I can built up heavenly treasures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then it dawned on me what a waste of time envy is and I got to praying for my friends that God would bless them even more!! I pray only the best for them, may the Lord never hold back but bless them according to His will.
The Lord showed me something very valuable Sunday, these earthly things will all fade away but what we do for the Kingdom is everlasting! I want heavenly treasures; I want more than a fading, passing pleasure. I want to work hard, to keep my eyes fixed on His face. I want the fruit of the Spirit, the power of the Holy Spirit. I want His sweetness, I want His joy!!!! I want Him!! He is so sweet, so pure. His love is all I need!
My heartfelt prayer: Lord thank you for the blessing in my life, thank you Lord for pulling the scales off my eyes and revealing yourself to me. Thank you for showing me your heart, your love. I don’t desire earthy things; you have blessed me and tickled me down to my toes by showing me your mercy! All I want Lord is your mercy! How wonderful and thrilling your mercy is!!!!!!!!!!
John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
What will your room or “mansion” look like?
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Sunday we went to a friend’s brand new multi-million dollar home. It’s still under some construction and they aren’t living in it yet, but they got their fresh water pool working and invited us to come over and swim.
Their house is just gorgeous, three stories and backs right up to the beautiful Caribbean ocean. Plenty of space, something that is rare here unless you’ve got tons of money. As I walked from room to room admiring and ohhing and ahhing, I tried to imagine what it would be like to live in a house like that and have the lifestyle they do. They have several other homes and condos and own a multi-million dollar boat and have their own helicopter. It’s a lifestyle I can’t even imagine really.
I walked out to what they call the sky lounge, an area on the roof top they’re turning into a bar and grill area. It has a breathtaking view of the ocean, I stood there tasting the sea salt on my lips and the wind whipping and pulling at my hair. As I looked out over the ocean mixed emotions came to me and I’ll admit maybe even a tiny bit of jealousy. Hey I’m only human! Lol!
But later when I got home I got to thinking how all these things are just earthy possessions that will rust and fade away, and eventually amount to nothing!! Isn’t that an amazing thought, all that hard work, a whole life’s work of sweat, blood and tears will mount up to nothing! It’s fading, passing pleasure.
I suddenly started realizing that I don’t want to be drooling or desiring after those things!!! Then I got to thinking about the room or “mansion” I will have up there! You know, I don’t want to just slip into heaven at the last minute. I want to work, to groan, to strain in this life so that I can built up heavenly treasures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then it dawned on me what a waste of time envy is and I got to praying for my friends that God would bless them even more!! I pray only the best for them, may the Lord never hold back but bless them according to His will.
The Lord showed me something very valuable Sunday, these earthly things will all fade away but what we do for the Kingdom is everlasting! I want heavenly treasures; I want more than a fading, passing pleasure. I want to work hard, to keep my eyes fixed on His face. I want the fruit of the Spirit, the power of the Holy Spirit. I want His sweetness, I want His joy!!!! I want Him!! He is so sweet, so pure. His love is all I need!
My heartfelt prayer: Lord thank you for the blessing in my life, thank you Lord for pulling the scales off my eyes and revealing yourself to me. Thank you for showing me your heart, your love. I don’t desire earthy things; you have blessed me and tickled me down to my toes by showing me your mercy! All I want Lord is your mercy! How wonderful and thrilling your mercy is!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Why do bad things happen?
Why do bad things happen, even to "good" people? This is a question that has been playing around in my mind. It seems since being born again, my thoughts and ideas about everything have changed.
For many years I've believed there was a God, but I came to the conclusion that he abandoned us. I really thought for the most part he had nothing to do with everyday life or even cared what happened to us. Just too many people on the planet and too much pain for there to be a loving, caring and involved God.
Oh wow!! I was SO wrong and deceived! What saddens me is so many people feel that way. My father-in-law is one of those people. He believes there's a God but thinks God doesn't care or have anything to do with him.
The more I read the word and pray the more I think I understand why bad things happen to even good people. Its way more simple than I ever realized!
1. Sin
2. To "prune" us!
Let me explain #1 I believe that our sins have consequences. Romans 6:23 NIV reads For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. When we turn away from God and sin, there is a price to pay. Now I also know that when we turn to God or back to God (as in my case) He will forgive us for those sins. But so far I haven't read anywhere in the Word where it says "He will forgive our sins and come down and fix every mess we've made with our lives and make everything hunky dory." Nope, I've read that He promises to save us, to give us eternal life and to fill us with the power of the Holy Spirit so we can accomplish His will.
#2 To "prune" us!! This one excites me. John 15:1-2 NIV "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
What does "prune" mean? On dictionary.com prune is defined as: to cut off or remove dead or living parts or branches of (a plant, for example) to improve shape or growth. To remove or cut out as superfluous.
He says He will prune us so that we will bear even more fruit!! I believe this means He allows bad (or what we perceive as bad) things to happen in our lives to make us more fruitful!!! He uses what the deceiver would have for bad and turns it into good!! If we will keep our focus on Him and allow Him to "prune" us and trust in Him, He will bless us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't He genius??!!!!
For many years I've believed there was a God, but I came to the conclusion that he abandoned us. I really thought for the most part he had nothing to do with everyday life or even cared what happened to us. Just too many people on the planet and too much pain for there to be a loving, caring and involved God.
Oh wow!! I was SO wrong and deceived! What saddens me is so many people feel that way. My father-in-law is one of those people. He believes there's a God but thinks God doesn't care or have anything to do with him.
The more I read the word and pray the more I think I understand why bad things happen to even good people. Its way more simple than I ever realized!
1. Sin
2. To "prune" us!
Let me explain #1 I believe that our sins have consequences. Romans 6:23 NIV reads For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. When we turn away from God and sin, there is a price to pay. Now I also know that when we turn to God or back to God (as in my case) He will forgive us for those sins. But so far I haven't read anywhere in the Word where it says "He will forgive our sins and come down and fix every mess we've made with our lives and make everything hunky dory." Nope, I've read that He promises to save us, to give us eternal life and to fill us with the power of the Holy Spirit so we can accomplish His will.
#2 To "prune" us!! This one excites me. John 15:1-2 NIV "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
What does "prune" mean? On dictionary.com prune is defined as: to cut off or remove dead or living parts or branches of (a plant, for example) to improve shape or growth. To remove or cut out as superfluous.
He says He will prune us so that we will bear even more fruit!! I believe this means He allows bad (or what we perceive as bad) things to happen in our lives to make us more fruitful!!! He uses what the deceiver would have for bad and turns it into good!! If we will keep our focus on Him and allow Him to "prune" us and trust in Him, He will bless us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't He genius??!!!!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
pssst......read this for the secret to joy in your life!!
I started this post with the title: "Why do bad things happen??" and planed to write about the two reasons I think bad things happen even to good people, but as I wrote I got off topic so I'll post about that another day.
I've heard these questions and statements from many throughout life and even said a couple of them myself at one time or other: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "If there is a God he doesn't care about us, if he did he wouldn't let us suffer so much on this earth." "How could a caring, loving God let this happen??" and even the big question of "why????" "Why did this or that happen to me."
I've never really been one to struggle with the question of "why" in life. I've always kind of been of the mind frame "make your bed and lie in it" kind of person. When things get tough, I just grit my teeth and suffer through it.
In many ways this attitude has helped me out in life, I am not a quitter. The tougher something is the more I seem to want to dig my heels in and stand strong.
But you know, He is showing me something very powerful. He wants more from and for me!! He doesn't want me to just "suffer" through life.
I've realized that in trying to make it through life without Christ, I've come up with a lot of self-pity. Self pity as defined by dictionary.com is pity for oneself, especially exaggerated or self-indulgent pity; a feeling of sorrow (often self-indulgent) over your own sufferings. Since becoming new in Christ, self-pity has become disgusting to me, I can't stand that feeling that wants to creep up on me.
There were plenty of times in my old life when something was hard, I'd plod through it, but feel so sorry for myself the whole way. With Christ by my side, nothing is the same. Would you believe He won't let me feel sorry for myself anymore???? Whenever I feel that self-pity creep up, it's like something grabs me and says "HOW DARE YOU FEEL THAT WAY!!!"
Something wonderful starts happening, I start praising Him. I start thanking Him for my arms and legs so I can take of myself and my family, I start thanking Him that my children are healthy, I look around and find even the smallest thing that is good and praise him for it!
I don't have time for self-pity anymore!!!!!!!!!!!! There are so many things to thank and praise Him for that everything else gets crowded out!! His blessings are so great, so wonderful. I could spend the rest of my life just thanking him for creating me!!!
And then let me tell you what He gives me when I do this, pssst.....lean close, it's a secret!!! lol! He give me DEEP joy!!!!! Oh my soul becomes light, I get so giddy and the joy!!!!!!!!!!! Oh His joy is so wonderful!! Whatever I was doing that seemed so hard before, is suddenly light!! The task becomes so easy and even enjoyable!!
How could I have lived 27 years without Him?? Without this joy? I want to run out on the street and grab people up and tell them this wonderful secret!! He is the way to life, to joy, to peace!! Without Him we aren't really living, we are dead!!
I've heard these questions and statements from many throughout life and even said a couple of them myself at one time or other: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "If there is a God he doesn't care about us, if he did he wouldn't let us suffer so much on this earth." "How could a caring, loving God let this happen??" and even the big question of "why????" "Why did this or that happen to me."
I've never really been one to struggle with the question of "why" in life. I've always kind of been of the mind frame "make your bed and lie in it" kind of person. When things get tough, I just grit my teeth and suffer through it.
In many ways this attitude has helped me out in life, I am not a quitter. The tougher something is the more I seem to want to dig my heels in and stand strong.
But you know, He is showing me something very powerful. He wants more from and for me!! He doesn't want me to just "suffer" through life.
I've realized that in trying to make it through life without Christ, I've come up with a lot of self-pity. Self pity as defined by dictionary.com is pity for oneself, especially exaggerated or self-indulgent pity; a feeling of sorrow (often self-indulgent) over your own sufferings. Since becoming new in Christ, self-pity has become disgusting to me, I can't stand that feeling that wants to creep up on me.
There were plenty of times in my old life when something was hard, I'd plod through it, but feel so sorry for myself the whole way. With Christ by my side, nothing is the same. Would you believe He won't let me feel sorry for myself anymore???? Whenever I feel that self-pity creep up, it's like something grabs me and says "HOW DARE YOU FEEL THAT WAY!!!"
Something wonderful starts happening, I start praising Him. I start thanking Him for my arms and legs so I can take of myself and my family, I start thanking Him that my children are healthy, I look around and find even the smallest thing that is good and praise him for it!
I don't have time for self-pity anymore!!!!!!!!!!!! There are so many things to thank and praise Him for that everything else gets crowded out!! His blessings are so great, so wonderful. I could spend the rest of my life just thanking him for creating me!!!
And then let me tell you what He gives me when I do this, pssst.....lean close, it's a secret!!! lol! He give me DEEP joy!!!!! Oh my soul becomes light, I get so giddy and the joy!!!!!!!!!!! Oh His joy is so wonderful!! Whatever I was doing that seemed so hard before, is suddenly light!! The task becomes so easy and even enjoyable!!
How could I have lived 27 years without Him?? Without this joy? I want to run out on the street and grab people up and tell them this wonderful secret!! He is the way to life, to joy, to peace!! Without Him we aren't really living, we are dead!!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
It's my Birthday!
Today is my 28th Birthday and I think it's been one of the best. I woke up this morning and praised God that He created me!! He made me!! How wonderful it feels to finally know why I was created, why I am here on this earth.
He made me for Him, to worship Him. It's that simple, I was made to give Him pleasure and bring glory to His name!! How fulfilling to know my purpose! I feel so special, so loved. How amazing He created me, He chose me!!!! WOW!!
Today I also lead the women's bible study, how thrilling to serve Him. To be used by Him.
I learned something amazing today, when I talk about Him, all my nervousness fades away. I got so excited to speak about Him, instead of dreading it and wanting to rush through, I felt ALIVE! I felt excited, it was a thrilling experience to talk about Him and how wonderful He is!!!! I can only imagine how THRILLING it's going to be in heaven when we get to sit with Him and worship Him!!
The first thing I want to do when I see Jesus is fall down in front of Him and kiss His feet and worship Him. I can't wait to tell Him how wonderful, how genius He is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't think of anything I'd rather do, I don't even have questions for Him. I just want to stare in His face!!!
He made me for Him, to worship Him. It's that simple, I was made to give Him pleasure and bring glory to His name!! How fulfilling to know my purpose! I feel so special, so loved. How amazing He created me, He chose me!!!! WOW!!
Today I also lead the women's bible study, how thrilling to serve Him. To be used by Him.
I learned something amazing today, when I talk about Him, all my nervousness fades away. I got so excited to speak about Him, instead of dreading it and wanting to rush through, I felt ALIVE! I felt excited, it was a thrilling experience to talk about Him and how wonderful He is!!!! I can only imagine how THRILLING it's going to be in heaven when we get to sit with Him and worship Him!!
The first thing I want to do when I see Jesus is fall down in front of Him and kiss His feet and worship Him. I can't wait to tell Him how wonderful, how genius He is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't think of anything I'd rather do, I don't even have questions for Him. I just want to stare in His face!!!
Monday, April 17, 2006
Imagine ME, the bible study teacher!! HA!
It's really true, God will use anybody who is willing! We don't have to great, or powerful, or talented, or a good speaker! Just willing!
In fact look at who he chose to be his disciplines! These were ordinary men, nothing special or great. Some were fishermen. The one thing in common with them was a willingness to follow Jesus! Wow!!
On Tuesday's I attend a women's bible study at my church and the pastor will be out of town so she asked me to lead the study!! When she asked me I was thrilled down to my bones and jumped at the chance to do something for Christ.
Normally I'm a very shy person; I don't like speaking in front of people. I get nervous and start breathing funny and feel like I'm going to faint. My words come out all jumbled and don't make any sense. I try to avoid attention, in fact even my wedding was very small in my parent’s home. Only family and even then I didn't like having all eyes on me.
I don't know why I am this way, most of my family are fabulous speakers and leaders in the church. My father is a wonder preacher, very powerful. I've never heard a better preacher in fact. I am amazed at how eloquent and wise he is, the wisest man I've ever met. And my mother, well there never has been a more talented woman. I'm telling you that woman can do ANYTHING. She's a writer, a speaker, she paints, and she sings, she plays piano, she entertains. I could create a whole blog on just her alone! Her talents are too many mention, really, I kid you not!
Anyway, I am so excited to lead the study. I don't even care that I'll be so nervous I'll almost faint. I don't care if everything comes out jumbled! In fact I don't even pray that he makes me a great speaker or leader, I only ask that in my weakness He is made strong! I pray that he uses me for His glory!!!! I am convinced the weaker I am the stronger He is!! I am excited to get up and stumble and expose my weakness for Him!!! It is so excited to follow Jesus!!
Isn't He wonderful??? Isn't He amazing?? Isn't His plan so genius???!!! I am in awe of Him, I marvel at His greatness!!
In fact look at who he chose to be his disciplines! These were ordinary men, nothing special or great. Some were fishermen. The one thing in common with them was a willingness to follow Jesus! Wow!!
On Tuesday's I attend a women's bible study at my church and the pastor will be out of town so she asked me to lead the study!! When she asked me I was thrilled down to my bones and jumped at the chance to do something for Christ.
Normally I'm a very shy person; I don't like speaking in front of people. I get nervous and start breathing funny and feel like I'm going to faint. My words come out all jumbled and don't make any sense. I try to avoid attention, in fact even my wedding was very small in my parent’s home. Only family and even then I didn't like having all eyes on me.
I don't know why I am this way, most of my family are fabulous speakers and leaders in the church. My father is a wonder preacher, very powerful. I've never heard a better preacher in fact. I am amazed at how eloquent and wise he is, the wisest man I've ever met. And my mother, well there never has been a more talented woman. I'm telling you that woman can do ANYTHING. She's a writer, a speaker, she paints, and she sings, she plays piano, she entertains. I could create a whole blog on just her alone! Her talents are too many mention, really, I kid you not!
Anyway, I am so excited to lead the study. I don't even care that I'll be so nervous I'll almost faint. I don't care if everything comes out jumbled! In fact I don't even pray that he makes me a great speaker or leader, I only ask that in my weakness He is made strong! I pray that he uses me for His glory!!!! I am convinced the weaker I am the stronger He is!! I am excited to get up and stumble and expose my weakness for Him!!! It is so excited to follow Jesus!!
Isn't He wonderful??? Isn't He amazing?? Isn't His plan so genius???!!! I am in awe of Him, I marvel at His greatness!!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
so alone
I feel so alone, so abandoned, so unloved. What is so horrible about me?? What is so wrong with me??
Thursday my husband told me he wanted to sell our condo and split everything and go our seperate ways.
All because I attended a special Easter service. He got very angry and said many hurtful things. He told me he doesn't want to be with someone who goes to church or reads their bible. He won't put up with it, it said.
He told me before I left if I walked out the door that our marriage would be over. I went anyway and as I drove home from the service it struck me how on that same night, the day before Christ died, he felt the same emotions I was feeling. Alone, betrayed, unloved.
Matthew 26:36-41 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping, "Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. "
After my husband had his say I withdrew into the kitchen and started cleaning and I was overcome with Christ's love. I was compelled to go to my husband and tell him of my love, to plead with him not to break our family apart. I went to my husband and humbled myself and begged for him to give love a second
chance, I told him I understood he is disgusted by my faith but there has to be a way. I pleaded with him to let me love him. Give me a chance to show him my love.
If only he will let me love him with Christ's love. He soften with my words and things have gotten a little better, we are barely hanging on. We talked again and he now says he's ok with me reading my bible and attending church twice a month. As long as I don't become "crazy" with it or go overboard. He will soon learn that it's too late for that, I've already fallen head over heels in love with Jesus and I have a new master!!!!
I wish I had some miracle to report but the truth is I sit here feeling broken and sad and I don't know what will end up happening.
I do know this HE IS WITH ME!! He is helping me, he is giving me love, comfort and joy even through this horrible time.
I know that Christ was with me when I pleaded for one more chance, it was Christ's love that compelled me. Had I been on my own, my own love would have withered away long ago.
While I felt compelled at the moment to beg for our marriage to be given another chance, I don't feel that I am to ever do that again. I have pled my cause and now I am showing him Christ's love. If he rejects me again, he is also rejecting Christ and I feel strongly that Christ will remove himself from our home.
Meaning our marriage will end and He will give up my husband to his own evil desires. I am begging God for his mercy, for his tender mercy.
I feel weary and tired, the task sometimes feels too great. Yet in all this pain, he has never once left me. He walks beside me in my darkest hour. He has comforted me, listened to me cry and wail out. HE IS WITH ME!!!!!!!!! He strengthens me when I can't go on anymore, he holds me when fear overcomes me. He guides me when I don't know which way to turn.
He has become my everything. There's no turning back, there's no looking behind. My eyes are fixed on the prize and I will not quit!! With him all things are possible.
If anyone reading this feels they have ANY words of wisdom to share please feel free to comment or email me, don't hold back, I am open to receiving any words of wisdom or learning from someone who has more experience in the Lord than me.
Thursday my husband told me he wanted to sell our condo and split everything and go our seperate ways.
All because I attended a special Easter service. He got very angry and said many hurtful things. He told me he doesn't want to be with someone who goes to church or reads their bible. He won't put up with it, it said.
He told me before I left if I walked out the door that our marriage would be over. I went anyway and as I drove home from the service it struck me how on that same night, the day before Christ died, he felt the same emotions I was feeling. Alone, betrayed, unloved.
Matthew 26:36-41 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping, "Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. "
After my husband had his say I withdrew into the kitchen and started cleaning and I was overcome with Christ's love. I was compelled to go to my husband and tell him of my love, to plead with him not to break our family apart. I went to my husband and humbled myself and begged for him to give love a second
chance, I told him I understood he is disgusted by my faith but there has to be a way. I pleaded with him to let me love him. Give me a chance to show him my love.
If only he will let me love him with Christ's love. He soften with my words and things have gotten a little better, we are barely hanging on. We talked again and he now says he's ok with me reading my bible and attending church twice a month. As long as I don't become "crazy" with it or go overboard. He will soon learn that it's too late for that, I've already fallen head over heels in love with Jesus and I have a new master!!!!
I wish I had some miracle to report but the truth is I sit here feeling broken and sad and I don't know what will end up happening.
I do know this HE IS WITH ME!! He is helping me, he is giving me love, comfort and joy even through this horrible time.
I know that Christ was with me when I pleaded for one more chance, it was Christ's love that compelled me. Had I been on my own, my own love would have withered away long ago.
While I felt compelled at the moment to beg for our marriage to be given another chance, I don't feel that I am to ever do that again. I have pled my cause and now I am showing him Christ's love. If he rejects me again, he is also rejecting Christ and I feel strongly that Christ will remove himself from our home.
Meaning our marriage will end and He will give up my husband to his own evil desires. I am begging God for his mercy, for his tender mercy.
I feel weary and tired, the task sometimes feels too great. Yet in all this pain, he has never once left me. He walks beside me in my darkest hour. He has comforted me, listened to me cry and wail out. HE IS WITH ME!!!!!!!!! He strengthens me when I can't go on anymore, he holds me when fear overcomes me. He guides me when I don't know which way to turn.
He has become my everything. There's no turning back, there's no looking behind. My eyes are fixed on the prize and I will not quit!! With him all things are possible.
If anyone reading this feels they have ANY words of wisdom to share please feel free to comment or email me, don't hold back, I am open to receiving any words of wisdom or learning from someone who has more experience in the Lord than me.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
GOD HAVE MERCY I CRY!!!!!!!!!!
Luke 13:6-9 NLT Then Jesus used this illustration: "A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. Finally, he said to his gardener, "I've waited three years, and there hasn't been a single fig! Cut it down. It's taking up space we can use for something else." "The gardener answered, "Give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and I'll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. If we get figs next year, fine. If not, you can cut it down.
OH GOD HAVE MERCY ON MY HOME!! Oh God I cry out to you to have mercy, I beg and plead for your mercy Lord!! Don't cut the fig tree down yet, leave it another year and give it one more chance, oh Lord give me a chance to give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. Oh Lord I beg you. My soul is filled with sorrow and despair. I beg for mercy on my husband's soul. I call out his name and claim him for YOU Lord!!!
Luke 3:9 NLT Even now the ax of God's judgement is poised, ready to sever your roots. Yes, every tree that does not produce good fruit will be chopped down and thrown into the fire."
Oh God have mercy!!!! My soul cries out to you for your wonderful mercy!! Save my home Lord!!! Oh Lord when I look through Christ's eyes I see such beauty, such potential. Hear my cry!
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I pray that your will be done in my home. I choose you Lord and I will follow you no matter if it costs me my marriage, my home, my security. I nail it all to the cross Lord, I give it to you. Yet I ask for your tender mercy Lord! Oh God have mercy! It's all I pray for Lord, your will be done and your tender mercy on my home.
OH GOD HAVE MERCY ON MY HOME!! Oh God I cry out to you to have mercy, I beg and plead for your mercy Lord!! Don't cut the fig tree down yet, leave it another year and give it one more chance, oh Lord give me a chance to give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. Oh Lord I beg you. My soul is filled with sorrow and despair. I beg for mercy on my husband's soul. I call out his name and claim him for YOU Lord!!!
Luke 3:9 NLT Even now the ax of God's judgement is poised, ready to sever your roots. Yes, every tree that does not produce good fruit will be chopped down and thrown into the fire."
Oh God have mercy!!!! My soul cries out to you for your wonderful mercy!! Save my home Lord!!! Oh Lord when I look through Christ's eyes I see such beauty, such potential. Hear my cry!
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I pray that your will be done in my home. I choose you Lord and I will follow you no matter if it costs me my marriage, my home, my security. I nail it all to the cross Lord, I give it to you. Yet I ask for your tender mercy Lord! Oh God have mercy! It's all I pray for Lord, your will be done and your tender mercy on my home.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
We are His bride!!!
We are His bride!! When I think of that I get so giddy!! He choose us!!! He wants us!!! He is love sick for us!!!
I am falling in love, head over heels, crazy in love with Jesus. I've never felt so alive, so loved, so fullfilled.
For the first time I understand, truly understand that we, the Christians, are Christ's bride!! We have been set apart for Him. Promised to Him. He has choosen us. He wants us. He is desperate for us!! His love is SO powerful, that it changes us!
Jesus is showing me His heart. I understand now what He's up to!!!He is wooing my atheist husband with His love. He is using me to pour out this love and woo him. He wants my husband to be his bride and I feel the power of the Lord flowing through me and it’s dripping onto my husband.
Everyone wants to be loved; it feels so good to be loved completely. My dh (dear husband)won’t be able to deny this! I feel it’s with Christ’s love that he will be won. I know I can’t reason with him, he is too blind, too deaf. But I feel sure it’s with Christ love he will come to see the truth and the way.
He is making me fall in love with my dh (dear husband)all over again! I look deeply into his eyes and I see a glipse into his soul, he is filled with pain and it breaks my heart. Jesus is desperate for him, He wants to touch him. He wants my dh to let Him love him. He wants to wrap His arms around my husband and hold him. He loves him so much. He wants him so much that it grives Him.
He is showing me so many things about my husband, more than I want to share publicly. But I can say that when He shows me these things, I'm amazed at how much He loves us. The depth of His love is more than we can fully understand.
Christ’s love is so powerful, there are times I feel absolutely drunk on it! I look at people and my dh and I see such beauty, I just want to grab them and tell them how beautiful they are! Don’t they know how Christ sees them?? It makes me giddy and silly!! He loves us so much!!
My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for your word!!! Thank you Lord for you mercy, for your salvation. You are wonderful, you are awesome!!! Lord help me!! Save me!! Keep me!! Hold me!!! Help me to keep my eyes on your face and not get distracted by this world. Give me the power you have promised me through your Holy Spirit. I can't do it without you! Without you I am nothing, everything good about me comes from you. Without you I am broken, dead. I need you every second of my day. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for loving me. I love you Jesus.
I am falling in love, head over heels, crazy in love with Jesus. I've never felt so alive, so loved, so fullfilled.
For the first time I understand, truly understand that we, the Christians, are Christ's bride!! We have been set apart for Him. Promised to Him. He has choosen us. He wants us. He is desperate for us!! His love is SO powerful, that it changes us!
Jesus is showing me His heart. I understand now what He's up to!!!He is wooing my atheist husband with His love. He is using me to pour out this love and woo him. He wants my husband to be his bride and I feel the power of the Lord flowing through me and it’s dripping onto my husband.
Everyone wants to be loved; it feels so good to be loved completely. My dh (dear husband)won’t be able to deny this! I feel it’s with Christ’s love that he will be won. I know I can’t reason with him, he is too blind, too deaf. But I feel sure it’s with Christ love he will come to see the truth and the way.
He is making me fall in love with my dh (dear husband)all over again! I look deeply into his eyes and I see a glipse into his soul, he is filled with pain and it breaks my heart. Jesus is desperate for him, He wants to touch him. He wants my dh to let Him love him. He wants to wrap His arms around my husband and hold him. He loves him so much. He wants him so much that it grives Him.
He is showing me so many things about my husband, more than I want to share publicly. But I can say that when He shows me these things, I'm amazed at how much He loves us. The depth of His love is more than we can fully understand.
Christ’s love is so powerful, there are times I feel absolutely drunk on it! I look at people and my dh and I see such beauty, I just want to grab them and tell them how beautiful they are! Don’t they know how Christ sees them?? It makes me giddy and silly!! He loves us so much!!
My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for your word!!! Thank you Lord for you mercy, for your salvation. You are wonderful, you are awesome!!! Lord help me!! Save me!! Keep me!! Hold me!!! Help me to keep my eyes on your face and not get distracted by this world. Give me the power you have promised me through your Holy Spirit. I can't do it without you! Without you I am nothing, everything good about me comes from you. Without you I am broken, dead. I need you every second of my day. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for loving me. I love you Jesus.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
My dream of destruction
He has touched even my dreams, I don't dream the same anymore. Even in my dreams He shows and teaches me things. I feel like some of my dreams have become warnings.
Last night I dreamed I was in a large multi level building with many rooms, each room was filled with lots of people all partying and having a wild time.
I was walking from room to room observing and I noticed evil men entering the building. As soon as I saw them I knew they were planting bombs to destroy the entire building. I quickly made my way to the exit but I didn't make it in time. The building exploded and rumble was everywhere.
I was suddenly in sea of bodies, everyone was in a great panic. I was tangled in a mass of hundreds of people moaning and groaning in great despair. For some reason I didn't feel panic, I felt great pity for everyone.
Suddenly I looked up and I saw light coming from a small hole, I knew it was the way out. I started yelling to everyone that I saw light, I knew the way out. But no one would listen to me, they would only moan and writhe. I was franticly trying to tell them to listen to me, I saw light!!!
But to get out of this sea of bodies I had to push and claw my way out and this caused great pain and no one wanted to cause themselves the pain necessary to get out. I pushed and clawed and I found the way out and I was free of the sea of bodies and the rumble.
When I turned around I noticed someone made it with me and I was so glad!! But to my shock and horror the person turned around and headed back into the rumble. I grabbed them, asking what they doing. There was only death and destruction behind us, why on earth would they go back?? To my despair the person said they didn't know what I was talking about, they didn't see rumble anymore! I couldn't understand it, they had just come out of a death trap, they had just tasted death and made it out and were free yet they were going back. When they looked they didn't see that the whole place was a tomb, it looked normal to them. The horrible thing was I couldn't stop them. End of dream.
When I describe this dream, I speak of horror, despair etc. I feel these emotions in the dreams yet I'm not afraid. This is not a nightmare I'm having. It's hard to describe, I don't FEEL actual fear. It's like a detachment.
Last night I dreamed I was in a large multi level building with many rooms, each room was filled with lots of people all partying and having a wild time.
I was walking from room to room observing and I noticed evil men entering the building. As soon as I saw them I knew they were planting bombs to destroy the entire building. I quickly made my way to the exit but I didn't make it in time. The building exploded and rumble was everywhere.
I was suddenly in sea of bodies, everyone was in a great panic. I was tangled in a mass of hundreds of people moaning and groaning in great despair. For some reason I didn't feel panic, I felt great pity for everyone.
Suddenly I looked up and I saw light coming from a small hole, I knew it was the way out. I started yelling to everyone that I saw light, I knew the way out. But no one would listen to me, they would only moan and writhe. I was franticly trying to tell them to listen to me, I saw light!!!
But to get out of this sea of bodies I had to push and claw my way out and this caused great pain and no one wanted to cause themselves the pain necessary to get out. I pushed and clawed and I found the way out and I was free of the sea of bodies and the rumble.
When I turned around I noticed someone made it with me and I was so glad!! But to my shock and horror the person turned around and headed back into the rumble. I grabbed them, asking what they doing. There was only death and destruction behind us, why on earth would they go back?? To my despair the person said they didn't know what I was talking about, they didn't see rumble anymore! I couldn't understand it, they had just come out of a death trap, they had just tasted death and made it out and were free yet they were going back. When they looked they didn't see that the whole place was a tomb, it looked normal to them. The horrible thing was I couldn't stop them. End of dream.
When I describe this dream, I speak of horror, despair etc. I feel these emotions in the dreams yet I'm not afraid. This is not a nightmare I'm having. It's hard to describe, I don't FEEL actual fear. It's like a detachment.
Friday, April 07, 2006
I shared the Good News!
I got to share the Good News today!!! I've been waiting and waiting for the right opportunity to share with my sister-in-law. For those that know, this is my sister's ex-husband's sister. That was a tongue twister, anyway I'm still related to her because she is married to my husband's brother.
We both have kids almost the same age. The first are 7 months apart and they are the best of friends and the younger set are 4 months apart. We get together a lot so the kids can play.
Today we took the kids to the beach and I got to share with her how God revealed Himself to me 3 weeks ago and now I know beyond any doubt that God is real. I know to my core, down in my bones that He is real! Before I would have been so nervous to talk about this subject (so worried what other's would think of me) but a boldness and a joy overcomes me and I could care less if I sound crazy. I MUST talk about Him. He's too wonderful to keep secret. I just have to share this Good News!!
My sister-in-law was raised catholic and went to catholic school her whole life. She was absolutely amazed at what I shared. She even said she was very jealous, that she wished that something like that would happen to her. I explained to her how simple it is! It's so simple that sometimes our human minds can't believe it could be that easy. So we try and complicate it. I know because I've done that all my life.
When I shared with her that right before I became born again, I was sitting and felt filled with dispair that I could never be good enough or do enough to receive eternal life. Well she totally related to that emotion. She said she firmly believes she is going to hell because she can't do enough, it's impossible to be good enough etc. That she isn't a Mother Teresa.
I tried my best to explain that none of us can be good enough!! And that there's nothing for us to do, that's why Christ died for us, that's why he shed his blood. Because we can't do it, we don't have too, He did it for us!!!
I explained to her how I have been blind my whole life to the truth, that there are two worlds going on. One is our physical world but another is a spiritual world and we need Christ so that our soul can have eternal life.
She said she heard everything I was saying but until you see it for yourself you don't see. She said she had been searching her whole life for God and that she wouldn't give up, that she would never give up. She said she was so happy for me and very jealous at the same time.
I'm very excited that a seed has been planted. But at the same time my soul greives because I want to shout, "God is right in front of you!" He isn't somewhere far away, you don't have to search your whole life for Him!" He's right here, He's right in front of us! He's with us always!! He doesn't leave.
We both have kids almost the same age. The first are 7 months apart and they are the best of friends and the younger set are 4 months apart. We get together a lot so the kids can play.
Today we took the kids to the beach and I got to share with her how God revealed Himself to me 3 weeks ago and now I know beyond any doubt that God is real. I know to my core, down in my bones that He is real! Before I would have been so nervous to talk about this subject (so worried what other's would think of me) but a boldness and a joy overcomes me and I could care less if I sound crazy. I MUST talk about Him. He's too wonderful to keep secret. I just have to share this Good News!!
My sister-in-law was raised catholic and went to catholic school her whole life. She was absolutely amazed at what I shared. She even said she was very jealous, that she wished that something like that would happen to her. I explained to her how simple it is! It's so simple that sometimes our human minds can't believe it could be that easy. So we try and complicate it. I know because I've done that all my life.
When I shared with her that right before I became born again, I was sitting and felt filled with dispair that I could never be good enough or do enough to receive eternal life. Well she totally related to that emotion. She said she firmly believes she is going to hell because she can't do enough, it's impossible to be good enough etc. That she isn't a Mother Teresa.
I tried my best to explain that none of us can be good enough!! And that there's nothing for us to do, that's why Christ died for us, that's why he shed his blood. Because we can't do it, we don't have too, He did it for us!!!
I explained to her how I have been blind my whole life to the truth, that there are two worlds going on. One is our physical world but another is a spiritual world and we need Christ so that our soul can have eternal life.
She said she heard everything I was saying but until you see it for yourself you don't see. She said she had been searching her whole life for God and that she wouldn't give up, that she would never give up. She said she was so happy for me and very jealous at the same time.
I'm very excited that a seed has been planted. But at the same time my soul greives because I want to shout, "God is right in front of you!" He isn't somewhere far away, you don't have to search your whole life for Him!" He's right here, He's right in front of us! He's with us always!! He doesn't leave.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Apostle Paul's thorn
I've just finished reading 1 & 2 Corinthians. How exciting to read about Paul, what a man of God!
I found something very interesting that I'm enjoying pondering over.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT even though I have received wonderful revelations from God. But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calmities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
It never does say what this thorn was. I found in Galatians 4:13-14 NLT where Paul writes Surely you remember that I was sick when I first brought you the Good News of Christ. But even though my sickness was revolting to you, you did not reject me and turn me away. No, you took me in and cared for me as though I were angel from God or even Christ Jesus himself.
In my study Bible I read that some have suggested it was malaria, epilepsy, or a desease of the eyes. Whatever this thorn actually was doesn't matter.
What interests me so much is that Paul had great faith and with Christ's power he healed many people. Yet he himself had a terrible thorn in his side. It says in the Word he begged the Lord three times to remove it and the Lord heard him yet He did not remove this thorn from Paul. In fact the Lord said "My gracious favor is all you need."
I find this small passage to be so powerful and it speaks right into my heart. I find it amazing that although Paul had this thorn, he doesn't go on and on about it, he doesn't even say what it is! I also find it amazing that the Lord doesn't remove this thorn, He uses it to make Paul stronger!!!!!!
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord thank you for your word. Thank you for guiding me and speaking to me. Lord whatever thorn I have in my life, I pray that you will use it to make me stronger! I pray for your perfect will in my life and I pray for the grace to accept your will and always choose and follow you. Regardless of how painful or uncomfortable it might make me in this world. Lord I especially pray for a right spirit, renew in me everyday a right spirit and create a clean heart. Lord help me to turn to you every second for help and strength. Help to have a right spirit in dealing with my husband because a soft answers turns away wrath. Help me Lord to always obey and listen to you and help me to deny my flesh. When I am angry and want to lash out, help me to hold my tongue and listen to your voice. I know that you will never lead me wrong. You are in control in my home, not me not my husband. It's you!! Help me to rest in that knowledge, amen.
I found something very interesting that I'm enjoying pondering over.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT even though I have received wonderful revelations from God. But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calmities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
It never does say what this thorn was. I found in Galatians 4:13-14 NLT where Paul writes Surely you remember that I was sick when I first brought you the Good News of Christ. But even though my sickness was revolting to you, you did not reject me and turn me away. No, you took me in and cared for me as though I were angel from God or even Christ Jesus himself.
In my study Bible I read that some have suggested it was malaria, epilepsy, or a desease of the eyes. Whatever this thorn actually was doesn't matter.
What interests me so much is that Paul had great faith and with Christ's power he healed many people. Yet he himself had a terrible thorn in his side. It says in the Word he begged the Lord three times to remove it and the Lord heard him yet He did not remove this thorn from Paul. In fact the Lord said "My gracious favor is all you need."
I find this small passage to be so powerful and it speaks right into my heart. I find it amazing that although Paul had this thorn, he doesn't go on and on about it, he doesn't even say what it is! I also find it amazing that the Lord doesn't remove this thorn, He uses it to make Paul stronger!!!!!!
My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord thank you for your word. Thank you for guiding me and speaking to me. Lord whatever thorn I have in my life, I pray that you will use it to make me stronger! I pray for your perfect will in my life and I pray for the grace to accept your will and always choose and follow you. Regardless of how painful or uncomfortable it might make me in this world. Lord I especially pray for a right spirit, renew in me everyday a right spirit and create a clean heart. Lord help me to turn to you every second for help and strength. Help to have a right spirit in dealing with my husband because a soft answers turns away wrath. Help me Lord to always obey and listen to you and help me to deny my flesh. When I am angry and want to lash out, help me to hold my tongue and listen to your voice. I know that you will never lead me wrong. You are in control in my home, not me not my husband. It's you!! Help me to rest in that knowledge, amen.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Receiving communion filled with the Holy Spirit
Today I took communion for the first time since being filled with the Holy Spirit. What a wonderful experience, I have to share what happened to me!!!!!! My church will be having communion every Sunday up until Easter.
Today the sermon was "We Want to See Jesus" from John 12:20-33 It was a powerful sermon. John 12:24-26 NIV reads I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
As I sat in the service listening to the message and thinking on Christ and what He did for me at the cross I began to cry and pray "yes I want to see you, Jesus!" It's so wonderful and powerful what He did for us at the cross!! I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face, to think of what he did at the cross! I could only weep. He is so sweet, so wonderful. My soul couldn't bear it and I just wept thinking of my beautiful Savior dying for me!
When the pastor called us to come to the alter and receive the sacrament, I wept all the down the isle thinking of my sweet, sweet Savor. He was cleansing me with His blood!! The closer to the alter I got the more I wept in love for my sweet Jesus. I started feeling a heat and a tingling come over my body and I could have fallen right there on my face and worshipped Him. I felt like I was at the foot of the cross and I was receiving His body and blood. And it felt so wonderful, so pure. I never wanted to leave.
When they handed me the sacrament I could hardly take it, I kept saying "Thank you Jesus for dying for me!! THANK YOU JESUS for the cross!" When I took the communion something happened to me!! I felt one with Christ. I felt how pure He is, it felt like He had just poured His blood over my entire body!
I wept all the way back to my seat. Later the assistant pastor who gave the message came up to me sweetly concerned if I was ok. I explained that I was weeping because of what Christ did for me at the cross, it's so powerful. How can we not weep at what Christ did?
I am in awe of Him! He is all I want!! The church sang the beautiful hymn Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow. I had my eyes closed and as we all lifted our voices in praise I felt our song reach all the way to heaven! I felt the angels sing with us! I jerked my eyes open to look around and see if anyone else realized this! Heaven was singing His praises with us! I don't know if anyone else realized this but I wanted to shout it out to the congregation "The Lord is here and He hears our praises and heaven is praising with us!!"
I can't wait to receive communion again. Nothing has been the same since the Holy Spirit fell on me. God has shown me a whole new meaning of life. When taking communion before, I never felt what I described above. Before I said my dutiful prayers, asked for forgiveness took the communion, thanked Him for the cross, but it never had such deep meaning before.
He is now my PERSONAL SAVIOR! I am getting to know Jesus and HE IS SO GOOD! He's so sweet! The old song comes to mind right now, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, because He first loved me.
Today the sermon was "We Want to See Jesus" from John 12:20-33 It was a powerful sermon. John 12:24-26 NIV reads I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
As I sat in the service listening to the message and thinking on Christ and what He did for me at the cross I began to cry and pray "yes I want to see you, Jesus!" It's so wonderful and powerful what He did for us at the cross!! I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face, to think of what he did at the cross! I could only weep. He is so sweet, so wonderful. My soul couldn't bear it and I just wept thinking of my beautiful Savior dying for me!
When the pastor called us to come to the alter and receive the sacrament, I wept all the down the isle thinking of my sweet, sweet Savor. He was cleansing me with His blood!! The closer to the alter I got the more I wept in love for my sweet Jesus. I started feeling a heat and a tingling come over my body and I could have fallen right there on my face and worshipped Him. I felt like I was at the foot of the cross and I was receiving His body and blood. And it felt so wonderful, so pure. I never wanted to leave.
When they handed me the sacrament I could hardly take it, I kept saying "Thank you Jesus for dying for me!! THANK YOU JESUS for the cross!" When I took the communion something happened to me!! I felt one with Christ. I felt how pure He is, it felt like He had just poured His blood over my entire body!
I wept all the way back to my seat. Later the assistant pastor who gave the message came up to me sweetly concerned if I was ok. I explained that I was weeping because of what Christ did for me at the cross, it's so powerful. How can we not weep at what Christ did?
I am in awe of Him! He is all I want!! The church sang the beautiful hymn Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow. I had my eyes closed and as we all lifted our voices in praise I felt our song reach all the way to heaven! I felt the angels sing with us! I jerked my eyes open to look around and see if anyone else realized this! Heaven was singing His praises with us! I don't know if anyone else realized this but I wanted to shout it out to the congregation "The Lord is here and He hears our praises and heaven is praising with us!!"
I can't wait to receive communion again. Nothing has been the same since the Holy Spirit fell on me. God has shown me a whole new meaning of life. When taking communion before, I never felt what I described above. Before I said my dutiful prayers, asked for forgiveness took the communion, thanked Him for the cross, but it never had such deep meaning before.
He is now my PERSONAL SAVIOR! I am getting to know Jesus and HE IS SO GOOD! He's so sweet! The old song comes to mind right now, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, because He first loved me.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Comment from cousin Jeri
Jeri Sherfy said...
Jennifer, I know you have heard the old saying, "He is so heavenly minded that he is no earthly good!" Wow is this far from the truth. After reading your blogs tonight I can certainly see that the more "heavenly minded" you get the more "good" happens on earth. So to speak.... This is your cousin Jeri in Jax and I was so excited to hear what has been happening in your life. Pray for us as we will you. Love, Jeri
Hi cousin Jeri!!! I haven't heard that saying before but you are right, very far from the truth. I am learning that God walks beside me every second of my day. He is right in front of me and with me always. I'm learning that I just have to be quiet and listen to Him and He'll speak to me!! He's always ready to teach me and guide, I just have to shut up long enough to allow Him to find me!!!
I can't live without Him. He helps me with the smallest of tasks so I can give Him glory. A perfect example of this, my 2 year old picked up my four month old this week and dropped him on the tile floor on his face. I spent 10 hours alone in the ER with him while he had his entire body Xrayed and blood tests done. They found fluid in his sinuses and did a CT scan to rule out blood and trauma. He is totally fine and the flood wasn't blood, he has a sinus infection. Someone commented to me that they couldn't believe I had to go through that all alone with my son. No help and no support. Well let me report, I wasn't alone. Do you know as I was sitting there in that ER waiting room scared, lonely, sad, worried. HE was right there with me!!!! He comforted me, He put His arms around me. When I had no one to talk to or share my fears with, HE LISTENED TO ME!!! He was there!!!!
My son screamed for 5 hours straight in the ER and when I thought I couldn't go on, when I thought I would drop from exhaustion of holding him hour after hour with him screaming HE gave me strength. He gave me patience!! It was His love that allowed me to make it!!
Oh how I need Him, I need Him every second of my day. I am nothing without Him.
I share this story to Him glory!!! He was there for me and when I coudn't bear it anymore He sent my MIL to the ER and she sat with me for two hours and held Lorenzo to give me some relief.
He was right beside me and told me everything was going to be ok when fear grabbed my heart at seeing my tiny son strapped down and going into that big CT machine. I thought I would lose it, but He gave me courage to help keep my son calm so they could do the test.
My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for your salvation!!! Thank you Lord for dying for me. I am in awe of you!! I am weak, I am nothing. Yet you love me so much. Lord I pray not that you make my life easier but that you be with me, teach me Lord. I want you Lord, it's all I pray for. It's all I ask. Just one thing, YOU! I hunger for YOU, I don't care where I am or what I'm doing as long as I can be with YOU. You are so sweet. You are so wonderful!!!!
Jennifer, I know you have heard the old saying, "He is so heavenly minded that he is no earthly good!" Wow is this far from the truth. After reading your blogs tonight I can certainly see that the more "heavenly minded" you get the more "good" happens on earth. So to speak.... This is your cousin Jeri in Jax and I was so excited to hear what has been happening in your life. Pray for us as we will you. Love, Jeri
Hi cousin Jeri!!! I haven't heard that saying before but you are right, very far from the truth. I am learning that God walks beside me every second of my day. He is right in front of me and with me always. I'm learning that I just have to be quiet and listen to Him and He'll speak to me!! He's always ready to teach me and guide, I just have to shut up long enough to allow Him to find me!!!
I can't live without Him. He helps me with the smallest of tasks so I can give Him glory. A perfect example of this, my 2 year old picked up my four month old this week and dropped him on the tile floor on his face. I spent 10 hours alone in the ER with him while he had his entire body Xrayed and blood tests done. They found fluid in his sinuses and did a CT scan to rule out blood and trauma. He is totally fine and the flood wasn't blood, he has a sinus infection. Someone commented to me that they couldn't believe I had to go through that all alone with my son. No help and no support. Well let me report, I wasn't alone. Do you know as I was sitting there in that ER waiting room scared, lonely, sad, worried. HE was right there with me!!!! He comforted me, He put His arms around me. When I had no one to talk to or share my fears with, HE LISTENED TO ME!!! He was there!!!!
My son screamed for 5 hours straight in the ER and when I thought I couldn't go on, when I thought I would drop from exhaustion of holding him hour after hour with him screaming HE gave me strength. He gave me patience!! It was His love that allowed me to make it!!
Oh how I need Him, I need Him every second of my day. I am nothing without Him.
I share this story to Him glory!!! He was there for me and when I coudn't bear it anymore He sent my MIL to the ER and she sat with me for two hours and held Lorenzo to give me some relief.
He was right beside me and told me everything was going to be ok when fear grabbed my heart at seeing my tiny son strapped down and going into that big CT machine. I thought I would lose it, but He gave me courage to help keep my son calm so they could do the test.
My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for your salvation!!! Thank you Lord for dying for me. I am in awe of you!! I am weak, I am nothing. Yet you love me so much. Lord I pray not that you make my life easier but that you be with me, teach me Lord. I want you Lord, it's all I pray for. It's all I ask. Just one thing, YOU! I hunger for YOU, I don't care where I am or what I'm doing as long as I can be with YOU. You are so sweet. You are so wonderful!!!!
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