I made it to Jacksonville! I'm staying in my parent's home and visiting with my mom!
My sister and I arrived last Wednesday and have spent a week by my mom's bedside.
It was a shock seeing mom, she was unresponsive that first day and we couldn't wake her. It's one thing to hear how your loved one will get sleeper and sleeper and then slip away, but it's another thing to be standing over your loved one calling out "Mom! Mom!" and get no response.
She's since had moments where she's awake and alert and knows who we are and tells us she loves us. My heart longs for her to get up... I feel like I've cried a thousand tears. I miss my mom SO much. It breaks my heart knowing she's in her room, helpless in a hospital bed.
One night I was crying, the pain so real I didn't think I could get a hold of myself so I pulled her big Bible off the shelf and decided to turn to those pages for help. She had a green post-it note marking this passage:
Psalms 103:1-5
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
So I did just that, I started praising His Holy name and joy and peace came all over me!
There have been many hard moments through all of this but when I praise Him it all fades away...
This morning I climbed in bed with my mom and held her hand and sang with worship music playing in her room. Together we praised our sweet Jesus, I kept thinking how all her life she's loved and lived for Jesus and soon she'll meet Him face to face.
20 comments:
I just finished your Mom's blog...what a testimony. prayers will be for all of you. THANKS so much for sharing your story.
Jennifer~I have been following your mother's blog since AG national office asked for prayer. The Psalm the Lord led you to is the Psalm I preached on Mother's Day. It is what the Lord is saying very personally to you but also to the church as a whole. You are exatly where you are suppose to be.
You are gifted in communication and have brought hope to my heart with your testimony of coming back to Christ. I am sorry you are walking in the valley of the shadow of death. But because of your transparency we are learning how to walk there to.
Thinking of you all Jenny.
Susan
Jenny, you inspire me to offer praise when I feel like complaining, and thanksgiving when I feel like giving up. Your parents are godly people, not because they're God's "favorites" or because they are in ministry. They're godly because they listen, trust, and obey him. It sounds like you are walking in that same truth, trusting God when you are feeling brokenhearted. You are covered in prayer. God will see you through!
You don't know me,but I read your mom's blog everyday. It has been such a source of love and hope. I have people praying for her and your family. We know some of the same people, as I grew up in AG church in Indianapolis. Please know that you are not alone in this walk. There are people out here that love you guys and pray for you. Keep looking up! It is so hard, but Jesus is always with us.
So glad that you and your kids are with your mom. You won't be sorry. Still praying!
Carla Blount Hood
I've never met your beautiful mom, but feel as if I know her (and all of you). She and I are members of a writing group (AWSA) and I've been following her blog way before she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She is such a blessing.
Jennifer, I am praying for you and your family. You have discovered a great secret when you wrote There have been many hard moments through all of this but when I praise Him it all fades away... Through the years, I've found that no matter what I'm going through, no matter how dark the night, if I will worship and praise the Lord, there comes a peace to my spirit. Yes, my heart still aches for whatever sadness is in my life at that moment, but there is a deep joy and peace that nothing can take away, and it all comes through worship.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
I was reading your mom's blog today and was so glad to see that your mom still knows who you are and can communicate that. I know that she is proud of you and your sister, since I would be if I were in her shoes and my children were able to be a testimony like you have been. I have to trust that they both would be, since they both are believers. This is an excellent verse and I know that you are holding on to this and others. I am so praying for your mom's miraculous and complete healing. For that cancer to let go of her body and for her body to be healed 100% of all the effects, plus anything else that may have been a problem, known or unknown, before she was diagnosed.
Blessings on you and your family.
I was reading your mom's blog today and was so glad to see that your mom still knows who you are and can communicate that. I know that she is proud of you and your sister, since I would be if I were in her shoes and my children were able to be a testimony like you have been. I have to trust that they both would be, since they both are believers. This is an excellent verse and I know that you are holding on to this and others. I am so praying for your mom's miraculous and complete healing. For that cancer to let go of her body and for her body to be healed 100% of all the effects, plus anything else that may have been a problem, known or unknown, before she was diagnosed.
Blessings on you and your family.
I read your mom's blog every day and I come over to yours often to look for updates. I just want you to know that your blog has touched me so much. The realness of your pain along with the sweetness of your joy in this time of your life has really spoken to me, and I see Jesus in your words, I can feel him and see him as I read the rawness of your words.
God bless you and your family. I'm praying for all of you!
Jennifer:
It is so wonderful to see how the Lord is working through you during this such dark time. Praise the Lord that you are not alone, Praise the Lord for the family you have been blessed with, Praise the Lord for the days that you were blessed to have with you wonderful mom.
I too lost my mom when I was young and I can understand what you are feeling.
I read your mom's blog everyday as well as my girls. I don't know if you remember me from your childhood but I knew you as a very young girl until you were a teenager. My family is all grownup now and have kids of their own as you and Julie have.
I know that God is our only source and I know that your mom and dad have instilled into you everything you need to get through these hard times. When you are at your weakest, God will be there uplifting you. Just continue to rely on Him.
Remember our time here on earth is soooo very short in comparison to the eternity that we shall spend with Him. Treasure every moment you have for they truly come from him.
Praying for your family.
Ava Tanner
jennifer,
i have been reading your mother's blog for some time now (which has been graciously kept up by your father), and i happened to come across yours...i read your testimony on the first page, and my story of how i came to Christ is so similar...i too wrote and wrote in journals and notebooks until i could write no more...anyways, i just told my husband about you and your husband, and we put your names in our prayer journal (your mom's is already in there)...my husband wanted to tell you that he is specifically praying for your husband, and i am specifically praying for you! i don't know you personally, but i am SO PROUD of you for continuing to hang on every promise from the Word of God...He will NOT let you go!!! God bless you and take care <3
in HIS love,
sara
Jennifer,
I'm praying especially for you and your entire family today.
God will use the bright shining light of your mom's life--and the torch you have picked up from her--to reach even the hardest of hearts.
Praying specifically: for comfort, for peace, for joy, and for salvation.
Love in HIM,
Rachel Overton
Jennifer,
I was so sad for you when I read about your mom's passing. She is now healed, but I know that your heart isn't. I was only able to know your mom through her blog, but you had an amazing life experience with a gifted, loving, radiant lady. God gave you an awesome present when He brought you into her life.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Love,
Stephanie Adams
So very sorry about your mother's passing. She was a beautiful person. She touched so many lives. How blessed you were to have her as a mother.
Take care of yourself. May peaceful healing begin.
Dearest Jennifer,
You are walking in a very difficult place right now. But God Knows! He knows the terrible ache of being wrenched from your mother through death. He knows how much you need her, long to hear her sweet voice...just one more time.
I know this because I lost my dear mother when I was just 30. One of my very first thoughts after she left us was "Who's going to sew my bottons on?!" Simple, yet profound. We need our mothers for so much, but God Knows!
And He is Here--a very Present help in our times of trouble. Throw yourself into his arms, He longs to catch you and watch over you like a mother hen with her baby chicks. Thats what his Precious Word says.
He Loves you, Precious Daughter of His Own Heart--so very much!
Love,
Kate.
I pray for Gods comfort and sweet grace to be with you and yours, our dear sister in Christ. May He continue to flood you with the sweetest memories of your Mom, and may they continue to bring joy and peace to you even in your grief.
With love in Christ, Tom
I just read about your mom's homegoing today. I was a fan of her writing, and heard about it via the blog Girls Write Out, where one of the authors left a special memory of your mother.
I didn't know your mom or anything, but just from what I've read in a few minutes on her blog and now yours, it's apparent that your mother left a beautiful legacy of faith, and it sounds as though the Lord has many wonderful plans yet in store for you with your incredible testimony as well.
I pray that you will feel the peace and comfort of His arms during this season of your life, and that you will continue to carry on that wonderful legacy of faith.
My mom left our family 16 years ago to cancer. She came to know the Lord through the journey. I can tell you that Our God WILL comfort your heart to the deepest part. He was faithful to me, and He will be to you friend.
Jennifer,
I'm so sorry about your Mama. I thought this would help you. Looking back 1 year ago in July 2007 this is what you wrote:
"Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
I stubbled over this sweet little passage the other day and thought "what a revelation into God's heart!"
I read it like this: The Lord my God is with me When I'm alone, scared, or worried. He is a strong and powerful God that magnificently saves! And get this! He likes me! He laughs over me. ME! Imagine that! He wraps His love around my heart so tight until I can only be still in awe. And then He sings about me, and the heavens respond to this singing"
Now you Mama is singing in heaven with God. How precious is that.
God please continue to bless Jennifer & her family as they go through Valley. Amen.
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