people are HURTING

The new pastor at my church has started a new thing. On Sundays they pass out little blue cards and you can put a prayer request and turn them in.

Those little blue cards have touched me so much this week and I'll tell you why.

Tuesday I lead a women's Bible study at church and the pastor came in with this past Sunday's blue cards. He asked if each lady wanted to take a card and at the end of our meeting when we have a group prayer, to include the request on the blue card. We readily agreed but little did I know how those card would touch me.

My blue card read: Roland requests prayer for his mother who will begin radiation therapy for 34 days. At the bottom of the card he wrote "I declare God cures her." When it came my turn to pray I felt a burning passion for this unknown Roland, he boldly put on his card that he DECLARES God cure her. Well, the scripture says if two shall agree together it shall be done. So I bound myself in spirit to Roland I agreed with him. The TWO of us are declaring that his mother be cured.

At the end of our meeting we turned the blue cards back into the pastor and I went on my way.

BUT I can't get those blue cards out of my heart. As each lady read out the request it later struck me how much people are HURTING. The world is full of hurting, broken people who are in desperate need of help and healing.

Those blue cards took me away from myself, hearing each lady call out problems and pain gave me a tiny glimpse of what our heavenly Father must feel as he looks down at us and sees our pain and hears our heart's cries. It shook me how much He loves us, how much He wants to comfort us, to help us, to guide us.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord show me what I can do to help a dying and broken world. How can I show your love to those in need? Send people my way that I can help, so I can shine YOUR light onto their dark world. AND thank you Lord for my health, thank you for my children, thank you for my home and nice place to sleep. Thank you for my food. You are a good God! There's so much to thank you for, THANK YOU for creating me! How wonderful it is to get a chance to serve you and know you. You are awesome!

The yearning and longing in my heart

Isaiah 26:8-10 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

My soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you.
When your judgments come upon the earth,
the people of the world learn righteousness.

Though grace is shown to the wicked,
they do not learn righteousness;
even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil
and regard not the majesty of the LORD.

I find it amazing how the Word is alive, isn't God genius? How can it be that a Isaiah wrote oh back in 700 B.C. exactly what's in my heart? In my soul?

Just the other day I was trying to put words to the longings of my heart and explain to my father (earthly) how I feel. There is an excitement and a yearning for my King to return and reveal himself. I was telling my father the other day, "I can't wait until the seams of this earth are ripped away and the reality of His glory fully revealed for all to see."

I was at a party the other night with my husband and the emptiness of the world stood out painfully to me. I kept thinking, what if He returned right now and the shallowness of this event were revealed and His glory would ring out! Now that would be excitement!!!

My soul longs and yearns for Him. I want to be united and kept with Him. I long for the day there are no distractions and it's truly ALL ABOUT HIM. I want His glory to shine out over the earth and I long to bow low before Him.

Awards night in heaven!

Tonight is the Emmy's. I can only imagine all the excitement and preparation that goes into tonight’s award ceremony. It got me to thinking about the awards I'm working toward in heaven.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget about the bigger picture. Life gets busy kwim??

But there will come a time when my life on this earth is over and I stand before my maker. Wow what a thought.........

When I stand before my maker and we know each other intimately, when He looks deep into my eyes down into my soul and finds my heart.

What is He going to find there???

The dust of my body will fade and blow away and the things of this earth won't matter. It's my heart........

I want Him to find me beautiful. I want Him to delight in me. I want a heart just like His!!! Imagine having that......how beautiful, how perfect!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I give myself to you. I melt in Your hands. Mold me; make me into what you desire. Here I am, here is my will. I give it up to you. Take me and use me. I need you more than I need air to breathe. Nothing will separate me from your love, bind me to you. Hold me close. WOW!!! You are awesome! So perfect, so holy! You are genius!

Ephesians 3:17-19 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

He's called me!! I've heard Him!!

Last night while in bed trying to get some sleep I heard the clear voice of the Lord and He's put something burning in my heart!!! I had to get up and start working on it in the middle of the night!!

For many years I've felt the desire to write. My mother, Kristy Dykes is an award winning author and has nine Christian fiction titles. She has encouraged me for years to start writing but while that sounded nice I've never come up with a story that I wanted to write about.

Lately I've really been feeling something burning inside of me, a strong desire and last night the Lord gave me my story to write!!!! I believe this story has been brewing in my heart all my life, it feels as if I've been waiting for this very moment in time to write it!

For years I've been scared to write, it seems so overwhelming. Where to begin and really who cares what I have to say?? But last night a clarity and confidence came to me and settled over me like a sweet peace.

I know what I want to write. I have the story and I can see the audience I want to read my story. I can feel their heart. I can sense their longing, they are waiting for this story and I feel such an urgency to get it out. I know this because really this story is everyone's story!!!

I know I have SO much to learn about writing, but I have my story and I'm going to start with that!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord THANK YOU for calling me! My desire is to be used for you. I want to be laid open and bare for all to see. I want to be a living sacrifice for you. All I ask Lord is that you use me. I'm willing to follow you, I'm not afraid. Here I am, I give you what little I have. It's not much but I offer myself up to you. Thank you for creating me so I can know you!! You thrill me!! You excited me!!! You fulfill me!! You sustain me!!! You are all I need, all I want!!

I'm counting on God to get my husband in the door!

Now that the Lord has answered my specific prayer of softening my husband's heart I've had to come up with a new prayer. I've been pondering over what I want next from the Lord, what my next prayer will focus on and I've got it!!

Yesterday the new pastor told us he's going to be leading a 13 week series and putting the whole church through confirmation classes (think new christian class.) Each Sunday will be a new topic explaining the Christian beliefs. The series will start September 10th and the first topic will be "Why bother with Christianity? Is Christianity worth the bother?" Other topics will be "Who is Jesus, and why did he have to die?"

After each service they will have a discussion group that is OPEN. Meaning anyone can come and share what they think or believe and ask questions. They will have about 8 leaders who are trained to answer questions. He said someone can even come to the discussion and say, "I don't believe in God" and the leaders will state why they believe and the proof etc. they have.

The pastor made a big point on saying that we all must choose Christianity on our own. We can't be told what or how to think. It must be our choice, our own decision.

I got so excited!!!! This is JUST what my husband needs!!! He keeps saying the "church" is telling me what to think and brain washing me etc. How perfect this new session sounds! The timing couldn't be better!!

My new specific prayer will be that somehow, and I don't know how he's going to do it BUT I'm believing He's powerful enough, that the Lord will get my husband in the door of the church on September 10th to hear this new series.

I believe He can do it!!!!!

I've done my part, I told my husband ALL about the new series and challenged him to come and hear what they have to say. The next part I need to do is pray. I will be fasting and crying out for help from my savior. I need Him to work on my husband's heart.

Now it's up to God! I believe with all my heart God wants my husband bad! I feel a fire burning in my soul and it's ready to burst out. I want my husband saved and I want us to start our service to the King! I don't know exactly what He has in store for me, but it feels big! I feel like I'm being prepared for something and I can't wait for the moment when I can push forward and live in service to my savior!

I feel held back right now, the Holy Spirit is telling me to hold on. To wait, to have patience but man I'm READY to serve! I've been called, I hear it ringing in my heart and I want to respond in a big way. I'm ready to surge forward, no looking back!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, I want to serve you!!!! With all my heart, all my being. I don't want to look back or look at the things of this world. I want to work for YOU!!! Oh Lord put me to work!!! Abba Father, get my husband in that door on September 10th. Help me Father, give me wisdom on what to say and do. Hold me quiet when I need to be still, give me courage when I need to stand up and speak. Thank you!!!

It's all coming together!!!!!

First I would like to report I'm seeing this verus being worked out in my very own life:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Let me tell you how this verus is coming alive for me!! It's so exciting!!!

Last night my husband and I were watching on the History channel a show about hidden codes in the Bible. It was a very interesting show that had many good points. It opened the door for me to speak on spiritual matters and it got the conversation flowing.

This is a miracle itself because the hate in my husband's heart was so strong that before he couldn't even bare to mention the word Bible more less watch an hour long program on it!

After the show was over he asked me again to tell him what happened to me back in March. I shared my heart with him, I opened myself up and just let it pour out.

He told me that I wanted to have a supernatural experience and that's why that happened.

After awhile we got quiet and he started watching another show, I went into the kitchen to do some dishes. I didn't know what to say further. I felt like jumping up and down in front of him and shouting, "how blind can you be man!!! He's right in front of you!!!" But of course I didn't do that!!!

Instead as I washed the pots and pans from dinner I started praying in the Spirit. I didn't even know what to pray for, that's what's so great about praying in the Spirit. The Spirit intercedes for you!

All the sudden I felt words coming up and about to burst out, I ran back to my husband and I didn't have to think what to say! It just poured out.

I reminded him of a time back in April during Easter week when I attended a special Good Friday service. I reminded him how he said if I went that night to the service that I could never come back, the marriage would be over and he would divorce me.

I shared with him how scary that was for me, how painful. How frighten I was. Everything in me wanted to say forget the service and stay home just so we wouldn't have the conflict. But as scared as I was, I COULD NOT stay home. Because what I believe is REAL!

I asked him why would I put myself through that unless I believed with all my heart?

We looked into each other's eyes and I tenderly told him how he's my best friend. The person I care about most and that's why I'm sharing all this with him. Because it's real and amazing and God's love is SOOOO GOOD!!!

I told him how nothing can seperate me from this love, it's so good I'm willing to suffer and face hard times because it's real and I believe and it's good!

I gave him further examples and I could tell it really touched him, made him think differently.

When I think back to that Good Friday night, I remember how lonely and afraid I felt, in fact you can read that post here http://its-all-about-him.blogspot.com/2006/04/so-alone.html

Just copy and paste that. It's titled so alone.

To now see how this story is all starting to come together just blows me away!

God IS real! He's exciting. He's wonderful. His mercy is amazing!!

################

Ok I just went back myself and read what I posted under so alone and I'm even more amazed!!! Isn't it astounding how God is now using that night??? I'm so glad I listened to Him and followed His leading that night! It was one of the worst nights in my life, I felt so terrified. I really didn't know if the marriage would continue. And now the miracle is happening!!! Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

"Five New Commandments"

On Sunday the title of the pastor's sermon was "Five New Commandments"

I'm so excited because after church my husband and I went to lunch and on the way I shared with him the five points I learned in Sunday's sermon! I carry a little pocket Bible and I pulled it out and read the scripture references the pastor gave!!!!

WoooooooooHooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He casually listened and another seed is planted!!!!

I'm so excited I could shout!!! Wow! My God is a good God! He's listening to my prayers and He's answering them!!!!

The five new commandments are:
1) Lighten Up Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2) Don't Worry Matthew 6:28-34 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3) Forgive Everybody Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

4) Don't Judge Other People Matthew 7:1-4 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

5) Walk like sons and daughters of the King Galatians 4:4-7 But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, 5to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. 6Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba,[a] Father." 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

The Lord gave me the chance to share all this with my husband!!!! Isn't He a good God?????

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Abba Father you are AWESOME!! You are amazing!!! I love you until my heart feels like it will burst! My prayer to you, my Abba Father, has been not that you make my life easier or better but that you have mercy on my family and my husband. I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you are answering my heartfelt cry and prayer!!!!!! You are a good God!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! You have blessed me and I pray you delight in me as I give myself to you as a living sacrifice!!!!

Amazing conversation PART 2

The next day I brought up the subject again and said, “I thought about what you said about me not being open to different ways of thinking and………and there’s a difference between being open to learning and discussing other religions and beliefs and……being open to changing your beliefs.” No I am not opening to changingmy beliefs. I’ve thought long and hard about what I believe and I’ve reached conclusions. But I am open to learning about other religions and why different people believe what they do.

I told him “you are the one who is intolerant.” He replied “who me?” I answered “wasn’t it not too long ago that you told me you didn’t want me reading my Bible or having anything to do with religion?” “If there’s no power in the Bible and its all worthless then where’s the harm?” He replied that he now doesn’t have a problem with me studying and reading the Bible, he’s ok with whatever I want to do!

At one point he stopped the conversation and said he knew what my situation was. He said he came to the conclusion that what happened to me on March 15th was a combination of hallucination and suggestion. He had this whole elaborate idea that attending church had opened me up and they put suggestions in my head that made me hallucinate what I experienced.

He said it was similar to being hypnotized and that by talking to my parents (who are believers and pastors) on the phone something similar to hypnotism had happened to me.

I asked him then, if he really thought that when I talked to my parents about religion or attended church that they were secretly sending out messages and hypnotizing me???? It’s absolutely ridiculous! I told him “so if that’s true, then I must be hypnotizing you! When we talk about religion or God do you feel me putting YOU under a spell?” He then said that no he didn’t think that was happening.

After further thought and discussion he came up with this powerful statement that almost knocked me off my seat! He said, “Some people are open to suggestion. I am not. I could never be hypnotized or have suggestion put in my head. So what happened to you was the willingness to be suggested.”

Did you hear that??? The willingness to be suggested!! He just described the action of faith!

I shouted out to him “you got it! That’s it!!” I told him “when I had that supernatural experience it was when I was sitting on my couch all alone and thinking about my life and what I believe. It was when I gave up MY will and realized it’s not all about ME. When I broke and my pride fell down is when God revealed Himself to me in a powerful and might way!” I told him “when you will give up your pride, and realize it’s not all about you and open yourself up to Him, that’s when he’s going reveal Himself to you!!!”

Later I asked him “so….. what would the test be? If I stopped attending church and I still experienced God then how would you explain it?” “Then what would your answer be?” He said and I quote “then I guess it would be a supernatural revelation from God!” Wow!!!!!!

Of course I’m not going to stop attending church to prove to my husband God exists but I will tell you what the true test will be. It will be time. When he sees me living out my faith and sticking to my beliefs, regardless of what comes my way in life, when he witness the amazing peace of Christ that passes all understanding, it will make him ask, how and why?

Once again, God is genius!!!

Amazing conversation (part 1)

Last night I had the most amazing conversation with my husband. We were watching the show 30 days on FX Network. The show takes a person and puts them in an opposite situation for 30 days and documents it. Last night the show was about an atheist who lived with a born again Christian family for 30 days.

It opened the door for my husband (for those who don’t know, he’s atheist) and I to talk about our beliefs. He listened to everything I had say and I got to share some wonderful thoughts.

This is a direct answer to prayer! For those who don’t know, my husband several months ago told me if I attended church or read my Bible he would divorce me. I cried out to God for his mercy on my husband and on my marriage. I prayed God would soften my husband’s heart. Well for him to go from forbidding me to read the Bible to now being open to speaking about my beliefs is a miracle! If that’s not a softening of his heart then I don’t know what would be! We are actually enjoying having conversations on religion and with no arguing!

Last night I left him with the question “If there is no God then who or what decides what’s right and wrong?” He stated he felt it was society who determined this and I pointed out several reasons I believe it can’t be society.

Sometime during the conversation he made the statement “you’re not open to thinking different ways.”

I thought on this all night and morning, how could this guy say that????? For 10 years I’ve been out of church. I’ve gone through times where I didn’t believe there was a God. To times where I thought if there was a God somewhere, then he certainly didn’t have anything to do with this world or me. Basically for 10 years I’ve put God on hold to find out things for myself. I didn’t want God telling me what to do or what to think. I wanted God out of my head and heart, I got PRIDEFUL. Arrogant.

I got so far away from God that I forgot my past experiences with Him. So far away that it seemed like a fairy tale, a distant memory of my childhood. Like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

It was the only the power of God (and the power prayer, my parents were praying) that I heard Him calling out to me in the mist of my darkness. God revealed Himself to me in a powerful way, so powerful I couldn’t deny that He was real. He was right in front of me! He was breathing on me! He was pouring out amazing LOVE!!! I got a taste of that, and man there’s no going back for me!

READ part 2 for my response to my husband regarding his comment: “you’re not open to thinking different ways.”

What else pleases the Lord?

Isaiah 1:17-18 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Wow! To hear the word of the Lord and to learn what concerns Him, what pleasure this brings me! I’m on a quest to find passages like the one above, I want to know what concerns the Lord. I want to know what he wants me to do.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord how awesome and powerful you are, I stand in awe of you. Thank you Lord for creating me, for making me and for loving me. Thank you for your word so I can know you and hear from you. Oh Lord make your desires, my desires! This is my prayer today. Oh Lord I open my heart to you, I give it to you and ask Lord that you fill it with your desires and wants. Strip me away oh Lord, I want to be emptied of self and filled up with the things of you. Oh Lord guide me as I study your word, I’m searching to know your heart, to know what pleases you. Reveal yourself to me, don’t hold anything back. I ask all this in Jesus name.

Thank you Father for surely You are my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid, you my Lord are my strength and my song, you have become my salvation!

Did you know that God is real???!!!

This was my very first post and for some reason I feel compelled to repost it. Here it goes:

It all started a year ago in March 2005. I was at a party with my husband and mother-in-law and a good family friend sat at our table. This friend had recently been born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.

She was alive and on fire for God and turned to my husband and said “God wants you!!!” She was very bold in her statements and I felt God reaching down and speaking through her. What she said touched me to my core.

She shared that after becoming born again her husband forbid her to go to church, he was jewish. She told me she would lie in bed at night and lay hands on him and pray in the spirit and plead the blood over him. He miraculously came to Christ one day in a busy mall; he fell right there on his knees and worshiped the Lord.

This woman spoke the truth and God put her at that party, at our table to speak to me. It was like God reached down and grabbed me by the heart and said “I want you!!” The seed was planted in my heart. After that I started hungering after Him.

I found out about a church that had services in English and started attending on Sundays. This caused a huge conflict with my husband because he is athiest.

A lot happened that is too long to share but it basically came down to choosing between my husband or God. It was the hardest, scariest decision I’ve ever made. But I choose God and I got up on Sundays and took my 2 year old daughter and newborn son and we went.

As I drove each Sunday morning I would give the problem back to God, I didn’t know how he was going to work it out or what would happen with my marriage, it was a scary time but I would just pray “I choose you, I choose you” as I drove.

The church I found is interdenominational, called the Union Church. Check out their website at www.unionchurchofsanjuan.org Although it's not pentecostal I can feel the Holy Spirit gently in the services. He is there!!

Then my mother ordered me a series of books by Ted Dekker. As I was finishing the 2nd book I was sitting on my couch thinking about what I read. It dawned on me suddenly that I needed to give everything about me to Christ. Every desire, every wish, every thought, every emotion. To give up everything in order to receive true fulfillment and eternal life.

I became filled with deep despair because as much as I wanted to give up the deepest desires of my heart, I wasn’t able to do it. I am too full of sin and I will fail again and again.

At that moment something hit me like a bolt of lighting!!! I realized I didn’t have to do anything!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it for me!!!! He did it ALL for me on the cross!!!!!! It’s not about me being good or doing this or that!!!! I can never be good enough, or perfect enough!!! Only his blood can wash me clean!!!! There is nothing for me to do!!! It’s so simple!!! It’s all about Him!!!! Everything is about Him!!!

All the sudden I opened my mouth and I started speaking in a language I didn’t know. I felt actual scales fall off my eyes and I saw two whole worlds and I realized God was real!!!

As this was happening to me my 2 year old was napping, my infant was in his swing and my husband on the computer. It was so powerful, I ran to my husband crying and I told him “God is REAL!!!” He’s real!!!!” I told him “I was just sitting on the couch and something has happened to me! I know beyond any doubt that God is real!” My husband practically ran out the door on a sudden errand, he laughed it off saying I had lost my mind. As he left I told him “you’ve been married to me for 8 years, you KNOW I’m not crazy! God is real!”

While he was gone I literally walked my house in circles praying in tongues while God revealed things to me in waves.

Here is what I wrote down frantically as it was happening to me: Everything in this world is a distraction away from God. The only thing that matters is so simple, it’s one word, CHRIST. It’s all about Him, it always has been all about Him. The world and things in this world are just to take your eyes off Him and confuse you. It’s about a constant focus on Him, about being in constant worship. Everything else holds no importance. Nothing matters but Him, it’s so simple. To worship Him is to be with Him. There is no other joy, He is the joy. His joy is real, I can taste it, I can swim in it, I can breathe him. He’s everywhere, He’s everywhere I look. I don’t have to turn my head to find Him, to see Him. He’s in the rocks, He’s in the trees. He is beauty, He is love. He is pure. To worship Him is to slip from this world and find Him. Everything else is a distraction; it’s about going back to Him, worshiping again. It’s living in two worlds at once; it’s balancing them but never loosing focus of Him. Until one day we are with Him and there will be no distractions, just Him. It’s all I need; it’s what I was made for. I know what I’m made for, it’s for Him, it’s all about Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is only the start of what he is revealing to me, as I open my self to Him and focus on Him He shows me things that give me DEEP joy. I have been filling up pages, writing as fast as I can what he’s been showing me until I realized I don’t have to write it all down, that I COULDN’T write it all down, it’s too much!! And then that’s when I realized that the word of God is ALIVE. Do you know that it is ALIVE????!!!!! Everything I need to know is right in His word, and all the sudden He is speaking to me in His word, I’m jumping from place to place every thing I read has deep meaning!!!It’s ALIVE!!!!!!

It’s as if I’ve just been born and I’m experiencing everything for the first time. I was blind but now I SEE!!!!! I SEE now!!!! I can’t get enough of Him!!! In a second He changed EVERYTHING about me. There isn’t an area in my life that has been changed and touched.

My journey with Him has just begun. I've created this blog so I can always remember this journey with Him!

God is a little scary without.......

His son Jesus.

So I've moved on to reading the OT (Old Testament.) Since March I've been reading the New Testament and I've been so fascinated that I've just enjoyed being stuck there.

Now I'm curious to know more about this ancient Father of mine and I'm being drawn to the OT. I've started with 1 Samuel. Don't know why I choose that book, it just seemed a good place to start. The versus that sticks out most to me from that book is: 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

What an amazing scripture, how revealing about our Lord!

Now the more I read the OT the more I realize how if I ever thought I couldn't live without the amazing love of my heavenly Father, how much MORE I need the saving power of His son!

It becomes glaringly clear that without His son, Jesus, my sweet and gentle savior that I would never be able to go to my heavenly Father.

Jesus forever binds me to my heavenly Father. No matter what I do my savior is always there for me, to reconcile me, to draw me in.

The whole trinity is GENIUS! You see the Holy Spirit directs me to the savior, Jesus. He whispers in my ear how sweet and wonderful the savior is. And Jesus....., I could get lost forever on just His name. WOW! He's so in love with me that he gave the ultimate gift. He gave me His life! And it's through Him that I reach my Father, and then the Father pours out this love that is AMAZING!

This love is the real deal! It's the real ecstasy! I'm convinced this love is the cure for every broken and lonely heart, the excitement for the bored, and the strength for the weary. Whatever you need, He's got it!

Oh, what a beautiful scripture!!!

2 Corinthians 2:14-16 14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. 15For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?

Oh wow! How beautiful is that! To think we are the sweet and wonderful aroma of Christ! How pleasing, how wonderful that must be to the Father!

I read that and I want to praise Him, I want to put all aside and fall down on my face and worship Him. I want the sweet aroma of Christ to envelope me, to seep into me. I want to please the Father. I want to praise Him with my heart made so pure and clean with the aroma of Christ flowing through me.

As I read this scripture the words flow into my heart like a gushing river, it revives me. It enlivens me. It excites me. It thrills me.

What could be more thrilling than to think of the sweet aroma of Christ surging through me and up to the Father. Oh how much He loves us and delights in us!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you God for creating me. Thank you for making me so I can know you and experience how WONDERFUL your love feels. To experience you, to experience your love is so fulfilling! You are awesome! You're everything I need and want.

What about a little fantasy??

Does God know your fantasies?

Last night my husband and I were watching on MSNBC the show Headliners and Legends. They were highlighting serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and showed clips of an interview with him. They were interviewing his family and told the story of his life, starting even with his mother's pregnancy. At one point Jeffrey Dahmer was talking about his life before he killed his first victim. He said something very interesting that really got me to thinking. He said that before he took his first victim, he would fantasize about his acts. I won't go into details, but he lived out his crimes in his mind over and over again. Very specific fantasies, he lived in a sick and twisted fantasy world. Until one day he crossed over from fantasy to real life and carried out his crimes exactly how he imagined it in his mind over and over. Then he said once he crossed that line from fantasy to real life, he couldn't control his fantasies anymore and started living them out in real life again and again.

Now obviously this is an extreme case, but it got me to thinking what the Word says about fantasy and this is what I found.

Matthew 5:27-29 27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

There is a powerful connection between what's in our heart and who we are; who we will become and which path we will take in our life.

There was a time in my life when I felt very angry that God wanted ALL of my heart, even the hidden places. "Can't I have even a little privacy God?" "What's wrong with a little fantasy???" "It's not as if it hurts anybody."

Of course I'm not even talking about murderous fantasy, but what about simple stuff like reading a book or watching a movie and lusting after a character? Or even looking at a friend's spouse and seeing all these great qualities and wondering what it would be like if I were married to that person. I'm not even talking about sexual lust here, but thoughts like "wouldn't life be so easy if only........"

These thoughts are dangerous, they are poision. It causes something in the heart and in the mind to change. It starts pushing you in a direction that at first you might not even want to take.

This life here on earth is about a fight, we are fighting our flesh. Our flesh desires and wants what is evil, the things of this world. Naturally our flesh calls us, it desires to be stroked to be petted. James 1:15 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Now knowing this what do we do in this fight?? How can we possibly win?

That's what is SOOOOOOOOOOOO amazing about the Word!!! He tells us what to do!!!!

Philippians 4:7-9 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Leading Tuesday Bible Study

Today was the second Tuesday in a row I've lead the women's Bible Study group at my church. I'm helping to lead it with two other women. We are studying the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It's been very interesting, most of the women in this Bible study are very shy and quiet.

I'm not sure what they think of me when I go "off" on a part of the scripture, sometimes I hear the word read and the joy of the Lord comes all over me and I can't hold back my feelings. I start speaking and a tingle comes over me, I lose track of where I am and I go to another place.

The group has asked me to lead and close on all the prayers, they say I pray beautifully. Well, I don't know about that. I feel like I'm talking to my Father so I just open up and pour it out.

On another thought; last night I was praying and I felt I had a real breakthough. I have to admit that sometimes when I pray for my husband, I secretly wonder if he'll ever come to the Lord. I have a lot of doubts. I don't like that I doubt, but sometimes the work that needs done on his heart seems too great.

On Sunday the pastor said "Ask for anything from the Lord, but what do you really want?" The sermon was based on II Chronicles 1:7-13 7 That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you." 8 Solomon answered God, "You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me king in his place. 9 Now, LORD God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. 10 Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" 11 God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, 12 therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have."

So this got me to thinking what I want to ask God for. What do I really want? As I was praying last night, I began to speak to my Father and since God is my Father I realized that if I asked for something with a pure heart that of course my Father wouldn't deny me!!! So with a sincere and pure heart I told my Father, that all I ask from Him is that he have mercy on my home and husband that He reveal Himself in a powerful and mighty way to my husband. No matter what else comes up in my life, if this is the one thing He gives me, it would be all I ask for. I don't ask for health, I don't ask for happiness. If all my life is hardship and pain that will be ok. I just ask He have mercy on my husband.

I know my Father heard me!!!! HE HEARD ME!! I don't doubt that, now I am waiting on Him! I know He will answer my prayer, I trust in Him and I will trust in His timing!!

So I saw a dead BODY.....

It was the other day at the beach. My sister was in town and we took the kids to the beach, as we drove up and parked we saw lots of police cars and people standing around. We were in a part of town where no one speaks English so I didn't even bother asking what was going on.

We parked and got out and made our way to the shore and there right before our eyes was a dead MAN. It was such a shock to see a dead person right there in the sand.

I don't know the full story but apparently this man drown and scuba divers pulled him in. Now in Puerto Rico things are done differently, instead of bagging him up and taking him off in an ambulance or putting a sheet over him they just left him there. Police tape marked off the area and police were guarding him but I guess they were waiting for the officials. Why they can't cover DEAD people up like in the States I just don't understand. But anyway that's how they do it here.

Usually a sight like this wouldn't disturb me, but now I see things totally different. I couldn't get the image of this man out of my head. I wanted to weep and grieve for him. It shocked me to think of the significance of what I saw. This man, DEAD on the beach either just met his Maker or........in a second he was gone from this world. Water entered his lungs, he sunk to the ocean floor and in a second he was gone. GONE.

My heart grieved because more likely than not he didn't go to his MAKER. I know it's just ONE man, someone I didn't even know but it broke my heart to think that he might have passed without knowing his creators love. To think he might be separated FOREVER from the amazing love of God.

It stirred in my heart urgency. Those of us who know the TRUTH need to hurry. There are so many who need to know the truth, so many who need to be reached. I hope I never lose the urgency of sharing the Good News, time is so short!

TRUST IN ME

This is what God spoke to me last night as I was in bed and praying. I was praying away and just a going at what my problem was, I'd had a horrible evening with the kids and lost my temper.

My two year old wouldn't go to sleep and woke up my 7 month old. They share a room and it's difficult because somebody is always waking somebody else up. The 2 yo goes to bed late, she just won't turn off at times and wakes early so by bedtime I'm exhausted. I worry if I don't get them down quickly I won't have time to straighten the house or spend private time with my husband.

Anyway, so there I was praying away and clearly and suddenly the Lord spoke to me and said "Trust in me." So simple, so basic. I realized, you know that's really all there is to it. Will you trust in Him?

When am I going to learn to just trust in Him? Give it up to Him? Remain in Him? Let Him hold me. Let Him guide me.

Sometimes I get so caught up that I forget the simpleness of His love, of His ways.

Oh to trust in Him. There is such peace. He's in control of EVERY part of my life, it's time to be still, to be calm and rest in Him.

Another praise report!

This is an email I sent to my parents and my mom asked me share this on my blog so here it goes,

I can't believe the changes going on in my home! Last night Javier took us all to the mall with promises of buying Claudia a special princess balloon. He took us all to a candy shop and let Claudia pick out a huge balloon and special candy. Then we walked around and the balloon came undone from the top (the lady didn't tie the balloon tight enough.) Anyway you should have seen Claudia's face to see her balloon float to the ceiling at the mall. Can you believe Javier went into a store nearby and got a special long range hanger and got her balloon from the ceiling??? Then he tied it back on and we walked over to Macaroni Grill for dinner. We had the best time. He is being so loving and sweet to all of us, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud!

This story may seem so simple but this is what I've dreamed of, what I've wanted so much from him. I've never wanted expensive things, just simple things that show love and to see him being so sweet to our children and so loving to me is making my heart melt away!!!

Also during dinner at one point I made a comment "I wonder what my Grandpa is doing right now?" He commented back "oh, he's watching the Price is Right." I paused and then said "Javier!! My Grandpa died remember?" and he oh so casually responded "I know, I meant in heaven, he's watching Price is right." I nearly fell over! He said this with no sarcasm at all!!

These stories are small but they are miracles! For him to say that without venom is a miracle! God is changing his heart and God is using me! I'm showing him God's love. You see, God made me, a woman to being loving. It's what I was created to do, it's inside of me. I need to be shown love, I crave it. And God made Javier to need respect, that's how he sees love. When I show Javier respect, deep and true respect he responds by being loving! Wow! I guess women fear showing respect because they are afraid the husband will run all over them, they'll lose the ground they have. But it's just the opposite, the more respect you give, even when it's not deserved, the more love he'll show! Anyway just wanted to share that with you. To let you know your prayers are being answered!

I also have to comment that I can't believe how genius God's way is! It sounds kind of silly to say how genius He is, because of course He's genius. He made us, so of course He knows what we need. But I find it so amazing that God's plan leads to such blessings, such joy, such peace! If only everyone understood that!

Feeling so behind

Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions and no matter which way I go I can never do enough.

My 2 year has been sick for 12 days with a stomach bug, now I've got it and well if it's not one thing it's another!

But hey that's life!!!

With two little ones under my care life is BUSY!!! I wish I had more time to work on this blog, so many times I write blogs in my head but just can't find the time to get on here and post it.

From early in the morning until late at night somebody or something needs tending to.

I think I'm going to start posting TWO DAYS A WEEK. If I can do more I will but for now TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS will have new posts. This will be my goal.

In August my 2 year old starts back to preschool and I'll have more time then to post. Right now when I'm online she's wondering the house usually getting into trouble! Think of drawing on the walls and multi toilet flushes with lots of paper!

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for these little children you've given me. You have blessed me so richly with two beautiful and healthy babies. I enjoy them so much, they bring me such joy and laughter. Dear Lord, sometimes I feel so pulled in different directions, so many times I want to read your word yet somebody needs feeding or cleaning. I want you to be first in my life yet right now you've given me a responsibility that takes lots of time and patience. Help me Lord to remain faithful to what is important in this life. Give me strength Lord to do all you've called me to do. Thank you, in Jesus name amen!

Dinner with my husband!

The most exciting thing has happened!!

I got a chance to share some truths with my husband and his family! For my husband's birthday, my brother and sister-in-law took us two couples out to dinner at The Palm restaurant. We had a babysitter for the kids and we had the best time being together and chatting.

That afternoon I really prayed in the spirit for my husband. Praying in the spirit is really awesome because when you pray this way, you pray the will of God. See, sometimes we don't know exactly what to pray for so when we pray in the spirit, the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf!

Well I was really burdened for my husband that afternoon and just gave it over to God and prayed up a storm. I was actually on my bike riding in Old San Juan and listening to my ipod when I felt compelled to turn the thing off and pray. So there I was riding along and praying out in the spirit! I'm sure that got some stares!! But I didn't notice, I was too busy praying!

Well that night an amazing chance came up to share some of my beliefs and I just opened up my heart and boldly told the truth. We had a great discussion, they asked several questions. A seed has been planted and I praise God for giving me the opening to bring up the topic.

One thing I shared was how happy I am now, how I've never been so in love with life. I've never felt more at peace, felt more joy than I have now. And you know what my husband replied to that???? He said "if that makes you happy and gives you peace, then that's good for you and I think that's great."

I almost fell over!!! He said this smiling!!!!!!!!! He's gone from wanting to divorce me because I read my Bible to thinking it's great!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!

Now I see why the scripture says a wife can win her husband over by her actions. As he sees how joyful and happy I am, he begins to wonder. He is responding to my actions, he is responding to love he feels pouring out of me! This is Christ's love, Christ's peace and joy!!!