Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I had to blog about this

It's just too good not to mention it. Although I'm going to disguise it a little because the Holy Spirit clearly told me this revelation was meant just for me!

The Holy Spirit has given me powerful weapons in this spiritual battle I'm fighting in the struggle for my husband’s soul. God is on my side and I'm learning how awesome, how powerful, how wonderful He is!

Not long after I recommitted my life to Christ and got filled with the Holy Spirit something else wonderful happened to me. I'm not going to say exactly what it was, like I said the Holy Spirit told me it was meant just for me. But I will say that the Holy Spirit came to me and spoke so clearly it was almost audible. He told me a secret, a key to something that only a divine force could know. It's something I could not have known or made up myself.

This secret has been so powerful it has made a huge difference in my marriage. It's rocked my world.

Something else quite amazing. While I was in Jacksonville visiting my parents, one Sunday morning after church, a member of their church came up to me and gave me a word from the Lord. This man was very bold and wasn't afraid to speak what was in his heart. He said several things, he told me a very specific fear my husband has regarding my recent and new commitment to the Lord. I won't say what that fear is but I was blown away when this man knew what it was!

The Holy Spirit, when he spoke to me revealed what this fear of my husband's was and has given me a powerful blessing to help fight this fear!

When I pray and worship I can get lost in profound joy just from thinking about how the Holy Spirit came and spoke to me and gave me something just to bless me and help me!

God is awesome, He's wonderful! He wants to bless us, to help us. He's waiting to just pour it out like water pouring out of a waterfall. And let me tell you, standing under that waterfall and receiving blessings is AWESOME!

His way is perfect! His burden is so light! To follow Him is such a joy!!

God is at work!

For the past few months my prayer for my husband has been for God to soften his heart. Even if it's slow and the process seems to take long, that has been my prayer. A softening.

God is answering my prayer, I can see the Lord at work on his heart!

A perfect example; my mother bought my two year old a video from the Christian book store called Hermie the common caterpillar. It's a simple story based on Bible truth and the caterpillar talks to God.

I wondered how my husband would respond when he saw that video. In the past he's thrown away Christian CDs my mom bought for the children. So I've hidden some of their stuff.

Well this video I decided I was going to give to God and let Him do the work. I've played the video several times and waited for him to notice. Every time I put it in I'd start praying, praying in the Spirit. Praying for that softening.

Well it has happened, already there is a change, a softening. It may seem small to some but to me it's major. One night he sat down with my two year and watched the movie with her while she sat in his lap, he commented to me "this is religious." I replied back "oh really? My mom bought her that." He sat there calmly, making no comments and hasn't thrown the video away!

That is a direct answer to prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhh my God is good!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Faith and Fear

Today the Sermon at church was titled "What are you afraid of?" The scripture was from Mark 4:35-41 The story of the disciples who got in the boat with Jesus and a bad storm came up. They were afraid and Jesus was asleep on a cushion. They went and woke him up and Jesus asked "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

The pastor said that the opposite of faith is disbelief but in this story the opposite of faith was fear.

God spoke directly to me this morning and He asked me "Why are you so afraid?"

I sat there with tears rolling down my face.

You see every Sunday is misery for me. I wake up never knowing how my husband will respond to me attending church. I never know if this will be the Sunday he'll want to divorce. I walk on eggshells and the worst fear grips my heart.

Fear so strong I don't feel like moving. Fear so strong it makes me feel alone. I fight it all the way to church and can't relax. I actually dread Sundays.

Right now in my life it feels like Jesus is alseep in the boat on a cushion. I'm the disciples in the story saying "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

Jesus, don't you care if my husband treats me badly for going to church? Jesus don't you care if he leaves me over this church issue?

I've decided I'm getting in the boat with Jesus, I'm going to follow Him out into deep waters. If I'm willing to follow Him, then I'v got to have faith in Him. I've got to trust Him. Leave this issue in His hands. I'm doing my part, now I've got to let go and let Him do His.

Instead of being afraid, I'm going to pray. Instead feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to praise and worship Him!

The deceiver is doing a number on me with this fear, it keeps me from doing many things. I will not let the deceiver win, I will not give in to this fear. Instead when I feel afraid I'm going to seek the Holy Spirit. He will be my comforter, my guide.

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Father for your word. Thank you for speaking directly to me today. Thank you for being with me, guiding me, giving me strength and courage. Your name, Jesus is so sweet. I long to hear your name praised in heaven. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize, I will not seek rewards on this earth. I love you Jesus!!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

La noche de San Juan cont'd......

I found out something interesting last night, the celebration of The Night of San Juan is actually in honor of John the Baptist! The running into the water and jumping in backwards is a recreation of baptism.

I never knew that and I don't think everyone does. It's mainly just a big party and the original reason seems to be lost but for me it was a celebration for my Creator!

I ran into the water with hundreds of people and watched as everyone threw themselves backwards over and over. It was awesome seeing so many people by the moonlight laughing and jumping in the water "baptizing" themselves, even if they didn't know the full meaning. I wanted to stand at the shore and shout the Good News! If only I could shout it out and people would hear, really hear.

Puerto Ricans are very passionate people, I love that about them. They have such big hearts and they have celebration in their souls. If only they would turn that celebration away from drinking and parting and turn it to their Savior, to their Creator!! Think of the joy that would bring the Lord! That's what we were created for! To worship Him and bring Him pleasure!

As I dunked myself repeatedly I came up praying in tongues and looking up to the sky in awe of my creator. I couldn't help but look around and allow my thoughts to wonder to another time and another place.

I can't wait until that moment when I'm in heaven surrounded by saints worshipping the Savior and Creator with abandon.

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you God for creating me!! To worship you is to feel you, to be with you, to be in your presence. You're all I need, you're all I want! I want to feel you, to experience you, to need you, to know you. I want to taste you, I want to hear you, I want you! I can't wait for the moment when the seams of this world are ripped away and you are revealed in all your glory! Thank you for creating me so I can serve and worship you. I can hardly get past that Lord, just the joy of being created so I can know and worship you. To be loved by you God is enough for me. I need nothing else!

Friday, June 23, 2006

La noche de San Juan

Tonight is La noche de San Juan. Translated in English means the night of San Juan. It's a big party on the beach. People start gathering in the evening and make big bon fires, the only time they are legal. It's a fun party and has some history behind it.

At midnight everyone runs with abandon to the shore and jumps in the ocean backwards and dunks themself 12 times for good luck.

Our friends who just built a beautiful town house (the one I've blogged about before) are hosting a pool/beach party and my sister-in-law is keeping our kids. I've always had so much fun at this event but I'm curious to see what it will be like now that I'm following Christ.

Instead of running into the ocean for good luck I'm going to run into the ocean and jump into the water to symbolize a fresh baptism!! I'm so eager to please my heavenly Father and I look forward to bringing Him pleasure tonight by living a Godly life. I'm following after Him and I know He'll be by my side tonight even when I feel so different and so seperated from the world.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I'm back home!!!

I'm finally back home after a five week trip to Florida to visit my parents and sister. I had the best time and those five weeks flew by very fast. Each day was packed with activities, fun and lots of laughter with my sweet little nephews. The time with my parents was awesome, I drew close to them in a way I've always longed for. We had lots of long talks about the Bible and God's amazing love. I was way too busy catching up with my family to blog or email but I promise I haven't abandoned my blog or my faith!! Plus I didn't have internet access most days.

Coming back home after being away so long was strange, it usually takes me a few days to settle back in and get used to life again on the island. Mainly the heat and humidity. Honestly it didn't feel like coming back home and I miss my parents and sister so much. But I know I have a life here and now I'm on a major mission in my life, sharing God's love. So I was excited to get back home and get back to "work" loving on my husband.

Each day I'm amazed at the sweetness of God's love. It thrills me to find quiet moments and connect with Him. I've been so busy unpacking, cleaning and daily child care that it's been hard to just focus on Him.

What I've learned from this and what amazes me is that when I do reach out to Him, guess what???? He is right there!!!! I instantly connect back to Him!!!! I find something else very interesting, I notice that many times I'll feel too tired to reach out and I want to push away. Mainly because my mind is spinning from thoughts that come and go, plus training a two year old and then the constant care of a 6 month old wears me out. It never stops.

Anyway, I'm amazed that He never leaves! Even when I'm busy, He's not!! He's waiting for me. It thrills me and brings such pleasure to sort out my thoughts and train myself to throw out the junk and focus on Him. Instead of worrying, I pray now. What a waste of time worry is! I also notice how certain movies and TV shows just waste my time and thoughts, instead of thinking about some dumb movie I saw on Lifetime I could be focusing on Him. However this requires a lot of discipline and training because deceptively it sometimes seems easier to just mindless watch TV or a movie than to concentrate on Him. I love to say “The joy of the Lord is my strength!” Many times when I’m putting my babies to sleep and I’m so tired and don’t feel like praying, I remind myself of that and suddenly I find myself laughing and praying in tongues and I’m not tired anymore! Of course I do that quietly so not to wake them! Lol!