Today I got the news my mother has lost more vision. With this news comes the worst thoughts...
As I listened to what first my mom and then dad had to say on the phone, all I could respond with was, silence. Several times they had to ask if I was still there. I would assure them I was and could only say "I just don't have any words." There are no words to express the grief, sorrow, pain, or fear. Only silence.
I decided today was the day to listen to the cd of the sermon my uncle Ronnie preached the Sunday after my mother's surgery. The day her life hung in balance. My mother mailed me a copy and I'd been waiting for the perfect time to sit down and listen.
As my son slept in his car seat, I sat in the car and listened. It was a wonderful, faith filled sermon. Absolutely marvelous. In his sermon he spoke on Psalms 77. It starts out with the psalmist crying out to God with no evidence that God was responding. Then in the 10th verse he changes and remembers what the Lord has done in the past. I finished listening to the cd and carried my son upstairs to my apartment.
Out of my silence, somewhere deep inside my soul started pouring forth praises. It was all that would come out of my mouth. I could only speak forth how perfect, how fair, how just, how wonderful my God is. How true His Word is. And then I felt a strong pull to get my Bible out. I kind of fought that thought, as I had a lot of housework to do but the urge wouldn't let go so I got out my Bible and set it on the kitchen counter.
As soon as I set my Bible down, the passing thought came to me "what should I read?" Before that thought could even be completed, a strong wind blew in from my kitchen window that faces the beautiful Caribbean ocean. The wind quickly caught the pages in my Bible and before I could grab hold the pages settled down.
There in front of me was the 77th Psalm. The words jumped out off the pages and I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I couldn't believe the Lord had opened my Bible right to the same psalm my uncle read in his sermon!
I got to crying and laughing! I stood there laughing up a storm! I grabbed hold of my Bible and started shouting out that psalm! I probably read it out loud 10 times. Each time I read it the Word soaked into my soul and revived me. It brought life to me and victory. I stood there laughing, thinking every time I hear bad news, the Lord reaches out to me and with clear, direct signs I get the news of the Lord and it's victory and life!
Psalm 77
1 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. Selah
4 You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" Selah
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
16 The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
11 comments:
Jenny - I have no words either although your blog touches me deeply.
I continue to pray for your mother. God bless you all.
Susan
Love to you.
Lauralee Bliss (know your mom as a fellow Heartsong author)
Bro. Dykes & Kristy,
I prayed all day yesterday for you while you were at the doctor. I would like to share with you something that my mom told me during a very dark time of her walk with cancer. I'm sure you remember my mother. We had just had a wonderful revival at church (this was while you were there) and I felt the Lord speak to me and tell me that he was going to heal my mom. I called her the next morning and told her that I had something I wanted to tell her.
In the meantime, I received several reports from her doctors that her tumors had increased in size and were spreading and the chemo was not working. By the time I reached the hospital I was so low and the devil had totally defeated me.
When I walked into mom's room I tried to be upbeat but as moms go, she could see straight through my outward facade. She asked me what it was I wanted to tell her. I tried to make like there was not anything important but then out of the blue mom shocked me. She looked me straight in the eye, grabbed me by the hands and said, "Never let the devil steal what the Lord has given to you."
I will never forget that day. So I say to you, "Do not let the devil steal what the LORD has given to you." You are Blessed! God will be with you through the storms, through the waters, through the fire but it will not overtake you.
God Bless you Both,
Ava Tanner
Jennifer, I came across you're blog by way of Lysa Tekeurst's then your fathers and now am here at yours.I just want you to know that someone you don't even know is praying for you.
Cheri
Jennifer, I attend your Uncle Terrys church, and heard of her blog from him one Sunday morning. I have met your Mom and Dad numerous times throughout the years since the late 70s when I attended Westside Assembly where he Pastored. He was instrumental in praying the prayer of faith for my Dad, who was given only 30 to 60 days to live due to heart trouble, but Praise be to God, after falling to his knees at our coffee table theBible fell open to the story of King Hezeciah when He prayed for the Lord to extend his life, and God did add to the Kings life. Daddy knew that was for him. He prayed for God to show him a sign, and the Bible fell open to James 5:14 where the Bible says that the elders should pray for the sick asnd annoint them with oil, and the Lord would heal the sick. We got a cruel lesson after that about religious folks in that when he went from church to church to ask them if they would pray for him and annoint him with oil. He was told that God doesnt do that any more, and he was asked, "annointed with what". And he was even laughed at by a mainline denominational pastor. So when he was just about to give up trying, he passed Terrys little church where he was promptkly and happily annointed with oil and prayed for. I was working with him at the time as a carpenter, nd he was so sick he could not climb more than three steps without clutching his chest and gasping for air. He went from that to confessing everyday and to everyone that by Jesus stripes he was healed for a solid year. Then one day almost exactly one year from the day your Uncle prayed for him, he was called out to from an evangelist who said to him that his obedience to Gods Word had healed him from a bad heart and he would not be bothered with the symptoms anymore. He just passed away in 2003 at the full age of 78, and had never been treated for his heart, only some cholesterol mmedicine, and the Doctors at the VA could not believe he ever had heart trouble. His BP was perfect, and when he was sick and I was with him it ram about 165 over 110. God touched him like He promised he would, so keep trusting that God is touching your Mother. I am standing in faith with you.
tom
Jennifer, forgive me if I have sent you this before, but I wrote it in a very difficult time in my life. In it I found strength and relief as I wrote what I felt words that the Lord was inspiring me with.
Refuge
Who will hold your hand when life gets weary
Or hold you close when all your dreams vanish
How will you feel if all you have to give is love
When love holds not to the promise of return
Have tears fell down from eyes that cried so long
That joy eludes the mind from where they flowed
Help is on the way they all say in vain
Why should it come and from whom will it be
All that should has not yet arrived as well
Concerns and troubles align all around
Keeping ease from breaking out as it should
Calling out to God for the help we need
Waiting for relief from the fears within
Who will keep our hearts and minds from our fears
We need the warm embrace of God to see the truth
We long to hear His voice to lead the way
We cannot break the trust we have in Him
We must not let our fears tie up His hands
But keep the faith and trust in His dear care
The times of refreshing we pray will come
We wait in faith at the edge of our seats
Knowing God will never let us fail now
But keep us in His hands till he sets free
Our hearts our minds our lives our love our peace
The prince of peace will guard our hearts we know
And keep us from the evil one by faith
His power will dwell in and through our lives
The spirit of the Lamb of God our Lord
Will comfort all our lives in peace and love
Though weary through battles that we have fought
Our strength is given us not earned or bought
We claim his power of great sacrifice
When He gave his all for us on the cross
There blood and water mingled in the flow
Of grace and mercy there was great release
All sin was washed away from us at once
And mercy great and free was shed on us
Who put our trust and faith in Him alone
Who died and rose again to take his throne
From where he will judge the quick and the dead
For us salvation has been purchased there
Now we have been forgiven all our debts
And asked to forgive all who owe us debts
Will we respond with a resounding yes
Or will we hold onto the grudges yet
I pray the will of the one who died there
Will be done on earth as is in heaven
Let us not feel as though we are in charge
But know that he has made us for himself
We are His workmanship by His own hands
We are held by his great power and strength
There never has to be a glimpse of doubt
That he is not working still for us now
He ever lives to intercede for us
Before His Father and the angels there
His spirit dwells in us and knows our ways
Our thoughts our hopes our fears our faith
He intercedes with groanings not uttered
According to His Father’s will he prays
As we agree with Him in prayer He hears
And answers with his own unfailing love
We hold on to His command to love all
As we seek to obey all His commands
Because we love him for all he does
And know our lives are hid in Christ in God
We seek to know his hearts desires and plans
So that we may serve Him as His children
Knowing that He as a Father knows best
A Father in whom dwells all truth and love
Who will not hurt us nor leave us alone
He does have our best interests at heart
We also can trust him never to depart
He has us carved on the palms of His hands
He knows our name and numbers all our hairs
He knows our thoughts and yet He loves us still
What grace what mercy He has shown to us
By giving us salvation by his cross
Jennifer, you are truly an encouragement to me. I am Dana Hammontree's sister, Every time I read what you have written it burns in my heart. Please be encouraged that we are all praying for your parents, we love them very much. I pray for you and your sister everyday. You are such a blessing to me. Thank you for blogging it always has a strong message. love, joy
Jennifer,
I send my love, a big "hold tight" hug and agreement with the Word.
Each of us want to be with Milton and Kristy. And, not only is my heart with them, but it is with you and Julie.
May Yahweh comfort, strengthen and sustain you.
Much love,
Aunt Norma
Love and hugs to you!! You and your family remain in our prayers. We love you.
Priscilla, Chris and Ella
Hi Jennifer,
I am still praying for your family!! Where there is breath, there is HOPE for an earthly healing!
Love,
Stephanie Adams
Thanks everyone so much for commenting! You have no idea how encouraging they are to me. I come and read them over and over and receive comfort, knowing people care and are praying for me and my family. God bless you all!!!
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