Saturday, November 29, 2008

New Normal

How long do you think it takes until something different because the new normal?

How long do you think it takes for the deep wound on a heart to turn into a thick red scar?


When I wake and remember...she is gone, it seems crazy. Absolutely nuts.

She taught me about heaven and now she's experiencing it. Surreal.

I don't want this to be the new normal. I don't want the wound on my heart to heal and become thick. Toughened with time.

But time keeps passing...

We all have to go on and she keeps slipping father into heaven.

I keep thinking, why did she have to die? What are we supposed to learn from this? Why do we learn at such a high price?

Monday, November 24, 2008

God's answering that prayer!

It didn't take long for God to answer my prayer below!

The Sunday after my prayer, I attended a birthday party with friends. I've waited years for the opportunity to share God's love with this particular group.

What do you know but the subject of faith just happened to come up and my God given moment was before me.

I'd like to say I opened my mouth and some spiritual gems just fell out and my friends listened on in amazement.

But the truth is, I started to sweat and breathe funny, my mind went blank and I wondered if I was going to blow it.

All I could think of was how real God is to me, how personal and sweet. A constant, ready help in times of need.

This one guy was doubting the validity of the Bible and I asked him "do you want to know how I know that God is real?" He eagerly responded, "please tell me, I'd love to believe."

I shared with him how God is a personal God who meets our individual and unique needs. I shared how my mother had just died of a brain tumor and with God's help she died with amazing peace and grace. Something that without Him would have been impossible.

I didn't get the guy's response as we were interrupted and the moment passed. Someone else could have responded so much better, but with me God works on a basic level and all I can do is share what He means to me.

I wish everyone could experience just a drop of His love. I promise if they'd only get a taste, they would never forget it or able to escape that kind of love.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Cutting the cord

Sunday my pastor used an illistration in his sermon, once he was in a hot air ballon and the pilot let him try lift off.

He pulled the cord...

Nothing happened.

Pulled it again...

Still no lift off.

With laughter the pilot informed him he forgot to release the cord holding them down.

The great question was, "What is holding you down?"

"What's keeping you tied down in your walk with the Lord?"

Is it your job? Your husband? Your wife? Your kids?

What's keeping you from soaring?

I heard the pastor say, "Some of you are wonderful Christian's. You know Jesus. He's your Savior, your friend and He means a lot to you. But some of you will never reach all that He has for you, because you are tied down."

I had one of those unique moments when every sense sharpens, everything unimportant dims and you know, you just KNOW the Lord is speaking to you. Your heart races, your breath quickens, you strain to "catch it." You know it's a life defining moment you really don't want to miss.

For weeks my heart has been searching, wondering... why am I tied down?

In my corner of the World it's very dark. Most times the light in me, trying so desperately to get out is the ONLY light.

My life is THE mission field.

Daily I walk alone with my Savior.

I have no partner to pray with, no friend to hold hands and pray with.

It's just Jesus and Jennifer.

At times it's fear holding me down. Fear is binding and crippling.

Sometimes it's approval seeking that ties me down.

My mom often told me how God has put me in a unique situation to be a witness, a light to a lost and dark world.

With tears rolling down my face I prayed for helping cutting that cord.

I prayed for unique God given opportunities to speak the truth to a dark and lost world.

A world that is desperately and tightly holding it's hands over stubborn deaf ears.