My mom passed away peacefully in her home Monday July 21, 2008 at 6:42pm.
I wasn't with her when died. I arrived about an hour and a half later...
For two months I'd been with her, daily watching for any slight sign of change. I studied all the Hospice materials, peppered each nurse that arrived with questions, read countless online accounts... all so I could try and time it and be there when she passed.
I was in the car on I-95 heading as fast as I could to her when dad called. This was a call I didn't want to take... didn't want to hear. His words to me were "Jennifer, you mother is healed. She's in heaven." And like that she was gone.
When I arrived back at the house after she passed, dear friends and family were there. They kindly took care of my children so I could immediately go to my mom.
I went to her bed and sat beside her and put her arm around me and wept. It's hard to described that moment with my mother. I knew my mother was in heaven, her spirit still very much alive and not dead like the shell before me. But I moaned and wept and grieved anyway, with her arm around me and kissed and smelled her sweet dove soap scent. It only made sense to me that my mother should comfort me during the worst moment of my life.
I finally said goodbye to my mother. Trust me, I haven't lost my faith! I KNOW I'll see my mother again in heaven one day. But if makes sense I was saying goodbye to the woman who birthed me. The mother who held me and cared for me, nurtured and guided me. Even though I know I'll see her again, I know I'll never have that experience again and I had to say goodbye to that...
I feel a supernatural peace over the fact I wasn't with her when she died. I know it's supernatural because I REALLY wanted to be there, I spent two months away from my husband so I wouldn't miss the moment. Yet I missed it by less than two hours.
Matthew 6:8 reads "...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."
You see God KNEW exactly what I needed! I believe it wasn't meant for me to be there when she crossed over for several reasons. Yet he allowed me those precious private moments of saying goodbye.
My heart is full of so much more to say but I'll save that for later. I know that despite whatever comes my way our God is a great God. A wonderful, beautiful, loving, caring, amazing merciful God!
