HOW does He speak to me??

Many times it's through His word. Today in my morning devotions I stumbled on this:

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

Not only is He a powerful and majestic God, but He's also a God that cares about little me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart.

Isaiah 40:29-31He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

This week I've been so tired, so worn out by toddler and infant care and I'm relying on Him to give me strength (see my last post.) This morning I was directed right to this scripture, is that by mistake? Not to me! My hope, my ONLY hope is in the Lord so I know He WILL renew my strength. He's already helping me!

Psalms 37:3-7Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Am I delighting myself in the Lord? This is the question of my heart this week. Am I looking toward the Lord or toward whatever it is I don't have? He's promising me if I will delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart!

Just what DOES the Holy Spirit do?

I'm constantly amazed at the Holy Spirit and what He does for me. He's like a best friend but way better.

It's thrilling to me how the Holy Spirit guides me in my daily life. He has been my comforter in times when I'm alone and my corrector when I'm being stubborn or lazy.

Daily life is HARD. I'm sure it is for everyone, as the mother of two small children I know it gets hard and tiring for me. There are times when I'm so tired I get, gasp dare I say...cranky. And times when I've cleaned up what seems like millions of messes from my adventuresome toddler that, gasp dare I say...I run out of patience.

So how does Christ's love translate in the daily tasks of life? This is were I'm learning how awesome the Holy Spirit is. He's the one who's beside me while I scrub up messes off the floor. Who's gently encouraging me to be slow, soft and gentle to my little one when I feel like losing my temper. He's the one who whispers the Word to me, gently encouraging me to open my Bible when I'm too tired or lazy to make the effort.

He's the one who points out that I need an attitude adjustment when I become overwhelmed by the small details in daily life. Because daily life sometimes can be hard, that's not going to change so what am I going to do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do with the help of the Holy Spirit. I'm going to live one day at time with the thought upon waking, "what can I do today to show the love of Christ?" Who can I be kind too today? Who needs a smile? Who needs an encouraging word/hug/call/look? Is it my children? Is it my husband?

I'm a missionary in my own home!!! There should never be "time off" from missionary work. When daily life gets hard and I don't feel like being at my best, I'm going to call out to my Father and ask Him for the help He's promised me! Because I can't do it alone, because I'm human and I get tired. He's got to help me show the love of Christ because I can't do it on my own.

people are HURTING

The new pastor at my church has started a new thing. On Sundays they pass out little blue cards and you can put a prayer request and turn them in.

Those little blue cards have touched me so much this week and I'll tell you why.

Tuesday I lead a women's Bible study at church and the pastor came in with this past Sunday's blue cards. He asked if each lady wanted to take a card and at the end of our meeting when we have a group prayer, to include the request on the blue card. We readily agreed but little did I know how those card would touch me.

My blue card read: Roland requests prayer for his mother who will begin radiation therapy for 34 days. At the bottom of the card he wrote "I declare God cures her." When it came my turn to pray I felt a burning passion for this unknown Roland, he boldly put on his card that he DECLARES God cure her. Well, the scripture says if two shall agree together it shall be done. So I bound myself in spirit to Roland I agreed with him. The TWO of us are declaring that his mother be cured.

At the end of our meeting we turned the blue cards back into the pastor and I went on my way.

BUT I can't get those blue cards out of my heart. As each lady read out the request it later struck me how much people are HURTING. The world is full of hurting, broken people who are in desperate need of help and healing.

Those blue cards took me away from myself, hearing each lady call out problems and pain gave me a tiny glimpse of what our heavenly Father must feel as he looks down at us and sees our pain and hears our heart's cries. It shook me how much He loves us, how much He wants to comfort us, to help us, to guide us.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord show me what I can do to help a dying and broken world. How can I show your love to those in need? Send people my way that I can help, so I can shine YOUR light onto their dark world. AND thank you Lord for my health, thank you for my children, thank you for my home and nice place to sleep. Thank you for my food. You are a good God! There's so much to thank you for, THANK YOU for creating me! How wonderful it is to get a chance to serve you and know you. You are awesome!

The yearning and longing in my heart

Isaiah 26:8-10 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

My soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you.
When your judgments come upon the earth,
the people of the world learn righteousness.

Though grace is shown to the wicked,
they do not learn righteousness;
even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil
and regard not the majesty of the LORD.

I find it amazing how the Word is alive, isn't God genius? How can it be that a Isaiah wrote oh back in 700 B.C. exactly what's in my heart? In my soul?

Just the other day I was trying to put words to the longings of my heart and explain to my father (earthly) how I feel. There is an excitement and a yearning for my King to return and reveal himself. I was telling my father the other day, "I can't wait until the seams of this earth are ripped away and the reality of His glory fully revealed for all to see."

I was at a party the other night with my husband and the emptiness of the world stood out painfully to me. I kept thinking, what if He returned right now and the shallowness of this event were revealed and His glory would ring out! Now that would be excitement!!!

My soul longs and yearns for Him. I want to be united and kept with Him. I long for the day there are no distractions and it's truly ALL ABOUT HIM. I want His glory to shine out over the earth and I long to bow low before Him.

Awards night in heaven!

Tonight is the Emmy's. I can only imagine all the excitement and preparation that goes into tonight’s award ceremony. It got me to thinking about the awards I'm working toward in heaven.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget about the bigger picture. Life gets busy kwim??

But there will come a time when my life on this earth is over and I stand before my maker. Wow what a thought.........

When I stand before my maker and we know each other intimately, when He looks deep into my eyes down into my soul and finds my heart.

What is He going to find there???

The dust of my body will fade and blow away and the things of this earth won't matter. It's my heart........

I want Him to find me beautiful. I want Him to delight in me. I want a heart just like His!!! Imagine having that......how beautiful, how perfect!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I give myself to you. I melt in Your hands. Mold me; make me into what you desire. Here I am, here is my will. I give it up to you. Take me and use me. I need you more than I need air to breathe. Nothing will separate me from your love, bind me to you. Hold me close. WOW!!! You are awesome! So perfect, so holy! You are genius!

Ephesians 3:17-19 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

He's called me!! I've heard Him!!

Last night while in bed trying to get some sleep I heard the clear voice of the Lord and He's put something burning in my heart!!! I had to get up and start working on it in the middle of the night!!

For many years I've felt the desire to write. My mother, Kristy Dykes is an award winning author and has nine Christian fiction titles. She has encouraged me for years to start writing but while that sounded nice I've never come up with a story that I wanted to write about.

Lately I've really been feeling something burning inside of me, a strong desire and last night the Lord gave me my story to write!!!! I believe this story has been brewing in my heart all my life, it feels as if I've been waiting for this very moment in time to write it!

For years I've been scared to write, it seems so overwhelming. Where to begin and really who cares what I have to say?? But last night a clarity and confidence came to me and settled over me like a sweet peace.

I know what I want to write. I have the story and I can see the audience I want to read my story. I can feel their heart. I can sense their longing, they are waiting for this story and I feel such an urgency to get it out. I know this because really this story is everyone's story!!!

I know I have SO much to learn about writing, but I have my story and I'm going to start with that!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord THANK YOU for calling me! My desire is to be used for you. I want to be laid open and bare for all to see. I want to be a living sacrifice for you. All I ask Lord is that you use me. I'm willing to follow you, I'm not afraid. Here I am, I give you what little I have. It's not much but I offer myself up to you. Thank you for creating me so I can know you!! You thrill me!! You excited me!!! You fulfill me!! You sustain me!!! You are all I need, all I want!!

I'm counting on God to get my husband in the door!

Now that the Lord has answered my specific prayer of softening my husband's heart I've had to come up with a new prayer. I've been pondering over what I want next from the Lord, what my next prayer will focus on and I've got it!!

Yesterday the new pastor told us he's going to be leading a 13 week series and putting the whole church through confirmation classes (think new christian class.) Each Sunday will be a new topic explaining the Christian beliefs. The series will start September 10th and the first topic will be "Why bother with Christianity? Is Christianity worth the bother?" Other topics will be "Who is Jesus, and why did he have to die?"

After each service they will have a discussion group that is OPEN. Meaning anyone can come and share what they think or believe and ask questions. They will have about 8 leaders who are trained to answer questions. He said someone can even come to the discussion and say, "I don't believe in God" and the leaders will state why they believe and the proof etc. they have.

The pastor made a big point on saying that we all must choose Christianity on our own. We can't be told what or how to think. It must be our choice, our own decision.

I got so excited!!!! This is JUST what my husband needs!!! He keeps saying the "church" is telling me what to think and brain washing me etc. How perfect this new session sounds! The timing couldn't be better!!

My new specific prayer will be that somehow, and I don't know how he's going to do it BUT I'm believing He's powerful enough, that the Lord will get my husband in the door of the church on September 10th to hear this new series.

I believe He can do it!!!!!

I've done my part, I told my husband ALL about the new series and challenged him to come and hear what they have to say. The next part I need to do is pray. I will be fasting and crying out for help from my savior. I need Him to work on my husband's heart.

Now it's up to God! I believe with all my heart God wants my husband bad! I feel a fire burning in my soul and it's ready to burst out. I want my husband saved and I want us to start our service to the King! I don't know exactly what He has in store for me, but it feels big! I feel like I'm being prepared for something and I can't wait for the moment when I can push forward and live in service to my savior!

I feel held back right now, the Holy Spirit is telling me to hold on. To wait, to have patience but man I'm READY to serve! I've been called, I hear it ringing in my heart and I want to respond in a big way. I'm ready to surge forward, no looking back!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, I want to serve you!!!! With all my heart, all my being. I don't want to look back or look at the things of this world. I want to work for YOU!!! Oh Lord put me to work!!! Abba Father, get my husband in that door on September 10th. Help me Father, give me wisdom on what to say and do. Hold me quiet when I need to be still, give me courage when I need to stand up and speak. Thank you!!!

It's all coming together!!!!!

First I would like to report I'm seeing this verus being worked out in my very own life:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Let me tell you how this verus is coming alive for me!! It's so exciting!!!

Last night my husband and I were watching on the History channel a show about hidden codes in the Bible. It was a very interesting show that had many good points. It opened the door for me to speak on spiritual matters and it got the conversation flowing.

This is a miracle itself because the hate in my husband's heart was so strong that before he couldn't even bare to mention the word Bible more less watch an hour long program on it!

After the show was over he asked me again to tell him what happened to me back in March. I shared my heart with him, I opened myself up and just let it pour out.

He told me that I wanted to have a supernatural experience and that's why that happened.

After awhile we got quiet and he started watching another show, I went into the kitchen to do some dishes. I didn't know what to say further. I felt like jumping up and down in front of him and shouting, "how blind can you be man!!! He's right in front of you!!!" But of course I didn't do that!!!

Instead as I washed the pots and pans from dinner I started praying in the Spirit. I didn't even know what to pray for, that's what's so great about praying in the Spirit. The Spirit intercedes for you!

All the sudden I felt words coming up and about to burst out, I ran back to my husband and I didn't have to think what to say! It just poured out.

I reminded him of a time back in April during Easter week when I attended a special Good Friday service. I reminded him how he said if I went that night to the service that I could never come back, the marriage would be over and he would divorce me.

I shared with him how scary that was for me, how painful. How frighten I was. Everything in me wanted to say forget the service and stay home just so we wouldn't have the conflict. But as scared as I was, I COULD NOT stay home. Because what I believe is REAL!

I asked him why would I put myself through that unless I believed with all my heart?

We looked into each other's eyes and I tenderly told him how he's my best friend. The person I care about most and that's why I'm sharing all this with him. Because it's real and amazing and God's love is SOOOO GOOD!!!

I told him how nothing can seperate me from this love, it's so good I'm willing to suffer and face hard times because it's real and I believe and it's good!

I gave him further examples and I could tell it really touched him, made him think differently.

When I think back to that Good Friday night, I remember how lonely and afraid I felt, in fact you can read that post here http://its-all-about-him.blogspot.com/2006/04/so-alone.html

Just copy and paste that. It's titled so alone.

To now see how this story is all starting to come together just blows me away!

God IS real! He's exciting. He's wonderful. His mercy is amazing!!

################

Ok I just went back myself and read what I posted under so alone and I'm even more amazed!!! Isn't it astounding how God is now using that night??? I'm so glad I listened to Him and followed His leading that night! It was one of the worst nights in my life, I felt so terrified. I really didn't know if the marriage would continue. And now the miracle is happening!!! Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

"Five New Commandments"

On Sunday the title of the pastor's sermon was "Five New Commandments"

I'm so excited because after church my husband and I went to lunch and on the way I shared with him the five points I learned in Sunday's sermon! I carry a little pocket Bible and I pulled it out and read the scripture references the pastor gave!!!!

WoooooooooHooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He casually listened and another seed is planted!!!!

I'm so excited I could shout!!! Wow! My God is a good God! He's listening to my prayers and He's answering them!!!!

The five new commandments are:
1) Lighten Up Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2) Don't Worry Matthew 6:28-34 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3) Forgive Everybody Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

4) Don't Judge Other People Matthew 7:1-4 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

5) Walk like sons and daughters of the King Galatians 4:4-7 But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, 5to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. 6Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba,[a] Father." 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

The Lord gave me the chance to share all this with my husband!!!! Isn't He a good God?????

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Abba Father you are AWESOME!! You are amazing!!! I love you until my heart feels like it will burst! My prayer to you, my Abba Father, has been not that you make my life easier or better but that you have mercy on my family and my husband. I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you are answering my heartfelt cry and prayer!!!!!! You are a good God!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! You have blessed me and I pray you delight in me as I give myself to you as a living sacrifice!!!!

Amazing conversation PART 2

The next day I brought up the subject again and said, “I thought about what you said about me not being open to different ways of thinking and………and there’s a difference between being open to learning and discussing other religions and beliefs and……being open to changing your beliefs.” No I am not opening to changingmy beliefs. I’ve thought long and hard about what I believe and I’ve reached conclusions. But I am open to learning about other religions and why different people believe what they do.

I told him “you are the one who is intolerant.” He replied “who me?” I answered “wasn’t it not too long ago that you told me you didn’t want me reading my Bible or having anything to do with religion?” “If there’s no power in the Bible and its all worthless then where’s the harm?” He replied that he now doesn’t have a problem with me studying and reading the Bible, he’s ok with whatever I want to do!

At one point he stopped the conversation and said he knew what my situation was. He said he came to the conclusion that what happened to me on March 15th was a combination of hallucination and suggestion. He had this whole elaborate idea that attending church had opened me up and they put suggestions in my head that made me hallucinate what I experienced.

He said it was similar to being hypnotized and that by talking to my parents (who are believers and pastors) on the phone something similar to hypnotism had happened to me.

I asked him then, if he really thought that when I talked to my parents about religion or attended church that they were secretly sending out messages and hypnotizing me???? It’s absolutely ridiculous! I told him “so if that’s true, then I must be hypnotizing you! When we talk about religion or God do you feel me putting YOU under a spell?” He then said that no he didn’t think that was happening.

After further thought and discussion he came up with this powerful statement that almost knocked me off my seat! He said, “Some people are open to suggestion. I am not. I could never be hypnotized or have suggestion put in my head. So what happened to you was the willingness to be suggested.”

Did you hear that??? The willingness to be suggested!! He just described the action of faith!

I shouted out to him “you got it! That’s it!!” I told him “when I had that supernatural experience it was when I was sitting on my couch all alone and thinking about my life and what I believe. It was when I gave up MY will and realized it’s not all about ME. When I broke and my pride fell down is when God revealed Himself to me in a powerful and might way!” I told him “when you will give up your pride, and realize it’s not all about you and open yourself up to Him, that’s when he’s going reveal Himself to you!!!”

Later I asked him “so….. what would the test be? If I stopped attending church and I still experienced God then how would you explain it?” “Then what would your answer be?” He said and I quote “then I guess it would be a supernatural revelation from God!” Wow!!!!!!

Of course I’m not going to stop attending church to prove to my husband God exists but I will tell you what the true test will be. It will be time. When he sees me living out my faith and sticking to my beliefs, regardless of what comes my way in life, when he witness the amazing peace of Christ that passes all understanding, it will make him ask, how and why?

Once again, God is genius!!!

Amazing conversation (part 1)

Last night I had the most amazing conversation with my husband. We were watching the show 30 days on FX Network. The show takes a person and puts them in an opposite situation for 30 days and documents it. Last night the show was about an atheist who lived with a born again Christian family for 30 days.

It opened the door for my husband (for those who don’t know, he’s atheist) and I to talk about our beliefs. He listened to everything I had say and I got to share some wonderful thoughts.

This is a direct answer to prayer! For those who don’t know, my husband several months ago told me if I attended church or read my Bible he would divorce me. I cried out to God for his mercy on my husband and on my marriage. I prayed God would soften my husband’s heart. Well for him to go from forbidding me to read the Bible to now being open to speaking about my beliefs is a miracle! If that’s not a softening of his heart then I don’t know what would be! We are actually enjoying having conversations on religion and with no arguing!

Last night I left him with the question “If there is no God then who or what decides what’s right and wrong?” He stated he felt it was society who determined this and I pointed out several reasons I believe it can’t be society.

Sometime during the conversation he made the statement “you’re not open to thinking different ways.”

I thought on this all night and morning, how could this guy say that????? For 10 years I’ve been out of church. I’ve gone through times where I didn’t believe there was a God. To times where I thought if there was a God somewhere, then he certainly didn’t have anything to do with this world or me. Basically for 10 years I’ve put God on hold to find out things for myself. I didn’t want God telling me what to do or what to think. I wanted God out of my head and heart, I got PRIDEFUL. Arrogant.

I got so far away from God that I forgot my past experiences with Him. So far away that it seemed like a fairy tale, a distant memory of my childhood. Like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

It was the only the power of God (and the power prayer, my parents were praying) that I heard Him calling out to me in the mist of my darkness. God revealed Himself to me in a powerful way, so powerful I couldn’t deny that He was real. He was right in front of me! He was breathing on me! He was pouring out amazing LOVE!!! I got a taste of that, and man there’s no going back for me!

READ part 2 for my response to my husband regarding his comment: “you’re not open to thinking different ways.”

What else pleases the Lord?

Isaiah 1:17-18 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Wow! To hear the word of the Lord and to learn what concerns Him, what pleasure this brings me! I’m on a quest to find passages like the one above, I want to know what concerns the Lord. I want to know what he wants me to do.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord how awesome and powerful you are, I stand in awe of you. Thank you Lord for creating me, for making me and for loving me. Thank you for your word so I can know you and hear from you. Oh Lord make your desires, my desires! This is my prayer today. Oh Lord I open my heart to you, I give it to you and ask Lord that you fill it with your desires and wants. Strip me away oh Lord, I want to be emptied of self and filled up with the things of you. Oh Lord guide me as I study your word, I’m searching to know your heart, to know what pleases you. Reveal yourself to me, don’t hold anything back. I ask all this in Jesus name.

Thank you Father for surely You are my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid, you my Lord are my strength and my song, you have become my salvation!

Did you know that God is real???!!!

This was my very first post and for some reason I feel compelled to repost it. Here it goes:

It all started a year ago in March 2005. I was at a party with my husband and mother-in-law and a good family friend sat at our table. This friend had recently been born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.

She was alive and on fire for God and turned to my husband and said “God wants you!!!” She was very bold in her statements and I felt God reaching down and speaking through her. What she said touched me to my core.

She shared that after becoming born again her husband forbid her to go to church, he was jewish. She told me she would lie in bed at night and lay hands on him and pray in the spirit and plead the blood over him. He miraculously came to Christ one day in a busy mall; he fell right there on his knees and worshiped the Lord.

This woman spoke the truth and God put her at that party, at our table to speak to me. It was like God reached down and grabbed me by the heart and said “I want you!!” The seed was planted in my heart. After that I started hungering after Him.

I found out about a church that had services in English and started attending on Sundays. This caused a huge conflict with my husband because he is athiest.

A lot happened that is too long to share but it basically came down to choosing between my husband or God. It was the hardest, scariest decision I’ve ever made. But I choose God and I got up on Sundays and took my 2 year old daughter and newborn son and we went.

As I drove each Sunday morning I would give the problem back to God, I didn’t know how he was going to work it out or what would happen with my marriage, it was a scary time but I would just pray “I choose you, I choose you” as I drove.

The church I found is interdenominational, called the Union Church. Check out their website at www.unionchurchofsanjuan.org Although it's not pentecostal I can feel the Holy Spirit gently in the services. He is there!!

Then my mother ordered me a series of books by Ted Dekker. As I was finishing the 2nd book I was sitting on my couch thinking about what I read. It dawned on me suddenly that I needed to give everything about me to Christ. Every desire, every wish, every thought, every emotion. To give up everything in order to receive true fulfillment and eternal life.

I became filled with deep despair because as much as I wanted to give up the deepest desires of my heart, I wasn’t able to do it. I am too full of sin and I will fail again and again.

At that moment something hit me like a bolt of lighting!!! I realized I didn’t have to do anything!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it for me!!!! He did it ALL for me on the cross!!!!!! It’s not about me being good or doing this or that!!!! I can never be good enough, or perfect enough!!! Only his blood can wash me clean!!!! There is nothing for me to do!!! It’s so simple!!! It’s all about Him!!!! Everything is about Him!!!

All the sudden I opened my mouth and I started speaking in a language I didn’t know. I felt actual scales fall off my eyes and I saw two whole worlds and I realized God was real!!!

As this was happening to me my 2 year old was napping, my infant was in his swing and my husband on the computer. It was so powerful, I ran to my husband crying and I told him “God is REAL!!!” He’s real!!!!” I told him “I was just sitting on the couch and something has happened to me! I know beyond any doubt that God is real!” My husband practically ran out the door on a sudden errand, he laughed it off saying I had lost my mind. As he left I told him “you’ve been married to me for 8 years, you KNOW I’m not crazy! God is real!”

While he was gone I literally walked my house in circles praying in tongues while God revealed things to me in waves.

Here is what I wrote down frantically as it was happening to me: Everything in this world is a distraction away from God. The only thing that matters is so simple, it’s one word, CHRIST. It’s all about Him, it always has been all about Him. The world and things in this world are just to take your eyes off Him and confuse you. It’s about a constant focus on Him, about being in constant worship. Everything else holds no importance. Nothing matters but Him, it’s so simple. To worship Him is to be with Him. There is no other joy, He is the joy. His joy is real, I can taste it, I can swim in it, I can breathe him. He’s everywhere, He’s everywhere I look. I don’t have to turn my head to find Him, to see Him. He’s in the rocks, He’s in the trees. He is beauty, He is love. He is pure. To worship Him is to slip from this world and find Him. Everything else is a distraction; it’s about going back to Him, worshiping again. It’s living in two worlds at once; it’s balancing them but never loosing focus of Him. Until one day we are with Him and there will be no distractions, just Him. It’s all I need; it’s what I was made for. I know what I’m made for, it’s for Him, it’s all about Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is only the start of what he is revealing to me, as I open my self to Him and focus on Him He shows me things that give me DEEP joy. I have been filling up pages, writing as fast as I can what he’s been showing me until I realized I don’t have to write it all down, that I COULDN’T write it all down, it’s too much!! And then that’s when I realized that the word of God is ALIVE. Do you know that it is ALIVE????!!!!! Everything I need to know is right in His word, and all the sudden He is speaking to me in His word, I’m jumping from place to place every thing I read has deep meaning!!!It’s ALIVE!!!!!!

It’s as if I’ve just been born and I’m experiencing everything for the first time. I was blind but now I SEE!!!!! I SEE now!!!! I can’t get enough of Him!!! In a second He changed EVERYTHING about me. There isn’t an area in my life that has been changed and touched.

My journey with Him has just begun. I've created this blog so I can always remember this journey with Him!

God is a little scary without.......

His son Jesus.

So I've moved on to reading the OT (Old Testament.) Since March I've been reading the New Testament and I've been so fascinated that I've just enjoyed being stuck there.

Now I'm curious to know more about this ancient Father of mine and I'm being drawn to the OT. I've started with 1 Samuel. Don't know why I choose that book, it just seemed a good place to start. The versus that sticks out most to me from that book is: 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

What an amazing scripture, how revealing about our Lord!

Now the more I read the OT the more I realize how if I ever thought I couldn't live without the amazing love of my heavenly Father, how much MORE I need the saving power of His son!

It becomes glaringly clear that without His son, Jesus, my sweet and gentle savior that I would never be able to go to my heavenly Father.

Jesus forever binds me to my heavenly Father. No matter what I do my savior is always there for me, to reconcile me, to draw me in.

The whole trinity is GENIUS! You see the Holy Spirit directs me to the savior, Jesus. He whispers in my ear how sweet and wonderful the savior is. And Jesus....., I could get lost forever on just His name. WOW! He's so in love with me that he gave the ultimate gift. He gave me His life! And it's through Him that I reach my Father, and then the Father pours out this love that is AMAZING!

This love is the real deal! It's the real ecstasy! I'm convinced this love is the cure for every broken and lonely heart, the excitement for the bored, and the strength for the weary. Whatever you need, He's got it!

Oh, what a beautiful scripture!!!

2 Corinthians 2:14-16 14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. 15For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?

Oh wow! How beautiful is that! To think we are the sweet and wonderful aroma of Christ! How pleasing, how wonderful that must be to the Father!

I read that and I want to praise Him, I want to put all aside and fall down on my face and worship Him. I want the sweet aroma of Christ to envelope me, to seep into me. I want to please the Father. I want to praise Him with my heart made so pure and clean with the aroma of Christ flowing through me.

As I read this scripture the words flow into my heart like a gushing river, it revives me. It enlivens me. It excites me. It thrills me.

What could be more thrilling than to think of the sweet aroma of Christ surging through me and up to the Father. Oh how much He loves us and delights in us!!!!

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you God for creating me. Thank you for making me so I can know you and experience how WONDERFUL your love feels. To experience you, to experience your love is so fulfilling! You are awesome! You're everything I need and want.

What about a little fantasy??

Does God know your fantasies?

Last night my husband and I were watching on MSNBC the show Headliners and Legends. They were highlighting serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and showed clips of an interview with him. They were interviewing his family and told the story of his life, starting even with his mother's pregnancy. At one point Jeffrey Dahmer was talking about his life before he killed his first victim. He said something very interesting that really got me to thinking. He said that before he took his first victim, he would fantasize about his acts. I won't go into details, but he lived out his crimes in his mind over and over again. Very specific fantasies, he lived in a sick and twisted fantasy world. Until one day he crossed over from fantasy to real life and carried out his crimes exactly how he imagined it in his mind over and over. Then he said once he crossed that line from fantasy to real life, he couldn't control his fantasies anymore and started living them out in real life again and again.

Now obviously this is an extreme case, but it got me to thinking what the Word says about fantasy and this is what I found.

Matthew 5:27-29 27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

There is a powerful connection between what's in our heart and who we are; who we will become and which path we will take in our life.

There was a time in my life when I felt very angry that God wanted ALL of my heart, even the hidden places. "Can't I have even a little privacy God?" "What's wrong with a little fantasy???" "It's not as if it hurts anybody."

Of course I'm not even talking about murderous fantasy, but what about simple stuff like reading a book or watching a movie and lusting after a character? Or even looking at a friend's spouse and seeing all these great qualities and wondering what it would be like if I were married to that person. I'm not even talking about sexual lust here, but thoughts like "wouldn't life be so easy if only........"

These thoughts are dangerous, they are poision. It causes something in the heart and in the mind to change. It starts pushing you in a direction that at first you might not even want to take.

This life here on earth is about a fight, we are fighting our flesh. Our flesh desires and wants what is evil, the things of this world. Naturally our flesh calls us, it desires to be stroked to be petted. James 1:15 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Now knowing this what do we do in this fight?? How can we possibly win?

That's what is SOOOOOOOOOOOO amazing about the Word!!! He tells us what to do!!!!

Philippians 4:7-9 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Leading Tuesday Bible Study

Today was the second Tuesday in a row I've lead the women's Bible Study group at my church. I'm helping to lead it with two other women. We are studying the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It's been very interesting, most of the women in this Bible study are very shy and quiet.

I'm not sure what they think of me when I go "off" on a part of the scripture, sometimes I hear the word read and the joy of the Lord comes all over me and I can't hold back my feelings. I start speaking and a tingle comes over me, I lose track of where I am and I go to another place.

The group has asked me to lead and close on all the prayers, they say I pray beautifully. Well, I don't know about that. I feel like I'm talking to my Father so I just open up and pour it out.

On another thought; last night I was praying and I felt I had a real breakthough. I have to admit that sometimes when I pray for my husband, I secretly wonder if he'll ever come to the Lord. I have a lot of doubts. I don't like that I doubt, but sometimes the work that needs done on his heart seems too great.

On Sunday the pastor said "Ask for anything from the Lord, but what do you really want?" The sermon was based on II Chronicles 1:7-13 7 That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you." 8 Solomon answered God, "You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me king in his place. 9 Now, LORD God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. 10 Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" 11 God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, 12 therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have."

So this got me to thinking what I want to ask God for. What do I really want? As I was praying last night, I began to speak to my Father and since God is my Father I realized that if I asked for something with a pure heart that of course my Father wouldn't deny me!!! So with a sincere and pure heart I told my Father, that all I ask from Him is that he have mercy on my home and husband that He reveal Himself in a powerful and mighty way to my husband. No matter what else comes up in my life, if this is the one thing He gives me, it would be all I ask for. I don't ask for health, I don't ask for happiness. If all my life is hardship and pain that will be ok. I just ask He have mercy on my husband.

I know my Father heard me!!!! HE HEARD ME!! I don't doubt that, now I am waiting on Him! I know He will answer my prayer, I trust in Him and I will trust in His timing!!

So I saw a dead BODY.....

It was the other day at the beach. My sister was in town and we took the kids to the beach, as we drove up and parked we saw lots of police cars and people standing around. We were in a part of town where no one speaks English so I didn't even bother asking what was going on.

We parked and got out and made our way to the shore and there right before our eyes was a dead MAN. It was such a shock to see a dead person right there in the sand.

I don't know the full story but apparently this man drown and scuba divers pulled him in. Now in Puerto Rico things are done differently, instead of bagging him up and taking him off in an ambulance or putting a sheet over him they just left him there. Police tape marked off the area and police were guarding him but I guess they were waiting for the officials. Why they can't cover DEAD people up like in the States I just don't understand. But anyway that's how they do it here.

Usually a sight like this wouldn't disturb me, but now I see things totally different. I couldn't get the image of this man out of my head. I wanted to weep and grieve for him. It shocked me to think of the significance of what I saw. This man, DEAD on the beach either just met his Maker or........in a second he was gone from this world. Water entered his lungs, he sunk to the ocean floor and in a second he was gone. GONE.

My heart grieved because more likely than not he didn't go to his MAKER. I know it's just ONE man, someone I didn't even know but it broke my heart to think that he might have passed without knowing his creators love. To think he might be separated FOREVER from the amazing love of God.

It stirred in my heart urgency. Those of us who know the TRUTH need to hurry. There are so many who need to know the truth, so many who need to be reached. I hope I never lose the urgency of sharing the Good News, time is so short!

TRUST IN ME

This is what God spoke to me last night as I was in bed and praying. I was praying away and just a going at what my problem was, I'd had a horrible evening with the kids and lost my temper.

My two year old wouldn't go to sleep and woke up my 7 month old. They share a room and it's difficult because somebody is always waking somebody else up. The 2 yo goes to bed late, she just won't turn off at times and wakes early so by bedtime I'm exhausted. I worry if I don't get them down quickly I won't have time to straighten the house or spend private time with my husband.

Anyway, so there I was praying away and clearly and suddenly the Lord spoke to me and said "Trust in me." So simple, so basic. I realized, you know that's really all there is to it. Will you trust in Him?

When am I going to learn to just trust in Him? Give it up to Him? Remain in Him? Let Him hold me. Let Him guide me.

Sometimes I get so caught up that I forget the simpleness of His love, of His ways.

Oh to trust in Him. There is such peace. He's in control of EVERY part of my life, it's time to be still, to be calm and rest in Him.

Another praise report!

This is an email I sent to my parents and my mom asked me share this on my blog so here it goes,

I can't believe the changes going on in my home! Last night Javier took us all to the mall with promises of buying Claudia a special princess balloon. He took us all to a candy shop and let Claudia pick out a huge balloon and special candy. Then we walked around and the balloon came undone from the top (the lady didn't tie the balloon tight enough.) Anyway you should have seen Claudia's face to see her balloon float to the ceiling at the mall. Can you believe Javier went into a store nearby and got a special long range hanger and got her balloon from the ceiling??? Then he tied it back on and we walked over to Macaroni Grill for dinner. We had the best time. He is being so loving and sweet to all of us, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud!

This story may seem so simple but this is what I've dreamed of, what I've wanted so much from him. I've never wanted expensive things, just simple things that show love and to see him being so sweet to our children and so loving to me is making my heart melt away!!!

Also during dinner at one point I made a comment "I wonder what my Grandpa is doing right now?" He commented back "oh, he's watching the Price is Right." I paused and then said "Javier!! My Grandpa died remember?" and he oh so casually responded "I know, I meant in heaven, he's watching Price is right." I nearly fell over! He said this with no sarcasm at all!!

These stories are small but they are miracles! For him to say that without venom is a miracle! God is changing his heart and God is using me! I'm showing him God's love. You see, God made me, a woman to being loving. It's what I was created to do, it's inside of me. I need to be shown love, I crave it. And God made Javier to need respect, that's how he sees love. When I show Javier respect, deep and true respect he responds by being loving! Wow! I guess women fear showing respect because they are afraid the husband will run all over them, they'll lose the ground they have. But it's just the opposite, the more respect you give, even when it's not deserved, the more love he'll show! Anyway just wanted to share that with you. To let you know your prayers are being answered!

I also have to comment that I can't believe how genius God's way is! It sounds kind of silly to say how genius He is, because of course He's genius. He made us, so of course He knows what we need. But I find it so amazing that God's plan leads to such blessings, such joy, such peace! If only everyone understood that!

Feeling so behind

Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions and no matter which way I go I can never do enough.

My 2 year has been sick for 12 days with a stomach bug, now I've got it and well if it's not one thing it's another!

But hey that's life!!!

With two little ones under my care life is BUSY!!! I wish I had more time to work on this blog, so many times I write blogs in my head but just can't find the time to get on here and post it.

From early in the morning until late at night somebody or something needs tending to.

I think I'm going to start posting TWO DAYS A WEEK. If I can do more I will but for now TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS will have new posts. This will be my goal.

In August my 2 year old starts back to preschool and I'll have more time then to post. Right now when I'm online she's wondering the house usually getting into trouble! Think of drawing on the walls and multi toilet flushes with lots of paper!

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Lord for these little children you've given me. You have blessed me so richly with two beautiful and healthy babies. I enjoy them so much, they bring me such joy and laughter. Dear Lord, sometimes I feel so pulled in different directions, so many times I want to read your word yet somebody needs feeding or cleaning. I want you to be first in my life yet right now you've given me a responsibility that takes lots of time and patience. Help me Lord to remain faithful to what is important in this life. Give me strength Lord to do all you've called me to do. Thank you, in Jesus name amen!

Dinner with my husband!

The most exciting thing has happened!!

I got a chance to share some truths with my husband and his family! For my husband's birthday, my brother and sister-in-law took us two couples out to dinner at The Palm restaurant. We had a babysitter for the kids and we had the best time being together and chatting.

That afternoon I really prayed in the spirit for my husband. Praying in the spirit is really awesome because when you pray this way, you pray the will of God. See, sometimes we don't know exactly what to pray for so when we pray in the spirit, the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf!

Well I was really burdened for my husband that afternoon and just gave it over to God and prayed up a storm. I was actually on my bike riding in Old San Juan and listening to my ipod when I felt compelled to turn the thing off and pray. So there I was riding along and praying out in the spirit! I'm sure that got some stares!! But I didn't notice, I was too busy praying!

Well that night an amazing chance came up to share some of my beliefs and I just opened up my heart and boldly told the truth. We had a great discussion, they asked several questions. A seed has been planted and I praise God for giving me the opening to bring up the topic.

One thing I shared was how happy I am now, how I've never been so in love with life. I've never felt more at peace, felt more joy than I have now. And you know what my husband replied to that???? He said "if that makes you happy and gives you peace, then that's good for you and I think that's great."

I almost fell over!!! He said this smiling!!!!!!!!! He's gone from wanting to divorce me because I read my Bible to thinking it's great!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!

Now I see why the scripture says a wife can win her husband over by her actions. As he sees how joyful and happy I am, he begins to wonder. He is responding to my actions, he is responding to love he feels pouring out of me! This is Christ's love, Christ's peace and joy!!!

Love and Respect

I'm reading this marriage book called Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Wow! I am blown away by the truths I'm reading!

My Aunt Janet, a pastor’s wife at Suncoast A/G in St. Pete gave it to me. It's a Focus on the Family book and it's about the love a woman most desires and the respect a man desperately needs.

This has to be one of the best books I've ever read. I'm reading it and going, "wow! that's why my husband does what he does!" and "oh, NOW I get why he said/did that!"

It's helping to open my eyes to my husband’s heart and suddenly I'm liking what I see! The Holy Spirit has been revealing these truths to me and really I've always deeply respected my husband and that's why we've gotten along so well in our marriage.

But I'll be honest, somewhere along the way I've forgotten some of the respect I used to have for my husband. Maybe being busy with two small children and the stress of living in a foreign country has something to do with it.

Regardless, God commands a wife to unconditionally RESPECT her husband. Not unconditionally LOVE her husband!! There is a big difference!! I said UNCONDITIONALLY RESPECT her husband wither he deserves it or not!

When I try respecting my husband, wither he deserves it or not, something amazing starts happening! He softens, he responds and he starts acting in the loving, caring way I most desire!

Want to know more??? Read Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. You won't be disappointed. It is Bible based, simple to follow and you'll immediately see results!

I had to blog about this

It's just too good not to mention it. Although I'm going to disguise it a little because the Holy Spirit clearly told me this revelation was meant just for me!

The Holy Spirit has given me powerful weapons in this spiritual battle I'm fighting in the struggle for my husband’s soul. God is on my side and I'm learning how awesome, how powerful, how wonderful He is!

Not long after I recommitted my life to Christ and got filled with the Holy Spirit something else wonderful happened to me. I'm not going to say exactly what it was, like I said the Holy Spirit told me it was meant just for me. But I will say that the Holy Spirit came to me and spoke so clearly it was almost audible. He told me a secret, a key to something that only a divine force could know. It's something I could not have known or made up myself.

This secret has been so powerful it has made a huge difference in my marriage. It's rocked my world.

Something else quite amazing. While I was in Jacksonville visiting my parents, one Sunday morning after church, a member of their church came up to me and gave me a word from the Lord. This man was very bold and wasn't afraid to speak what was in his heart. He said several things, he told me a very specific fear my husband has regarding my recent and new commitment to the Lord. I won't say what that fear is but I was blown away when this man knew what it was!

The Holy Spirit, when he spoke to me revealed what this fear of my husband's was and has given me a powerful blessing to help fight this fear!

When I pray and worship I can get lost in profound joy just from thinking about how the Holy Spirit came and spoke to me and gave me something just to bless me and help me!

God is awesome, He's wonderful! He wants to bless us, to help us. He's waiting to just pour it out like water pouring out of a waterfall. And let me tell you, standing under that waterfall and receiving blessings is AWESOME!

His way is perfect! His burden is so light! To follow Him is such a joy!!

God is at work!

For the past few months my prayer for my husband has been for God to soften his heart. Even if it's slow and the process seems to take long, that has been my prayer. A softening.

God is answering my prayer, I can see the Lord at work on his heart!

A perfect example; my mother bought my two year old a video from the Christian book store called Hermie the common caterpillar. It's a simple story based on Bible truth and the caterpillar talks to God.

I wondered how my husband would respond when he saw that video. In the past he's thrown away Christian CDs my mom bought for the children. So I've hidden some of their stuff.

Well this video I decided I was going to give to God and let Him do the work. I've played the video several times and waited for him to notice. Every time I put it in I'd start praying, praying in the Spirit. Praying for that softening.

Well it has happened, already there is a change, a softening. It may seem small to some but to me it's major. One night he sat down with my two year and watched the movie with her while she sat in his lap, he commented to me "this is religious." I replied back "oh really? My mom bought her that." He sat there calmly, making no comments and hasn't thrown the video away!

That is a direct answer to prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhh my God is good!

Faith and Fear

Today the Sermon at church was titled "What are you afraid of?" The scripture was from Mark 4:35-41 The story of the disciples who got in the boat with Jesus and a bad storm came up. They were afraid and Jesus was asleep on a cushion. They went and woke him up and Jesus asked "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

The pastor said that the opposite of faith is disbelief but in this story the opposite of faith was fear.

God spoke directly to me this morning and He asked me "Why are you so afraid?"

I sat there with tears rolling down my face.

You see every Sunday is misery for me. I wake up never knowing how my husband will respond to me attending church. I never know if this will be the Sunday he'll want to divorce. I walk on eggshells and the worst fear grips my heart.

Fear so strong I don't feel like moving. Fear so strong it makes me feel alone. I fight it all the way to church and can't relax. I actually dread Sundays.

Right now in my life it feels like Jesus is alseep in the boat on a cushion. I'm the disciples in the story saying "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

Jesus, don't you care if my husband treats me badly for going to church? Jesus don't you care if he leaves me over this church issue?

I've decided I'm getting in the boat with Jesus, I'm going to follow Him out into deep waters. If I'm willing to follow Him, then I'v got to have faith in Him. I've got to trust Him. Leave this issue in His hands. I'm doing my part, now I've got to let go and let Him do His.

Instead of being afraid, I'm going to pray. Instead feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to praise and worship Him!

The deceiver is doing a number on me with this fear, it keeps me from doing many things. I will not let the deceiver win, I will not give in to this fear. Instead when I feel afraid I'm going to seek the Holy Spirit. He will be my comforter, my guide.

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you Father for your word. Thank you for speaking directly to me today. Thank you for being with me, guiding me, giving me strength and courage. Your name, Jesus is so sweet. I long to hear your name praised in heaven. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize, I will not seek rewards on this earth. I love you Jesus!!

La noche de San Juan cont'd......

I found out something interesting last night, the celebration of The Night of San Juan is actually in honor of John the Baptist! The running into the water and jumping in backwards is a recreation of baptism.

I never knew that and I don't think everyone does. It's mainly just a big party and the original reason seems to be lost but for me it was a celebration for my Creator!

I ran into the water with hundreds of people and watched as everyone threw themselves backwards over and over. It was awesome seeing so many people by the moonlight laughing and jumping in the water "baptizing" themselves, even if they didn't know the full meaning. I wanted to stand at the shore and shout the Good News! If only I could shout it out and people would hear, really hear.

Puerto Ricans are very passionate people, I love that about them. They have such big hearts and they have celebration in their souls. If only they would turn that celebration away from drinking and parting and turn it to their Savior, to their Creator!! Think of the joy that would bring the Lord! That's what we were created for! To worship Him and bring Him pleasure!

As I dunked myself repeatedly I came up praying in tongues and looking up to the sky in awe of my creator. I couldn't help but look around and allow my thoughts to wonder to another time and another place.

I can't wait until that moment when I'm in heaven surrounded by saints worshipping the Savior and Creator with abandon.

My heartfelt prayer; Thank you God for creating me!! To worship you is to feel you, to be with you, to be in your presence. You're all I need, you're all I want! I want to feel you, to experience you, to need you, to know you. I want to taste you, I want to hear you, I want you! I can't wait for the moment when the seams of this world are ripped away and you are revealed in all your glory! Thank you for creating me so I can serve and worship you. I can hardly get past that Lord, just the joy of being created so I can know and worship you. To be loved by you God is enough for me. I need nothing else!

La noche de San Juan

Tonight is La noche de San Juan. Translated in English means the night of San Juan. It's a big party on the beach. People start gathering in the evening and make big bon fires, the only time they are legal. It's a fun party and has some history behind it.

At midnight everyone runs with abandon to the shore and jumps in the ocean backwards and dunks themself 12 times for good luck.

Our friends who just built a beautiful town house (the one I've blogged about before) are hosting a pool/beach party and my sister-in-law is keeping our kids. I've always had so much fun at this event but I'm curious to see what it will be like now that I'm following Christ.

Instead of running into the ocean for good luck I'm going to run into the ocean and jump into the water to symbolize a fresh baptism!! I'm so eager to please my heavenly Father and I look forward to bringing Him pleasure tonight by living a Godly life. I'm following after Him and I know He'll be by my side tonight even when I feel so different and so seperated from the world.

I'm back home!!!

I'm finally back home after a five week trip to Florida to visit my parents and sister. I had the best time and those five weeks flew by very fast. Each day was packed with activities, fun and lots of laughter with my sweet little nephews. The time with my parents was awesome, I drew close to them in a way I've always longed for. We had lots of long talks about the Bible and God's amazing love. I was way too busy catching up with my family to blog or email but I promise I haven't abandoned my blog or my faith!! Plus I didn't have internet access most days.

Coming back home after being away so long was strange, it usually takes me a few days to settle back in and get used to life again on the island. Mainly the heat and humidity. Honestly it didn't feel like coming back home and I miss my parents and sister so much. But I know I have a life here and now I'm on a major mission in my life, sharing God's love. So I was excited to get back home and get back to "work" loving on my husband.

Each day I'm amazed at the sweetness of God's love. It thrills me to find quiet moments and connect with Him. I've been so busy unpacking, cleaning and daily child care that it's been hard to just focus on Him.

What I've learned from this and what amazes me is that when I do reach out to Him, guess what???? He is right there!!!! I instantly connect back to Him!!!! I find something else very interesting, I notice that many times I'll feel too tired to reach out and I want to push away. Mainly because my mind is spinning from thoughts that come and go, plus training a two year old and then the constant care of a 6 month old wears me out. It never stops.

Anyway, I'm amazed that He never leaves! Even when I'm busy, He's not!! He's waiting for me. It thrills me and brings such pleasure to sort out my thoughts and train myself to throw out the junk and focus on Him. Instead of worrying, I pray now. What a waste of time worry is! I also notice how certain movies and TV shows just waste my time and thoughts, instead of thinking about some dumb movie I saw on Lifetime I could be focusing on Him. However this requires a lot of discipline and training because deceptively it sometimes seems easier to just mindless watch TV or a movie than to concentrate on Him. I love to say “The joy of the Lord is my strength!” Many times when I’m putting my babies to sleep and I’m so tired and don’t feel like praying, I remind myself of that and suddenly I find myself laughing and praying in tongues and I’m not tired anymore! Of course I do that quietly so not to wake them! Lol!

Exposing that hidden secret place

Tonight I'm going to stand up in front of my Dad's church and speak. He's asked me to share my testimony and whatever's on my heart.

This is a very scary thing for me to do. I'm not a public speaker. I'm scared to death to speak in front of people and add to the fact that the Holy Spirit is leading to me speak on a topic I don't want to share!

I'm going to speak on the secret hidden place in my heart. There's a place in my heart that is hidden. No one knows about. It's all mine. On the outside I can seem good but there's a secret place in me where I can hide stuff. That stuff is sin and I'm talking about secret sin that can be hidden and not easily exposed. It's sin that can be nursed and petted. It's sin we think we can hide from God because it's in that secret place that we don't want Him to touch. Or we think He doesn't know about it, or He doesn't want it. It's ours, it's private. It may be big or it might even be small. It might be so small we think it's dumb and so we just keep it for ourselves and bring it out to pet and comfort us when we're too lazy or weak to turn to God.

It's whatever comes between you and God. I'm talking about the thing that keeps you from God. Keeps you from getting the good stuff. Keeps you from getting God's full blessing.

You know what?? He WANTS that secret part of you. He must have that secret thing. If you want the good stuff you've got to be willing to trade even your secret, hidden sin that you nurse. You know, that thing that makes you most comfortable, the thing that gives you a sense of control. The thing you keep for yourself in case this thing with God doesn't work out. You may not like your sin, you may even hate it. But it's familar, it's comfortable, it's intimate with you. You know it.

That's why it's so hard to give it up. Sometimes it's all we know and instead of giving it up to God and go into unfamiliar ground, we want to keep something familiar with us. Something to fall back on.

Are you willing to give it up???

Tonight I'm going to share what that secret place for me was and how I gave it up. I plan to blog about that later, for now I'm busy getting ready to speak. I'm excited to share about the hope and joy I now have in the Lord, but I'm not looking forward to exposing my hidden place. Sin is awful once it's exposed to the light.

I'm humbling myself, I'm opening myself up and all I ask is that the Lord break me so that He can use me. Use me Jesus, that's my prayer for tonight.

Are you getting the good stuff?

I'm tapping into some good stuff!!! God has some wonderful blessings He is just waiting to shower out on us. He's standing right in front of us and He's saying "Here it is!! I've got the good stuff!! Do you want it? Are you ready?? It's right here!! Come and get it!! Come and taste!! Come and drink of living waters!!! Come and get blessed!!"

God isn't hiding. He isn't withholding His blessings. He is so eager to pour out the good stuff!! And let me tell you, He's got the really good stuff!

If you're not getting the goodness of God, if it's not dripping down on your head straight from heaven, you better find out why you're missing out. God hasn't called us out of the world, God hasn't told us to separate ourselves from the things of this world so that we can miss out. Oh man it's just the opposite. He's called us. He's spoken to us. He wants us to nail our self daily to the cross because he wants us to willingly give ourselves up to Him. He wants to make a trade with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He wants to take our filth, our failings, our mistakes, our shortcomings and He wants to trade it for the good stuff!!

Give up yourself, die to yourself and let Him make that trade. Give up the world and the things of this world so you can get the good stuff!!!! Give Him your depression and let Him trade it for some joy!!!!! Give Him your anger, your hate, your self-pity and let Him trade it for some love!!!!!!!!!!

The blessings are there!! Just reach out and grab it!!! He wants you to have it!!! It's for you!! It's so easy! Are you ready? How bad do you want God's blessings??!!! Please don't let the deceiver trick you out of the best, out of God's blessings. Get what you were made for!! Reach out and take what you were created for!!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh God you are awesome!! Your blessings blow me away!!! You are so good, you are so faithful. I'm high on your love, your love is intoxicating. It's touching me, it's pour down on me. You love is filling me up. You are the source of all that is good and right. I want the best, I want only the best! I want what I was made for!!! What a blessing it is to follow you! I'm not missing out, it's the opposite. I'm finally getting the good stuff! Wow oh wow!! Thank you God. Thank you for your mercy!!!!

I've found the way!!!

Wow God is so good, He's so awesome, so amazing. I'm tapping into His love and there is nothing better than His perfect love. I'm convinced His love is the cure for all our problems, it's healing! When you experience His perfect love and when that love drips down on you and you allow it to touch every part of your spirit something awesome happens!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm learning some amazing things that are blowing my mind away. One thing I've noticed is when I have the most amazing spiritual experiences it's when I'm focusing on Jesus. I'm getting to know my savior and it goes like this: Jesus is my sweet, sweet savior. His name is so sweet so wonderful, at times I only need to say and hear His name. His name comes out of my mouth and it's sweet, I can taste it. I roll that name around on my tongue and savor it. And then when it comes out of mouth and touches my ears, it's warm. The sound of His name is like no other. The sound thrills me, it excites me and I'll say His name over and over. It rings in my ears and it touches my soul and the joy oh the joy of hearing His name!! And then I want Him. I want Jesus. He's all I need. He's all I want. I want to follow Him, I want to know Him. I want to love Him.

And guess what???? This is awesome: Jesus leads me to my father!! Did you know that? When I follow Jesus, He takes me straight to my father! And then it goes like this: God is my father and He loves me!!! God is love, He is liquid love. He is genius, He is all knowing. His love is perfect. His love pours down on me and enters me, it cleans me. It heals me. This love is all I need. It's all I want. I was created for this love, for this moment. I was created to be loved by Him. HE LOVES ME!!! He loves me!!!! WOW!!!!! I find my purpose in Him and I love Him!! I was created, I was made, I was formed for this very moment, for this very purpose: To love Him and to worship Him!!! That's it! That's what it's all about!!

And it's so easy. I'm telling you it's so easy! To get to the father, to feel this love, to experience this wonderful and amazing love I just have to follow Jesus. It's all about Jesus. He will lead us to the father and this love. I'm getting drunk on this love. I've tasted and experienced pure love. I've felt God's love and this is what I want. I want this love. I was made for this love.

I'm going in circles, I've found the secret. I've found the way! I've found the key! It's Jesus, it's all about Jesus!!! Focus on Jesus, taste Jesus. Experience Jesus!!! Wanna get filled with the Holy Ghost?? Wanna get some power??? Then experience Jesus. It's not about the Holy Ghost, it's not about praying to the Holy Ghost. I don't worship the Holy Ghost, it's Jesus!!!!! Wow!!

And guess what?? Then it goes like this: The Holy Ghost comes and He teaches me. He guides me. He shows me things. I laugh with the Holy Ghost. He tells me things. Secrets. Secrets to happiness. Secrets to joy. He points me the way. He drags me to the word. He draws me to the truth. It's thrilling, it's wonderful. These secrets are so wonderful, they delight me so much I can only laugh!!

I'm telling you I'm going in circles! It's so wonderful! I've found the way and I'm going to hang onto this. I'm not going to let it slip away! I'm following Jesus. He's all I need!

That's some powerful stuff!!!!

Wow. Wow oh wow!!! That's some powerful stuff!!! I'm taping into God's love and all I can say is wow!!!! I'm convinced that God's love is the cure and the answer for all our pain, all our problems!!! His love is awesome!! It's never ending!!! It's thrilling!! It's exciting!!! IT'S WONDERFUL!!!

Want to tap into some powerful stuff?? Want some revival to sweep your soul?? Wanna get caught up in some joy that will bend your mind??? Wanna get high on God???

I'll tell you the secret, I've found the secret to tapping into God's goodness!! Wanna know??? It's Jesus!!!! He is the way!!! He is the way to the father!!!!

Wow!!! Wanna experience some supernatural power? Wanna get filled with the Holy Ghost? I'll tell you the key, I'll point you to the way!!!! It's Jesus!!!!

Don't seek the experience, seek the savior!!! That's it!! That's the secret!! It's all about Him! JESUS!!!

It's all about going back to Jesus and focusing on Him!! Jesus is my sweet, sweet savior. His name is so wonderful, so sweet that I sometimes get stuck on His name and it's all I need to hear. It's all I need to say. Jesus!! One word, Jesus!!!!

Tap into God's love, get a taste of that love and I'm telling you there's no going back. There's nothing better than the perfect love of God the father. His love is like a drug, it's thrilling. It's what I was created for. It's healing, His love is warm and it fills me up and makes me full!! Once you get full on God's love you don't want anything else!!!!

On vacation

I'm on vacation right now visiting my parents in Florida. I'll be with them for about a month so I won't be blogging as much as usual.

I'm having the most wonderful time with my parents, this is the first time I've been with them since being born again and wow what fun we are having!! I've spent hours talking to my Dad about the Lord, this is my father's favorite subject and it thrills me to talk with him and share about the Lord. How blessed I am to have a father who is a pastor and I can ask him hundreds of questions about the Lord and learn from his experiences!!

My mother has the most tender heart and spirit and is very in tune with the Holy Spirit, it's so wonderful to talk about what I'm experiencing with her. She's been sharing the stories of my grandparents and how they came to Lord and their struggles and triumps with the Lord.

This is a very special time in my life right now, the Lord is restoring my soul and giving me rest. I feel so alive, so peaceful so LOVED!!!! I'm enjoying going to church with my parents, I'll blog about that later. It's so wonderful to worship the Lord with fellow believers and worship my savor with my mother and father by my side.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord thank you for the wonderful blessings in my life. I'm overwhelmed by all you have given me!!!! Thank you for this time with my parents, a time of rest and worship. Open my heart Lord so I can soak up all you want to teach and show me. Thank you Lord for you mercy and your love!!

I stared Satan down and said "BOO!!"

I'm so glad I sat down to write that last post, even though it was painful for me. Something wonderful came out of it.

As I was writing that last part about not being ashamed of Him anymore, the power of the Holy Spirit fell on me and I realized that even to this day there are still times I've been ashamed of Him.

With my husband being a nonbeliever it's been tough for me to decide what I share with him. It hasn't been easy; I've been under a lot of persecution from him that at times has been unbearable. Your home is supposed to be the place you're most comfortable, able to be your true self. Yet I am walking on egg shells, I'm trying to keep a balance and it's torturing me.

Well the power of the spirit fell on me last night and all the sudden I started sharing things with my husband. I know it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me because I didn't have to think what I was going to say, or think of answers to his questions, I just spoke. What came out of my mouth amazed me and thrilled me! I was speaking truths to my husband and he heard it! He really listened, I'm not saying he believes now. I just know that the truth penetrated his heart a little and I saw something in his eyes.

Imagine facing up to your worst fear. Imagine going up to the one person in your life that you are so afraid to share the love story of Christ with. What do you think would happen if you just walked right up to them and said, "You know what? I am not ashamed of Jesus Christ. And you know what else? I'm not ashamed of the wonderful fact that Jesus Christ gives me perfect peace, love, joy and contentment." And then imagine saying, "and you know what else? I don't care if that makes me simple minded, unworldly, I don't care what you want to call me, I'm telling you I find my true purpose in Christ and I'm not ashamed of that, and no one can take that away from me!!!!!"

Well that is what I did last night, I faced up to my worst fear. I looked the very devil in the eye last night and I said "BOO!!!"

Something wonderful has happened to me!!!!! Guess what I learned!! Satan isn't so scary anymore when you've got God on your side!! And the truth and God's love is so wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Satan isn't going to separate me from God's perfect love. I'm not going to let anything get in my way! I'm pushing everything aside and I'm forging ahead. I don't care what it cost me, I don't care what I lose. I only know I want to feel God's love and I'm willing to follow Christ where ever that takes me!!!!!

I'm willing to lose everything I know; my marriage and my home because this love and joy I feel from the Lord is so wonderful I will not separate from it. I knew this love before and I traded it for earthly pleasures and I will not allow that to happen again!!!!!

The words of James ring in my ears!!
James 1:1-18 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

So how did I get so far from the truth?

This is not a topic I like to talk about because it’s painful to me and it’s my past and it’s behind me. I’m looking ahead to the bright future I see in front of me, the Lord had mercy on me has welcomed me back into His arms like the prodigal son. But for some reason the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me this topic so I’ll share what I can. It’s really a warning to me and for those who read this and relate.

Some who read this may know I’m a PK (preacher’s kid) and was raised all my life in church. I knew the truth and the word was taught to me and hidden in my heart since I was a small child. I once loved the Lord fiercely with all my heart. I was the child who loved Jesus so much I begged my mother one year to make me a birthday cake in the shape of Jesus. I was the kid who loved to witness and would lead my classmates in the sinner’s prayer. I was the girl who carried her Bible to school everyday in Jr. High and would proudly put it on my desk in class. I was the teenager who went every summer to church camp and got gloriously filled with the Holy Spirit and had wonderful spiritual experiences. My father held me up to the Lord when I was a baby and dedicated me to God, my name was called out for Him. I was to be set aside for the Lord.

How did I get so far from that? How could have tasted His goodness and then chosen another path? How sad is it that I wasted all of my late teens and most of twenties. I told you I don’t like thinking of this, but I’ll press on.

I know how it happened. It didn’t happen overnight, the deceiver is too clever for that. It happened slowly and gradually. So slowly I didn’t notice at first, or I could pretend I didn’t notice. I allowed the distractions of this stinking world to drag me away. I allowed myself to be dragged away and enticed by the things of this world. This is what happened to me; James 1:14-16 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.

As a teenager in high school I was so concerned about my status and my image. I was so worried about what other people thought of me. I didn’t want to be different. I didn’t want to be made fun of. I wanted to be popular and I wanted to have what I thought was fun. I worked so hard to fit in and you want to know what’s so sad? I gave up my first love, true love so I could be popular. I turned away from the true love I knew in Christ and traded it for a cheap thrill. And you want to know what’s so ironic? Once I graduated and moved away, to this day I’ve never seen a single soul from my high school days. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone.

I was so embarrassed by Christ. There I said it, with tears in my eyes I write it, I was embarrassed by Christ. My beautiful and sweet savior. My true love. I was ashamed of Him. I didn’t want anyone to know. WHY????????????? WHY???????? WHY did I do that??? For what??? What did I gain??? Nothing! I gained nothing, I can only tell you about all that I lost. I lost my purity, I lost my respect. The list is too long and painful to recount.

Well you know what I’m not ashamed of Him anymore. I’m not ashamed to say I find perfect contentment in His love. His love is what I was made for.

Others may think it's silly or simple minded but I've had a taste of the world and guess what? Short term pleasure and cheap thrills are just that.

I keep coming back to His love

I've decided I'm going to just make myself comfy and sit at the foot of the cross. Is that ok? To make that my dwelling place? I've decided that I just need a bath every morning in God's grace and Christ's blood.

I'm amazed at how much I need Christ every second of my day. Living in this world makes me so weary, there are so many distractions away from Christ. I find it a struggle sometimes to juggle the two worlds at once and I'm seeing how easy it is to quickly lose sight of His face for the distractions.

Why is it so hard to just remain in Christ, to be held gently by Him? In John 15:1 Jesus says "I am the true vine....., remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

I want God to set my soul on fire, I pray for a Holy fire to be lit in me and I want the Lord to burn out everything that is useless to the kingdom. I want Him to empty me out, I want to step out into the light and I want Him to expose the deepest parts of my heart. I don't want to hide in the dark anymore, I'm done with the night!!!!! I want His holy hand to reach into my heart and sort me, I want Him to expose the junk and clutter. I want to be emptied out so completely that I'm bare. And then when I'm completely stripped I want Him to fill me!!!!!!!!!! I want to be overflowing with His love. Is there anything greater than His love?

Can I just stay stuck on His love? Can I forget about everything else and just remember that one thing? It's all about Him and we are living a love story!! I am God's beloved!!! Romans 1:7

Have you found the love story in Christ? Are you living Christ's love story???? Our mission on this earth is to share this grand love story.

I am convinced I need to come back to this thrilling revelation every day. There is no need to complicate it! His love is like a warm wave, it floods me over and over. It pulses warmly and touches every corner of my soul.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord, help me to never forget your love. All I need to do is sit at the foot of the cross and let you wash me! Your love is so overwhelming! I was made for this love! Oh God thank you for your mercy, thank you for creating me so I can worship you! I find perfect contentment in you!!!!! Thank you Lord for reminding me of your love, now give me a chance to go and shine brightly for you!

The Holy Spirit is teaching me truths!!

I am in awe of the Lord and His word, I'm constantly amazed that the word is alive! I find it thrilling and exciting how the Holy Spirit will guide me, gently leading me to truths in my prayer life. And then later when I'm read the word, I will find that same truth written! You see the word is alive!! This is how I test the spirit to make sure it's the Holy Spirit leading me, when he reveals a truth to me in prayer I then come across it in the word. Then it's confirmed that it was the Holy Spirit!

I noticed I could do this since I first picked up my Bible after March 15th. When I first became filled with the Holy Spirit I spent days walking around my house in circles writing what was being revealed to me and I was shocked when I picked up the Bible and saw what I was writing was in the word!

I later read how John (in 1 John) says to test the spirits to see if they are from God.

I also notice how the Holy Spirit has put in me a ferocious appetite for the word. I can't get enough, I feast and feast on the word and this only makes me want more!! I feel so alive when I'm reading the word; I now see why I shouldn't separate myself for very long from it. And then I notice how it's not enough to just read it, I must act on what I read!!!

James 1:22-24 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

There are so many truths hidden in the word I find it mind boggling! I'm so hungry for the word I'm reading as fast as I can, and yet passages just blow me away and I keep going back and reading again and again and holding the words in my heart and delighting!! Yet I want to press on to learn more, yet there is so much!! I can spend a lifetime learning all the little hidden truths in the word! Isn't that an exciting thought!! I want to consume the word, ingest it, I really can't get enough!

My heartfelt prayer; Oh Lord I can't get enough of you! I'm so hungry for you and your word! Help me Lord, help me to find the time to study your word and draw close to you! Start a fire in my soul and burn out everything that is useless to you and your glory! Use me Lord for your glory, for your kingdom! Give me tasks Lord, I don't care how hidden they are or how far from earthly glory and recognition they are, I only ask to work for the advancement of your kingdom! Thank you Lord!

What I think about gossip

Yesterday in bible study we were studing about Paul's thorn in 2 Corinthians and my eyes strayed a little to the right of the page and down at the bottom of my study bible these two words jumped out at me; SLANDER, GOSSIP. This is what the study section of my bible reads: The Bible condemns sins of speech that harm other people as grave offenses against the Christian law of love. Any kind of disparaging speech that defames the character of another person must be resisted. The discussion or exposing of another's misdeeds should be done only with a sincere motive to help that person or to protect others and God's kingdom.

I don't think I've ever had a problem with slander, but what about gossip? I didn't think I even had a problem with that, I don't have anyone to share gossip with. But hey, what about just listening or reading gossip?? I'll admit I'm addicted to celebrity gossip. I check each day to see what the latest celebrity news is. Really what is the harm in that? I'm not sharing it or hurting anyone.

Well I'm starting to see what the opposite of gossip is and suddenly gossip is looking very shallow and self-serving. And pretty much just a big waste of time.

The words Christian law of love really rings in my ears. We are commanded to love one another, how are we to love one another?? I think with care and concern, empathy and encouragement, joy and celebration.

Gossip is the opposite of all those things, it serves the gossiper! It's self-serving!!!! Think about it, doesn't a juicy piece of gossip feel good to that old sinful nature? And why?? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves, glad we don't have that problem. It makes us feel better about our own sin. Or it's just a secret little pleasure that we keep to ourselves.

My heartfelt prayer; Oh God I pray you forgive me. I didn't think a little gossip was harmful, but now you have shown me the truth! It wastes my time. My time here on this earth is so very short and I want to fill every second of my day pleasing you! I even want to worship you in my sleep like I have before! I want to love others, to truly love others. I want to feel their burden, I want to feel their pain, their suffering so when I fall on my face before you in prayer I can allow the Holy Spirit to speak and intercede on their behalf. Oh Lord I touch my mouth right now and I ask that you clean it, make my mouth pure and holy. I ask that you seal my mouth from all gossip so that only prayer and praise come out!!!!! I claim it, I believe it and I praise you for it!!! All for you glory!!

Stepping into the light

John 3:19-21 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.

I am fascinated by human nature and by the new knowledge that we are all created for God. He put it in our nature to seek Him out. Every single person whether they know it or not is in search of true love and since God is true love then every single person is in search of God, whether they know it or not.

There is a deep black scary void inside of each person that can only be filled with God's perfect love. He put that void in humans so we will seek and search for Him. And when we find Him, He completes us, we find our true purpose and meaning in Him. The ecstasy of that discovery is mind numbing, there are times God's love washes over me and I'm blown away. His love is warm, it's sweet, it's pulses through me and I KNOW what I'm made for!!

Having said that I am fascinated by this part in the scripture. The truth in this word. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

Last night this scripture became very clear to me as my husband and I were watching a program on the Learning Channel about a morbidly obese man who died of complications due to his obesity. It became clear to me that every single person in the world is trying to fill that deep black scary void they feel. Most try and fill it with sin, what changes is the method of sin. Some try to fill it with food which is what the man on the show we were watching did. Or they try money, or fame, or power. Some try and fill it with sex, multiple marriages or partners. Some try drugs. There are too many to name. But I'm convinced every single person chooses something. Most don't even know this is what they are trying to do, fill a God given void with everything but true love: God.

This is why the world hates the light, they are afraid to give up what they know. If they step into the light, the light will expose their evil. Their sin, their wrong thinking and evil ways and they don't want to know the truth. They don't want to give up their filth. Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats his folly.

But oh to step into the light! How wonderful it is!!!! But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. Oh how good the light feels!!!! Christ takes our filth our sin and He cleans us!! He washes us so clean, so pure! And it feels so wonderful!!!!!!!

I felt so sad for the man on that show, I wanted to reach through the screen and tell him how beautiful he was, that he would never find his purpose in food. No matter how much he ate he would never fill that void. But this man passed away, I hope before he died that he found his true purpose. There are so many people suffering, it breaks my heart. I want to shake people, I want to scream and tell them the truth!! So many people dying and going to hell. There is so little time, I feel like I'm racing against a clock.