Sunday, May 20, 2007

When God speaks

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Anybody ever feel that way? I'll be honest and say sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, to keep going with my marriage. At times I feel like so much is stacked against me that I really don't know...

Often times I feel that way when I look around at others and notice the helpful father doting on his children, eager to help and please his wife. Then I look at my situation and feel such loss. My heart screams that it isn't fair, it isn't right. Why can't my relationship be like that? Why can't I have that...

Last night after returning home from a birthday party where once again I felt majorly let down by my husband, I let God have it, have the problem that is. A situation happened at the party where my 3 year old daughter went missing. I turned my head for a second and she was gone, just vanished. Everyone frantically searched for her, it turned out in the second I turned my head my husband walked by on an errand and took my daughter with him, not letting me know. It was a bad situation and upsetting to a lot of people. I was scared, panicked, embarrassed, hurt, angry. My husband apoligized but with other things that happened (that I don't want to share) it just didn't feel like enough.

Later that night while lying in bed I cried my heart out to God, how unfair my situation seems. I mean doesn't He know how unfair it is! Why do others have better, why do I have to continue to suffer with this person! I told God I was tired, I wanted to give up, I'd had it! After I poured out my heart I then asked Him what He had to say about it! I was very interested in His thoughts regarding the subject. I felt Him speak to my spirit and simply say "just love him." Meaning my husband. Just love my husband. Now I know that God can handle anything I throw at Him, so I responded back "is that all you've got this time God? Just love him? That's it?" With me God speaks simply and once again all I got was to "just love him."

That was NOT the answer I wanted! But I told God that if He would give me this love in my heart for this man, I would obey Him and continue on.

And then today in Sunday service at the very end of a wonderful message the pastor said this: If there is someone out there wanting to give up on their marriage, the message is this: Don't give up for in Galatians 6:9 the Lord says this: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

And Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Tears poured down my face as I knew this message was for me!

Friday, May 18, 2007

On the most wanted list

Could it be that Paul's testimony will one day become my husbands?

In 1 Timothy 1:12-16 Paul writes: I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 13Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
15Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

Oh what sweet promise in this passage! Paul who was a blasphemer and a violent man was shown abundant grace and mercy and for what? What reason I ask? It was for the Kingdom! I've often exclaimed to my mother "Do you realize what a victory for the Kingdom it will be when my husband finally hears Him calling?" Oh man! I get chills just thinking about it. What a testimony that will be!

My heartfelt prayer: Oh wonderful and merciful God, the God of "I AM" How genius you are! I do not believe for a second I was paired with my husband by chance meeting! I know it was your premissive will that allowed this marriage to be. What the deceiver took for bad you will claim in victory! What the deceiver took to destory You build up! You are amazing. You are beautiful! God-do you know how beautiful and lovely I find you! I believe in You! I believe in Your unique design and I promise with your help to hold fast and stick with You! I trust you, I have confidence in You. I pray for Your abundant grace and mercy to be with ME! For Your Kingdom! I dream with You on the forceful advancement of the Kingdom! I long for You to have Your Kingdom here on earth, imagine how beautiful it will be!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Jesus says: Don't give up!

Luke 18: 1-8 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'
"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "
And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

Again the Holy Spirit is crying out with an urgency for intercession for my husband. Yesterday he lead me to this scripture and I'm amazed to read the words of Jesus telling me personally to not give up and to keep praying for my husband.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


If only my husband knew how special he is to the living God. How much he is desired and wanted by Him.

I'm amazed at the presistance of the Holy Spirit for my husband's soul. He just won't give up even when I feel like giving up. The Holy Spirit just won't let go.

The Spirit has clearly being speaking to me and breathing one word into my heart: INTERCEDE. A fresh desire has been born in my heart and what an amazing feeling when my spirit and the Holy Spirit become one as we join together in crying out to the Father.

It makes me wonder just what the Father has in store for my husband! Clearly he is wanted!

Romans 8:26-27 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.